


hope is a distance unreached

by littlelooneyluna



Category: Emmerdale, robron
Genre: Angst, Death, Drama, Gen, Guns, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Mystery, aaron is a boxer and mechanic and is GREAT with kids, aaron is a soft smitten kitten in this, alternative universe, and robert is like this ice king who can't get close, kidnap, more tags to be added later, robert is a lying liar who lies and goes on the run, single dad robert
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-28
Updated: 2017-11-24
Packaged: 2018-12-08 04:23:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 27
Words: 100,743
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11638833
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/littlelooneyluna/pseuds/littlelooneyluna
Summary: robert made a mistake, and then another. so it's no one else's fault but his own that he's  stuck in some flat in east london with a five year old daughter and some bloke on his mind threatening to break down all those walls the infamous whites helped build.





	1. Chapter 1

 

The thing is Robert knows it's his fault. He knows that running away in the middle of the night with a newborn baby girl is his fault because he drove them all to it in the end.

He's always known that the minute he made that mistake, fell into bed with Chrissie's younger more hapless sister things would end badly.

And they did.

Robert hears the low hum of the television grab his attention and he lifts himself up to switch it off, presses too many buttons though and watches it frazzle and crackle until it's playing dead. He wants to swear, kicks his foot against the table instead and walks slowly back to his desk, the makeshift one with the dodgy leg.

His phone beeps as soon as he sits down, makes him pull it across towards him and then he's smiling down.

_'Coming round later, can't wait to see you both.'_

It's from Amber, the girl who made him smile again, the one with the nice job and the nice family and enough love for them _both_ , for him and for his little girl.

Robert fights a smile, his eyes catching sight of the small jewellery box sitting on the side and then he's suddenly opening it up wide to reveal the ring. It's not just any ring either, it's going to be her ring Robert thinks as his eyes practically glisten and there's a bubbling feeling inside.

It's weird, being this odd sort of happy.

He never thought he'd get the chance to, still thinks it's mad considering whenever night draws closer he still remembers it all. It's like there's a drill pounding into his head, twisting and pushing further and further until he remembers Lachlan standing there with a gun, Chrissie and her mad self telling him to pull it for a second time as she walks past her own sister's lifeless body.

Robert's thoughts are dragged away by the sight of Annie coming towards him, flicking her blonde locks out of her face and grinning with a doll in her hand. It's time like these when he thinks about what Rebecca would say, would she be proud?

He always has to think against thoughts like these, because they fester and he sees Rebecca in her and he wants to cry sometimes but he can't because she needs him. His little girl, only five years old and with a mother already dead, needs him more than anything else in the world.

"You should be in bed princess." He's soft with her, always has been because he's desperately scared she'll hate him one day for what he did, has to hold her close whilst he still can.

Annie quickens her pace almost relentlessly and nearly falls over the wooden floorboards in the dingy little flat that Robert fucking _hates_. It's not suitable, he keeps telling the land lord that but he also kept telling him he was behind on rent so there's that.

"I need a story." Annie falls onto Robert's lap, climbs him like a tree until she's near his neck and tugging at him a little. It makes him smile, seeing her up close, freckles dancing over her pale complexion and making everything feel weak inside of Robert.

"A story?" Robert whispers playfully, "Well let's see what I can do then." He rubs his hands together and walks with her to the only bedroom in the flat, it's hers, he sleeps on the sofa and is stunned by how little Amber minds about such things.

Even thinking about her makes his chest melt with this gratitude. She'd found him when he was never more alone, when he was struggling with a daughter and needed desperately to support her. She'd stayed, listened to his stories, why no one could know what his real name was, why Liam was what he had to be called now.

Annie falls into the bed, pushes the blankets towards her neck and Robert sits with her, suddenly realising he needs to let her know. "Annie love, you know Amber?" She nods her head with animation. "I'm going to ask her to marry me, so she's always in our lives."

Annie blinks at him a few times because she hardly knows what he's on about and Robert's heart clinches but then she's widening her eyes. "Will she be my mummy now?"

It's harmless, but Robert has to look away and then pick up the picture of Rebecca so that Annie can see. "No one will ever be your mummy except for her okay?" He whispers, kisses her head.

He does some more explaining, feels like everything is going to work out okay because Amber's in love with him and Annie is safe and far away from _them_ but -

"You need to leave now." Robert raises an eyebrow in confusion, the light of the candles set out for him and Amber cause his brow to swear a little as he stands close by. It's Clive on the phone, he hasn't heard from him for months, hasn't needed to constantly worry about _them_ coming after him again but - "That bitch Amber, she's been working for them all along Rob, you need to take Annie and _go_."

Something drops towards the floor, it takes a few seconds for Robert to realise it's the phone as he stands there in shock, eyes wide and heart racing as he realises what he means, as he tries to fathom it all as best he can.

He doesn't have time though, he's holding Annie close and he's running.

(Just like before.)

 

 

::

 

 

Clive's always seemed to sort him out as best he can, so that's where Robert's running, he's crawling back to his only mate and asking for help as Annie sleeps on his lap after crying herself out.

Clive does his best to explain, says something about Chrissie being onto him since he left Yorkshire, something about Amber being used all along, _paid_ to become close to him and it twists something in his stomach.

"She's coming after me then?" Robert's got this feeling in the gut of his stomach and he's shaking. "She knows I won't say anything."

Clive raises an eyebrow and Robert shrinks into himself because he knows that's not true, he remembers what he said as they dragged Chrissie into questioning.

' _You and your crazy family are going to pay for taking my little girl's mum away! I swear, I won't stop until your behind bars.'_

"They were empty threats." Robert gulps, half lying because sometimes, when Annie's sad and cries as she sights Rebecca's photo, he wants to run all the way back to that stupid village and drag them all behind bars.

"She won't stop until she's found you." Clive clicks his tongue and then produces two train tickets. "They're for London, train leaves in an hour."

Robert pulls his head up because there's no way he's taking Annie so far away, he has a job, he has a flat and a _life_ and he can't let The Whites still make that impossible for him. "No way." He folds his arms over, "Look, if they want me, then they'll have to come and get me because I'm _not_ running away anymore."

Clive rolls his eyes, pours Robert something in a glass and tells him to get a grip before tilting his head towards Annie. "They'll take her, you _know_ they'll take her." And Robert does, that's what kills him the most. "Go. Change your name, change _everything_ about yourself and don't look back."

It's sound advice, Robert starts to realise. He's siting on a train heading straight to London, Annie's restlessly grouchy and he hates himself for what he's doing to her again.

She was three when this last happened, they'd been happy and she'd been safe and then Chrissie had found a lead, edged closer and closer towards them and they had to go again.

"I promise we'll be okay again, we'll be safe." Robert can't promise that, only has a suitcase to his name and a hotel booking from Clive to live off but it has to be enough he thinks. "I'll never let anyone hurt you."

The train hums on, the sound becoming louder and louder, piercing through Robert's ears as he closes his eyes and presses his head towards Annie's hair and kisses her.

Tries to forget about the engagement ring box burning a whole in his pocket.

(Can't.)

 

 

::

 

 

Six whole months go by.

And it's hard for a long time until Robert's given a subpar job in a banking firm with a salary big enough to pay for an okay flat with more than one room this time.

He got Annie back after she'd hid herself away in fear of the bad people coming to get them.

He's been able to afford to buy her a stencil set and he draws with her some nights, feet crossed over hers, heads pressed together.

He doesn't hear from Clive for a long time.

Annie starts school and so do the questions.

Robert's changed his name, has new ID and a fake passport because apparently he's Harry Edwards now.

Annie's only in nursery, he tells himself it isn't a big deal but then he remembers how his daughter is. She's always been so closed off, so far removed from any other children, never given the chance to interact with kids her own age and he's worried that she'll say too much.

Something daft like: 'Me and daddy had to run from the bad guys again.' And all he needs is social services clawing at his back and trying to take her away from him.

After all, the whole point of all this running is to keep her safe. To keep Annie as far away from the murdering psychos that she's unfortunately related to.

"Remember what we said?" He hopes she does, finishes plaiting her hair as she admires her pretty yellow dress in the mirror and nods.

"Don't mention the bad guys." Annie's a little actress, pulls a hand over her mouth, mirroring a zip and exaggerates the silence she'll keep.

Robert kisses her head, calls her his little flower and makes sure he doesn't cry as she watches her run towards the playground.

He's letting her out of his sight for the first time in years and it aches him. The thought of anything terrible happening to her is enough to make him tell her teacher - Clara? Claire? that he's the only one who can ever pick her up.

He watches over her as she makes a note of it, his presence makes her underline in twice with her pen.

They fall into a nice little routine and Robert kids himself that his okay flat in the east end of London is going to be their home, their _proper_ home.

 

 

::

 

 

He tells himself everything is fine and that he's happy and then something shifts, a bittersweet feeling overrides everything else and he's being told that more hours are available for him to take at work.

More hours, Robert first thinks, means more money and his eyes glimmer until he's thinking about what that means for Annie.

It means an after school club.

"And you're sure it's okay?" He tells her, like she's going to give him an objective answer with a PowerPoint presentation and some special effects. He has to kick himself, realise that she's only five and she'll give away how she really feels with little care at the end of the day.

"Can I go to the one Jade goes to?" It's all she cares about it seems as Robert gently dries her little body off after bath time.

Robert's eyes flicker and he's nodding, kissing her head and asking her which one that may be.

He goes to sleep, feels light for the first time in years without thinking about Amber and what she did, what she broke, or Lachlan and what he broke, or Rebecca and what _he_ caused to happen in the end.

 

 

::

 

 

Okay so Robert has reservations as soon as he arrives. But he's allowed to, he's a _dad_ , an overly protected one at that and the place is not what he's imagined at all.

First of all, it's not in a community centre or anything. It's just in some bloke's home and he's got kids running around at the front, blowing bubbles and just making Annie _giddy_ basically. It's all he needs, her hand becoming clammy in his as she's desperate to run off.

The bloke comes out, squints as the sun hits him directly and then he's smiling at Robert, looking down at himself and then up again almost as if he's wondering if Robert's lost or something.

(He most definitely _feels_ lost)

"Can I help ya mate?" The bloke asks, his jumper is navy and he has hands deep in his pockets as he frowns.

Robert raises an eyebrow. "Only if you're an after school -"

The man nods his head eagerly and steps forward. "Yes man," he says, still so eager as he eyes Robert. "I'm Adam." He's too kind, animated doesn't quite cover it really because he's smiling over nothing now and it's on the verge of almost irritating. He turns back towards his house. "It's not much but, it works I promise."

Robert fakes a smile, hands running through Annie's hair who is practically vibrating. "This is my daughter, Annie." He says, it's all too formal and Annie's just giving Adam a toothy grin before she's sighting Jade by the slide and losing her mind.

It only takes her pleading look for Robert to allow her to go and he rolls his eyes as he realises that he can hardly turn the place down now.

Adam offers him a brew, a tour of the place and Robert's pleasantly surprised by the back garden which is bigger than he thought. There's five kids in the house and of course Robert raises the obvious mature question, rolls up the sleeves of his blue shirt and frowns.

"There's only one of you though?" He asks, concern in his voice because although the whole daddy day care system is promising, it's also a little dangerous.

Adam lifts his head, bites down on a nail and leans against the counter. "I've got one of the dads who's just nipped out, David, he's a top bloke, good with the kids." Robert buys that, nods his head and then Adam's asking what his name is.

"Harry." He lies, it's ridiculously natural now and he just smiles his way through it, hears the sound of Annie playing happily nearby.

She doesn't laugh like that usually, it makes something bubble inside him and then he's asking if Rebecca would be proud of him now?

The thought never seems to slip away.

 

 

::

 

 

"Will they ever stop chasing us daddy?" Annie's voice is low, like she doesn't want to think about it but can't help herself.

Robert freezes, spaghetti nearly falling down his chin and the sound of The Lion King in the background making it hard for him to focus on just one thing. But he does, he pulls out a hand and squeezes Annie's and feels this need to hold her close to him and tell her everything is going to be okay now.

"We don't have to worry about them anymore." He promises, knows in reality he can't but just has to stop how afraid his own child is. She's older than her five years, she's had to be, and it shows when she's like this, just them, alone and away from her friends who vice her such joy nowadays. "We're safe."

"Pinky promise?"

Robert's heart does something funny and her green eyes mirror his with specs of hazel and gold just to make them more beautiful and more like Rebecca's and yeah he pinky promises.

 

 

::

 

 

He never meant for her to get pregnant, that was never the plan. It never really is when you fall into bed on a drunken whim after a row with your girlfriend.

But she did and he hated her.

In her last few moments though, eyes flickering and her making him promise to get Annie away, he thinks he may have loved her just a little.

Maybe like a sister, nothing more than that. It never was anything more, not ever.

 

::

 

 

Annie settles, has stories that make Robert smile from ear to ear as she goes on about her friends and her teachers.

He has her in the bath, piling her hair up high into a sort of foamy bun and he's watching her twirl her fingers through the water.

"It's fun all the time daddy." Annie says, voice loud over the splashing she's started now despite the many warnings from her father _not_ to get water everywhere. "They keep learning me things."

Robert's eyes flutter warmly and he chuckles to himself, almost overwhelmed with by how calm he feels.

"That's good sweetheart." He says, stroking her back and smiling. "How's after school -"

Annie becomes even more alive and he has to hold her as she tries and turns round towards him. "Adam gave us smoothies and David nearly broke the blender." She giggles to herself and Robert's heart tugs.

She's happy, she's happy in a way he never thought she'd be considering how useless he is, how fucked up _they_ were.

He can look past Adam being a bit of a goofy git. And he's met David, the older one, he has a tattoo, hair that's clearly styled and he's even more of a goofball.

Harmless though, they both are.

"And then Aaron played with us in the garden, helped me and Jade build up a tower high enough."

Robert stills for a second, "Aaron? Who's that then?" He asks, something fizzles away in his mind and he realises it's a burning curiosity to know, has no idea where it's come from.

"My friend." Annie answers, simply, a shrug of her shoulders almost letting her father know it just was that straightforward.

Robert gulps, wonders if this Aaron is another goofy Adam who he doesn't know about.

"He only comes sometimes, I think his mummy works a lot." Annie whispers, then drops the subject because she's suddenly needing a barbie doll to keep her company and whoever this Aaron is can wait a while.

 

 

::

 

 

It's Aaron this, Aaron that for a while.

Robert wants to ask about him to David but he nearly always forgets, doesn't have the time to considering he's always just beeping the horn and watching Annie race towards his car whilst all the other kids stare all open mouthed in awe at the vechile.

Then he realises that the other two boys are called Riley and Nathan and so comes to the conclusion that his little girl has an imaginary friend or something daft like that.

It warms his heart a little, means that she's not thinking about the bad guys anymore, instead this Aaron boy has her attention and he wants to keep it that way.

(However imaginary he is.)

 

 

::

 

 

Robert's called into a meeting, he thinks he's going to get struck off and he nearly sets himself as they talk to him about his work background and he has to lie through his teeth.

Because he's Harry Edwards, he's built his way up for years to get to this point, he's on the verge of being successful.

He thanks Clive for all of that.

Thanks him still when they all sit there and praise a deal he secured a few days ago.

Instead of receiving marching orders, he's sipping champagne at four o'clock in the afternoon and he's feeling like he's made something of himself.

(Or at least Harry has.)

 

 

::

 

 

He's in a good mood as he drives up to Adam's, has the roof of the car down, Clive's car, his car now (well Harry's)

Adam's grilling something out on the front patch of green and David's laughing with the children and Robert rolls his eyes. Thinks about all the girls they get as the mums starting walking closer and smiling sweeting at the doting men, it makes Robert shake his head.

He slips through the house after nodding at Adam and then he's hearing Annie laughing her head off. He's smiling until he's not.

Because his little girl is on some guys shoulders and he's bouncing her up and down.

The guys laughing his head off too and for a second Robert's eyes flicker into something warm, but then he's snapping out of it and losing his head.

Naturally.

"Who the hell are you?" He's asking, making the bloke turn and face him, gulp hard and freeze.

Robert's able to take a look at him, note that he looks older than Adam yet younger than David. He's got a purple hoodie on and a pair of jeans, pockets stuffed with sweets.

"Oh." The guy says, like he's flustered or something and then he's pulling Annie off of him and letting her slide down his leg as he looks awkwardly at the man standing in front of him. The man standing there in a _suit_ like he's about to take him away in a police car or something. "I'm just Adam's mate, I live a few streets away." He says, steps forward, more like shuffles and then Robert's just frowning at him.

He can't help but frown at the guy, the one that Annie is looking up at and doesn't seem to want to leave.

"Annie, go get your stuff together it's time to go." Robert asks her, tries not to speak too forcibly with her as she pouts and shuffles away slowly.

The air is heavy, nothing like the cool breeze between them and it's enough to make the bloke look down towards his feet, not knowing what to say or something.

But then he does.

"Look, sorry. Must have been strange, walking in and seeing me -"

"With my daughter on your shoulders." Robert points out, like it wasn't obvious to begin with.

The bloke just pulls a face, then his eyes widen. "Didn't know you were Annie's dad, see the similarities now." He says, maybe because he's just a little awkward, maybe because he is trying to make conversation.

He doesn't have to, Robert thinks.

Adam's by the garden door suddenly and he's pulling a face. "Listen mate, I didn't think it would be that -"

Robert turns quickly, knows he's overreacting but he hardly cares. "I don't expect random blokes to be so close to my girl okay?"

Purple hoodie obviously takes offence and Robert feels like he's instantly said something terribly wrong but soldiers on all the same.

"What the _hell_ is that supposed to mean?" Purple hoodie edges closer, nostrils flaring and anger in his eyes. He looks like he's the type to punch a hole through a wall and pretend it's your face.

Yeah, Robert's _not_ keen.

"It's supposed to _mean_ , Adam and David have been checked over the proper way and that's why I trust her to be here every day." Robert edges closer to match the younger man and then he's pulling away, can't keep staring at him the way he is because he's realised what colour his eyes are, how they make something go funny in his heart and and _fuck_ this isn't good.

"I understand, _we_ understand don't we?" Adam says, looks at his mate and then back at Robert. "Honest though, the kids love him." He says, when Purple Hoodie is out of ear shot and they are walking back into the house.

Robert rolls his eyes, doesn't want to think about how scared he was for just a second when she was in his arms. In some random blokes arms. He can't help think about how easily Annie would go with someone like that, with a sort of softish face and a bright laugh.

He suddenly doesn't want to let her go ever again.

She's in a mood with him though so he doesn't think squeezing her to death is going to do much good. She's got her backpack on and a pout on her face as they walk back towards the car, it's enough to make Robert stop and kneel down to talk to her.

He knows it's probably about Adam's random mate paying a visit and him being more than a little harsh but he can't help that, doesn't regret it now that his mind is running with all sorts of scary thoughts about her being taken.

"How about we go for a milkshake or something?" He asks, flattens Annie's hair with his palm and waits for a reply.

He gets a nod and he's okay with that, thinks that something with lots of sprinkles will do the trick.

"Can I go say bye to Aaron?" Annie's pleading, crossing her feet over in front of her and has her head tilted up to her father.

Robert rolls his eyes, decides tonight is the night he talks to her about this Aaron who is surely an imaginary friend of hers she's made there. "Go on then." He says and then he's watching her run back towards the front patch of green, tugging at Adam's jeans and asking where he is and then -

Purple Hoodie comes strolling out of the house and she's clinging onto him for dear life and, yeah -

The penny fucking drops.

 

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Robert stubbornly becomes mates with Aaron.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next chapter is finally here. I hope you enjoy it. I just want to say that it's been lovely hearing such a positive response because I haven't uploaded a multi chapter fic for quite a while. So I was pleasantly surprised by the great feedback! Thank you so much.

 

 

He feels bad, of course he feels bad, because this Aaron was the one making his little girl happy for weeks and he had insinuated he was some sort of perv.

He fights his pride, bites the bullet or whatever and he shows up early to collect Annie the next day in hope that Aaron'll be around.

But he isn't and Robert feels even more like a twat.

"Hope that's not 'cause of me." Robert tilts his head and watches as Adam shakes his head, rolls it back and then press down a building block for one of the girls.

"Nah, he's probably got boxing lessons or something."

Robert's not a big fan of the ripple which travels though him, or the image of Aaron with no top on strutting his way around a ring. "Oh right." He says, lamely.

"He'll be here in a bit I think." Adam says, like he knows Robert's waiting for him. "And no, he wasn't pissed at ya if that's what you're sticking around for."

Robert thinks he goes bright red but doesn't pay attention to it. "I may have been a bit overprotective." He admits, thought of nothing else last night and felt like an idiot.

Adam lets out a booming laugh and Robert's rolling his eyes. The sun's actually made an appearance and he can hear Annie playing in the garden, he feels okay with laying on a deck chair and chatting with Adam for a while.

(To pass the time until Aaron shows his face. Or doesn't. He really doesn't care.)

 

 

::

 

 

Adam's a chatter box, tells him all about why exactly he's doing all of _this_ , the whole taking care of other people's kids thing, and it turns out to be more serious than he expected.

He's not able to have his own, feels rotten about it still and somehow makes Robert feel that way too. He's actually sorry and he listens as Adam tells him how much he likes being around little crazy kids, likes having all the fun and then giving them back.

Robert raises his eyebrow at that, actually agrees.

He thinks he must have fallen asleep, or done that dreadful thing where you close your eyes for too long and when you open them again it's like you've entered a new world.

In his case, the world is basically Aaron standing over him, all muscles and a nervous smile and sweat dripping from his brow.

"Didn't expect to see you back here." Aaron says, there's something almost teasing in his voice and Robert's trying to latch onto it, pressing himself up on the deck chair and gulping.

"Annie likes it here." Robert shrugs out, welcomes the return of being a twat with almost open arms as he watches Aaron's eyes flicker.

"But you're not keen?" Robert blinks like a mad man, feels his heart clench as he hears the way Aaron's asking, the way his eyes are moving over his body. Robert's seeing things and he hates himself.

"If she's happy so am I." Robert says, stands and clears his throat. "I'm sorry for biting your head off. It was just a shock."

Aaron's eyes flicker and he breaks out into a warm smile. "I get it. It's nice seeing a dad be so protective." He says, still tries to smile but it doesn't quite meet his eyes and Robert wonders why.

Annie's there though, and Aaron's hesitant until Robert's waving out a hand and she's clambering onto his shoulders with ease.

"She kept banging on about an Aaron, didn't think you were real." Robert says, hand tucked in his pocket as he watches Aaron with her, he's a fucking natural and it threatens him a little.

"Well now you know I suppose." Aaron says, waits until Annie's climbing down him and playing with a doll before he steps forward and looks at Robert. "I know I don't look the type, but I'd like to think I'm alright with kids. Especially your littleun'. So you don't need to be scared or anything."

It shouldn't mean as much as it does but it feels like Aaron's pulled out his brain, found the bit labelled 'Fear' and attempted to soothe it.

"Cheers." Robert says, blows out a breath. "I appreciate it." He nods and then he's sighing. "Suppose we should start over, I'm Harry." It hurts a little, how easily he can lie and then Aaron's looking at him funny and Robert can't read him at all.

He's a page turner though.

 

 

::

 

 

He's all hesitant still, madly undecided about Aaron and he spends time thinking about him for way too long.

He's all muscles and moody looks but he melts when Annie's around him, when the other kids clamber to his frame like he's a part of the playground.

He's awkward around him for some mad reason and Aaron realises.

"You still got a problem with me?" He's asking, too close to Robert's face as they stand by Adam's door and wait for Annie to finish tidying up.

Robert's eyes flicker. "No." He says too quickly. "I would say if I did, don't worry."

And Aaron's bringing out all the arsehole qualities about him isn't he?

Aaron huffs, scratches his eyebrow. "Look, I'm just sensing a weird vibe." He looks at Robert's face and then bites his lip. "Don't look at me like that." He snaps, "I can feel ya _judging_ me."

Robert blinks, he isn't meaning to, okay maybe he _has_ been staring a little but it's not that noticeable, is it? "I'm not. I'm just -"

Aaron's eyes widen and suddenly he is pushing past Robert and picking Annie up from the road she had ran into. A car seconds away.

"Annie!" Robert screams, watches as Aaron holds her close and then passes her to him. Robert can't think about anything other than keeping her safe and yeah he is overreacting again but -

Aaron had gone and saved her hasn't he? He'd -

"You're _bleeding_?" Robert whispers, has a hand on Aaron's shoulder suddenly and watched the younger man groan as he looks towards his knee which was scrapped over the floor.

Adam was there all of a sudden, all worried about Aaron bleeding and pulling him into a chair as Robert tells Annie to never scare him like that again.

"Aaron's hurt himself because of me." Annie's a flipping emotional wreck and she only calms down once Aaron tell her it's okay.

"Annie, I'm fine." Aaron says, reaches out to hold her hand and Robert watches them in almost amazement as his little girl squeezes the younger man's hand back.

 

 

::

 

 

"Will ya stop fussing. I grazed it." Aaron shouts towards Adam, looks almost embarrassed as Robert waits by the door. He comes out towards him and frowns. "Where's Annie?" 

Something weird flies through Robert and he looks towards his car, "She's asleep." He says, digs a hand in his pocket and clears his throat. He feels like a twat, still stood there in his work suit whilst Aaron's just casually wearing a jumper and jeans. It makes him feel worlds apart from the younger man when in reality, Clive gave him all the suits. He was more like Aaron than he wanted to admit but that was for another day to mule over. "I just wanted to thank you. You saved her."

Robert can't help but wonder how long Annie will call Aaron superman now.

Aaron fights a smile and does this thing where he bites down on his lip and tilts his head down, "It was nothing." He shrugs. "Just glad she didn't get hurt."

Robert gulps, looks down at Aaron's knee, can't help himself. "Unlike you."

Aaron scoffs. "This." He points to his knee. "I do boxing you know?"

Robert nods, "Yeah I know." He whispers, feels something dance in the air around him and then he's extending his hand, watching Aaron slowly extend his too until they're shaking hands. It's weird, it shouldn't be but it is. "See you around then superman."

And _fuck_ he feels like he's a four year old.

Aaron thankfully laughs it off, watches Robert go before he walks back inside.

 

 

::

 

 

  
The thing with Aaron is, he's good.

He's not boring good, not average good either but just _good_ and Robert sees it all the time.

He sees it and something warms in his chest and he wants to know him, wants to keep himself hidden away too.

No one comes closer, no one _can_ and so he keeps him at arms length.

Decides that a conversation about Annie and how she's doing is enough to go by. But he sees the way Aaron looks at him, or the way he _thinks_ Aaron looks at him and he hates him for it.

Hates himself even more for wanting to see it.

 

 

::

 

 

The more he thinks about how good Aaron is, the more he realises how bad he is himself.

Some nights he lays awake remembering what he'd done.

He thinks about Rebecca.

_"Abort it! Like I'd want to have a child with ya." He said, watched as Rebecca nearly cried on the spot and her fragile bones nearly turned to dust. "It was a mistake, just like jumping into bed with you."_

_"I can't do that Robert, I can't kill what would be our baby." She'd pleaded and he hadn't cared._

He thinks about Chrisse, her face when she'd found out Rebecca's baby, with her freckles and her soft white hair was her husband's child.

_"All along and you never said a thing." It vibrated the walls and made Robert wince at Chrissie's bite._

He saw it in her eyes, that betrayal and he knew that his downfall was just round the corner.

If only he'd tried harder.

Rebecca wouldn't have been shot down dead by her own nephew.

 

 

::

 

 

Robert keeps telling himself to keep the walls up, to just be nice enough and get by but he can't, not when Annie's singing his praises and he _sees_ him with her, making his little girl happy.

And yeah, Aaron picks up on it.

"Alright?" Aaron says, a spring in his step as he sees Robert and then tries to tell himself to calm the fuck down over Annie's dad.

Robert nods at him, ignores the way something swirls inside him as he asks where Annie is.

"She's just getting her stuff together. Brew?" Aaron's offering, feeling like a twat when Robert's saying something about needing to dash off for something of other.

Robert watches the way Aaron's face falls and he wonders if the bloke has a crush on him or something, can't bare the thought. It's a dangerous one.

"Is everything alright?" Aaron asks.

"Yeah, course." Robert shrugs and then he's feeling like he owes Aaron some sort of explanation. "I'm a little, little guarded."

Aaron bites his lip. "Some would say the same about me." He says, doesn't realise that he's made out as if he's different around Robert, then he does realise and he clears his throat in an attempt to keep his blush down.

"I just keep a lot of things to myself, that's all."

"Find it hard to trust?" Aaron's asking and Robert's walls are up even higher.

It shows.

"Sorry." Aaron's blurting out, hand over his face and Robert can't help but find it endearing.

"Don't worry, I trust you." Robert says, kicks the grass as he talks.

Aaron's eyes flicker and his heart shouldn't do what it does. "Yeah?"

"You help care for my daughter." Robert explains, shrugs his shoulders. "That's - that's _big_ for me." He explains.

Aaron shouldn't feel as touched as he is.

 

 

  
::

 

 

"Go on then, was it you actually do?" Robert asks, he's early again and it has nothing to do with the fact that he saw Aaron's car on the way there.

Aaron crosses his arms over, "Mechanic." He says, nodding his head as Robert raises an eyebrow.

"By day mind?" Robert teases. "I mean, you're Rocky by night aren't ya?" He says, deserves the slap he receives and relishes in the way Aaron makes him laugh.

It's been too long.

 

 

::

 

 

He has a dream about the day again, it creeps up on him out of nowhere and he's reliving it all.

He's seeing Lachlan pointing a gun at him, pale face, bloodshot eyes, shaky hands.

He keeps remembering how he closed his eyes and only thought of Annie having no one if he was shot dead by her own blood.

Somehow he thinks of Aaron, pulls him into his mind and he settles. Then he kicks himself for doing that, for _relying_ on Aaron of all people.

 

 

::

 

 

  
They play this little game for a while, the one where they dance around each other and just smile awkwardly and laugh and then Robert's seeing things he didn't want to.

He's admiring Aaron, the way he looks, how soft he is, how fucking amazing he is with his daughter.

And it's painfully obvious to Adam apparently.

"Oi Aaron! Stop flirting with Harry and come help me in here." Robert goes bright red and Aaron shakes his head, starts rambling a little and then he's gone.

He's starting to really hate the catch to having this nice life. The one that says _don't let anyone close_.

 

 

::

 

 

It's not him though who starts the ball awkwardly rolling. It's Aaron.

"Just wondered if you fancied going to a boxing match. I mean, David and Adam have been to so many now and - well I don't know, if -" Aaron's got a tight shirt on, it's navy, Robert likes it. He shouldn't.

There's just something in Aaron's eyes, he sees it, keeps seeing it and he knows that the lad is either keen on him or this is all some sick dare.

"Yeah cheers. That'd be nice." He agrees anyway, tells Annie that she can stay round for the night and thanks Adam for keeping her.

It's a trust thing, he can't believe he trusts the mad goofy idiot that is Adam Barton, but he does.

 

 

::

 

 

It stinks of sweat and the lights are too bright in the room but Robert gets into it. He places a bet and everything and Aaron enjoys seeing him becoming so alive.

He loses the bet, doesn't seem to really care all that much though as he misses the look on Aaron's face.

He misses the way he's made Aaron's eyes sparkle without meaning to.

"You enjoyed yourself then?" Aaron says, on the walk back. The sky is a velvet colour and the stars are almost twinkling as Robert stares at him.

"I did yeah." Robert says, watches Aaron pull back a little so that they can walk together.

"Weird how I don't know much about you." Aaron says, head tilted up towards the sky and curiosity bouncing around in his heart, to say he thinks about the blonde a lot sounds mad, but he does spend a lot of time with his mini me. "Just know you got a daughter, a cute little one to be fair."

"Gets it all from me she does." Robert says, starts walking slower, aware of the way it makes their shoulders bump together.

"Fuck off." Aaron laughs, pushes at Robert's shoulder and makes something light almost burst inside the older man.

That's what it is, just lightness. That's what Aaron is.

"There's not much to tell really." Robert lies, eyes flickering a little and then Aaron's stopping dead in front of him, making Robert catch his breathe as he realises how close they are.

"I bet you're dead interesting." He says and Robert just rolls his eyes, pushing him out the way. "I mean, there's the obvious question..." He's all of a sudden shy, cheeks almost red as he looks at Robert.

Robert raises an eyebrow, "Which is?" He asks before he's suddenly realising what it could be. He thinks about an answer and something ripples inside him, this need to lie, this need to protect himself bubbles up and he can't care how Aaron reacts because if he knew, he could know more things and then -

He could be Amber. Anyone could.

"Annie's mum? She's travelling at the moment, we Skype her all the time though." Robert can't quite look at Aaron's face as he speaks, watch as it drops, watches as it dawns on the younger man that he's got it all wrong. That Adam's a prick for egging him on, goading him into trying to break the ice king or whatever.

"Nice." Aaron lies, walks a little quicker, like he wants to get away or something. "Anyways, you'll never guess what Annie did the other -"

Robert stops him dead, a hand on his chest and just their breathing filling the sound around them. He feels like he's just broken something, like his Past has stamped on - on what? His future. "You're a real mate." He says, and Aaron's smiling, trying his best not to break and -

He has a mate, one he can rely on, one he doesn't _want_ to rely on but -

Aaron's a mate.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So they're Mates with a capital M. 
> 
> Robert's past is coming together clearer already for you I hope. There's plenty more to come. Let me know if you're still liking it!


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Robert warms to Aaron further, until something pulls him back into his shell.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Helloooo guys, another update here! It's a shorterish chapter but I do hope that you enjoy it.

  
Aaron's _just_ a mate.

At least that's what he thinks. He feels differently once he overhears him talking to Adam and David and everything feels too much. It's guilt he's feeling when he shouldn't be.

It's just Aaron, _just_ Aaron.

"Yeah well, all those _signs_ weren't there were they?" Aaron's grunting out, taking frustration out on the chair next to him.

Robert can see him, can run his eyes over how tense his muscles are, how sad he seems.

"I thought he was dead into ya." David comments, turning from buttering bread and waving the knife up slightly. "I mean, he might still be."

"He's got a family." Aaron says, and Robert hears the pain in his voice. "I'm not _even_ the hired help."

That makes something jolt inside Robert's chest.

Adam's slapping Aaron with a towel and trying to laugh. "Listen here, Harry didn't exactly say he never wants to see ya again did he?"

It takes Robert a second to realise they're still talking about him, he should be used to it now. He hears Aaron call him it all the time, laughs at the way he says the name and then feels daft about it.

"Mates apparently." Aaron offers, shakes his head a little and Robert wonders if Aaron definitely doesn't want that to happen.

"You can do the whole being mates thing." Someone says, probably David. Robert tenses, waits for Aaron to reply, shake himself off and stop acting like he really had a crush or whatever on a thirty something year old bloke with a _kid_.

He waits a long time, then he hears Aaron agree and he braces himself to go in and collect Annie.

 

::

 

It's not entirely awkward, just stilted.

Aaron looks away a lot when they talk now, always ends the conversation with the word _mate_.

_"I'll see ya around then mate."_

_"I'll get Annie for you mate."_

_"Yeah the boxing is going good mate."_

And even Annie asks why he keeps saying it, giggles as Aaron tells her that he's mates with her daddy now.

Robert could swear he watches something tense in Aaron as he speaks.

 

::

 

If his mind wasn't fucked enough, Annie's besotted with Aaron.

He's all she talks about and he can't tell her to quit it because he makes her happy, obviously.

Sometimes he indulges himself in listening to stories about what they get up to, apparently Aaron's good at making animal noises and chases them round the garden.

Robert closes his eyes and imagines, dares to.

 

::

 

So, he's early again but that's just a coincidence.

He doesn't really want to walk in on Annie pressing glitter all over Aaron's face and adjusting his fairy wings.

He doesn't, but he does.

"Sorry to disturb the tea party." Robert offers, gulps hard as Aaron stares at him the way he usually does, like Robert's taken his breath or something. He really needs to tell Aaron to stop doing that.

Aaron's ripping the wings off, turning bright red as he stands. "Harry." He says, and Robert always has to look away when he says that name. He never used to, there was a time when he was quite proud of how easy it was to make people believe in this world he lived, now it just feels cruel.

Robert shuffles on his feet, "Where's everyone else?" He wonders and Aaron eventually explains that Adam's taken them out to the swings, after finally lifting his head that is.

They stand through a silence as Annie stares at them both and then she's filling it and Robert's grateful until he's _not_.

"Can we go have pizza?" Annie asks, adorable and uncertain about what Robert's reply is going to be, but when he nods she comes alive, gets bloody cocky and - "Aaron lets go!"

Robert's eyes widen and Aaron sees. "Uh, just you and daddy. I've got to clear all this mess up." He says, points to the mountain of fancy dress Annie has created.

"I'm sure that can wait." It's Robert who speaks, finds the words falling out of his mouth before he can think about them. It's a shock, becoming closer to him, wanting to be closer, but he takes it and Aaron's smiling at him.

And yeah, Robert's staring at the bloke with glitter all over his cheeks and trying not to fall flat on his face when it comes to what he can do to his heart if Robert lets him in.

 

::

 

It's going well, well as can be expected and Robert's slowly relaxing around Aaron who still has a glimmer of something sparkly under his eye.

Aaron notices him staring and blushes. "What?" He's asking, touching his face suddenly and then Robert's leaning over and pressing a finger down on the sparkle, watching it fall onto his own finger and then he's smiling.

It's fucked up how he stays there, arms crossed over and feet pushing him up a little so he can lean over. He's just staring into Aaron's eyes, wanting to.

He can't help it, the way Aaron is warm around him is something he's never known. The way he plays with Annie and makes her smile, all teeth and sometimes even tears, it's -

He's almost magical, almost come along to brighten their world when it was at its darkest.

Robert knows he can't ruin all that by doing something daft like falling for him, so he pulls back, asks questions about him instead as Annie mindlessly fills in pages with crayons.

"So, how's the boxing?" Robert asks, arms crossed over and a small smile on his face.

Aaron's all shy, tilts his head and then bites his lip. "Won the last match." He says, like it's nothing.

"Mate, that's -" Robert's stopping himself from pulling a hand over Aaron's, instead he's blinking quickly and nodding his head. "Congrats." He doesn't even have a black eye or anything.

"Cheers." Aaron's sheepish, and then he's dragging himself out of it and blinking softly at Robert. "Wouldn't mind seeing you in a ring." He teases and Robert turns bright red.

"Yeah? I'd be a disaster, got a sharper tongue than anything else me." Robert tilts his head and then he's watching Aaron flick off the mushrooms on the pizza, it's fucking endearing and he wants to throttle Aaron for making it seem that way.

He's just a fussy eater, Robert wants to say, knows that if it was anyone else it'd be the most irritating thing on earth but -

Yeah it's somehow not.

"Why boxing then? Who's face are you pretending to hit?" Robert laughs, then sees something almost tighten in Aaron's frame and the younger man just shrugs his shoulders.

"Keep fit I suppose." He _supposes_? Robert thinks, knows better than to pry or whatever but he can't help himself, wants to say something and then Aaron's looking behind him and rolling his eyes.

Robert's turning, of course he's turning and he sees a bloke standing, staring at them and then Aaron's going over.

"See you're settled then?" Bald, Angry bloke says, all front, a little bite in his words as his mad eyes get even larger.

For the first time, Robert sees Aaron differently, he's almost fragile and he hates it.

"Do one, I swear." Aaron's saying, fits almost balled up and Robert's suddenly remembering Lachlan, feels sick as the parallel flashes over his mind again and again.

"Or what?" The Bald, Angry says. Edges closer and whispers something into Aaron's ear. Something nasty enough to warrant a punch, and then another and -

Robert remembers Lachlan punching him, kicking and he can't escape.

So he does what he does best, runs.

"Harry, wait -" Robert hears Aaron calling after him, knows that Annie's probably going to cry on the way home because she never got to say goodbye.

But Lachlan's still merging with Aaron and _fuck_ it scares him.

"Stay away from us." He regrets it as soon as it slips out of his mouth.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And here comes the angst lol. I couldn't have Robert be too settled. There's plenty more to come, hope you're still finding this fic enjoyable!


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Robert tries to make amends with Aaron and becomes frustrated by how his efforts turn out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was so overwhelmed by the reaction to the last chapter and the cliff hanger (just letting you know there will be plenty more of those!)
> 
> This chapter is a nice long on and I hope you like it!

  
_"No, no he ruined us. He destroyed mum's life, and she let him." Lachlan had shaky hands as he pointed towards Rebecca who was shivering in the corner of the room._

_"I know darling." Chrissie said, eyes wet with tears._

_"He slept with your sister mum, he got her pregnant and you have to see that little brat every single day." Lachlan hissed, the world around Robert seemed to collapse as Lachlan came closer, knelt down beside him and balled his fists. "I'm going to kill ya, have you figured that out yet?"_

 

 

::

 

 

"Why did we leave without saying goodbye?" Annie moans, and Robert's just thankful he held her close enough for her not to be able to see her hero punching someone repeatedly.

Robert sighs, "Because we had to okay." He tells her, watches his daughter's blonde hair fall in front of her face and then he's plaiting it slowly. "Because I had to leave, I didn't feel well."

That's not entirely true.

"What if Aaron's sad?" She's asking, almost panicking and Robert kisses her head.

Aaron's probably thinking all sorts but he doesn't want to care.

Instead he mouths off to Adam when he shouldn't.

"Yeah well he was punching some guy right in front of my kid so -" Adam tries to say something but Robert cuts him off. "He's violent, he - he could have kept going."

And yeah, Aaron could have.

 

 

::

 

 

So Robert goes into Panic Mode, decides that he's due a few days off work and that he can look after Annie from home.

He keeps getting the nightmares and they keep getting worse, more vivid, more _mixed_ with his life now. He sees Lachlan and then Aaron and he wants to cry about it.

By the third day Annie's asking questions and he's waking up in the middle of the night in tears over a nightmare and she's finding him.

"Don't be sad daddy, please." She's on the bed, hands on his face and he's loving her in a way he hasn't ever before.

"I'm not flower." He kisses her head, wipes his eyes and stares at her. She's kind, she gets that from Rebecca, not him. "Just sleepy." He lies, thinks about having to tell her everything one day and it hurts. She'll ask him questions, she'll find things out and she'll hate him.

"Maybe Aaron can make you smile again or something." Annie's shrugging, a soft smile on her face just at the mention of his name.

"Does he make me smile?" Robert's got a hand through hers and he kisses it.

"You never smiled like that before." Annie says, innocent and soft enough to break a wall down in his heart.

It's soft enough to take her back and watch her run around and play with her friends again.

He sees Aaron, their eyes meet and he thinks the younger man wants to say something but Robert doesn't give him the chance to. He starts the engine and he's off.

Because, he's always been good at running.

 

 

::

 

 

He doesn't dream about Lachlan tonight, it's Aaron instead.

He's smiling, laughing about something and he keeps saying:

_'Don't be afraid.'_

Robert wakes, unafraid for the first time in years.

 

 

::

 

 

The feeling lasts long enough for decorating to happen and Annie loses her mind about it.

She's painting her bedroom lilac, paints herself more than anything else and it warms Robert's heart to see her so excited.

"Can Aaron come and see?" Annie asks innocently and Robert's got that dread back again, it creeps up on him and he feels anxious again. He knows what Annie thinks of him, knows it's dangerous really, her becoming so attached.

"I don't know about that." Robert's honest, watches her frown.

"But he wants to see _you_." She explains and something stops in Robert's chest. Because, okay he hasn't seen Aaron for a while but that isn't because of what happened, he's just -

"He asks me _all_ the time if you're okay."

And yeah, something flutters in his stomach.

 

 

::

 

 

He tries getting his number, should have had it already considering he did consider Aaron a mate or whatever before he freaked the fuck out over something he didn't even give him the chance to explain.

"Hey, no - everything is fine, I just wondered if you had a number for Aaron." He's asking, on a lunch break, hot coffee in hand as he sits on a park bench like a loner.

He hears Adam shuffling about and then he's asking why and Robert wants to call him a prat, has to really refrain himself.

"Feel like I need to uh - I've been wanting to have a word but he always seems to be gone by the time I get Annie."

"Maybe you do need to explain yourself." Adam says, and Robert can hear him scratching at his stubble. "Let _him_ explain himself too. He's convinced himself you hate him."

Well that's not true, it's far from fucking -

He takes the number, promises himself to send a text but can't.

It's his own daughter who takes matters into her own hands and Robert doesn't notice until he walks in on her on the phone, feet up on her bed banging on about a school play and how she's playing a fairy.

"Annie." Robert attempts to shout and then he's pulling the phone away from her and hearing breathing down the line.

"Hello?" It's Aaron and Robert can't help but wince.

This was not how he wanted to speak to him.

"Look, sorry - I just left my phone hanging around and her little hands just -"

"She invited me to her play." Aaron's saying, voice low like gravel and Robert checks the time. It's nearly half eleven and he imagines his five year old who should be asleep, waking him up with her _nonsense_ about an invite and -

"Sorry." Robert blurts out, "She doesn't know any better." He's trying to explain and Aaron stays quiet.

"I best be going, got work at seven tomorrow." Aaron croaks out and Robert nod to no one.

"Okay." He whispers, thinks about how tense the conversation should be be and is in awe of how soft it's going.

"Night Harry." Aaron whispers and Robert feels something punch at his gut.

"Night." He's saying back before hearing the line cut off and looking at Annie. "You can't just invite people places without letting me know, or asking me first." He has his hand on his hip, tries to be stern but she's laughing him off with her cheek and she's just like him.

"It's _my_ play though and I can invite whoever I want." Annie's positively smug and Robert sees so much of his old self in her that it aches a little.

"Bed." He says firmly, points to Annie's bed and watches her scurry back inside before widening her eyes. "It's on Wednesday. Are you coming?"

Robert nods instantly, "Of course I am. But Aaron, I think he's busy that day."

Annie's chin fucking wobbles and Robert hates taking her happiness away. "But - but -"

He kisses her head and sighs. "It's okay princess." He tries and soon she tires herself out from sadness and gets off to sleep.

 

 

::

 

 

Wednesday rolls by and Robert's taken the afternoon off.

He's in a line with all the other mums, just a handful of dads spotted between them who look like they've been forced there. He doesn't understand it, hopes to god he never will.

The woman behind him keeps twisting herself so that he can see her and she's eyeing him up again and again and he's _still_ not interested.

"Welcome partners, and/or guardians." A geeky looking teacher chuckles out like she's proud of herself or something. "Follow me." She says, walks them round to a row of benches which lots of the older mums complain about having to sit on.

Robert just rolls his eyes, focuses on the stage and then suddenly it's starting. He sees her instantly, twirling around with face paint on and glitter everywhere.

Something flutters in his heart and despite not knowing what the hell is going or what the play is even meant to be _about_ , he's enthralled by it to say the least.

There's a little commotion on the stage after one of the boys forgets his lines and nearly cries on the spot, but Annie starts distracting everyone by twirling and pointing her wand and soon everyone's laughing.

"Sorry I'm late." Robert hears someone say, and then he's turning, finds his face pressed too close to Aaron's who is sitting next to him and suddenly focusing on the stage.

Robert sees Aaron's face light up as he watches Annie and for a second he can't speak.

"Didn't know you were coming." Robert whispers, has to tilt his head towards Aaron.

Aaron keeps his eyes on Annie and shrugs. "I did say Annie invited me." He says, like it's that simple.

 

 

::

 

 

It finishes on a high and Robert's on his feet, Aaron does the same, masters this whistle thing which makes Robert green with envy when Annie hears it and goes mad on the stage about Aaron showing up after all.

"You were a _star_." Robert tells her as she sits on his shoulders.

"A proper little one I swear." Aaron jumps in, moves with the flow of the conversation and makes Robert's knees buckle a little. " _And_ you looked better in the face paint and glitter than I did."

That makes her giggle her head off and then she's climbing down, running towards the back to get changed.

There's a beat of awkwardness between them and Robert tries to fill it. "Thanks, for showing up."

"I came for Annie, because I care." Aaron says, like he wants to stick the knife in somehow or something.

"I never said you didn't." Robert tries, "I -"

There's an old lady coming towards them, holding Robert by the arm. "Was the fairy yours?" She says and Robert nods slowly before watching her look at Aaron. "She's a credit to you _both_. I'm all for gay adoption me, honest."

Aaron's eyes widen and then he's hiding his face, leaving Robert to deal with it.

"No we're not - Aaron just looks after her sometimes when I -" His words are forgotten by her apparently because she's waving a hand up and walking away again.

"Well that wasn't awkward." Robert says, tries a smile and then Aaron's tightening his jaw.

"Tell Annie I said bye okay?" Aaron says, turns quickly and then Robert's swinging him round, holding at his chest.

"Don't be so hasty. I've been meaning to ring you, to try and -"

"You don't need to." Aaron shrugs his shoulders. "Let me just let you know I'm not a gangster or a drug dealer or some _pimp_ or -"

Robert's sees anger, but worse, he sees the sadness and suddenly he wonders if Aaron's been dealing with assumptions his whole life or something. " _Aaron_ , wait a second -"

"I'm not Shrek either, but I'm sure Annie already knows that considering she invited me here n'all." Aaron snaps and Robert drops his head. "So don't pretend like you're doing this because of her, you told me to stay away because you don't want me around _you_."

Robert gulps hard, "And you have it all worked out do ya?" He says, suddenly nasty. "You were punching some guy in front of my daughter." He fires and Aaron looks towards the floor.

"And you didn't even let your _mate_ explain."

Robert gulps, "Why do you keep saying _mate_ like that?" He snaps back, feels heat rise in his chest.

Aaron doesn't even give him a reply, just stalks off and leaves Robert alone.

 

 

::

 

 

He gets tipsy and feels sorry for himself again, makes sure Annie's fast asleep before he's knocking back anything he can find and mumbling about Aaron.

"Didn't think he was so - so _grumpy_." Robert pouts and then he's looking at the picture of Rebecca and sighing. "Go on. _Judge_. I fucked up again I know."

He knows, he always seems to know.

 

 

::

 

 

So it takes Aaron coming to him, for them to finally talk properly this time.

And it shouldn't, because it's when Annie's in his arms crying her eyes out.

"Annie?" Robert's screaming, of course he's screaming because Annie's bleeding on her knee and -

"Didn't know whether or not to take her to the 'ospital. She kept saying she wanted ya." Aaron's actually got tears in his eyes and Robert's stunned into this amazement.

Aaron, the part time boxer, is stood in his living room and he's emotional over a little girl who's hurt. It makes something melt inside Robert completely.

Annie reaches out for him and he takes her in his arms, rocks her a little and kisses her head. She's ran too fast towards a swing, scrapped her knee pretty badly.

"God is she alright? Is she -" Robert's petting her hair, an image of Rebecca flashes in front of his eyes and he's back there again. He's trying to keep her safe and he can't - he's doing the same with his own daughter now.

"Hey." Aaron touches him and something fizzles inside Robert, it bubbles up and crashes through him and he can't pay attention to how it feels. Instead he just blinks at him. "She's okay." He whispers, head close, hand still resting on Robert's arm.

Robert pulls himself away from the moment, decides to concentrate on Annie instead, "Plaster." He blurts out, "She needs a plaster and some - a towel or something."

Aaron's quick on his feet, delicate as he cleans away Annie's blood and pulls the plaster over her knee as she quietly cries. "What a little star." He says, touches her nose and smiles.

And she stops crying.

"You're fucking amazing with her." It's blurted out, minutes later, once Annie's laying in her bed with her bunny held close to her chest.

Aaron turns bright red, scratches his beard and shrugs his shoulders. "Yeah well, she's taken to me for some reason."

She was shy, Robert has made her shy for a reason, so that she never ran off and was taken from him. But Aaron's changed that, he somehow made her want to be near him and Robert doesn't know how grateful he is for that yet.

"It's clear why," Robert says aloud and then Aaron's looking away.

"I don't think you _really_ think that." Aaron whispers, bites down on his lip and looks back at Robert. "What happened at that pizza place -"

Robert sighs, hands shaking for some reason. "You snapped and I -"

"You ran." Aaron says, like it hurts. "Like you were scared I'd kill the bloke or something."

Robert turns so that he's closer to Aaron and there knees brush. "It just shook me a little. Okay, a lot." He watches Aaron's eyes flicker. "I'm not good with violence Aaron." He sighs. "Yeah I get you're a boxer or whatever but -"

"It was wrong." Aaron pushes out. "It scared me actually." He says, like he's reflecting about it right in front of Robert. "Reminded me of the old me and I don't like him all that much." He shivers like a chills just ran through his body.

Robert gulps, extends some sort of olive branch, "I can be, I mean I _am_ overprotective."

Aaron raises an eyebrow, looks like he is contemplating staying mad but then he softens. "I know you are." He sighs, "Doesn't excuse punching him twice though, in front of Annie." He pauses like he needs to think carefully. "The bloke, he was just someone from my past. Someone I'd rather not meet again.

Robert feels a tug of similarity, thinks it builds a connection between them which runs deeper and further and further and -

"I didn't mean to scare ya, make you feel like you need to stay away or -" Robert stops him with a hand on Aaron's knee and something sets alight in side of him. He's burning, feels something tingling through him and Aaron does something mad with his breath.

"Let's just forget it alright?" Robert blinks, watches Aaron nod as he pulls his hand away. "I want us to get along."

Aaron's eyes flutter. "I feel like you don't." Robert hates him, he's honest and it pours out and he thinks Aaron's in his head or something. "I feel like you never want anyone _this_ close." He whispers, a hand falling onto Robert's thigh and the space between them closing.

Robert's just blinking and blinking, his heart is doing something mad and he realises that Aaron's got a point.

No one's been this close, no one's sat on this sofa and had a hand on his thigh and -

It's Aaron's body leaning towards his that makes the skin on Robert's back prickle with a sense of delight and fear and -

For just a second he thinks he's not this troubled person, saddled with pain and misery and torment. He leans in _too_ , feels Aaron's shaky breath pour over his own flushed lips and -

Of course he's fucking pulling away. Of course he's turning and telling Aaron he can't.

"Mates Aaron." He points out, back towards the younger boy because he can't trust himself to look into his eyes not want to kiss him.

"Yeah I -" Aaron's cut off by his eyes which find the picture of a woman with blonde hair smiling, a flower in her hand.

His fucking wife or -

"Is that her?" Aaron's voice is small but not forgettable and Robert winces.

"I'm sorry." Robert says, gulps hard and sighs. "I need to focus on my family." He looks back to Aaron and something breaks in his heart as he sees the younger man standing up awkwardly. "I want you to be a mate."

Aaron lets out a weak smile. "You'll regret wanting that. Ask Adam, I'm terrible." He manages to laugh out.

"Far from it." Robert blurts out, misses the way Aaron looks at him as he stands. "I think you're -

"I've got to go." Aaron's saying, slams into the door accidentally and nearly trips on Robert's shoes. "I'll see ya later mate."

He goes and Robert kicks himself.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you liked how they got back to a better place ;)


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The anniversary of Rebecca's death causes more upset than Robert imagined.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SLOW BURN RUINS LIVES

 

Certain days, they're harder than others.

Today's the hardest it can be.

It's her anniversary. She died today, five whole years ago, and he nearly died too.

"She misses you." Robert tells Annie, he's not taken her in today, instead he's dared to scatter another portion of Rebecca's ashes in another of her favourite places. It's in a meadow, flowers dance in the breeze and he feels Annie cling to his leg.

She doesn't cry, instead her eyes are just red raw and she chooses not to speak. He watches his little girl crawl back into herself and it's the worst thing in the world.

"She'd be here, if she could." He lets her know before crouching beside her. "You see," he shakes out a breath as he looks at her, sees her freckles and her eyes and her hair and wants to cry. "The angels just love her too much don't they? She makes all the angels happy, and I get to make you happy." He tries not to let himself become emotional and it takes more strength than he has but -

"It's not fair." Annie's shaking out, opening herself up and then falling into Robert's chest.

"I know darling." He rubs her back, kisses her head and takes her back to the flat.

Adam rings him, wonders why Annie hasn't shown up and keeps asking questions.

"It's not Aaron is it?" Adam's asking. "He's been off and I've been worried 'cause he gets himself -"

Robert frowns, "It's nothing Adam, just - we're fine." He slams the phone down before he can say anything else.

(They're not fine. But no one needs to know that.)

 

 

::

 

 

So he drinks himself silly and he acts like an irresponsible dick as he drags out a bottle of something and gulps it all down.

It gets worse when he catches sight of the picture he keeps of Rebecca, he staggers towards it, holds it in his hands sadly as her daughter sleeps.

"Bet you hate me up there, bet - you're not fucking proud of me. Maybe you never will be but -" he staggers back down on the sofa. "I'm a shit dad. I keep running and running and she'll hate me. I'm sorry, I'm fucking sorry -"

His phone vibrates.

He doesn't expect it to be who it is, doesn't know how much he needs her until he's scrambling for his phone and -

"Vic?"

 

 

::

 

 

Vic's found him and something ridiculous bubbles through him.

She'd hounded all of Robert's old mates until Clive popped out and she turned into some sort of fucking spy and picked the lock.

"No one can know." He tells her, shudders as she cries and tells him that she's waited years to finally speak to him again. She wants to know where he is, she's overwhelming him and he's not knowing what to say. "Vic, you can't come here."

"I just want to be near ya again, I want to see my niece."

Robert's got tears in his eyes. Annie doesn't know her, or Andy or Diane. She doesn't know what a family is.

"I haven't seen ya, didn't even know if you were dead or -" Vic stops herself and Robert's grateful.

They talk about Rebecca.

"I know what - today is." Victoria sighs. "Five whole years since." Her voice is almost hollow. "She must be so big now." She says, about Annie and her voice breaks.

"She's just like you, cheeky, kind." It dawns on him, how much Annie _is_ like Vic. It warms him.

She says she wishes she could be with him and he says that that they can't see each other just yet. He tells her it's because of the Whites, explains the whole fucking thing to her and hears her gasps of horror because -

No one in that stupid village knows the truth, they think Rebecca was shot by a burglar. They think the Whites were wrongly accused. They think Robert just upt and left with his daughter off of his own back.

"That _bitch_." She's crying out, "I made her appetisers a few weeks ago. How could she even look me in the eye? And Lachlan, he still lords it about like -"

"Vic." Robert snaps, pulls himself up on the sofa. "You can't tell anyone. I can't have you ruin this."

And although at first she protests, he talks her round and then they're onto something light again.

Annie.

"Give her a kiss from me." Vic asks, voice soft and forgiving.

Robert kisses her three times, carries her into bed with him and tries not to cry himself to sleep as he realises how much of the word 'family' his daughter was denied.

 

 

::

 

 

Robert's not feeling like as much of a failure as he did before. He's sorting his shit out, he tells himself.

Gets a deal signed, gets a wink of Bella from the tech team and it boosts his confidence a little.

He tells himself that he needs to stop putting those fucking walls up, steels himself into asking Aaron to finally come round and see Annie's lilac walls that make it her home now and not just another resting place.

It's a massive step. He doesn't really expect everything to fall flat on his face.

He senses the atmosphere as he comes into the house, sees Adam standing awkwardly by the door, Annie's on the sofa, head down as if she's been crying and Aaron's cradling her.

He doesn't look warm though, he looks hurt, looks angry and Robert just doesn't get it.

"What's wrong? Is she alright?" Robert's panicking and Adam pulls a face, shakes his head before leaving the room and seemingly letting Aaron explain.

"Said she doesn't want her mummy to make the angels happy anymore." Aaron's voice is tight and his Adam's apple bobs up and down uncomfortably before his jaw clenches.

And yeah, Robert is now the biggest dick on the planet.

"I can explain -" Damage control fails because Aaron's offering to put Annie in the car, all attention on the little girl and his eyes filled with something terrible, something Robert despises.

Aaron's that sort of nice bloke, he waits until Annie's in the car, tears dried and waiting for Adam to get her bag. And then he loses it.

"You told me you and her mum were - you said she was only overseas, away, that you spoke all the -" Aaron's frighteningly sad and it ruins Robert more than it should. His hair is all fluffy, curls overwhelm his eyes as he stares at the red top Aaron's wearing, the way his chest puffs up and down over and over again like he's finding it hard to breathe.

"It was easier." Robert drops his head, they're standing at the front of the house, the sun is setting and if they weren't arguing then Robert would say it looks beautiful and Aaron would call him a sap.

"Then what?" Something flickers in Aaron's eyes and he drops his head. "Oh I get it." He scoffs. "To keep me at arms length? The gay bloke who made his feelings a little too clear."

Robert's head snaps up, because he hears it and he _sees_ it. He's always seen it.

"Tell him your dead wife is still alive and he'll back off."

Robert shudders, sees something else now in Aaron. It's not warm and soft. He's cold and rough and biting.

But Robert still wants to explain, because Aaron somehow deserves that.

"I have to go."

But he's a coward and he runs, of course he runs.

 

 

::

 

 

Robert's doesn't cry or anything, just drinks and winces as Annie calls him horrible for making Aaron get upset when she was confiding in him.

"He stopped me crying and you made him _sad_." She's pouting, she's nearly mastered the art of slamming her door shut and she's only _five_.

He takes her to the park, buys her a pink bike and everything but she doesn't smile the same anymore.

Because _Aaron_ doesn't show up anymore.

 

 

::

 

 

Robert's got pasta on the hob, sauce ready to be poured over and he's tapping his fingers against the counter. He's basically trying not to think about Aaron and it's hard because whenever he tries, he sees Aaron in his mind, smiling and laughing and he feels like a twat for lying in the first place.

But that's what he is, he's a liar.

He's raising his daughter to be one too.

Speaking of which -

"Not hungry." Annie folds her arms over, pouts and twists her head away from Robert. If she wasn't so cute this would look a lot more serious and Robert wouldn't be rolling his eyes playfully at her.

"Are you _ever_ going to smile at me again kid?" He says, once he's kneeling down in front of her and she's puffing out a long sigh like she's really thinking about it. "I didn't mean to make Aaron angry, but he made me sad too." Annie's eyes flicker. "And I miss him." He admits, to her, to _himself_.

And it's _daft_ because they were barely mates, spent most of the time dancing around each other and smiling and trying to catch up with this banter they had created.

"Then say sorry." Annie whispers, like it's easy and then she's falling into him, allowing him to hug her and he kisses her head in reply because words keep seeming to fail him lately.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It gets Better ;)


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Robert attempts to make amends with Aaron (again)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back! Hope you like this chapter. The ending is amazingly soft!

The door slams shut harder than Robert wants it to and he winces a little, finds himself flattening down his tie and clearing his throat as he waits for Annie to run into his arms.

(Not because he wants to look presentable for Aaron. If Aaron's even about that is.)

His palms are actually sweaty as he leans against his car and there's something stuck in his throat which won't budge.

He wants to speak, to say something as he sees David walking towards him and holding Annie's hand, but he doesn't.

He just smiles at David, ignores what flashes over his mind and then takes Annie towards the car, buckles her up and starts the car.

It wasn't a painful exchange, could have been much worse.

But then he's in the car, driving home and he's hearing Annie scream out about something. The Something is Aaron, running on the spot near the traffic light as he waits for the red man to change to green. It's enough to punch Robert in the gut and he wants to keep driving but he somehow can't.

He's pulling over and he's feeling the excitement radiate out of his little girl and then -

"Aaron?" Annie's slamming her hand against the window and Aaron looks like he's hesitating, doesn't know where to come forward but he does. And he actually smiles.

"Hey trouble." He's saying, obviously out of breath, dressed in running gear and all sorts. "You okay?"

Annie starts going on about something and then she's asking where Aaron was and he's telling her he's busy.

Robert bows his head, feels like it's all his fault, _knows_ it is.

"Aaron." Robert pushes out as Aaron goes to turn away. He's said goodbye to Annie, all animated and alive but now he's cold and just looks towards the floor. Robert gulps. "Let me -"

"I've got to go Harry." Aaron's saying, not even looking up but Robert can hear the sadness in his voice, the disappointment surfacing.

Robert wants to tell him to come back to the flat, to hear him out. He wants to hold Aaron's hand suddenly and whisper truths he wouldn't dare think of saying before now but -

Aaron's breaking into a jog and Robert's pressing down on the brakes, turning up the radio to try and drown out the way his heart feels.

 

 

::

 

 

"Give me a sign." Robert's saying, he's got a hand over Rebecca's picture and then he's gulping. "Let me know he's worth all this."

All what? He thinks. The way you feel lonely and sad without him?

Robert shudders, feels like a fool suddenly and then his eyes are falling over a picture of Adam's house, of Annie sitting there on Aaron's shoulders. It's amongst all the other things stuffed in Annie's little bag and it makes everything melt.

And yeah, maybe that's the sign.

"Cheers Bex." He says, raises an imaginary glass and then sighs.

 

 

::

 

 

He tries, and tries and fails. Adam's no help, calls him sick for lying and doing that to Aaron.

But David's a little older, near Robert's own age and he waits until Adam's gone before he's slipping over a card. It's a boxing club, Aaron's name in bold and information about him underneath.

"He'll be there tonight, pretending he's punching your face instead of the bag." David slopes off, one of the kids call him and Robert's left there wondering what to do.

He doesn't give himself time to think though, he asks if Adam can keep Annie for a little longer and then drop her back to his, daring to pass over keys before he drives off to find the boxing club and walk straight in.

It stinks of sweat and there's the sound of heavy breathing and jabbing which rings his ears as he tries to make out he's not intimidated or anything.

A bloke looks at him the wrong way and Robert keeps his head down, realises that yeah he's the odd one out here in a suit and a tie and -

"Can I help ya?" This bloke's got a cut on his eye, thick gel plastered over his hair and oh yeah, no top on.

Robert flinches, gulps hard. "Yeah I'm looking for Aaron." He says lamely, hears the bloke laugh and then he's twisting his body around, calling over to where a group of lads are boxing the absolute shit out of a punch bag so loud that it rings in Robert's ears.

The bloke whistles, "Oi Aaron, think your pimp is here to see ya." He jokes, but Robert pales all the same.

"Shut the fuck up Ross or -" Aaron's stopping dead, looking straight at Robert and he's got sweat dripping down his body, chest almost bare, puffing up and down and -

"Can I have a - a word?" Robert mumbles out awkwardly, trying to calm himself _right down_ as he watches Aaron turn his face away and sigh. "Please."

"I haven't got anything to say to you." Aaron says, looks away and presses down the tape across his forearms.

"Then let me talk." Robert says, all too eagerly. "You deserve to have an explanation."

Aaron tells him to wait in the changing rooms, says no one should be in there and Robert goes, fights against how badly it stinks as he taps his foot against the floor.

"What do you want Harry?" Aaron's asking, and Robert's gulping hard. Yeah he hates the name Harry now. Aaron's pulling on a top and turning away from Robert, a towel rubbing over his neck and hair curled in a way Robert never has seen before.

"To explain." Robert mumbles out, turns towards Aaron. "I didn't tell you about - about her because it's hard. It's still raw and you don't want to know about _how_ she died or - or fucking _why_ , trust me. So I lied yeah, but it wasn't meant to hurt you." Robert's ridiculously honest, a wave of something flutters through him and he feels like maybe not the whole world is on his shoulders anymore.

Aaron's playing with the hem of his shirt, gulps hard and comes forward. "Thought we were mates. Mates tell each other stuff like that." He argues, gives in though when he looks at Robert's face. "Is this - is it because you know I'm gay?"

Aaron hadn't screamed in from the rooftops and never actually _said_ it out loud but _yeah_ Robert knows he's gay and he nods before he can think, watches Aaron's face distort and then he's shaking his head.

"I mean yeah I know you're gay but that's nothing to do with why I lied. I didn't think you'd pounce on me Aaron." Robert says, hand dug into his pocket.

Aaron waits a while, brings a knee up onto the wooden bench and sighs. "Even though I've tried twice?"

And yeah something ripples through the air and Robert's thankful for the smile which spreads right across the younger man's face and makes it easy to breathe, to _laugh_.

"Yeah well, I'm not _that_ irresistible. I'm sure you can keep your hands to yourself."

And fuck, is this _flirty_?

Aaron's eyebrow raises up high, "Think we discovered that I sort of _can't_." He says, gesturing to his fists and The Pizza Place Punches, then he's sighing, "I know you don't do ... deep stuff, neither do I."

"Well then can't we just agree to forget about it?" Robert's asking, a little to eagerly and he misses the small, half smile that races across Aaron's face. "You're a mate, don't have many of those and -" Aaron's looking at him like he's the only thing that matters and Robert feels weak. "Annie misses you like mad, there's that too."

Aaron scoffs, scratches his eyebrow.

"I'm serious, so do I. I miss you." Aaron looks up at him and Robert blushes bright red. "Being a mate." He adds, has to add and Aaron's caving and he's happier than he should be.

"You want to get a drink?" Aaron asks, and Robert's alarmed, scared even and then he's not.

"Yeah, alright you're on." He's not yet mastered the cool as a cucumber thing around Aaron.

 

 

::

 

 

"I have a sister. And a brother, and a step-mum." Robert grips the cold pint glass and looks up at Aaron. "Don't see them though."

He didn't say goodbye to any of them, and yeah they rang and rang for a week. Non stop.

Then it became once a week, three times a month, until it faded altogether like they didn't care whether he was dead or not.

Aaron's brow crinkles. "No?" He arches an eyebrow and shrugs. "Family can be shit. I get that." He says and Robert wants to know so much more suddenly but he pulls himself away from that.

"It's why I'm - I'm closed off, even more than you." Robert tilts his head, gulps down the beer and feels a fuzzy feeling overwhelm him. "It's not that I don't care or -"

Aaron smiles a little too sincerely and then he's rolling his eyes. "Bore off Harry." He laughs and Robert bristles. "What? Have I said -"

"It's nothing." Robert lies, smiles softly and decides that his guilt can leave off for now because he's falling over the edge, willingly.

"Her name, her name was Rebecca."

It feels weird, saying it aloud.

But Aaron doesn't panic or lose his mind or pull a face.

He just nods and it's enough.

 

 

::

 

 

They get to Robert's car, there's a warm buzz between them and Robert's looser than what he should be.

Almost reckless.

He's leaning against his car, tilting his head. "Bet Annie wouldn't mind seeing ya." He offers, raising an eyebrow and watching Aaron's face light up. "She's been dead grumpy with me you know?" He says, opening more of himself up than he thought he could.

And Aaron's smiling, tilting his head back shyly like he doesn't know to what to really say.

"Come back with me." Robert whispers, decides to fuck it and lean closer so that his breath is tickling against Aaron's lips.

They stay standing for what feels like years, the dark sky twinkling and the sound of wind blowing Robert's hair messily.

"Harry." Aaron says, struggling. "Are you sure?" He adds.

Robert nods, "Annie will want to see you." He shrugs and Aaron's got that warmness to him again, the one Robert can't even try to run from.

"Okay."

 

 

::

 

 

Robert doesn't really know why he's so nervous, it's almost ridiculous considering that Aaron's already been in his flat before.

Hell, he nearly kissed Aaron in his flat before but now is different isn't it? He's inviting Aaron, he's willing to let him come and see his daughter because he trusts him like that and it's odd and almost refreshing.

Adam's there, obviously, he's got his feet up on the table and eating a pizza he's probably ordered for himself and his mouth falls open when he sees Aaron standing there _with_ Robert.

"Thanks for dropping her back, waiting here." Robert says, like it's not really awkward.

Adam nods his head, fights a smile and exchanges a look with Aaron before he's standing up and grabbing his coat. "No problem." He says, chucks back the spare keys.

"Is Annie asleep?" Robert asks, pulls a hand through his hair and realises how messy it is, how Aaron didn't even say anything about it.

Adam shakes his head, "She was singing to herself earlier, doubt it." He laughs and then he's opening the door and patting Aaron too hard on the back.

Robert stares at Aaron awkwardly and then looks towards Annie's door, "You want to see her then?" He whispers and Aaron follows him until he's standing in her room and she's gasping in surprise.

"Aaron?" Annie's flapping her arms about, moving her blonde hair away from her face and pulling her hand out for Aaron to hold. "Thought you were gone away forever and ever."

Aaron looks up at Robert and then down towards her again, sits on her bed and shakes his head. "Sorry kid, I was just a little busy. That's all." He says.

"Are you and daddy friends again?" Robert rolls his eyes at her because it's like she cannot stop herself.

"Course we are." Aaron whispers, voice gentle and enough to melt something in Robert's chest. "Best buds me and your daddy."

Annie claps her hands and then shows Aaron her lilacs walls she's so proud of.

There's such a sparkle in Annie's eyes that Robert can't help but throw himself over the cliff, chip away at that wall.

"Who wants hot chocolate and marshmallows then?" He says, melting away at the ice in his chest and smiling as Annie comes alive and Aaron, Aaron just looks at him like he's the only person in the world worth staring at.

 

 

::

 

 

It's soft.

They sit close, knees touch and Annie falls asleep on Aaron's lap.

"Shit, sorry." Robert whispers, has a frown on his face as he shakes his head. He scopes her up, takes her into her bed and kisses her head.

When he comes back Aaron's already standing up, has his coat back on and something jolts in Robert's stomach.

"You don't have to -"

"Got work in the mornin', should really be getting off." Aaron explains, already has a hand on his phone, probably ordering a taxi or something.

"Oh." Robert whispers, looks towards Annie's room and then bites his lip the way Aaron usually does. "I'll walk you out." He says before getting Annie and letting her sleep on his shoulder as they wait by the main entrance of the flats for Aaron's taxi.

"Thanks." Robert says, rubbing Annie's back and looking at Aaron. "For forgiving me about Rebecca. It's just hard."

Aaron nods his head, "Yeah well, you're a decent bloke." He shrugs his shoulders and Robert drops his head because well, he's _not_. "I get why you wanted to keep it to yourself."

Robert feels something warm race through him and he feels alive because Aaron's _always_ just _getting_ it and he doesn't know what to do with the way he feels.

"Fancy going for some dinner or something? You know, like just you and me." Yeah, he'll do _that_ with his feelings.

Aaron's never looked more surprised. "As in a - like, a date or?" He looks away and there's this silence travelling between them before he's shaking his head. "I didn't mean to say that out loud." He blurts out and then Robert's nodding his head.

He hasn't been on a date in too long, he isn't meant to be throwing himself off cliffs like this.

Aaron frowns. "With me?" He asks. "I thought we were -"

"Mates?" Robert's eyes flicker and then he sighs. "Well I'm also bisexual. And - can't seem to leave you alone so ..." He dares to be his old self, sexy, reckless, almost selfish and Aaron's stunned into this mad silence until he's managing to nod.

"I'll text ya." Robert says, watches as the taxi pulls up and Aaron's daring to kiss his cheek. It lasts for a second, or two and Robert inhales this musky scent, the lingering hot chocolate on Aaron's breath.

"Night you two." Aaron says, kisses Annie's head before looking up at Robert and then backs away slowly, slams into a street light and then rubs his head awkwardly before getting into the taxi.

It seems like he's on cloud nine, Robert knows the feeling.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ending a chapter on a soft note? It's mad!


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Robert looks forward to his date with Aaron until his past manages to threaten everything.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Remember what I said about slow burn? Yeah ...

  
It's like something just clicks and he's happy.

Not ridiculously happy but for the first time in a long time, it feels like he's finally able to appreciate what he has and wants to keep it for as long as he can.

Oh and he's going on a date with a fit boxer any day now.

There's that.

 

 

::

 

 

Annie starts creating these characters for herself and Robert laughs them off.

"You're the queen are you?" Robert says, cracks an egg into a bowl and then another because apparently they're making fairy cakes to give to Aaron.

Annie nods her head. "And I have one billion dresses and one billion trara's."

" _Tiaras_." Robert laughs, "Well I approve princess." He says and then he's pulling her up so she can finally ice the cupcakes or whatever they're going to end up being.

It's weird to be around him, there's something different in the air between them and it's _exciting_.

He's wearing a tight blue top with a hoodie thrown over and he's standing by Adam's door with a soft look about him.

"Alright?" He asks and Robert fights a smile, decides to look towards Annie and push her in front of him.

"Uh, Annie's got something to show you." Robert blurts out with an awkward smile.

Annie practically jumps up and down before Robert's holding her shoulders down and smiling awkwardly. "Daddy made you fairy cakes." She says quickly and yeah -

Robert's bright red and he can hear Adam cackling from inside the house.

Aaron's mouth hangs open and he takes the tupperware box from Annie's little hands. "Thank you." He whispers, eyes falling over the mounds of pink icing and sprinkles and not being able to hide the warmness he feels.

"I helped!" Annie's jumping up and down again and Robert let's her before he's looking up at Aaron and smiling.

"They're the best cakes in the world." Aaron's all animated, has a hand through her hair and a soft smile on his face. "How about we give these to daddy and -"

Robert takes them, comes inside the house and leaves Aaron outside with his little girl. He doesn't expect to find Adam sitting on the counter with a grin on his face.

"He says you asked him out for dinner." Adam's saying, " _You_ asked _him_."

Heat flashes up inside him and he gulps. "Not a crime last time I checked."

Adam shakes his head. "Course it isn't. Just thought you gave off the impression that you wanted to be mates and mates only and now -"

"Things change." Robert blurts out and then he's sighing. "Stop making a big deal about this." He snaps, watches Adam slip off the counter and walk towards him.

"Look, Aaron's a good bloke." Adam's all serious. "After everything he's been through, he deserves a lucky break with a decent guy."

Something twists in Robert's stomach and he tenses, doesn't like the way that sounds but Aaron's there before he can say anything.

"Harry she's asking to show you the splits." Aaron's saying, and Robert's pulling a face before leaving.

He hears though.

"Don't tell him anything alright. Don't ruin this Ad." Aaron's pouring his heart out, can't bare anything going wrong.

"He deserves to know a little bit, I thought you were close." Adam raises his voice a little but Aaron shuts him down.

"Yeah we are. But I don't want him running a mile. That's the _last_ thing I want." Aaron guts Robert, makes him press his back against the wall and try to calm down. "I like him Ad, I really do." Aaron admits.

"Just don't go getting yourself hurt." Adam warns, "Harry doesn't seem the type to - to offload."

"And yet he told me about Rebecca, Annie's mum." Adam goes to speak and Aaron waves him off. "Yeah I know after lying but he told me, he trusts me."

"And you? Do you trust him?"

Robert holds his breath.

"Yeah."

 

 

::

 

 

The sun's going to set any second now and Robert's watching Aaron eat a forth fairy cake in the deck chair next to him.

"So, about dinner -"

Aaron pulls a face and gulps hard. "You changed your mind yeah?"

There's something so innocent in his eyes that Robert can't help but frown hard and come closer to him.

" _No_." He gets out. "I was going to ask if you like Italian food. There's a little place a few streets from here, thought we could go tomorrow or something."

Aaron's eyes flutter. "On a Sunday night?" He says, "Don't you have meetings or whatever the next day -"

"Don't mind. Do you?" Their knees brush against each other and something fizzles inside Aaron as he shakes his head.

"Then I'll meet you at six, text ya the address." Robert's saying, watching Annie flutter her eyes sleepily and he's deciding to take her back to the flat.

Aaron looks at Robert, there's something he can't put his finger on but then he's smiling at him and he knows he's never felt this way before. Ever.

"You do that." Aaron clears his throat. "Ad can baby sit, if you want."

Robert nods, "See you then." He whispers, lingers until he has a hand in Aaron's and he's squeezing tight.

He keeps telling himself on the way back that it isn't right, that he's being a liar and Aaron doesn't deserve that after _whatever_ he has been through.

He lets the rotten feeling lay in the pit of his stomach until he's standing there in a navy shirt and some jeans the next evening, trying to fix his hair as Annie tells him she's a detective today.

There's a knock on the door and then another and it's Adam coming to get Annie. He holds her to his waist and strokes her hair as she smiles at him because yeah she loves Adam too, and then Adam's looking at Robert.

"Someone's suited and booted." Adam remarks, eyes falling over Robert's outfit.

And _nervous_ , Robert thinks _like wetting my pants nervous._

"I want this to go well. Like you said, Aaron's a good bloke." Robert adjust his cuffs and smiles, finds Adam's eyes on Rebecca's photo.

"Sorry about - you know," Adam blurts out awkwardly, "Were you married long?"

Robert arches an eyebrow at the presumption. "Never was actually." He doesn't know why that's a surprise. "We weren't even in a relationship actually. It was a fling but - it's important Annie knows her." Truth falls out and he has to stop himself from speaking altogether as he watches Adam's face settle.

"Course it is." Adam says slowly before he's sighing. "Listen, I hope you have a good time." He gets his back up. "He needs a good laugh and you might just give him one."

Robert gulps hard, feels pressure rise in him. "Hopefully." He gets out slowly.

"Nah, you should see the way he looks at ya. He's well into you mate." Adam's words send a shiver through Robert and he tilts his head.

Because yeah, this is a massive step for him.

He should be proud of himself. He is, a bit.

Annie's happy for him, clambers onto him and kisses his cheek and tells him to go make Aaron smile. She knows they're having a date thanks to Adam and she's over the moon about it.

He should tell her it's not that big of deal considering how close she became to Amber after a while. She thought of her as a mum and then she betrayed them.

What if Aaron does the same? It's a terrifying thought and he has to shock himself out of it.

"Bye daddy!" Annie exclaims before following Adam out to his car and holding her dolly tight.

The picture of Rebecca catches his eye again and he gulps.

"He's a good bloke Bex." He explains, like she's in the room. "And Annie, she loves him. You should see her face when he's around, she lights up." His eyes water and he hates it.

But he misses having someone to talk to about everything.

"I think I could be happy, if you're mad cow of a sister doesn't try and find me again."

_"I'll never stop, I know that if you run, you'll wait until you're ready to ruin us and then you'll pounce and you'll have us all locked up!"_

_Robert crinkled his eyes and tore them away from Chrissie. "It's what you'll deserve. You're mad son killed Annie's mum. Your sister."_

_Chrissie smirked. "And we got away with it." She said. "Because we kept you quiet."_

_Robert shuddered, thought back to the day after. The day after the police came and her body was taken away._

_He'd been a fucking coward and lied._

_"And I'll make sure you remain quiet. Or else, little Annie will have no parents at all."_

_Right then and there, he's decided to run._

"Wish me luck." Robert says, kisses his index finger and then presses it to her photo before leaving.

He needs luck, he thinks as he drives towards the restaurant, turns a left and then a right and then he's looking straight ahead towards the softly lighted little restaurant.

It's only 5:49 and he feels like such a twat already, the smell of his cologne clings to everything in the car and he keeps tapping his fingers against the wheel and trying to stay calm. Because it's only Aaron, it's Aaron. Just Aaron.

He isn't going to go in though, he won't be that weird keen bloke. No, he thinks, already fishing inside his glove compartment for a CD and -

Something light falls out, an envelope.

He opens it quickly, shaky hands manage to slide something out until he's holding a picture in his hands.

It's of himself, Annie in his arms, her head on his shoulder and -

Aaron's kissing his cheek.

Robert's mind races, eyes flicker as he remembers that it only happened the other night and that someone must have been watching and waiting. Someone's been in his car and planted it.

As Aaron comes into view, a green shirt on and attempting to do something with his hair as his hands dance nervously, Robert can only think of one person in his mind.

Chrissie White.

 

 

::

 

 

He's having a full on panicking attack and he hasn't had one like this for years. He's shaking, keeps telling himself to calm down as he shakily unbuckles his seatbelt and attempts to do the whole heads between your legs and count to ten thing.

Something bubbles up inside him, seconds, maybe minutes later and he's crying. He can't stop himself and Lachlan's there, he's telling him he's going to die and then Chrissie's egging him on and -

Annie starts crying her eyes out, screaming the place down and Chrissie's backing away, hissing at Lachlan to put the gun down and they're running.

They're running and Robert's calling an ambulance for Rebecca but a part of him knows that already gone and it's all his fault.

Robert heaves out a gasp, pulls himself forward and then looks up.

Aaron's sitting there, playing with his hands and staring around the restaurant and Robert can't face him now.

So he runs, and it's harder than it should be.

 

 

::

 

 

The flat door's ajar, just to make matters worse and Robert wants to run again, grabs an umbrella instead and breathes hard and fast and attempts to shed light on his living room, literally.

He's reaching for the light and wincing and then -

"Shit Sugden put it down." It's Clive's voice and something settles inside Robert's chest as he drops the umbrella towards the ground with a thud and let's out a sigh of relief, allows himself not to panic as his old mate steps forward and he sees him clearer.

He's grown a beard, has a camel trench coat on and a brown jumper underneath. He's aged and Robert feels bad for that, like he did it to him, caused it personally.

" _Clive_?" He manages to get out. "What are you doing here?"

Clive shakes his head, looks towards the sofa. "Think you need to sit." He explains, and Robert doesn't want to but gives in eventually.

"Clive, I've got this photo and -"

"It was me. I needed to show you how easy it was because God knows where your heads at right now." Clive admits and something should melt inside Robert, relief should overflow him but he's cold. "But it could have been her. She's onto you Robert. Your sister suddenly changed around her and," he drops his head and clenches his jaw. "You _told_ her."

Robert's at a loss for what to say, has a hand running through his hair and this misery on his mind. He should be having a glass of wine whilst Aaron bores him to death boxing talk and tests his knowledge on mechanics. He shouldn't be doing _this_.

"How could you tell her? How did she even -"

"She rang me, she'd picked your lock and found my number." Robert snaps quickly and then sighs. "I was - I was drunk, I needed to speak to someone. I'm so sick of all this lying." He feels like he's going to have to sit down, like his legs will buckle.

Clive sighs hard, "I know you are. But I can't pity you Robert, not with her hot on your tails."

"How do you know that then?" Robert's squinting, there's a dull ache behind his eyes and it drums over and over again. "I haven't heard from you for - for nearly a year and now -"

"She reckons she's got you now. I've got somewhere close, an informant and - it's looking like she knows exactly where you're living." Clive explains, watches as Robert becomes even more horrified.

Robert's heart jumps out of his chest and he gulps hard. "Where I'm living?" He whispers, holds back tears that threaten to swell. "And the picture, was that just to scare me or should I expect her to do the same."

Clive clears his throat, looks disappointed. "You're becoming reckless Rob." He says, produces another photo. It's the same night, this time it's of Robert waving Aaron goodbye with a stupid grin on his face.

He remembers it, he was happy then and now the picture makes his whole body stiffen.

"Who's he?" Clive's asking, blunt, almost unforgiving.

Robert's eyes fall on Aaron, nothing more than a shady figure in the picture. It's almost metaphoric really.

"Aaron Dingle. He's mates with the bloke who looks after Annie, when she's done with school." Robert holds a lot back, has to.

"And do I need to do a background check? Are you fucking him or -"

Robert's eyes widen and he turns bright red. "You don't need to do a background check alright?" He's saying loudly, rubs at his head and sighs. "He was a mate, was going to be maybe - I don't know something more until -"

"No one can know Robert." Clive spells out for him. "No one can get close, haven't you learnt after Amber?"

Robert wants to scream that Amber was different but he can't get the words out right, quickly realises there's no point anyway.

"I'm surprised work hasn't started asking questions." Robert raises his head at that and Clive looks away. "They might, soon. If Chrissie gets ahold of them. Listen, you need to keep your head low and focus on Annie. Chrissie will do whatever she can to ruin you, scare you into never testifying and putting them behind bars. This Aaron -"

"He's not important." Robert lies, "So just - just forget about him."

Clive tilts his head and then stands. "Listen to your own advice ey?" He says knowingly before going towards the door. "If I hear anything else, I'll let you know okay?"

Robert nods, "Yeah and uh, easy on the creepy photos. You nearly killed me." He says swiftly, watches Clive raise his hand as a way to apologise and then he's going.

 

 

::

 

 

Robert doesn't allow it to sink in until there's a knock on the door and he's petrified.

It could be her, it could be _her_.

"Oi! Harry, open the door!" It's Adam and he has Annie. He has to get to her, doesn't hesitate to open the door and hold her in his harms, tries not to cry on the spot as she hugs him tight.

Robert looks up and sees the look in Adam's face, it's anger and disappointment and then he's looking over towards the empty whiskey bottle and shaking his head. "He waited _two hours_ you prick." He says before slamming the door shut and leaving.

Robert falls back on the sofa, Annie still in his arms and tears prickling his eyes.

 _Aaron_ , he'd just left him. He didn't even spare the bloke a second thought. He was scared and he ran just like usual.

 

 

  
::

 

 

Annie falls asleep in his arms and he manages to put her in her bed without too much fuss.

His phone mocks him from the coffee table and he knows, he knows he has to text him at least.

To say what though? Robert blinks out, all panicked and flustered. Adam probably ran straight to Aaron and told him that he'd drunk himself silly and didn't even bother leaving the house.

Aaron'll hate him.

'It's for the best.' A voice tells him as he comes towards the sofa and battles with a loose piece of thread which won't budge from the grey cushion. He knows it is for the best, in the long run, it's going to save Aaron the heartache in store when he next needs to up and leave but -

His hand finds his phone and then Aaron's number, his eyes grow blurry as he taps on the letters and tries to form something worthwhile, meaningful.

He sends something pathetic instead, realises he's fallen too far off that cliff now.

 

_**I'm sorry.** _

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't hurt me.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Robert tries his hardest to sort things out with Aaron.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you don't know, I uploaded my Big Bang yesterday and made literally everyone cry which is why I haven't been uploading this fic. It's been like four days but it feels like longer. 
> 
> Anyways enjoy this!

He hasn't spoken to him for a whole week and Robert's convinced himself that it's for the best.

He goes back to the old days, doesn't get out of the car at all, just beeps the horn and watches Annie race towards him.

Sometimes he sees him though, he'll be standing in the doorframe, feet pressed together and a hand biting at his nails. Aaron never looks up and Robert's always grateful for that.

He hadn't text back either, and Robert knows that he shouldn't be sad or anything because it was a shitty text to begin with. Two words couldn't try and explain what happened and why he stood him up after he was the one who pushed for everything between them.

 _He_ called it a date, _he_ picked the restaurant, _he_ gave the time.

Aaron just did the decent thing and showed up, gave a sorry excuse of a single dad the time of day and he threw it all back in his face didn't he?

 

  
::

 

 

He's waiting in the car, engine running and he hears something he shouldn't.

Aaron's standing outside, hands digging right into his pocket and a hard, unwavering look on his face.

He's kicking something against the floor and he's talking to David.

"You sure you're alright?" David's asking, and Robert can hear him over the Disney soundtrack he's got installed in the car for Annie.

"I'm fine." Aaron's blowing out, shrugging his shoulders. "Honest." He says but then he's lowering his head as Adam comes out and passes him over a cuppa.

David's heading inside to collect Annie's things and Robert can see Adam looking straight towards him.

"One measly text. Two fucking words." Adam pushes out and Robert knows what he's referring to. "He's a waste of space Aaron."

Something inside Robert wants Aaron to defend him or -

It's crazy.

"I thought he genuinely liked me though. That's what - it's why I stayed. It's why I looked like an idiot for so long in that restaurant."

It stings everywhere and Robert drops his head.

_Two whole hours._

"Bro -" Adam tries to cut in but Aaron's shaking his head.

"Turns out I wasn't what he wanted after all. But I'm glad, you know?" Aaron finally raises his head and it's all flushed. "At least I found out what he was like before I really really -"

Fell madly in love.

Adam nods his head, "Yeah I guess." It's clear his bad at this, he wonders if Aaron's ever gone to him for love life advice before now. He's probably been someone who told him to spend the night in a bar kissing randoms just to forget -

"Me and you tonight okay? Hitting the town. Look out world." Adam's all animated like it'd the most authentic idea in the world. It's a joke.

Aaron doesn't say anything, just kicks the grass again and Robert finds himself straining to here what he's saying. But then Annie's running out and demanding a hug and Aaron is suddenly someone soft again and Robert feels ten times worse. Because Aaron's not taking it out on his little girl and he could if he wanted to, he could stay away, make excuses but he hasn't.

Robert drops his head as she watches David come towards the car with her, not as chatty as he used to be.

He waits until Annie's strapped in, his mind jammed with thoughts of Aaron kissing someone else, fucking someone else, wanting to be with someone -

"I'll give it a miss." Aaron's saying, scratching at his beard and staring hard at Robert's car in the distance.

Robert feels like he can't breathe as he hears Adam try and convince Aaron that it'll be a laugh, that he'll forget about Dirty Harry soon enough.

"I don't think you get how -" Aaron snaps harshly, almost explodes. "I don't want to kiss randoms. I don't. Not yet, just - give me some time alright?"

And Adam's face falls.

Robert grips harder on the steering wheel, numb to how much he has hurt Aaron, how he has left him.

It makes him drive faster than he should, desperate to create distance between them suddenly.

 

 

::

 

 

Something just clicks.

He's half asleep and he feels over the side of the bed and suddenly wants Aaron to be laying there.

Nothing sexual even crosses his mind, that happens seconds later.

But for the just the briefest of moments, Robert can only see Aaron laying next to him with a soft smile on his face and it seems to mean everything.

It makes him blush, get up and wonder towards the living room.

He's seeing the picture of Rebecca and he sighs.

"I'll make it work. I promise you. He won't be the one who got away." He's saying, like she's really there and then he's winking at the frame and going straight back to bed.

 

 

::

 

 

He watches him like a stalker, he sees him put a bag in the boot of his car and walk over towards Adam's and yeah, Robert pounces.

"Aaron?" He's calling and he watches the younger man drop his head, still for just a second or so.

But then he's speeding up and Robert's actually reaching out for him and turning him around.

He's never seen Aaron like this before, angry, mean, looks like he's going to explode or something.

"Please." Robert's holding his arm and then suddenly feels Aaron shove it away roughly.

"Don't speak to me. Don't even try and -"

Robert gulps hard. "I'm so sorry." He's blurting out, a hand running through his hair and the sound of rain falling hard suddenly making everything he's saying lose meaning. "If I could go back and -"

Aaron raises his head and shrugs. "You're a _prick_ , with issues I don't need to know about. End of." He pushes out, over the sound of the rain, over the sound of Robert's fucking heart.

Robert frowns, something inside him screams at him not to give up but the next thing he knows Aaron's pushing him against a wall and he's shaking.

Aaron's so close, his eyes are just trained over Robert's lips and for a second, Robert closes his eyes like he's going to just allow it to happen.

But then Aaron's pushing his head against Robert's and it's fucking _painful_ how close they are.

"Fuck you mate." Aaron says, shudders out really and there's such an intensity in his voice which makes Robert tremble. "You know what hurts the _most_?" His voice breaks. "The fact that you could have been _great_." He whispers, over the rain, over the sound of his own heart beating out of its chest, before he's dragging his head away and walking ahead.

Robert just stays with his back against the wall and a hand running though his hair.

The only thing that matters is the fact that without his past hurting him, Aaron, a bloke clearly too good for him, thought he could have been a _great_ person.

It weighs heavy on his heart as he walks back towards his car, slams a hand against the wheel and _refuses_ to cry.

(Fails.)

 

 

::

 

 

Adam basically ignores him and Robert thinks all those kids he has been round have really effected his fucking mentality.

Because he's acting like a childish twat.

"I know I messed up." Robert says, has Adam leaning into his car telling him that Aaron's there and he shouldn't even attempt to get out. "It's difficult to explain."

Adam frowns, the sun makes it hard for him to stare blankly. "Yeah? Well don't try to alright? The last time you explained something weird, he forgave ya, felt sorry for ya."

Something burns in Robert's chest, the last thing he wanted was Aaron's _pity_ over Rebecca.

"And I don't want him having to hear you out again. You don't deserve it." Adam snarls and _yeah_ Robert gets that, honestly, but he can't seem to do anything about the way he feels.

"I know." Robert snaps, rolls his eyes and huffs out a sigh. "But if he'd just -"

"All his life, he's been running from people who let him down Harry. Then you come along and he's adamant that you're different and me, I'm fucking sceptical, cause I know what sort of bloke you really are." He leans further in. "One with walls too high to climb over." Robert's face falls. "And you know what, he's got his issues, _awful_ memories and all these walls too. But he let his down for you and you didn't give a toss."

Robert's chin wobbles, feels this crushing weight in his chest. "I _do_. I wouldn't be trying this hard if I didn't -"

"Trying? You can't even tell him the truth." Adam scoffs. "Go on, what _is_ the truth? If you care as much as you say."

Robert's hands become clammy and he gulps hard, it's too _much_ suddenly and he has to pull away. "I'm late for a meeting." He says, watches Annie toddle towards the car and he's saying bye to her with a smile that just won't meet his eyes.

 

 

::

 

 

He hardly listens in the meeting, has his head down and only nods when every one else seems to.

_"And you know what, he's got his issues, awful memories and all these walls too. But he let his down for you and you didn't give a toss."_

Robert pushes the pen up and down, watches the tip rise and then disappear again as he thinks about what Adam had said and how true it is. He'd trampled on whatever Aaron had tried to break down, he'd pressed down on those breaks and left him without even offering a lousy explanation.

His phone starts vibrating in his pocket and his eyes widen before he's allowed to excuse himself.

"Robert." It can only be one person and he doesn't know what to say. "My informant, they had a dodgy lead, wasn't as water tight as I'd have liked."

Robert blinks once, then twice. "So what are you saying?"

"You're not in as much danger as I first thought." Clive says, voice controlled and low.

Robert has to grip hold of the basin in the toilets, watches his knuckles turn white as snow. "I've been going out of my mind." He hisses. "I've been thinking that she's only round the corner and now you're saying -"

"Better to be safe than sorry Rob. You needed a fucking wake up call anyway." There's nothing cutting in Clive's voice, rarely is, but it still makes Robert hold his breath and shudder.

A wake up call was at the expense of Aaron. It had worked out that way and it shouldn't have.

"I have to go." Robert's mumbling out, can't shake the image of Aaron in his head and this need to run towards him, not away from him. "Ring if anything else happens alright?"

Clive agrees and then the line goes dead and Robert's standing there shuddering.

 

 

::

 

 

He needs to find Aaron, that's all.

So he gets his address from David who is slowly turning into a bit of a sap but Robert can't complain.

He lives in some high rise flats on the eighteenth floor and Robert leans against his car, looking up and trying to gather his thoughts because once again he'd just ran without knowing what he was going to do or say or anything.

It's five o'clock, if Aaron's not at Adam's then he'd be here, he has to be here Robert thinks because he can't face any alternative right now.

"Excuse me?" Some lad asks, chewing gum animating his mouth and a rusty bike in his hands, "You looking for anyone?"

Robert shakes his head, doesn't know why he doesn't want to say anything.

"You the police?" The boy's asking, all worry in his voice. "Cause that means you're here for either Barry or Edson or Liam or Aa-"

Robert's pulling his attention away from the boy and suddenly seeing Aaron flicker near his window, or maybe the thinks he does, he's so far up.

He breaks into a run, sliding through the door after asking the boy to let him in. He's running, and then swearing because the lifts are out of use.

"You've got to be kidding me?" He sighs before staring up at the spiralling staircase and realising that maybe Aaron's worth it, yeah, Aaron's worth it.

He keeps going, nearly passes out because he's nearly thirty two and he should not be climbing stairs in a suit like this, he just keeps thinking about Aaron, about him opening the door and not hating him as much and -

He knocks, because he's polite and then Aaron's standing there with his eyes all wide and a blue jumper on that does wonders for his eyes.

Robert's more than just a little out of breath, pants hard as Aaron stares at him and then tries to shut the door, but Robert finds strength, forces it open.

"I - I'm sorry and I'm a _fuck up_ and I keep hurting you and I -" he keeps panting, eyes flickering until Aaron's gulping hard and he's going to say something, he's probably going to tell Robert to fuck right off and he can't right now. "I'm mad about you Aaron."

Aaron's eyes widen, he didn't expect that clearly.

Something fizzles and bubbles and -

"Fuck it." Robert tells all the voices, all the doubt and the walls and suddenly he's pressing his lips against Aaron's, pushing him hard inside his door and against the wall and he won't _stop_ kissing him.

Because something _explodes_ in him and he's never felt it before.

It's again and again and his hands find a place on Aaron's face as he feels the prickle of Aaron's beard and finds himself smiling. He's actually smiling as they can't bare to break apart. Aaron's running a hand through Robert's hair and he's shivering like he's overwhelmed with the feeling.

Like he's loving this just as much as Robert or -

Aaron breaks away roughly, shaky hands touching Robert's face and eyes flickering over the older man again and again.

Robert sees tears in Aaron's eyes and it kicks him in the gut as he shudders into the younger man's mouth and gulps.

"You hurt me." Aaron whispers, like he has to let Robert know and then gulping hard. "Two fucking hours Harry. Two -"

Robert pulls Aaron closer to him and shudders, "I'm sorry." He whispers, he is, he feels it deep down in his gut and it vibrates up through him. "You don't know how sorry I am. It was unforgivable."

He realises that, he realises he shouldn't have just kissed him like that when he didn't have the right to.

Aaron drops his head, starts playing with his hoodie. "You have no idea how it made me _feel_." He whispers and there's flickers of darkness under his breath. It draws Robert in, makes him tremble.

Robert nuzzles his nose against Aaron's and nods. "I'm sorry." He says, "I tried leaving you alone Aaron, it didn't work because - because I'm serious about you and I know that now, I can _accept_ that now."

Aaron gulps like he's suddenly overwhelmed and Robert looks down. "Say _something_ then, anything." He says, still feels the tingle of their kiss against his lips as he speaks.

Aaron looks up and then blows out a breath like he's contemplating it all. "Did you really want me?" His eyes flicker, like he doesn't know if anything is real anymore and yeah that's all Robert's fault.

Robert presses his face against Aaron's cheek and nods. "I want all of you." He says slowly, "I want this, me and you and Annie." The mention of her name makes something spiral in his heart because it sounds so much like a little family now he thinks about it.

Aaron drops his head, shivers and then he's melting into something almost adorable and shaking his head. "Don't hurt me again, not _now_."

_Now we've kissed and I've broken a wall down._

_Now we've let each other in._

_Now that I know I'm falling -_

Robert nods his head, presses a kiss to Aaron's forehead and smiles.

"I promise I won't." He says, kissing Aaron's neck and then pulling him into this hug.

He's a dick for making promises he knows he can't keep but -

He hasn't hugged someone like this in years, hasn't allowed someone to rub his back and whisper that they care, that they can do this slowly and that they'll be patient with him.

It means more than Aaron will probably ever know.

 

 

::

 

 

It's not a fancy Italian or anything, there's no candles, no promise of a soft setting with comfortable chairs.

But it's somehow enough.

Aaron's dragged him to some local greasy spoon and Robert's sitting there in his work suit trying his hardest to eat a burger gracefully.

"Shove it in." Aaron says, burger sauce decorating his chin as he comes forward and kicks at Robert's expensive shoes.

If it was anyone else, Robert would have them on the floor by now but he looks up and sees Aaron's face and yeah, he _melts_.

"Not how I pictured our first date this." Robert says, looking around at the other people in the restaurant. They're all staring at him as if he's Aaron's support worker or something and he understands why. Aaron's banging out a purple hoodie and jeans and he's trying to hide his briefcase underneath the stool as his blazer begins to smell like burgers and chips and grease.

Aaron raises an eyebrow, storms through another bite of his burger and then sets it down, a tissue coming up to wipe his chin. "First date then?" He says, something soft and yet dark behind his eyes. Robert gulps, knows he hasn't really explained why he didn't show up last time, knows he can't really.

"Yeah." Robert nods his head and then rests his hand on Aaron's knee, watches the way Aaron shivers softly, "I'm not running." He promises, and Aaron won't ever really understand what that means, how _much_ it means. "Believe it or not, you make me feel like I can be myself." He's been awfully honest and Aaron's blushing.

Somehow they manage to fall into this softness around each other and it seems like they have known each other for years.

"Got some fancy meetings tomorrow or something then?" Aaron's asking, starts playing with his hoodie as he looks at Robert.

"Why would you care?" Robert's smiling, "It's boring and -"

Aaron pulls a face. "Sexy." He shrugs his shoulders and there's this air of confidence about him which Robert knows comes and goes. He should relish it.

"Oh _yeah_ , it's so sexy talking about business units and -" Aaron fakes a yawn and then Robert's eyes are flickering. "I used to be a mechanic." He's saying. "So don't even try and say that isn't boring."

Aaron's eyes widen. "You haven't seen me in overalls mate." He laughs out. "Nothing boring about that." He smirks and something maddeningly smooth oozes out of him and manages to turn Robert into a pool of goo.

"Bet there isn't." Robert says, chugs back his beer and looks back at Aaron. "Must be hard work though, working, then being surrounded by kids, then boxing."

Aaron's shaking his head, something vacant behind his eyes suddenly and his smile doesn't meet his eyes as he speaks, "Like being busy, when I'm not I - I think too much."

Robert raises an eyebrow and then smiles, "That's always dangerous." He says and then he's blowing out a breath. "You want to know something?"

Aaron smirks, "Go on." He teases, little finger dragging across Robert's hand.

Robert finds some misguided sense of honesty and he gulps, "Not really had this before." He says, feels like an idiot as Aaron stares at him and asks if he means a burger. "No you idiot." Robert laughs nervously. "This," he points to the space between them. "I've gone out with ... guys but -" he rolls his eyes and feels like an idiot. "I've had two boyfriends, early twenties, didn't know what to do really, how to stick around."

Aaron's eyes widen a little, "Boyfriends, steady." He teases gently, and Robert clear his throat awkwardly, heat rising through him because he meant to say that he's never been this heavily interested in a bloke before. The others, they'd been good for sex, he'd really fallen for one actually and then it all seemed to fall apart. He wants this to actually last and it's mad.

Robert smiles and then drops his head awkwardly.

But then Aaron's raising it and smiling, holding Robert by the jaw and looking into his eyes. "I really like you." He says, like he's scared of it or something and Robert can't help the way he smiles, "I don't like a lot of people." He's still holding Robert's face and people might stare but then he's leaning in and everything turns to whispers around them.

Robert feels Aaron tilt his head slightly so he can can kiss him and he tastes like cheap beer and ketchup but Robert doesn't even mind that much.

He's just kissing someone who genuinely likes him, someone who apparently doesn't like many people, someone usually closed off and a bit of a git. He feels special as he flows through him.

"Aaron," Robert whispers as he holds Aaron's hand under the table. "I don't want to ruin this _again_ so - slowly, we'll just see how it goes and you know -"

Aaron licks his lips and then nods, "Slowly." He whispers and Robert sees the look in his eyes, it's scary how much Aaron likes him after all the shit he's put him though already, all the lies.

Robert gulps, can't help the way it makes him all feel despite his guilt, and shuffles towards Aaron a little more. "Now, I'd like to kiss you again if that's -"

And Aaron Dingle of all people is full on snogging him in the middle of his local burger place without a damn care in the world and -

Robert's smiling as it happens.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you all flipping appreciate the softness of the last section of this. I really hope you do.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aaron and Robert try (and fail) to take things slowly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is all sorts of niceness I promise. I've had quite the crisis of confidence with this fic and felt like the direction I am taking it won't satisfy a lot of people who surprisingly are still on board with this fic for some reason. What I'm saying is, I hope I don't disappoint and that people still actually want to stick around until the end.

They're officially Taking It Slow.

Which naturally means, Aaron's round his most nights and they almost always nearly get caught snogging each other's faces off by Annie who should really be asleep.

"You think she's twigged?" Aaron's asking, eating the 'posh sea salt shit' crisps that Robert can't help but buy now that he's acting earning a decent wage.

Robert pulls Aaron's legs over his lap, finds weird comfort in it and then shrugs his shoulders. "You're always here, she knows that we're close." He says but then he's crinkling his face a little. "She is _five_ though, I mean - I've hardly explained a lot to her."

And it's a point because, Annie doesn't know that he used to kiss boys before he was kissing Amber. It's hard to explain that to her, or maybe it isn't, maybe it's better to just tell her simply that daddy likes kissing Aaron now too.

Aaron nods his head, pauses what they're watching and edges closer to Robert. "You haven't explained a lot to me either."

And yeah, he's _right_ because after they'd kissed each other until their lips were numb, they'd had a burger and kissed some more and soon the night was forgotten about and Annie needed collecting.

Robert gulps, has a lame lie prepared to explain himself. "I got cold feet. I panicked and I felt, I don't know, inadequate." He shrugs, it's not been a full blown lie because he _does_ feel that way.

Aaron frowns and then pulls a hand through Robert's hair almost too lovingly. "Piss off." Yeah, that's more like Aaron.

Robert just chuckles and then pulls his head down. "And I - I found Amber's ring in my -"

Okay he didn't mean to say _that_.

Aaron bristles just a little and then he tenses. "Who's Amber?" He's asking, can't _not_ ask now.

Robert gulps, pulls himself forward so that he doesn't have to look at Aaron. "She's my ex. I was going to ask her to marry me and - found out she'd lied to me all along. Found out she never really wanted whatever we had." It doesn't sting as much as it used to, he doesn't cry or anything but _still_.

Aaron looks like he's almost in pain and comes forward, presses a kiss to Robert's neck and then sighs. "I'm not her." He explains and Robert knows that, he does.

"I know." Robert whispers, turns back round to Aaron and kisses him gently before pulling away. "But Amber, she was the only mother she ever knew really." That hurts more than anything, thinking about Amber having spent so much more time with Annie than her own mother did.

It shouldn't have been like that.

Aaron tuts, like he's bothered by it too and then rests his head on Robert's shoulder. "That's fucked." He says, like he understands and then he's blinking quickly. "Is that why you didn't want to get too close to me?" He wonders.

Robert nods slowly, "Didn't know if you'd stick around." He says, honest for the first time in too long.

Aaron kisses at Robert's cheek and pulls his hands over the older man until he's laying on the sofa.

Robert feels Aaron's warmth radiate out of him and he shivers as Aaron peers down at him and presses a hand to his chest. "I'm staying." He says, like it's a promise he wants to keep.

Robert believes him, manages to nod out a thank you before he's tugging Aaron close and kissing him breathlessly.

Robert finds himself looking past the way Aaron keeps dragging down his long sleeved top. Keeps kissing and kissing.

And yeah, soon he forgets he has a five year old daughter who can't help but be nosy and she's giggling her head off as she watches Aaron practically dry hump her father and pin his arms down on the sofa.

Aaron's eyes widen and he nearly knocks himself out as he topples off of Robert and falls off the sofa with a crash.

"Annie, bed." Robert's saying, pulling his shirt down and trying not to pant too hard.

"Was Aaron hurting you?" She's asking, like it's not funny anymore and Robert shakes his head.

"Don't be silly baby." He says, "Me and Aaron were just -" he looks towards Aaron as if he needs some help to work this out.

"Play fighting." Aaron butts in, pressing a hand on his hair and trying to calm certain areas of his body _right_ down. "Daddy was losing."

Annie looks towards Robert as if she needs to hear it from him. "Yeah, he beat me." He says quickly and then Annie's slowly breaking out into a smile.

"Of _course_ , Aaron does the boxing daddy!" Annie's running towards him and punching Robert's stomach playfully, hearing her father moan out and feign hurt before he's mouthing 'I'm sorry' to Aaron and watching the younger man slowly slip out.

 

 

::

 

 

It's sunny outside, shouldn't be considering the showers they've had recently.

Aaron's got Annie on his shoulders, bouncing a football up and down on his foot as she holds on tight.

Adam's in the kitchen, and Robert doesn't mean to walk in on him gossiping but he does.

"Listen, I know you're best mates and all that but he's not a kid. So what if they're mates again." It's David's voice, Robert hears him and he pulls back.

"Yeah. I know. But he just stood him up, you weren't there. You didn't see how cut up he was about it." Adam's got so many points, and Robert hates himself suddenly.

Did Aaron _cry_? Did he punch a wall or something?

"He's forgiven me." Robert says, decides to step forward and make his presence known. David looks awkwardly towards the floor and Adam just puffs out his chest.

They haven't told anyone that they kiss each other a lot, and that Aaron's almost always round Robert's. They definitely haven't told Adam.

David excuses himself, leaves Adam standing there with a face like thunder.

"Can't keep up with you." Adam hisses. "One minute you want to be his mate, then you ask him out on a date, _then_ you stand him up and now, _now_ you're even more pally than before."

Robert sighs hard. "I know you care, I know you've known him a lot longer than I have but - _he_ forgave me, and I explained myself. It was enough." He shrugs and then Adam's eying him up, slowly walking back outside and Robert's left standing there awkwardly until he goes out and joins them.

Adam's doing a barbecue and Aaron's asking Robert to stay and he wants to, watches Adam shrug out his agreement as if he has to get used to them coming as a pair now.

"He's not keen." Robert says, laying down on a deck chair next to Aaron and looking at Adam. "I don't blame him or anything though."

Aaron gulps, "I'll have a word." He says, just for a second pulls his hand over Robert's and no one sees it.

Annie's too busy running her mouth off to Adam about her wanting to be a ring girl for when Aaron and Robert next play fight -

Robert lifts himself up and listens in.

"Yeah, Aaron was on daddy and he was winning the fight _so_ well. Daddy was just on the sofa, _flat_ on his back!" Annie's laughing, she's found a hula hoop and keeps spinning her body around and Adam's looking straight at Robert and Aaron.

"You've _got_ to be kidding me." Adam mutters out, once David's dragged Annie inside in search of ice cream.

"Pipe down." Aaron hisses, steps forward and sighs. "This is my decision, not yours."

Adam's shaking his head and not looking straight at Aaron. "So how long have you been sleeping with him then?" He asks and Robert blushes.

Because they aren't.

Yeah Robert can restrain himself a little.

"We're _not_." Aaron edges closer to Adam. "We're taking it slow, alright?"

"Not what Annie reckons." Adam shrugs his shoulders and something bursts in Robert.

"My daughter's happy enough, so just leave off." Robert says, feels a hand settle on his back and knows it's Aaron. "I mean it."

Adam gulps hard and looks at Aaron. "I only want you happy mate." He says, and Robert resents how much he knows Adam truly means that.

Aaron's eyes flutter. "I am." He says, actually smiles and Adam looks dazzled by it, like Aaron doesn't do that even near enough.

"Daddy do you want chocolate ice cream?" Annie's saying, toddling out and balancing too many bowels in her hands as she makes her way down the step and into the front patch of green.

Robert takes them from her with ease and laughs at the way she becomes relieved by the loss of heavy weight in her arms.

It's going good, he thinks, as the sun starts to set and he manages to lick the ice cream off Aaron's chin without Annie seeing, yeah it's going good.

 

 

::

 

  
They were supposed to be watching The Lion King but Annie's running around like she doesn't give a toss anymore and Robert's too busy staring at Aaron.

He's succumbed to eating the popcorn Robert bought him and half of it is down his front but he still looks fucking beautiful.

That dazzling sort of beautiful that makes something frizzle in Robert's heart and makes him question _why_ over and over again.

 _'Why i_ s _he with you?'_

Aaron turns and catches Robert staring, arches an eyebrow. "You're a sap." He says, like he can actually read Robert's mind.

Robert blushes, clears his throat and then he's acting surprised. "What?" He gets out.

Aaron just rolls his eyes and kisses Robert's head. "You're not bad yourself, looks wise." He tilts his head and Robert's pulling a cushion over his face in embarrassment. "Why else would I have came back after you told me off that first time?" He says and Robert remembers the way he acted when he first met Aaron. "Fit bloke in a suit, it was done deal."

Robert smiles and then it fades as he plays with the cushion and eyes Annie who is too busy organising a tea party or something. "You missed the whole single _dad_ , no mother on the scene anymore thing. That's _always_ a turn on." He's all sarcastic and doesn't know what to say.

"Oi." Aaron hits Robert's chest and leans closer. "You are a catch." He says.

And Robert laughs, because yeah, Aaron fucking caught him hook line and sinker without his say so.

 

 

::

 

 

He's too busy giving Annie a bath to hear Aaron speaking on the phone, but when she's finished and dried off he comes back into the room and sees Aaron dropping his phone back on the coffee table.

Something jolts in Robert's stomach. Why Aaron had his phone is playing on his mind.

"Someone rang for you, _kept_ ringing." Aaron says, pulling the DVD out and pressing another few buttons.

Robert feels himself turn to stone. "Really?" He whispers, doesn't know what else to say.

Aaron nods and then he's frowning. "Wrong number though." He says slowly and Robert gulps hard.

"You picked it up?"

Aaron frowns and lets his hesitance show. "Yeah." He says, "I was calling you but -" he drops his head. "Shit that wasn't my place."

Robert can't even tell him it's alright, he just needs to know who it was.

"Don't be daft." Robert's lying, joins Aaron on the sofa and waits for him to speak.

"It was funny. I was all like 'This is Harry's phone, who's calling.' The she said 'Harry?' and started getting all flustered, then she hung up."

Vic.

Robert sighs, pulls Aaron close. "Weirdo." He chuckles out and Aaron's kissing him softly as he tries to relax himself and get over that close shave.

 

 

::

 

 

Annie's definitely asleep the next time Robert's pinning Aaron down on the sofa and kissing at his neck. It makes Aaron hitch a breath and rivet around like he can't control himself at all, like Robert has this mad effect on him.

Robert slowly feels Aaron bring a hand up and under his shirt and then he's reaching higher and higher as Robert continues to kiss him and hears their panting race through the room.

Aaron's a grunter, hisses and moans as Robert swears like a sinner and let's Aaron reach down to his belt before he's falling on his body, making them both laugh and then he's kissing at the younger man's neck again and -

" _Fuck_ , Harry." Aaron's eyes are closed, lips flushed and jeans showing just how fucking turned in he is and Robert turns almost ice cold at he hears the name.

He tries to ignore it, kisses Aaron to shut him up but then they're practically dry humping on the sofa, finding some sort of rhythm and Aaron won't _stop_ saying his name in between moans and hisses and he should feel wanted but -

Robert's pulling away, laughing nervously as Aaron comments about them going too fast or something.

"We don't need to - I mean, I fucking love just kissing ya." Robert hears Aaron pull a hand through his hair and try to calm himself down a little. It's dark, the moon is up and it manages to hide half of Aaron's face, maybe the way he looks a little embarrassed.

"I'm just -" Robert shakes his head, can't think of an excuse, just knows that he can't have sex and hear that fucking name and -

Aaron's wrapping his arms around him and it's more than he deserves, then he's kissing his neck and climbing off the sofa. "I should go." He's saying and then Robert's holding his wrist and shaking his head.

"Not because of me." He's saying, panicking a little.

Aaron frowns, "No." He comes closer and then he's touching Robert's face. "We said slow, so this is slow."

He'll get bored of you, Robert's mind screams and then he's looking at Aaron, realising that he's fucking said it out loud.

Aaron's cupping his face and rolling his eyes. "You're a right idiot do you know that?" He laughs, "I'm not going to get bored, sex isn't - it isn't everything." He says, eyes flickering towards the doubt on Robert's face. "Harry?" He says slowly.

And Robert just can't help the way he loses it. "Don't call -" he holds it in, hates himself for it and the way it startles Aaron. "My surname, it's Sugden." It flutters out so gently, so softly and he's being honest.

Aaron smirks, has a hand through Robert's locks. "Mr. Sugden then?" He's saying and Robert tries to smile. "What a sexy surname." He comments before kissing him hard and standing up.

Robert watches Aaron grab his coat and back towards the door and something heavy settles in his chest. "I'll see you then, Mr. Sugden." He whispers and Robert hopes to God he keeps calling him that instead of fucking _Harry_.

 

 

::

 

 

Annie had stopped drawing for a while, just didn't want to but now there's no stopping her from colouring like mad.

She's sprawled out on the sofa, her hair is finally done and she's got her head down.

Aaron's working late and something hard punches in Robert's stomach as he gets the text and realises that it's just him and Annie eating tonight. The sense of loss is maddening and he tells himself to grow the fuck up and stop being stupid.

"Is Aaron coming or is his mummy making him dinner?" Annie's asking, head still down like she's concentrating really hard.

Robert dries his hands by the sink and turns. "No darling, he's eating at his house tonight. Just me and you." He comes closer, smiles in her direction and then watches her huff out a breath like she's upset by the news she's just heard.

It makes him worry too much, makes him feel sorry for how close he's allowing Annie to be with Aaron. Then he's looking down at watching her use a black crayon, carefully and then harder.

It's only when Annie pulls herself a way a little does Robert see the whole picture and it knocks him backwards.

She's in the middle, holding a man's hand, blonde hair and blue shirt and yeah it's Robert. There's a cloud in the sky and a woman with blonde hair is smiling. It's Rebecca, makes Robert have to to clear his throat awkwardly and then -

"Aaron's beard is funny." Annie's laughing, practically in hysterics as she looks at her father and then down at the picture where she's holding Aaron's hand.

Robert's sort of stunned into this state of shock, only manages to nod his head when Annie asks to put it on the fridge.

He only thinks abour the fact that Amber never got such a privilege when it came to his little girl and her drawing skills.

 

 

::

 

 

  
"Are you daddy's husband now?"

They're eating together, it's disgustingly normal and Aaron had stood shoulder to shoulder with Robert, dicing mushrooms and peeling potatoes beforehand.

Annie's pushing her mash down with her fork over and over again and Robert nearly chokes as he hears her speak like she's asking something that's hardly a big deal.

Aaron's lost the ability to speak altogether and Annie raises her head at him like she's waiting for an actual answer.

"Uh - _Annie_ , you can't just -" Robert's bright red, has to roll up his sleeves and clear his throat as Aaron still stares at Annie and can't say anything.

"I _saw_ you giving him a kiss on the lips when he went back to his home." Annie explains, unashamed. "Does that mean you're married?"

Aaron looks over at Robert and then let's out a little smile. "No, it doesn't." He says, has a hand over Annie's and then he looks towards Robert, screams 'help me out here then.'

Robert looks at Annie and smiles warmly, "Me and Aaron, we're not husbands, but we're not friends anymore."

They haven't even discussed this, they keep saying they're taking it slow and that they don't need to _label_  anything just yet but -

Anne's chin wobbles, "Then _what_?" She says, slow and worried.

"I'd be his boyfriend, if he wanted me." Robert's not daft, he knows that he's keep a million secrets to himself, knows that he hasn't even slept with him yet but there's this niggling in his heart that hasn't budged since he first clapped eyes on him and maybe that's enough.

So yeah, _boyfriends_.

Annie practically jumps on Aaron as she waits for him to say something, she doesn't need to wait long.

"I'd want that, I'd like that." Aaron blurts out, has Annie sitting on his lap and smiling with all her teeth.

"Good then." Robert says awkwardly, waits until Annie's stopped clapping and then he winks at Aaron, watches a shiver race through the younger man.

 

 

::

 

 

Aaron's washing up because apparently he just can't do wrong.

Robert slowly walks up to him, hands wrapped around Aaron's waist and a kiss pressed to his neck. "You didn't need to do this." He whispers, watches Aaron continue to scrub at a pan.

"I do if I want to be a good _boyfriend_." Aaron teases before turning around and wiping his hands. Robert pales, like he's awkward about it. "Oi, it was dead sweet." He says, slaps the towel against Robert's chest.

"You didn't just say it because the dragon was breathing down your neck?" He's all unsure, unsteady and he doesn't know what to say.

"No." Aaron tugs him closer and kisses Robert softly, it's warm and sweet and Robert doesn't usually kiss like this. Never did before either. "I said it because I _wanted_ to be your boyfriend."

Robert nods his head slowly, "Even though I - I keep things to myself?" He says, knows that it must play on Aaron's mind. Just a little.

Aaron gulps, looks away. "Yeah well, so do I." He slowly sighs. "But I want to be open with you." He says, and Robert feels like he's about to hear something awful. Aaron rubs at Robert's arms and his eyes flicker. "Not had the best run of boyfriends." He winces out and Robert just nods.

"It's okay." Robert says, and he sees something horrible in Aaron's eyes that he can't bare. "You don't have to -"

"I do." Aaron says, wraps his arms around Robert's neck and kisses his head. "Because I've never felt this before."

And yeah, Robert melts.

(Feels exactly the same.) 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next chapter is when things rise up a bit in terms of angst and sadness. It may be surprising to some however to know that it's Aaron's past which will be in the spotlight. A lot of things are the same as canon, but I have tweaked sections. I hope you sort of enjoy it!


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Robert tries to get to the bottom of Aaron's strange behaviour. Clive drops a bombshell about Aaron's past which leaves Robert shocked to the core.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So it's time to add tags to this fic. This chapter isn't the longest but the next is very emotional and lengthy and filled with quite a lot of emotion.

 

 

Robert doesn't know whose idea it was to do this but apparently it doesn't matter anymore.

He's in the middle of the zoo with an overexcited five year old and his - his _boyfriend_.

He'd heard Aaron tell Adam, expected Adam to start banging about it not being a good idea, about it not lasting.

But he said something else entirely.

"I think you might finally be happy." He said and something heavy melted Robert's heart right there and then.

Now, he's watching Aaron try to read a map the wrong way round and Robert keeps calling him adorably dim which isn't going down too well anymore.

"The cows!" Annie says loudly and Robert rolls his eyes before smiling.

"There's not cows here love." Robert says kindly and then he's hearing her bang on about horses and pigs and _yeah_ maybe they should have gone to a farm inside.

"Dunno, you've got a little bit of the farm boy feel about ya." Aaron says and something tenses in Robert. He remembers being on his dad's shoulders, looking at the sheep and laughing.

He _was_ a farm boy. For a second or two.

His face gives him away and Aaron's looking all concerned until Robert shakes himself off and lets out a smile. "My dad owned a farm." He whispers, doesn't like talking about his family in front of Annie because it will only confuse her he thinks.

Make her wonder why she doesn't get to see them.

Aaron's eyes flicker like he knows it's a big deal, Robert talking about himself off his own bat. "Yeah?"

Robert nods. "What did yours do?" And it's innocent enough, but Aaron's suddenly letting himself be dragged by Annie towards the giraffes and Robert doesn't want to think too deeply into it.

So he doesn't allow himself to, he just ignores it and has a good time.

 

 

::

 

 

Annie's having the time of her life, the sun's out and it shouldn't be considering it's inching closer and closer towards December but Robert relishes in it a little, bores Aaron with something about it being global warming's thought and then pulls up his sleeves.

Aaron's sitting next to him, complaining about the heat as Annie plays right in front of them.

"Take your jumper off." Robert shrugs and then he's smiling at Aaron. "I wouldn't mind, honest." He says because yeah he hasn't got _that_ for with Aaron yet, for some reason he thinks Aaron's holding back with the whole jumping into bed thing and he wants to tell himself it's not like that.

Aaron lets out this awkward almost forced smile and Robert feels something strange swirl in his stomach. It's weird, seeing Aaron look like he's uncomfortable.

"Or _don't_." Robert lets out, feels like a twat without even knowing what he's done wrong. But maybe he does, maybe he's pushing it a little.

Aaron doesn't say anything, just slowly, so slowly pulls up his jumper carefully like he knows not to pull it any further. And Robert sits there trying not to pay attention to it like he's done before.

But his mind is working overtime and he's thinking about when he saw Aaron in the boxing club. How he'd been wearing a top when everyone else hadn't been, how he had tape nearly up to his forearms and round his hands too.

Something dreadful clicks and maybe Aaron realises because he suddenly gets up.

"Think she can do with some ice cream." Aaron's saying before he disappears out of sight and leaves Robert almost unable to think of anything else but Aaron and his body and why the fuck he keeps it hidden away.

 

 

::

 

 

Annie sleeps on the way back and Robert resents her for it because there's no silly songs being sung or any random questions being asked which can help fill this void between him and Aaron which just won't budge.

It lasts until Annie's asleep in her bed and Aaron's standing by the door waiting to say goodbye.

"I had a good day." Aaron says, head down. "Cheers for inviting me, you didn't have to."

"I know." Robert says, steps forward and presses a kiss to Aaron's cheek, lingers there. "You can talk to me and I won't be weird about it." This is him trying, really trying and Aaron pulls back and looks at him properly. "I mean it."

And he does.

Maybe that's why Aaron drags him into his room and shuts the door slowly. "I don't want you to freak out." He says sadly, "I've left it too long." He says, like he's kicking himself and Robert shakes his head.

"You haven't." Robert blurts out, tries to reach out for Aaron and then decides against it.

Aaron just nods slowly, "Okay." He says, and he's almost like a little boy.

He's all shaky hands and low breath and Robert doesn't know what to say until he's watching Aaron remove his shirt and pull his arms out.

Robert's met with a few scars on the bottom of his stomach, slashed, jagged, cruel.

He see a long stretch of one on Aaron's right arm and then another smaller one beneath.

He's not surprised, he thinks he knew already so it isn't that which courses through his veins. Instead it's sadness and anger which makes him resist the urge to cry.

"I should have told you sooner." Aaron's chin wobbles and he's never looked so innocent as he stands there, half naked in front of Robert. "But I couldn't. I just _couldn't_."

Robert gulps hard, soaks in the sight and just wants to hold the younger boy and tell him that it's alright, that he's not angry at him or anything like that.

"It's _okay_." Robert whispers, feels this niggling sense of absolute guilt drip over him because Aaron's standing there, laying himself completely bare and open for judgment and he's hiding himself away.

Aaron shakes his head. "It's not." He says. "You should have known _before_." He winces and then he's shaking just a little.

"Fuck Aaron," Robert pulls him closer, wraps one of his blankets around the man. "You're _shaking_." He says, waits until Aaron stops, then kisses his head and lays them both down on the bed.

"Don't you want to know why I did it?" Aaron asks, minutes later, sniffling and holding back tears as he stares out of the window and watches the stars come alive.

Robert has a hand through Aaron's hair. "Only if you want to tell me. You don't have to." He admits, watches Aaron slowly turn towards him.

He watches Aaron open his mouth but no words seem to come out, he just trembling again and then he's shaking his head and falling into Robert's chest.

"Hey." Robert can't hear him crying, hopes he isn't. But he can feel Aaron's whole body shaking and he holds him tighter. "Only when you're ready."

Aaron shakes his head again. "But you're my _boyfriend_ , we should have got all this out the way before -" he gulps hard and tuts. "All my shitty problems always ruin everything."

"There's no rule book when it comes to this." Robert lets him know softly and then he feels Aaron's body stiffen around him like he's suddenly afraid.

"They're all old ones." Aaron explains, "I've never even thought of - of doing it when I've been near Annie. I _swear_."

Robert's not even thought about that and then finds himself looking away.

"I'd _never_ \- I'm not, not a danger." Aaron's saying, clinging to Robert's arm and then he looks away in frustration. "God please don't think that too."

Robert raises an eyebrow. "Too?" He forces out, panic racing through him as he looks up.

Aaron nods his head. "An ex, he wasn't keen, naturally." Robert's jaw tenses and Aaron looks towards the sheets. "I didn't even mind all that much, I fell into bed with him more than enough times." Aaron blows out a breath. "It was casual, but then I found out he had a son. He was having him for the weekend and he didn't want me around, he was _scared_ I'd to something daft and - he ended it."

Robert winces and knows without asking that it broke Aaron's heart a little, then he's pulling Aaron towards his chest again.

"You're not a danger. She loves you." Robert explains, has never seen Aaron look so stripped back and afraid as he does now as he's wrapped up in a blanket and has his jumper thrown on the floor. "And I'm not afraid." He lets him know, honestly.

Aaron's eyes are wet, "Neither am I." He whispers and it stops something in Robert's chest. "It's like you make that all stop."

Robert holds Aaron's face in his hands and he nods. "I know the feeling." He says because Aaron's always had that effect on him.

Aaron's always been this light, this unwavering calm shore when Robert's been battling against a raging sea.

 

 

::

 

 

Robert has a dream. He's drowning and Aaron pulls him to safety and it makes something click in his head.

Aaron's saved him.

Aaron keeps saving him.

He wakes up to find Aaron curled up close to him, a hand plastered over Robert's chest and a soft look on his face.

And something just feels right.

 

 

::

 

 

Robert's managed to convince Adam to have Annie for the night so that him and Aaron can have some alone time.

And yeah that probably means sex but it also means that he's _ready_ to let him know everything else.

Robert gulps hard as he stands in the mirror and attempts to fix his hair, fails. He can't concentrate properly when all he's thinking about is Aaron and how brave he was.

He'd shown the deepest darkest parts of himself and Robert was in awe of his strength. He'd kissed him over and over again and Aaron had stayed over, had his chest pressed against Robert's as he slept and somewhere between that moment and this afternoon, Robert had realised that Aaron deserved to know more than he did.

He deserved to know it all.

Robert fixes his watch, rubs a hand over it and scrubs before thinking about how he'd been the night before once Aaron was fast asleep. He'd done that mad thing where he'd tried his hardest to understand _why_ Aaron would think to hurt w  _himself_ and Goggle hadn't helped matters at all.

Instead they'd been this mad list shown:

\- experience a feeling in the face of numbness   
\- control the body and mind  
\- express feelings or needs  
\- distract from other problems   
\- purify oneself  
\- create visible and noticeable wounds   
\- protect others from emotional pain  
\- reenact a trauma in order to resolve it   
\- to deal with a stressful psychological trauma either from the past or ongoing.

And yeah, it scared the shit out of him but he couldn't dwell or else Aaron would say something about seeing pity in his eyes or whatever and he couldn't hurt him.

Aaron's coming around in half an hour and he hasn't even started cooking yet. Panic raises through him as he pulls himself away from the mirror and then hears the sound of feet near his door.

It's the last thing he needs, Aaron early. Aaron's _never_ early.

Still, he shakes himself off a little and opens the door.

Doesn't expect Clive to be standing there with his arms crossed over.

"Clive?" Robert says, eyes falling over the way his old mate is looking at him, he looks pissed right off. "Uh - come in." He opens the door wider and cringes as Clive's met with the dimly lit room and a single candle on the table.

It looks _stupidly_ romantic.

"Well this is nice, who's the lucky woman?" Clive says before turning round and facing Robert. "Or shall I say, _man_."

Robert's throat tightens and he sighs. "What is it you want?" He's ridiculously nervous suddenly and hides it by placing a hand on his hip.

"You said you wouldn't let anyone close. You _promised_." Clive pulls a hand out. "Because it was easier that way, because no one would get _hurt_ that way. Especially you."

Robert leans against the sofa and shakes his head. "Aaron's different alright, he wouldn't hurt me." He stresses before becoming annoyed. "Don't you think I've thought this through?"

Clive tenses. "Not really no, considering he's always round here, considering you're having day trips to the fucking _Zoo_ for everyone to see."

Robert's eyes widen and he points to his chest. "You've been watching us?"

Clive steps forward. "Watching your back more like. You have no idea how dangerous you're being, thinking with your dick and not your head."

Heat rises in Robert's head and he wants to fucking scream. "I've not even slept with him yet alright?" Even Clive's looking surprised. "Like I said, he's different. He makes me different."

Clive clicks his tongue and then presses a hand on his forehead. "This wasn't a part of the plan, becoming _cosy_ with someone you can't even trust -"

"I can trust him." Robert pushes out, passionate in a way he never thought possible.

Clive tenses, "You can't. You barely know the bloke and yet you've got him around Annie. You're getting reckless, _careless_." Robert doesn't want to hear it. "How long until you tell him you're actually on the run and called Robert Sugden?"

Robert's eyes give it away and Clive's known him for too long.

"Fuck me." Clive's shaking his head. "Is that what _this_ is about?" He says, circles his finger towards the table again and frowns. "Thank God I came when I did."

Robert frowns, "You don't know how much I like him, how much I care and - and I know I shouldn't have let myself fall for him but I _did_ and there's _nothing_ I can do now, expect for -"

"Tell him _everything_?" Clive comes closer to Robert and shakes his head. "You've lost your head over him." Robert knows he has, he's tried to find a way out of it all but he couldn't. He is already in too deep. "Think about Annie."

"I am!" Robert explodes and then he's opening the door. "I think you should just go. Clive, I appreciate everything you've done for me but this is my decision."

Clive sighs, closes his eyes. "So you know him well? Enough to know all about his past?"

Robert tenses, something jolts in his stomach and he feels the need to lie. "Yeah." He says and Clive just shakes his head. "I _do_."

Clive just raises his head, " _Yeah_? You know you're playing happy families with a convicted _criminal_ then do ya?"

Something almost plummets in Robert's chest and all the hope he had is tarnished.

And yeah, Robert doesn't know _that_.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry about the cliffhanger lmao. 
> 
> I just wanted to say that I am so grateful for all the lovely words people left on the last chapter to help with my mini freak out about the direction of the fic. It is always lovely to know people are still on board. 
> 
> Next week the holidays are over and I'm back to sixth form so the updates might be a bit up in the air but I will try my hardest to keep updating relatively soonish. I can't leave this cliffhanger for too long so I may update again on Sunday and then have a longer time until the next update.


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Robert learns the harrowing truth about Aaron's time in prison and the reasons behind his sentencing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, this chapter deals with quite heavy issues which relate to Aaron's past in canon. I have tweaked and changed a few things but I would advice you to check out the additional tags added before reading if you are not or was never comfortable with the topic in canon. It is not briefly refered to, in fact the whole chapter does talk quite heavily about Aaron's upbringing (this chapter is very much just simply conversations) and despite me not going too in detail about everything (not more than was shown in canon) if you find it uncomfortable to read then maybe give the chapter a miss and just pop up to me on my tumblr and I can give you a brief run down (@littlelooneyluna)

 

Clive pours him some whiskey and Robert downs it too quickly. His head is spinning round and round and he can't breathe.

He's back in the police situation, he's sitting there and he's lying to them.

_"Mr Sugden, I know you must be incredibly traumatised. We appreciate that. But we must know who did this to her, don't we? We need your help. If not, whoever killed her will get away with it won't they?"_

Robert heard, kept hearing. But he was thinking about Annie and how Chrissie had left her with Lawrence. How he'd run away with her if he didn't keep his mouth shut.

So he didn't say it was Lachlan, or it was Chrissie egging him on.

He didn't say they'd killed Rebecca and were going to kill too. 

"Here." Clive says, already having filled the glass again and giving it to Robert who is slumped on the sofa. "Didn't think you'd be this shocked."

Robert raises his head, shudders. "What was he inside for?"

Clive looks sad. "GBH." He says and yeah of course it's fucking violent offence.

"I can't believe this." Robert blurts out, despite what he knows. "Aaron, in prison?"

Yeah Aaron's a boxer, but he's never imagined him punching someone's lights out -

But that's a lie, he'd _seen_ Aaron punch that guy from his past. He'd seen that and he'd run for a reason.

"What if he was hurt in there or something?"

"Gay bloke in prison." Clive shrugs his shoulders. "Probably, didn't let them walk all over him I suppose."

Robert can imagine it, maybe that's when he first started all the self harming.

"You _suppose_? Are you even sure he was in there?" Robert shouts and then he's calming down as Clive pulls out his mug shot.

He looks so much younger, no beard, bruised knuckles and shorter hair. There's something menacing in his eyes though and Robert wouldn't hesitate to say he looks like your average thug.

"I don't know his life history, just that - that he was in prison Robert. You needed to know he was violent, you've had him around your kid for gods sake." Clive says quickly, watches Robert's eyes still staring at the picture of Aaron.

'I trusted him around my kid.'

"How could he keep that from me?" Robert whispers, eyes looking up at Clive and then he's shaking his head. "I know I can hardly talk but - but I thought he was good. I thought he was -"

Clive comes closer to Robert. "Now is it sinking in?" He says. "Okay maybe he's not like Amber, but he's violent."

"Not around me, never around Annie." Robert's still trying to find excuses, trying to tell himself it isn't that bad.

"I can't even imagine how he would have reacted if you told him tonight." Clive says, shakes his head quickly.

"He wouldn't have hurt me." Robert's passionate again, feels sick at the thought.

"You don't know that, because you 'don't know him." Clive snaps, and there's a cold chill which races through the room. He's staring at Robert and watching it sink in, watching the way everything loses hope once again and Robert shakes his head.

There was always a softness in Aaron, a warmth and he wants to think that he's not that boy anymore but Robert can't. It's almost impossible not to link prison and misery and torment to Aaron now and that scares him completely.

Clive stands up, gulps hard. "And it wasn't just some random bloke. It was his own dad. Gordon Livesy."

He could hurt his own father, he could hurt his own -

Clive was gone suddenly and Robert was left there shaken completely, trying to calm himself down as he sat on the sofa.

He could see Aaron punching someone, could see him losing control and going mad and it scared him completely. He was seeing Lachlan again, and again, and again.

"Only me." It's Aaron's voice suddenly there and Robert feels his mind putting the bricks back into place, reassembling the Great Wall. "Harry, the door was wide open, did you hear me coming?"

Robert can't even bring himself to look up, he's just looking at the grey carpet he hates and then the white walls of the flat and he's praying that he'll know what to say soon.

"Harry?" Robert hates the stupid name, really fucking hates -

Aaron's sitting next to him, has a hand on Robert's arm and all this concern in his eyes that shouldn't be there, "Hey, what's wrong?"

Robert tenses, turns just a little and then Aaron's holding his face and making him turn back round again, asking again and again what's wrong and -

"Why didn't you tell me?" Robert shouldn't be this angry or emotional considering how many lies he's told, keeps telling.

Aaron's eyes flicker, he's so close to Robert and he's frowning. "Tell you what?"

Robert holds his breath and then let's it all fall out. "Gordon. Livesy."

Aaron's never looked so pale, never looked so tortured and for too many seconds he doesn't even speak.

Aaron just sits there, eyes darting, breath ragged.

"I was going to tell ya what he did, when I was ready." It's like he has to push it out of himself from somewhere dark and deep and unforgiving.

Robert frowns, "What _he_ did? You're the one who ended up in prison for it? Beating him up?" He sees the way Aaron's face falls and the way it looks like he's broken down altogether.

He stands, needs _distance_ and then he's rubbing a hand over his face. "I let you in." He's saying over and over again. "I let you be around _Annie_."

Aaron's nodding, his eyes are growing wet and there's sorrow in them as he steps forward. "I can explain, okay you just need to let me explain. _Fuck_." He hits the wall hard and Robert steps back, gulps hard.

He's never seen Aaron look so caught up, look so lost in his mind before and it's terrifying.

"Explain what?" Robert's shrugging his shoulders, moving further away from Aaron. "Why you did it? I don't even think I want to know." He gulps hard. "Because maybe he was just doing what I am, catching you out in a lie or something and you snapped."

Aaron presses a hand against the wall and then turns towards Robert. "I'd _never_ hurt you." He whispers and Robert watches him tug awkwardly at his black hoodie and then pull the sleeves over his hands. He tries coming closer and Robert moves back. "Please, you know me."

Robert shakes his head. "I don't." He whispers. "You've been to _prison_."

Aaron winces. "Yeah. Yeah I have, and it - it was awful." He lets out this horrible shiver and Robert fights this need he still has to hold him close. "I should have told ya. I'm sorry."

Robert gulps, watches Aaron turn away from him as if he's going to just _leave_. His feet race towards the door and he's blocking it, watching Aaron in front of him and seeing the tears in his eyes. "You don't get to just leave. Don't I deserve to know why?"

Aaron's shaking his head hard, "I - I can't, I just -"

Robert frowns, feels something jolt inside of him. "I can't do this if I don't know why." He's suddenly holding onto Aaron's shoulders. "Don't make me hate ya for this, just - tell me you didn't mean it, tell me you just - just snapped and you regretted it -"

Aaron pushes Robert away hard and there's something terrible about how menacing he looks. "Didn't regret it, just wished I would have finished the bastard -" he stops himself, watches Robert's face distort into something unimaginable.

"Why? What - the hell did he do?" Robert's shouting, he doesn't want to but he is because Aaron's just not listening. "What? What was it?" He asks, voice getting louder and his arm being thrown around Aaron's shoulder, spinning him round and then -

"He fucking raped me."

The candle blows out.

And Aaron's nearly falling down the wall.

 

 

::

 

 

There's this chilling silence which grabs hold of Robert's chest and makes it almost unbearably hard to breathe.

He feels like he isn't actually there, like his body is just resting against the door but his mind is far far away.

It's back though, when he hears Aaron crying his heart out and something clicks in his heart. He's suddenly sliding towards Aaron and trying to reach out for him but Aaron's made himself so *small, he's rocking back and forth on his knees and he looks too vacant for words.

"Aaron -"

"Don't." Aaron's shaking his head again, tears streaming down his face and this innocence about him which radiates the room. "Don't just -" he blows out a breath. "I'm sorry."

Robert frowns, can't understand and then he's watching Aaron flinch as he tries to get closer. "Don't be sorry, Aaron you don't have to be sorry." He pauses before gulping. "Is that, is that why you -"

Aaron nods slowly, presses his face down into his knees. "I was getting older, I _knew_ it was wrong."

Robert winces, "Had he done it more than -" he can't comprehend, doesn't want to know if -

"Five times. He started when I was eight, then twice when I was nine, then when I was eleven, and thirteen." It stumbles out of his mouth and then it's all clear, almost statistical like Aaron's had to remember it all.

Aaron shudders, rubs at his eyes and still clings to his knees for support. "At first, it just hurt. I remember him shouting at me for something I'd done, and I stormed up the stairs, slammed the door and everything. Then he came in, just stared at me for ages like he was deciding whether or not to do it and I remember, remember feeling too scared to move but I wanted to." He shudders again, keeps looking straight ahead, can't look at Robert. "I _tried_ but he grabbed me, he grabbed me really hard and he pinned me down on the bed and -"

Robert drops his head slowly, hates him, hates this fucker who made Aaron so broken.

"Why didn't you say anything? Someone could have helped, your mum?" Robert's desperate for Aaron to tell him it got better, that it _was_ better.

"She'd left me with him, thought she was a shit parent, that I was better off. He told me if I told anyone they'd know I was lying anyway and I believed him. He said it was because I deserved it, that it was down to me and I only could stop it."

Robert's eyes flicker, "What did ya have to do?" He's asking, watching the younger man drop his head like it's too much to bare.

"He said he wouldn't do it all the time, just when he wanted to, when I deserved it most. That, if I didn't make it difficult then - then it wouldn't happen as often. So I learnt to expect it, just - just fucking _take_ it and close my eyes." He's crying again, sobbing into his knees and Robert can't help the way he edges closer, hands desperate to hold him.

"Hey, you don't need to say anything else. Okay, it's alright." Robert's whispering, coming even closer and watching Aaron shake his head.

"No you need to know this." Aaron's saying, looking at right at Robert.

"He tried doing it again, he hadn't for ages because he'd had a girlfriend and I kept my head down. But they broke it off. I was nearly eighteen, I wanted to run away and he found out. So he - he grabbed me and I managed to run before he could get to his belt." He gulps hard.

"So you ran away?" Robert asks, voice gentle and slow and then Aaron's nodding.

"Slept rough but it was worth it. Then I saw him in town, he was _looking_ for me and I panicked. I just thought, he's never going to stop is he? So I - I wanted to teach him a lesson. I wanted him to know how it feels to be scared and vulnerable and in _pain_. I wanted to - to just hit him." He sniffs harshly.

"I crept into his room one night, he turned round and he _smiled_ , tried to grab me by the -" he has a tear rolling down his face. "So I hit him, and then again and again and I couldn't stop myself. I couldn't stop until he was knocked out and I ran. I just left him there."

"Good." Robert blurts out, "Sorry." He whispers and Aaron just shakes his head as if he's telling him it's alright.

"He rang the police, course he did. I couldn't tell them, I couldn't do it so I just - I accepted it. I'd been a petty thief before and I wasn't regretful so - they threw the book at me, and I let them. I got fifteen months. I was just some mad, violent kid in their eyes." Aaron's looking at Robert again and more tears fall. "That bloke I punched, he was the main bloke, Jason, made my life a misery."

"Why, because you were gay?" Robert's whispering.

Aaron looks like he's in pain. "Yeah. But I thought he caused it, I thought that if I liked any lad that - that it was wrong so I just buried it. But he just _knew_ , I don't even know why or how but he did and he wouldn't let it go." He gulps hard, "So when I saw him a few months ago it just all came flooding back and I lost it."

Robert nods, he understands.

Aaron takes a while to carry on, exhaustion clear on his face. "I did the whole stretch as well you know?" He whispers, "I got into scraps, took the bait with Jason time after time. And then ... Gordon was there when I got out, he found me and - and I couldn't keep it inside anymore. So I told the police what he'd done to me again and again and again. I even told my mum and she believed me." He nearly smiles. "And he didn't get away with it, got eighteen years."

Robert's got tears in his eyes, he _never_ cries but he can't help himself.

"That's why I could never hurt you, or Annie, because I know how it feels. I know and I tried to stop all that anger inside by boxing and - trying to move on." Aaron's letting his knees fall and he's turning towards Robert.

"How - how do you live with that?" Robert's feeling tears roll down his face and he shudders.

Aaron's shrugging his shoulders, "You don't." His eyes glaze over. "You just get on with your life." He says, rocking a little. "Wait until someone makes it hurt a little less." That's when he tries to smile and Robert's in awe of his strength.

"Can I -" Robert's shaking, hands coming closer to Aaron until the younger man is falling into his chest and he's stunned by what travels through him as they finally hold onto each other. "God, it's okay. I'm here, it's alright." He whispers, presses a kiss to Aaron's hair.

"I wouldn't hurt Annie, I wouldn't do anything like that. I wouldn't." Aaron's crying, and breaking down every defence Robert has tried to build up. "I care too much." He says. "I was going to tell you, I promise." He stresses.

"I know, I know." Robert holds him closer and tries to stop the images flashing around in his head. It's unbearable. Aaron was -

He was actually ra -

"And I wanted to - I wanted _you_." Aaron says, eyes travelling Robert's body. "But it felt like he was blocking you from me somehow. I couldn't." He whispers and Robert tells him they don't need to do anything, they don't need to have sex if he's not ready. "I've never had a problem before, maybe it's because you mean more to me than all the other dickheads."

Robert smiles, "I'll take that as a compliment." He says softly and then Aaron's pressing a soft kiss to Roberts lips and they both freeze until the older man is pulling away and Aaron is gulping.

"I can't do anymore." He whispers, buries his head gently into Robert's chest. "Could you just hold me, just until I fall asleep or something."

"Of course I will." Robert whispers back, almost crying at the softness of his own movements and the way Aaron flattens his palm against Robert's heart as if he needs to hear his heart beating to know he's real, he's not going anywhere.

They stay there, holding each other and Robert feels everything bad slip away. He has this strong person in his arms, someone he doesn't deserve, someone who will never hurt him, who's been hurt too much in his own life.

He should let him go.

But he's latching on instead.

 

 

::

 

Robert's laying in his bed, Aaron's cried himself out and he's looking at him. Aaron's eyes are all wide and he's sniffing, has a hand pressed down on Robert's chest.

"You didn't run." Aaron whispers, like he can't actually believe it and Robert just frowns at him. As if he could, as if he would.

"Run?" Robert whispers, pulls a hand up quickly and places it on Aaron's cheek, ignores the way it feels when Aaron flinches for a second before relaxing. "No way." He says softly. 

"And - and you believe me don't ya?" Aaron's chin wobbles, and Robert thinks about anyone _not_ believing Aaron. It makes him feel sick.

"Of course I do." Robert kisses at Aaron's hand and pulls away. "You tell me if you'd prefer if I was on the sofa okay?" 

Aaron gulps, like he's hesitating and then he's nodding his head. "Do you mind?" He whispers and then Robert's shaking his head, gathering a few pillows and kissing Aaron's head. 

"I'm only across the hall okay?" He tells him, keeps the door open for Aaron and knowing why he needs it like that. Then he's laying on the sofa, tears rolling down his face which he doesn't mean to shed. He can't help it though, this is Aaron. 

His brilliant Aaron with a heart too big for this world. 

He was hurt. 

He was _abused._

The sound of feet shuffling towards him and a light flicking on makes Robert look up. He sees Aaron standing there, tears in his eyes and a hand out for Robert to hold. 

"He's made me be alone for so long." Aaron tells Robert softly. "And I don't want to be away from you." He whispers, falls towards Robert and eye older man is suddenly enveloping Aaron into his arms, crushing them together and rubbing at Aaron's back again and again. 

"I'm here. You're not alone, I'm here Aaron. I promise you." Robert whispers, tears in his eyes which make Aaron pull away and notice them. 

"Hold me, in your bed, just - just don't let me go and I'll be alright soon." Aaron whispers, head in Robert's neck.

And Robert nods, slowly pulls himself up and walks back into his room with Aaron.

Hand in hand.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hoping you enjoyed the chapter isn't the best thing to say at all but I do hope it wasn't handled badly in your opinion. 
> 
> I am back at sixth form tomorrow which basically means I'm going to have to re-evaluate updates and see when I can actually have the time to keep writing but no fear, I still hope to upload at least once a week.


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Robert blindly enjoys time with Annie and Aaron until a shocking discovery ruins it all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HEYYY. 
> 
> So first of all, thanks so much for the feedback for the last chapter (I will answer them now!) it was lovely to read!
> 
> And second of all, sorry if it's felt like a long time since the last update, I am super busy with sixth form.
> 
> But enjoy!

 

The winds whistling around them because Mother Nature has finally given in and succumbed to the winter season.

Aaron's got his arms laced around Robert's waist as he stands behind him and stares at the flower arrangement Robert has secretly been working on for months and months now.

It's fucking freezing but this allotment keeps them watered well so the flowers aren't completely dead which is good because it'd be ironic if they were.

Considering he made the arrangement in memory of Rebecca. For Annie to come and be in awe of whenever she wants.

He's bought Aaron today. It's been a few days since he poured his guts out on Robert's living room floor and he can't begin to imagine how much of a struggle that must have been for the younger man.

So he's doing something as well, he's breaking the edges of the Great Wall down and letting Aaron in.

"It's not much, but it's something for her at least." Robert whispers, eyes the daisies which mound together. Some bloke took pity on him weeks ago, Doug, he'd taught him how to make this circular mound of flowers. "Annie can come whenever she likes."

Aaron's more reserved, has been since he blurted out the worst truth possible, but he kisses at Robert's cheek all the same. "It's beautiful." He whispers, "You should be proud."

Robert blinks, feels almost choked up by it all and then he's walking towards a bench and Aaron's holding his hand all the way there. "It's not a feeling I'm used to." He tilts his head. "I'm not like you Aaron, you probably know that by now. I'm not _good_."

Aaron frowns. "Yeah you are. You're - you're more than just good, you're brilliant." He whispers, circles Robert's hand and brings their heads together. "Not just anyone would have still wanted me after -"

"I'd have had to have my head examined if I let you go because of that. Like a major dickhead."

Aaron lets out a smile after a few seconds. "A major one yeah." He jokes and then he's leaning back on the bench, zipping up his hoodie further and then biting his lip. "I'm sorry about last night."

Last night, when he'd practically kissed Robert head to toe and made the older man a little more than just excited. And then he pulled himself off, locked himself in the bathroom because he kept seeing _him_ until Robert had told him he shouldn't be embarrassed or anything.

"It's okay." Robert says, understands. It's weird, being this concerned about another person in this world. One who isn't a five year old. Or dead. Or miles away from him.

He's right here, he's still right here.

"Can I know about her?" Aaron's asking, it's probably going to snow soon but they're oddly comfortable on the bench.

Robert gulps, watches Aaron open his mouth like he wants to apologise but Robert stops him. "We were so different. She was this free spirit who wanted to travel the world. I just wanted money basically." He used to be so focused on that. "We shouldn't have got on really, but she liked me and - I was weak." Aaron frowns and Robert finds himself drawing something dark out of his system. "I was with someone else, I was with her sister."

Aaron's face falls and he can't hide how he feels about it. "Oh." He whispers.

"We weren't meant to but we did." Robert drops his head, waits for the judgement but hears none.

Aaron just puts a hand over his and smiles.

"I'll tell you more." Robert promises and then he's smiling.

"What?" Aaron's asking, probably won't ever understand what happens to Robert when he smiles and gives him something to smile for too.

"Nothing." Robert drops his head, feels light, "I just know you're going to know all of me."

Maybe it shouldn't excite him as much as it does.

 

 

::

 

 

Aaron stays over.

They've watched Die Hard and Aaron had fallen asleep on Robert's shoulder.

"Is Aaron sleepy?" Annie whispers, she's been this lightness between him and Aaron lately and he can't help but smile warmly at her.

"Very." He whispers, comes closer towards her and then she's widening her eyes.

"Tuck him in and give him my blankie." Annie says, like it's obvious, like Robert _must_.

It makes him laugh and then he's nodding as she throws a pink blanket towards her father and watches from the door frame as he pulls it over Aaron and smiles.

It's later on when he hears Aaron screaming and it wakes him and Annie up, makes her panic and nearly burst into tears and Robert's running to console him, telling her it's okay.

"Hey, Aaron. Look at me. You're safe." Robert's trying to be as calm as possible, freaking out inside as Aaron shakes his head and holds it as he breathes out harsh and fast. "Can I -" he's asking to hold him and Aaron's letting Robert wraps his arms around him completely.

"Trapped. It just came flooding back and I couldn't move my legs, shit." Aaron's shaking into Robert's neck and then he's calming himself down in time for Annie to run into his arms and wipe at his tears.

"Don't be sad Aaron." She says softly, "Daddy can make you feel better and better."

Aaron scoffs, runs a hand through her hair. "Of course he can." He says, smiles at Robert and then shudders. "Just had a bad dream that's all."

Robert squeezes his arm and knows exactly what it was about.

Annie rubs her eyes and Robert picks her up, knows she's tired. "Alright bug, back to bed you go."

Annie won't go until she hugs Aaron again and something jolts in Robert's heart as he looks down at Aaron and sees him staring at a photo of Annie and Robert on his phone.

It's way to calm himself down it seems, and Robert can't help but melt.

 

 

::

 

 

_"You need to leave and not come back." Clive said, thrusting money in Robert's hand and hiding in the car park, away from the lights. "Take your little girl and go."_

_Robert shut his eyes, couldn't hear it. "Leave? And go where?"_

_"Anywhere. Before she has the chance to do some real damage." Clive said, so serious. "Make sure you're never given the chance to suddenly run your mouth off about what they did. She'll kill you Sugden."_

_Robert blood ran cold and he gulped, "But - but I told her I wouldn't tell anyone."_

_Clive sighed. "You'll change your mind, I know you will. When she's older, Annie, and you hear her cry about her mum for the first time, ask why she's not here. You'll look at Lachlan crossing the road and you'll want to throttle him. I know you mate, you'd make them reopen the investigation and she'd make you pay."_

_It all made sense, made something burn in Robert's chest._

_"But it scares me, being alone." Robert's chin wobbled and the world seemed to close in around him as Clive touched his shoulder._

_"You'll have Annie, and she'll have you." Clive told him, nodded his head slowly. "And you'll be safe."_

_Safe, there was hope behind that._

 

 

::

 

 

Robert rubs at his eyes, watches the sun pour through the window as he stares across himself and sees Aaron laying next to him, his strong arms trapping Robert close.

It's been two day since he has that terrible nightmare and apparently Aaron doesn't want to be alone again.

So he'd stayed in Robert's room, in his bed and -

Yeah, Aaron gave Robert a handjob at three in the morning and it was too exciting for words.

Robert had felt Aaron's breath near his ear as he edged closer, as he kissed his neck and kissed him over and over again and then he pulled and tugged and Robert was _gone_.

It wasn't meant to happen but it did and Robert would be lying if he said it wasn't ridiculously sexy and appreciated.

"Morning." Aaron whispers, and Robert's skin flushes pink as the younger man kisses his chest.

Robert feels like he's in this bubble of perfection, there's softness around them and it's got to last he thinks, because he can't bare the thought of anything ruining this.

"Last night. I didn't think you wanted to do anything just yet." Robert whispers back, hears the birds singing outside and then pulls the covers over them before looking at Aaron. "I didn't pressure you by kissing you or -"

Aaron kisses him then, pulls a hand through Robert's hair. "You just gave me those come on eyes and I couldn't resist."

And yeah, Robert can't have anyone burst this bubble.

 

 

::

 

 

Robert opens the door to see Aaron sitting on the sofa with Annie on his knee. She looks sad, like she's been crying and something lunges out of Robert's chest as he puts the takeaway down.

"Princess? What's -" Robert looks up at Aaron and sees the younger man gulp awkwardly.

Annie sniffs. "I broke mummy's necklace." She's pouring out more tears and Robert closes his eyes for a second, remembers the gold chain he'd given Annie when she turned five. It was meant to last forever.

"It's okay darling." Robert whispers, pulls her up into his arms and kisses her head.

He's wiping her tears away still hours later when Aaron walks out of her bedroom holding the necklace up and twirling it around.

He's fixed it somehow and Annie falls in love with him that little bit more as he spins her around and she thanks him over and over again.

Somehow this boy with his only catalogue of problems has just come along and -

His fixed more than just a necklace.

 

 

  
::

 

 

  
Vic rings him again and this time Robert answers.

He tells her that he's still safe and she tells him that Chrissie hasn't been seen around lately, or Lachlan for that matter.

"I rang before, a few days ago, and some bloke answered the phone. He said it was Harry's phone." Vic says softly. "Who was he?" She's asking and Robert breaks out into a smile.

"Aaron." Robert's saying and then he can't stop talking about him.

"Careful Rob." His sister warns, but he can't be careful when it comes to Aaron.

He just can't.

 

 

::

 

 

Robert feels Aaron brushing up close to him as Annie walks ahead. They've just come back from Adam's and they're foolishly walking back to the flat despite how dark and freezing it is outside.

Annie's coming towards them again and Robert laughs as she gives them a look that lets them know she wants their attention.

"Does your mummy mind you sleeping here again?" Annie asks and Robert blushes once again over his daughter and all her questions.

Aaron shakes his head, "Nah. She likes me staying here." Robert doesn't know if that's true, wants it to be though.

He hears Aaron later on that night on the phone and he listens by the door to him talking to her though and something fizzles in his stomach.

"Mum don't make this weird." Aaron's pacing the living room, trying to whisper on the phone. "He's just - he's nice. I really, really like him." Maybe his mum tells him to carry on because he blows out a breath and Robert watches him look towards the picture of Robert and Annie pulling faces on her third birthday. He'd been so lost then yet he still managed to smile for his little girl. Had to.

"He's got this little girl, she's amazing." Aaron smiles warmly and it hits something in Robert's chest. "Ad looks after her, yeah - yeah I know." He laughs and then looks more serious. "He knows. He isn't afraid I'll do anything daft in front of her, don't worry." More silence makes Robert's insides churn. "He knows about it all mum, yeah - that too. He hasn't run yet. Neither have I."

And that, _that_ cuts straight to the bone.

 

 

::

 

 

Aaron's trying to make them dinner and it's going everywhere.

He's shoved some beef into the oven and hoped for the best and Robert's watching him by the table, wincing as he hears something else smash against the sink.

"That's three times now Annie." Robert says, smirking because Annie's keeping a tally of all the times Aaron hits or smashes something too hard.

"Will ya quit that?" Aaron's turning around, spatula in hand for some random reason and threatening to use it. "I'm trying to be all soft and sweet here." He's saying and Robert's gulping hard, wanting nothing more than to forget dinner and pin Aaron against the wall.

It's becoming a _problem_ but he can accept that Aaron's not ready for that. It's all too raw for him and Robert was the one who drudged it all up again wasn't he?

Maybe Aaron realises because he comes towards Robert and kisses him hard on the mouth, hears Annie let out a shrill sound and start clapping.

"Maybe I'm ready." Aaron says, presses his mouth against Robert's neck and then pulls back. "I'm sorry I've not -"

Robert blinks and then pulls Aaron towards him. "No. Don't say sorry to me." He smiles softly. "Just having you sleep here sometimes, it's enough."

Aaron gulps. "Had a boyfriend who binned me off when I wouldn't give out." He drops his head and then looks up again as if to see how it's gone down.

Robert's frowning, hates how many men have fucked Aaron over in his life.

"Sounds like a dick." Robert breathes out and Aaron nods.

"Didn't even see his." Aaron's mumbling before smiling and pressing a hand on Robert's groin, "I know yours is loads better though." He lets go and smirks as Robert turns even brighter in his cheeks.

 

 

::

 

 

Dinner's not as bad as Robert expected and Annie charges through the tough meat with a permanent smile on her face.

"Adam's taking me swimming with David's baby." Annie says, keeps banging on about it despite Adam not promising anything. "I'll be a mermaid!"

Aaron nods his head at her, always manages to do this wide eyed face and make her feel like she's the most important person in the world.

"It's freezing outside though isn't it? Nearly Christmas." Robert gulps down a piece of beef and watches her frown at him, not amused and then suddenly alive again.

"Aaron's _got_ to spend Christmas here." Annie's shouting, rocking back and forth on the chair and grinning as Aaron puts down his fork and looks at Robert.

"Aaron might have other plans sweetie." Robert tries to be gentle with her, knows that yeah he cares about Aaron, yeah he says he's his boyfriend but -

It's only in a few weeks. He knows that Annie's so madly besotted with him and he doesn't know what to do about it.

Annie pouts. "He's your _boyfriend_. I don't want Christmas alone." She crosses her arms over and sighs. There's a sadness that travels through the air and Robert doesn't know what to say. He's stunned that she even remembers those lonely Christmases. Last year Amber had gone home to see her parents and they'd been in the dingy flat trying to smile and seeing songs and get through the day without a functioning television.

Robert drops his head and sighs. "Chin up." He says, used to be his motto to her. "Remember when we danced about on Christmas Day?" He asks her, watches something come alive in her eyes and she's nodding.

It doesn't take long for her to pull Robert to his feet and he's swinging her round and round until she's telling him to dance with Aaron and Robert watches the younger man turn red.

"Come on then." Robert tugs Aaron closer and they're dancing and he's never felt so light before in his life because his daughter is jumping up and down and he's hearing Aaron laugh and nothing is wrong anymore.

 

 

::

 

 

He's finishing the washing up, Annie's already asleep and he's on a promise with Aaron.

It keeps making him clatter plates around because he's _nervous_.

Too nervous to notice something slip underneath the door when it does.

It takes him another ten minutes until he's looking up and then he's feeling it at his feet as he goes to lock the door.

It's addressed to him, Robert Sugden and his heart drops when he sees a picture of him with Aaron and Annie. Then another with just him and Annie. Then one of Aaron getting into his car. Then one -

They're all smiles and Annie's never looked happier and -

They drop to the floor without making a sound.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the cliffhanger ...


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The threats spiral into something too dangerous for Robert to cope with.

 

The light catches Robert's face and makes him wince, pull the curtains further down so that he's not completely blinded.

The kettle boils before he's even got a tea bag in his mug and he gulps hard, tries to shake himself out of this state and sort out his head.

Annie toddles in, lets out a huff and refuses to eat her breakfast because that's exactly what Robert needs her to do.

"Please Annie." Robert says, his back towards her still as he fumbles with the sugar.

"Why was Aaron shouty?" Annie asks, like she always just asks without thinking about anything.

Robert hears the spoon clatter in the sink and he lets out a sigh, didn't know she'd heard them last night.

Last night when Robert was scared stiff and couldn't move for a few minutes as his eyes scanned the pictures again and again.

Aaron came in, and Robert had to push them all back in the envelope quickly, shove them in a draw as his boyfriend looked at him strangely. He was half dressed, eyes inviting and warm.

"You not joining me?" He'd asked and Robert had just nodded until he was in his bedroom, hearing the door click and feeling himself stiffen with fear still despite Aaron pushing him against the bed and kissing him passionately.

Maybe his body language gave it away because the next minute he knew Aaron was pushing away from him instead. He had tears in his eyes, anger in his face, breathing hard and slow.

"You don't want this?" Aaron had asked, backing further away, buckling his belt up. "I can fucking tell."

Robert gulped, sat up and pulled a hand through his hair. He couldn't think straight because they were in danger, Aaron was roped into all of this now. "I'm - it's not you okay?"

Aaron jumped back, "You didn't want it and you just let me _carry on_?" He looked heartbroken, scared. "That makes me feel like -"

Robert stood, "No. No don't think that." Because he knew he was linking it to Gordon and how he used to treat him, what he used to do. Aaron shook his head and walked towards the door. "Wait, don't go." He panicked. "Please, you don't need to go."

"I should never have told you." Aaron shouted, louder than he should have. "Because now - now you can't bare the thought of being near me, damaged goods."

"It's not -"

"Save it. Just - just save it." He'd left in tears and Robert hadn't slept.

Annie slams her spoon down and Robert turns to face her, raising an eyebrow and sighing.

"I don't need this right now." Robert snaps, breathing in slowly and then calmly down, walking towards his daughter and sitting next to her. "Aaron was angry, but it's okay."

Annie pouts and slowly starts eating, maybe she sees the sadness in her father's eyes because she doesn't say anything else.

 

 

::

 

 

"Clive?" Robert practically shouts down the phone, he's in the toilets at work and he's already tried ringing five times.

"Yeah?" Clive cleared his throat, no panic in his voice at all.

"Tell me, _tell me_ that you sent the photos. Please." Robert whispers now, realises he needs to calm himself down. His tie is too tight and he loosens it with one hand because he can't breathe.

Something crackles over the line but all Robert manages to hear is that Clive hasn't, it wasn't him and worry builds up in Robert's chest as he is badgered with questions by his old mate.

"It's her isn't it? She's - she's found me." Robert manages to get out before everything around him becomes silent.

 

 

::

 

 

He's trying to get over his breakdown, really trying.

It's his lunch break and he's decided that he needs Aaron. It's dangerous, he's being a massive dick but he needs to be hugged by him at least.

So he finds where he works, a greasy garage with the sound of engines revving over and over again.

He's never seen Aaron in overalls before and something about the sight staggers him back a little until that twat Ross from the boxing club raises an eyebrow and whistles towards Aaron.

"Lover boy's here." Ross says and Aaron looks up, then down again just as quickly.

"Can I explain?" Robert asks, sees Aaron try his hardest to stay hard and unfeeling. He steps forward, almost breathing into Aaron. "I need ya."

He's never said that before to him, never admitted it and it's enough to make Aaron nod his head slowly, pull him towards a bench nearby.

 

 

::

 

 

Aaron's playing with his hands and the wind whistles around him before he's looking up at Robert. "I shouldn't have shouted." He presses a hand over his eyes and sighs. "Annie was there, it was wrong."

Robert pulls a hand over Aaron's and shakes his head. "My head was all over the place last night." He drops his head, doesn't meant to let out such a shaky breath.

Aaron frowns, "Tell me why then." He stresses but Robert can't can he? He can't confide in him about _this_.

Robert shakes his head, eyes watering as he looks up and sees how shocked Aaron is by his emotion. He kisses him, pulls Aaron close and kisses him once more and then pulls him into his chest.

When he pulls away Aaron's got a stubborn look on his face like he wants to say something but he doesn't, instead he looks away and shivers a little as the breeze hits his face.

"Tell me you still care about me? At least say that." Aaron whispers, head towards the floor and Robert hates himself. He hates how he's somehow managed to put doubt in Aaron's mind.

Robert holds Aaron's face and makes the younger man look at him. "I _care_ more than you know." He whispers and Aaron tries to smile before he gets up and pulls his hands in his pockets. "Don't _ever_ forget that."

Aaron gulps and then he's looking away, "I overreacted, couldn't stop myself." He says slowly, on reflection.

Robert nods, "I'm sorry too." He says, "Let me get you a coffee?" He doesn't want to be away from him suddenly.

Aaron shakes his head a little sadly, "Best get back." Aaron looks towards the garage again and sighs. "Some idiot slashed one of my tyres." He says and Robert's face pales almost instantly. "Been working on it all morning." He adds, before coming closer and kissing Robert's cheek. "See you later."

Robert can't move, just sits there and watches Aaron go by, watches the world go by.

Feels his own slowly crumble around him.

 

 

::

 

 

Aaron's with Annie when Robert collects her from Adam's, he walks in on him telling her that he's sorry for being shouty last night and his heart shouldn't melt as much as it does.

"It's not daddy's fault, so don't be meanie to him okay?" Aaron's kneeling down and Annie's nodding her head before wrapping her arms around him.

"Hey trouble, c'mon lets get going." Robert says, his eyes are tired and he's got only one thing trapped on his mind.

He got a text.

_The purple car seat is too small for her now isn't it?_

It nearly made him swerve off the road.

"Are you alright?" David's asking, he's got a little girl in his arms and Robert supposes it's his daughter who's almost always at her mum's.

"Yeah." Robert says, not meeting Aaron's eye as he picks Annie off her feet and holds her close to him. "Better be going." He adds quickly, practically charging out of the house and telling Annie they're having a nice walk home instead because he's _scared_ now.

All he can see is her purple car seat. He's left it near the flat, promised not to touch it until he spoke to Clive.

Robert's heart beats out of his chest until Aaron's suddenly grabbing his arm. It's getting dark quicker now, the sky is already a velvet colour and it's freezing cold.

"Wait up, I'll walk you back." Aaron's saying, like he wants to be around Robert still and Robert, he's too selfish to say no. He wants to be close to Aaron despite hoe dangerous it can be.

 

 

::

 

 

Annie's walking right in front of him, swinging her arms about and smiling as Robert feels Aaron's hand brush past his own.

"One day you'll let me in." Aaron nods slowly and turns towards Robert. "And you'll be surprised."

Robert breathes out, watches the mist fly through the air. "Will I?" He says and then he feels Aaron stop him, hold him close by the waist.

"Yeah." Aaron nods, eyes flickering towards Annie who's stopped by the flat door. "Because I won't leave, and I won't hate you."

It's like he knows, and Robert _wants_ him to.

He wants Aaron to know everything about him suddenly, wants to share his pain with the younger man.

"Aaron I have to tell you -"

Aaron's eyebrow raises and he nods, eyes widening as he grips tighter around Robert's wait and -

"Daddy!"

Robert feels something inside him turn to stone and then he's seeing something flicker out of the corner of his eyes. Flames. Fucking flames pouring out of his own car.

"Fuck, Annie come here!" Robert's shouting, watching her run into his arms and then he's backing towards the wall, looking at how high the flames are reaching, the way people are running out of their homes and watching it sore higher and higher.

Aaron's eyes widen and he steps forward but Robert stops him, passes a crying Annie into his arms as he tries to fight against the flames himself and edge closer and closer.

"Leave it! Harry _please_ leave it!" Aaron's screaming but Robert comes closer, almost feels something drag his feet towards the flames as he hears someone call the fire brigade.

His face is boiling hot and he's sweating as he frowns towards the licks of heat and then his heart stops altogether as he looks towards the passenger seat.

There's a bottle of wine, empty, with a white cloth inside, a white handkerchief with the initials _**C.W**_ imprinted in golden writing.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry for the shortness of the chapter and the ending but just know that it's ALL GOING TO KICK OFF in the next chapter and SECRETS ARE REVEALED.


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Robert finally admits the devasting truth to Aaron.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so this chapter is a #JOURNEY and it'll probably rip your heart out. It's actually quite a long update too and despite me not being a fan of it myself and finding it way too wordy I hope you like it a little.

 

It burns out of view right in front of his eyes, he watches the initials distort and blacken and then he hears Aaron calling him to come back again and again and he stands there too shocked to move.

Eventually though, he finds the strength inside him and he's moving towards Aaron and letting the younger man check him over as Annie cries in his arms.

"Are you okay?" Aaron shouts over the flames and then -

The car explodes, and Robert's protecting everything he cares about. He's pulling Aaron towards his chest and hearing his daughter scream and he feels sick because this shouldn't be happening.

It shouldn't.

" _Jesus_." Aaron shudders, has a hand pressed against Robert's chest as he tries to breathe in and out. "Let's get inside." He whispers but Robert shakes his head and steps forward.

He needs Aaron inside, he needs him safe with Annie.

"Take her inside, take her up to the flat and lock - lock the doors." Aaron's face is filled with fear but Robert just keeps shaking his head, makes Aaron promise before kissing his head and watching him go.

 

 

::

 

 

The police arrive, of course the police arrive and Robert can't help them.

Because that means he has to tell the truth and if he does that, then Chrissie will step it up a notch won't she?

"Anyone at all? You can't think of anyone who would want to -"

Robert raises a hand, feels something inside him almost die. It's not safe, none of this is what he needs. If he tells them, he thinks, maybe they'll move him into a safe house. Him and Annie.

But Aaron was involved now. Aaron was right in the thick of it too and it was all his fault.

"No." Robert snaps, "I just - just said _no_." He heaves out a breath and feels a mask fall over his face because apparently he could have inhaled some shit when he stepped too close. He feels a hand on his shoulder and jumps up instinctively before he realises that it's Clive.

"I knew this would happen." Clive shakes his head, looks at what is left of Robert's car and sighs deeply. "I told you, I fucking told you."

Robert heaves off the mask and struggles to breathe. "I don't need this right now." He whispers, voice completely wrecked.

He keeps seeing the flames and something awful pulls up inside of him, makes everything come back and haunt him.

His mother died like that.

Not in a car, in a barn.

"I think ya need these though." Clive comes closer, face close and almost menacing before he pulls away and slams something down on Robert's lap.

Robert gulps hard, looks down and sees an envelope laying there against his thighs. Something jolts inside his chest and it dawns on him before he's even seeing what's inside properly. He knows there's tickets there, he knows and his heart breaks.

There's only two.

"Liverpool, you leave tomorrow morning. It's the only way Rob."

But there's still only two.

 

 

::

 

 

It's all a bit of daze as he walks back into the flat and sees Aaron on the sofa, sitting there with a vacant expression on his face and darkness in his eyes.

He looks haunted as Robert slowly sits on the coffee table and looks at him. "I told the police all I knew, which wasn't a lot." He breathes out, waits for Aaron to reply to him but he doesn't say anything for so long.

He's just sitting there, head in his hands until he raises it and frowns. "Let them talk to Annie, she seemed to know a bit." He says, leg rocking ridiculously fast now and making Robert frown, ask what he's on about.

"Annie, she was so upset. So I asked her why and you know what she said?"

Robert frowns, finds his head slowly shaking.

"She said that the bad guys are chasing you again. She asked me to protect her so you don't need to leave me and run away again." There's anger on his face and Robert feels like everything is running away from him, it's too hard to think about anything other than the sadness and the confusion on Aaron's face and the way he looks petrified. "Say something." He's shouting and Robert just stands up.

"Aaron, forget it." He's an idiot, can't help but say that as Aaron stands too and tries to turn him around. "I mean it, she's just confused." Yeah, lie, that always makes things better.

Aaron goes to speak and then there's a knock at the door, Adam's coming through the door and he's going off on one about the car. He's full of apologies and asking what he can do to help and -

"Can Annie stay at yours?" Robert twists his body around, knows that he's going to have to break Aaron's heart tonight and doesn't want Annie around to see it.

Adam looks a little startled but then nods his head slowly. "Yeah, of course." He says, and then he's walking towards Annie's room and holding her close to him. "We're having a sleepover okay?" He whispers but Annie's already reaching out for Robert and refusing.

"It's okay." Robert tells her, fights back his tears and kisses her head. "You be a good girl for me tonight. There's nothing to be scared about." He whispers before watching her launch herself into Aaron's arms.

He won't see her again, Robert tells himself as he waits for Aaron to let her go. "You go have fun alright?" He says, tears in his eyes as he watches Annie go.

The door clicks and Robert turns around to look at Aaron, the younger man is puffing out his chest and nodding slowly.

"You have to let me in. You _have_ to tell me." He's saying, coming slowly towards Robert and trying to hold his hand but Robert's batting him away.

"It's none - none of your business Aaron okay?" He snaps, like that's even remotely true anymore.

"I just _watched_ you nearly get blown up along with your car whilst I held your daughter in my arms!" Aaron's shaking, feeling sick. "I'm meant to be your boyfriend."

Robert winces, "You need to go. You need to -" Robert crashes down on the sofa and shivers. He can't do it, can't be this cruel to Aaron now but he just needs Aaron to _leave_.

"I can't just go." Aaron's eyes are watery still and he gulps hard. "Don't you see?" He whispers, suddenly crouches down in front of Robert and holds his hand. "I think I'm in love with you. It's too late for me to go now."

Something shatters in Robert and he should be so happy but he isn't.

In any other world this would be his everything, he'd smile and say of course he loves Aaron too and they'd be happy. He'd never let this brilliant man leave his side but it's not as simple as that is it.

"You can't be in love with me." Robert whispers, shaking still as his head is firm towards the ground.

Aaron lets out this shaky laugh, so innocent to it all. "Well _tough_. It feels like I am, maybe," he blinks like he's unsure. "I feel the way everyone says they do when they're in love."

Like you can't breathe, like your chest hurts when you think about them.

Something grabs at Robert's heart, has Aaron never been in love before?

Is he Aaron's first real fucking love?

Robert can't bare it, ruins it entirely just so he can cope. "You can't love me because, because you have no idea who I _really_ am."

Aaron's face falls, distorts into something maddeningly scary and unsure and -

Robert's heart breaks for him.

 

 

::

 

 

The dark streams into the flat and Aaron keeps looking at him, keeps staring straight into Robert's soul over and over again. He doesn't break the stare until he lets out this little sound and breaths out slowly.

"What are you on about?" Robert shivers, keeps his head down as Aaron asks him what he's talking about. "Answer me Harry." He barks but Robert just stands up.

"I'm - I'm a liar Aaron. I'm a massive, massive liar. It's all I fucking know." Robert presses a hand to his face and then breathes out slowly. "My names not Harry." He lets out, holds his breath as he waits.

Aaron's just sitting there with his mouth open. "Okay." He takes it in, Robert watches it rolls over him like a wave. "Why did you say it was?" He's getting angrier, that much is clear. He looks hurt, lied to.

It's already too hard.

Robert gulps, decides that Aaron deserves to hear this the proper way, so he sits next to Aaron and tries to get it out right.

"Because I had to keep everything hidden away, I couldn't tell you the truth, I couldn't tell _anyone_ the truth." Robert's waffling and Aaron snaps, brings a hand to his forehead.

"What _is_ the truth?" Aaron watches Robert stay silent and then he gets up, "All my life I've been lied to, one way or another." He looks like he's going to cry again. "I thought you were _different_." Aaron shakes his head, and Robert still can't get anything out just yet. It makes Aaron sigh. "What's the _point_." He gets out, like he's done with Robert completely. And then he's marching towards the door and Robert is stopping him with his words.

"I witnessed a murder."

It makes Aaron turn around quickly, hitch a breath. There's silence dragged out between them suddenly and then Aaron's slowly coming back to the sofa. "You - you what?"

"Rebecca, Annie's mum." Robert lifts his head, just saying her name makes something break inside him. "I told you that - that I was married to her sister didn't I?" Aaron nods quickly and tells him to carry on. "Well she found out, she went ballistic, chucked me out, told me that - that she never wanted to see me again." He remembers her, he remembers it all. He can still feel the slap across his cheek if he concentrates hard enough.

"But her son, Lachlan." Robert gulps hard and starts shaking. He wants Aaron to hold him but he knows he hasn't got the right to ask. "He _hated_ how badly I'd ruined his mum, so he kidnapped me." He can see Aaron's eyes widen. "I was knocked out and the next thing I knew, I was at their house again and Rebecca was there with Annie. He'd tied us all up and started talking about killing us."

Robert hears Aaron shudder, wonders suddenly if this is hard for the younger man to hear.

Robert drops his head, keeps remembering and reliving over and over again. "Chrissie was egging him on. But I don't think _she_ even expected him to pull the trigger, not really." He closes his eyes, hears the gun going off. "I think she wanted him to shoot _me_ but, he turned the gun on Rebecca instead." There's tears in his eyes and he can't breathe until Aaron's got a hand over his and he's coming closer.

"She was bleeding out Aaron, she was _dying_ and I couldn't save her because he was pointing it at me still and I was petrified." Robert shudders, squeezes at Aaron's hand. "He would have killed me if Annie hadn't started really crying. She saved me. The police were on the way and Chrissie just panicked, she ran off with Lachlan and left me there with Rebecca until the police came."

"You - you were there when she died?" Aaron whispers, like he can't believe it but then Robert nods and he drops his head. "God, I'm so sorry." He lets out.

Robert gulps hard and tried to look away. "I thought, nothing can get worse than this. And then I was taken to the hospital and Chrissie was there, she came in and threatened me. She said if I told the police, then she'd take Annie away from me for good. She said it was easy to say I was a useless parent, that she'd plant whatever she had to on me to prove I was unfit." Robert lets a tear roll down his face. "She was so small, Annie, and I just wanted to keep her safe. So I said I didn't know who shot Rebecca, that there was a burglar or something. I lied through my back teeth."

"You protected Annie." Aaron whispers, his hand is clammy in Robert's but he still holds on.

Robert blows out a breath. "That's why I ran. Chrissie wouldn't stop, so my mate Clive told us to run. He helped me move and I left _everything_ I knew behind."

"To run from the bad guys." Aaron whispers, and Robert nods, he knows the significance now then. "They - they set your car on fire?" Robert shudders and then nods again before hearing Aaron swear and struggle not to cry.

"I settled in this flat, changed my name, changed my number. I got along fine by myself, then I met Amber and I thought I could be happy again, I thought that I'd been given a second chance to put everything right. But I didn't work out." He gulps, the memory of her flowers through his mind. "I wanted to marry the girl and -" Robert looks up at Aaron sadly. "She was working for Chrissie. Clive came in the middle of the night and told me she was on her way, that I had to run _again_ and -"

"You came here." Aaron smiles sadly and Robert comes forward, keeps holding his hand.

"I didn't mean for it to get this far." Robert's holding back his tears and then looking right into Aaron's eyes, "Please, _please_ don't hate me for this."

Aaron carefully pulls himself towards Robert. "I don't hate ya." He promises, but there's something he can't deny in his eyes. He's so upset. "I'm just - I'm just confused and _hurt_." He blows out a breath. "You told me you'd never hurt me again, You _lied_." He shudders, has to pull himself away and he sounds like a little boy. "Was any of this real?" His voice breaks in half.

"Of course." Robert panics, he's suddenly passionate because what he feels for Aaron is too real for him to even try and comprehend, articulate. "All of this, all of it was real." He stands and holds Aaron's shoulders. "Seeing you make my little girl smile, make _me_ smile. It shouldn't have made me want to tell you everything but it _did_." He watches Aaron turn away from him and he feels like crying. "You made me happy Aaron, made me have hope."

Aaron pulls a face, looks like his heart has just jolted and then he's backing against the the wall and frowning as though something has just clicked in his head. "I told you about my dad." He shakes his head, "I told you because I thought I could _trust_ you." He sighs. "You've been lying all along."

And he has, it's the truth.

But -

Robert's chin wobbles. "Not about you." He tells Aaron. "Everything I said was true, none of that was a lie. I promise you." He's almost begging, doesn't want Aaron to have this memory of him.

Aaron looks torn and then he's looking at a picture of Annie and Robert by the kitchen and he's just staring at it for a while before his eyes are darting towards the door. "I need to go." He whispers, "I'm sorry about - about what's happened to ya, but I can't be here." He blows out a breath. "Because no matter what you say, I _don't_ know you." He shrugs, and it almost looks painful, "You're a stranger."

Stranger.

Robert winces, knows that the most logical thing to do is to let Aaron walk away and leave tomorrow and let him move on.

But he's not like that.

So he stands, he pulls the door shut and he presses a hand on Aaron's chest. "Don't go." He whispers, watches Aaron melt a little as his legs buckle and he feels Robert come even closer to him. "I need you to - to tell me it's okay."

He needs one last night.

Just one.

He needs someone, he needs _Aaron_ and he can't remember the feeling. He's never needed someone like this.

"It's not though is it?" Aaron drums out, "It's not though because all you've done is -"

"I know. I've lied, non-stop. But I - you said, you said you wouldn't leave Aaron -" Robert's desperate, wants to cling to Aaron forever and it's probably unhealthy and wrong but he doesn't care what anyone thinks.

"Save it. Just fucking -" Aaron is shivering and then he's shaking his head and he's running out the door and Robert can't blame him can he?

 

 

::

 

 

It feels like hours go by as Robert sits on the sofa and tries not to cry.

He fails though.

He's rocking back and forth and it's awful and ugly and he can't even look at Rebecca's picture because he feels ashamed.

"I messed up Bex." He whispers, "And I'm sorry, but I'll go, and I'll keep her safe again." He gets out, "Just make sure Aaron is alright for me?"

And then the door is being knocked on and it's him.

Aaron's there.

"You - you came back?" Robert's chin wobbles. He's overwhelmed and he feels it, fucking finally he feels that unwavering love for someone else.

Aaron.

He's in love with him.

He always has been, since the first time he saw him laughing with his daughter in Adam's back garden. Something warm travelled through his chest then, it still does now.

"Why can't I forget you?" Aaron's pushing out suddenly, he looks wrecked, like he hasn't done anything other than sit and think, and it makes the skin prickle on Robert's arm. "You're up here." He points to his temple and gulps. "And I can't even try to get you out -"

Robert gulps hard, shudders as he presses himself closer to Aaron. "Then don't."

Aaron looks towards the floor, almost in defeat. "I don't even know your -"

And then Robert's coming forward, pulling Aaron into the flat and shutting the door. "Robert Jacob Sugden." He whispers and Aaron looks up in surprise, there's a softness in his gaze and Robert presses his forehead against Aaron's. "Please don't -"

Leave.

Tell anyone.

Hate me.

Aaron's wearing a watery grin and he flutters his eyes. "Robert." He says, tries it in his mouth and then he tenses.

Robert's shoulders relax as relief washes over him, he nods his head and then darts towards Aaron's lips. "Please don't go again." He gets out and Aaron looks away. "You came back for a reason Aaron."

And maybe Aaron doesn't know what it was but -

"Then what should I do? Why do _we_ do about all of this -"

"Just - just kiss me." Robert's blurting out, hard and fast and then he's cupping Aaron's face. "Let's just forget the world for a while."

Aaron just stares at him and then, then he's fucking kissing Robert hard and the older man feels something almost melt within him.

He needs Aaron's arms around him, needs to feel him everywhere and remember this.

"I want you." Robert growls, pulls back though and waits for Aaron to look at him. "Tell me you still want me. Tell me that you don't think I'm a monster -" he's stopped by the finger on his lip pressed there by Aaron who's using a hand to lead Robert into the bedroom.

"You've always had me."

They're kissing and ripping each other's clothes off and Robert didn't know how much he needed this until he had Aaron Dingle on all fours in his double bed, screaming his real fucking name, and yeah he is forgetting the rest of the world for a little while.

 

 

::

 

 

There's something mad about the feeling of someone calling your name again and again during sex.

You know, your real name.

Not Harry. Not Luke. Not James.

Just:

"Robert, yes, Rob - fuck - _Robert_!"

Aaron's panting into Robert's ear and then sliding down the bed, trapping Robert in his arms and shuddering.

They just stare at each other for a long while, then Aaron's counting Robert's freckles and holding his hand like they're stupid teenagers.

"I want this, I want this forever." Aaron shouldn't have said it but he did and Robert closes his eyes, feels a shiver race through him and then Aaron's burying his face into the pillow. "Said no one." He forces out and Robert kisses his shoulder.

"That was amazing." Robert whispers, gentle and slow. His whole body aches and he can see the marks he left all over Aaron's back, it makes his stomach swirl. " _You're_ amazing." He looks across at Aaron. "And impressed."

Aaron's gulping, soft hands coming up towards Robert's face. "You're a good shag." He shrugs gently, and Robert doesn't expect anything less.

"Cheers." Robert says, all dead pan and flat as he playfully squeezes at Aaron's side.

Aaron laughs and Robert can't help but feel the bittersweet whispers travelling through the room. "I don't know how to feel." Aaron admits, hands falling over Robert's chest. "Just found out my boyfriend's on the run more or less, that he's been lying to me. But I've also just slept with him and I don't want to let him go again." Robert watches goosebumps raise all over Aaron's skin and he shudders.

"I'm sorry." Robert blinks. "I haven't even said that have I?" He's almost trembling. "I am, I'm sorry."

Aaron nods, presses a kiss to Robert's lips. "I know you are." He says, a minute travels past them and then Aaron's scoffing. "I just slept with a bloke who I hardly know." He cringes and Robert pulls him closer, turns him on his back and looms over him.

He pulls Aaron's hand up and presses it against his chest. "What do you want to know?" He says and Aaron shrugs. "Well I was born in a little village called Emmerdale up in Yorkshire, I moved away from home when I was young. Never looked back." That's something no one really knows and it's as though Aaron understands that as he nods and smiles softly.

"Something else." Aaron mumbles against Robert's jaw and he looks so relaxed it's almost maddening. He's pink all over, a curl coming down on his forehead and a smile on his face.

Robert shuffles closer to him on the bed, "My favourite colour is probably purple. I hate cycling -"

Aaron laughs at the randomness of the facts, "What the fuck?" He says, so soft.

"Helmet hair." Robert explains dryly, then lets out a small smile.

He looks over at Aaron a few seconds later and he can see it all in his eyes, he knows he's broken something in Aaron, something tragic.

"You'll never know how sorry I am." Robert breathes Aaron in, pulls the covers over them and kisses him softly. "I've never let anyone so close. Now you know everything." He says, a hand coming closer to Aaron and running a hand through his hair.

He doesn't want to think of this as the last goodbye.

But minutes later his eyes are landing over the tickets Clive left for him and it all hits him.

He'll never, ever have this again.

"I love you." Aaron whispers into his ear, when the sun is almost rising. He thinks Robert's asleep but he isn't. "I know that now, after everything you told me. I want you still." His eyes flutter. "I'm love with you, have been for so long. Just give me time to get my head around this okay?"

Robert feels Aaron kiss his forehead, feels him shuffle off the bed and pull on a top, he feels him leave the house and knows that he'll never get to see him ever again.

No matter how badly he wants to say all those whispered confessions back to him.

 

::

 

 

There's Aaron there, he's saying he loves him over and over again but Robert can't say it back. His mouth is firmly shut, and even though he tries to prize it open, it's pointless.

_' "You can't even love me back?" '_

Aaron's chin wobbles and then he's falling down into something dark and cold and Robert can't move.

The sound of rain falling against the window stirs him awake and he gulps hard as he looks towards the ceiling and his eyes grow wide as he realises that he's got to leave soon.

Aaron's not lying next to him, he'd gone and Robert had just let him go.

Because he's a coward like that.

Robert starts torturing himself with thoughts of last night and remembers the feel of Aaron all over him, the way it ached so beautifully.

Aaron said he loved him.

He actually said that and Robert wanted to say it back, he _really_ wanted to. But he couldn't because -

His phone vibrates, keeps buzzing about and then it stops. Robert groans before reaching out for it and realising who it's from.

It's Clive, apparently he's got two hours before he picks him up.

 

 

::

 

 

It's hardest to pack Annie's things away, knowing that he has to somehow explain to her that they're going on yet another adventure and they have to start again.

It was different before, she was only young but now she's older, now she's settled and now she's got -

Aaron. For a second he thinks about the possibility of taking Aaron with him, telling him that he can't bare to leave without him because it's the _truth_.

But what good would that do? Aaron's tyre was _slashed_. There's pictures taken of him. If he asks Aaron to come with him then, he's asking for trouble. He's asking for Aaron to be in danger and he can't cope with that.

No one else was supposed to get this close. No one else was supposed to be this involved.

Robert decides that Aaron doesn't really love him, doesn't know what love is.

He decides that he can't love Aaron either, that he's never had a boyfriend so seriously before and this isn't what he's been telling himself it is.

By the time his packed enough away he's fully convinced himself that he doesn't need to be upset about this. So he just leaves the flat, leaves the useless passport behind and races to get Annie from Adam.

 

 

::

 

 

Adam's all smiles when he answers the door, has a hand against the frame as he looks at Robert. "You alright mate?" He's asking and Robert just nods slowly because Clive's already round the corner with the engine running, bags in the boot.

"Annie?" Robert's croaking out, hands shaking a little as he calls out for her and she comes running into his arms.

"Hey baby." Robert nearly crushes her close and starts stroking her hair before picking her up in his arms. "You're coming with me now, yeah?" He's still shaking and Adam's picking up on it all.

"Mate - you want a brew or anything? I could ask if Aaron's about -"

Robert eyes widen, "No." He stresses, _God_ no. "Just want to get her home. It's been a stressful twenty four hours." He says, and Adam agrees. Robert holds his daughter tighter, she feels so small in his arms, she's probably had a nightmare about last night. He should have been there to hold her hand. He was having sex with Aaron instead and basically being Father Of The Year.

He starts walking away and then turns sharply. "Adam, thank you."

_Thank you for making Annie laugh again._

_Thank you for keeping Annie safe._

_Thank you for bringing me to Aaron._

Adam looks at him strangely, "Yeah, no worries." He says and Robert watches Annie wave at hand before they're walking away and Annie's asking questions.

She starts struggling in Robert's arms as she sees the black car, she knows what it symbolises. "Daddy, daddy where are -"

He pulls her into the backseat and watches her chin wobble, Robert shakes his head and puts a hand on Annie's knee. "We're going on an adventure." He's trying, he's really trying but she just looks sad.

She knows what that means, he's trained her to know and she only has one thing to say -

"Can Aaron come with us this time?"

Robert feels Clive shake his head from the side and he sighs. Robert never wanted this to happen, he never wanted Annie to be ripped away from someone she so obviously adored.

"No baby." Robert tells her, watches her face crumble as he kneels down outside the car and tries not to become emotional. "I'm so sorry." He whispers, and she's turning red, like she can't cope with it all.

But he has to go, he has to race off with her before Chrissie takes her from him for good.

 

 

::

 

 

She cries when Clive drops them off at the station and tells Robert that he's booked them a hotel and that it will be a while until he can sort out anything more permanent.

She cries when Robert pulls her close and rests his head on hers as the train moves.

Robert's hit by a bout of deja vu and remembers sitting on a train with his daughter curled up beside him, just finished sobbing her heart out and having cried herself to sleep. He was filled with nothing but despair then, had a burning hole in his pocket in the shape of a ring to make him want to cry.

Now though, he's got a single text to make him feel like there's nothing else left to hope for in the world.

_Coming over if that's alright? We've got a lot to talk about but I'm not running. I swear. X_

_-_ **Aaron** _._

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So yeah, that happend. 
> 
> I can't be too sure when I'll be uploading next, I've only gone and wrote a 'Sweet Home Alabama AU' which I should be uploading next week some time. That might have my attention in terms of editing it all, but I hope to have something up of this some time next week to. 
> 
> As always, thanks for reading! :)


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Robert attempts to deal with the aftermath of recent events.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this chapter isn't the longest and I really do apologise for that but the next one should be much more lengthy. I'm super busy at the moment and I had to give something at least for this week! Can I also just say that the support given to me after the ending of the last chapter was absolutely amazing (I will answer all of them now!) so thank you so very much!! <33

  
The hotel is nice enough for now, there's an en suite and the television works okay, has more than three channels but there's only one bed.

Annie's laying right at the top, feet barely meeting the middle and yeah it's large enough to drown her.

Maybe that's what she wants, to just disappear. The thought fizzles through Robert's mind as he looks at her and then walks towards the bed, a hand out for her to hold onto.

She squeezes hard, too frightened to speak until Robert's pulling the covers off, sliding inside and then shielding them by making a makeshift tent out of the swarm of blankets around.

He holds her close to him, starts stroking her hair as her chin wobbles. "Did the bad guys catch us again?" She's asking, _finally_.

And Robert doesn't to lie anymore, so he nods. "But we got away just in time. I promise we'll be safe again soon."

Annie drops her head, pouting hard. "I want to go home." She's mumbling out, and Robert's so sorry for taking that all away from her.

Annie never called a place _home_ before now.

"I know baby. But we'll make ourselves a new home, one that isn't close to the bad guys." Robert promises her, his hand making small circles in her back as she tries not to cry.

"You pinky promised we were _safe_." Annie gulps, starts letting out this shaky breath like it's hard to control her emotions. "Now I'll never see Aaron again."

He can't think about him, pulls his daughter into a hug and cries on her small shoulder as he tells her how sorry he is.

But it's later, when Annie's asleep again, when he thinks about Aaron.

He dares to peer at his phone and he's met with seven notifications. All from Aaron.

A message:

 _Where are you? I'm waiting outside, I'm freezing!_   **(18:41)**

Then:

_The lights aren't on? Are you not at yours?_ **(18:45)**

And:

_Adam said you were acting weird after you picked Annie up from him. Call me now._ **(19:04)**

Before:

 _Please tell me where you've gone, I'm worried._ **(19:17)**

Robert shudders out a breath and then finds his fingers falling over the voicemails left, three voicemails.

"Harry - I mean, Robert. I don't - I don't even know what I mean." Robert hears the sound of traffic running by and he imagines Aaron out in the cold in search of them. "You can't just leave. Is that it? Have you just ran away?" He pauses and Robert hears him crying. "Because if you have, you're a fucking coward. A coward who I don't even give a shit about anymore. There. Have that for nothing."

It sends something sharp through Robert until he's hearing the next one and watching the moon rise in the midnight sky.

"I didn't mean that." Aaron's blurting out. "I need to know where you've gone. Adam saw some guy in a black car? Was that your friend picking you up? Have you really just left without even saying goodbye?"

And _that's_ what hurts the most. He'd never let Aaron hear how much he is loved. He couldn't even give him that.

"Robert please, let me in." Aaron shudders. "I told you I loved you, I heard you out and I - we had sex last night and I thought that despite everything, we'd somehow be okay, we'd sort it out. Did you know I wanted to? Or did that not even cross your mind? Did you know you were leaving when we had sex? Did you know when I told you I wanted this forever?" Robert winces uncontrollably. "Have a nice life then, tell Annie I loved her. Keep her fucking safe, I mean it." Robert can't help but admire his strength. "And look after yourself too okay? Just - I'm sorry I can't -"

The line cuts dead and Robert lays there with tears rolling down his face.

 

 

::

 

 

_He's got her in his arms and she's screaming her head off, she feels cold, unlovable in so many senses of the word and Robert knows she wants her mummy._

_She doesn't want the man who didn't care if she never made it into this world anyway. She senses it and she hates him already because he's a rubbish excuse for a parent._

_Robert covers her small head with a cotton hat and watches her calm a little as they sit on the bed of a grotty hotel. Clive's saying that it won't be long until he's got a flat ready and Robert knows he has to hold tight, make sure she's warm, give her a bottle a few times a day._

_He knows the very basics._

_"I'm going to really try." Robert whispers down to his daughter who is slowly starting to tire herself out. "I don't know what I'm doing, I don't know how to look after myself let alone you but - but I promise you that I'll never let them take you from me." He gulps hard. "Because I love you, and it's my job to keep you safe isn't it?"_

Robert wakes up to the sound of Annie tossing and turning and something chills inside him, she's having a nightmare and it breaks him in half.

"Leave us alone!" She's screaming, long hair drenched in sweat as she struggles against the blankets.

Robert comes closer to her, touches her forehead and attempts to stop her from crying, "It's okay, it's just a dream. It's just a dream baby."

She's still crying, still tossing around. "Don't take my daddy -"

Robert winces, hates every part of himself. And then he's picking her up and shaking her a little. It makes Annie wake up, and when she does she's wrapping her arms around Robert tightly and crying.

" _Oh_ Annie, it's okay. I'm here. I'm safe, we're safe now." Robert fights this urge to cry his heart out and smiles at her weakly.

Her chin wobbles as she clambers onto Robert's thighs and he strokes her damp hair. "The bad people were taking you and they made me watch. You were crying and they left me alone."

Robert shudders, "I'm _never_ going to let that happen. You're _never_ going to be alone, do you hear me? Never." He pulls her towards him and strokes her back over and over again.

And then he's checking under the bed for monster's and watching her tense up and then relax when he tells her there's no one there.

He checks four times before she finally goes to sleep again and he hates himself for turning his five year old into a nervous wreck.

 

 

::

 

 

When morning calls, Annie's still dead to the world and Robert wants to keep it that way because he can't handle her waking up and realising this is all real.

Robert's standing in the bathroom, buttoning up a crumpled shirt he'd packed in haste and he's staring at himself in the mirror. He's never looked paler, never looked more ill than this before he thinks.

His phone is buzzing on the side and he takes a quick look. He's regretting it instantly when he sees Aaron's name pop up four times.

 _I need to speak to you, I need to know you're okay._   **(00:42)**

_Is Annie okay? Just text me back. Just a text._ **(00:58)**

_I'll leave you alone, I just need to know you're not laying in a ditch somewhere._ **(1:09)**

Robert foolishly hears the voicemail as well, hears Aaron drunk on the other line.

"I get it now, I get you ran for me and whatever fucked up shit you've got going on. But I can't be angry can I? It's not like you loved me and you could do this to me - you didn't. I never felt this before. But I swear, falling in love - it's not what people fucking say it is. It hurts. It's a mugs game." Robert hears Aaron gulp something down, a beer maybe. "Take care yeah? Forget me 'cause I'll try and forget you. Starting with deleting this number." Aaron shudders and Robert has to sit up slowly. "Bye."

It cuts off and Robert actually cries, head in hands, kicking the door in frustration, _cries_.

 

 

::

 

There's a soft knock on the door and something jolts in Robert's stomach.

He's shaking, has a hand pulling towards the lamp shade like he can use it as a fucking weapon or something and -

"Psst. It's me Sugden, open up." It's Clive and Robert scrambles with the lock, watches his mate come through the door and look towards the bed where Annie's still sleeping.

"She had a nightmare last night." Robert whispers uncomfortably, and then tilts his head before sitting on an old chair in the corner of the room. "She needs to get some rest."

The colour of the walls are an awful pale orange and Robert only just really recognises them in the sunlight.

"And you?" Robert hears Clive whisper as he comes closer and keeps his black coat on, obviously he's not staying long. "You look like you've just risen from your own grave."

Robert sighs, "Cheers." He lets out before leaning back on the chair. "This time yesterday, we had a flat, and Annie had stability, and I had -"

"Aaron." Clive says, watches Robert turn away and rub at his eyes which are all red and puffy. "Shit, have you been crying over him?"

Robert raises his head, for once, just wants to talk to his old mate about normal things. That includes his love life. Yeah. _Love_ life. "He says he loves me." He pulls his knees towards his chest like he's a little boy.

Clive sighs hard. "That's all you need." He says, before there's a beat of silence between them. "Suppose he's been asking after you then?" He looks towards Robert's phone and shakes his head, "Delete his number you idiot."

Robert raises his head and Clive tries to smile warmly. "He's already deleted mine." He gulps hard, "It's over now."

But it's not because Aaron's on his mind, he's just swirling around and he won't leave Robert alone.

"It's for the best mate. You can't settle down, not when all this is going on." Clive sighs, "She found you, and she'll do it again if you _keep_ making it so easy."

Robert rubs his head and then stands. "I'm done. I'm done alright, I just need to see her and explain that I'm not going to go to the police and tell them the truth. If she knows that then -"

"It's not even about that anymore Rob." Clive comes closer and then looks at Annie. "She ruined her life," he looks back at Robert, "So did you. She won't stop -"

"Until what? I'm dead?" Robert chills at the thought. "She's taken Annie? I'm sick of living my life like this, I can't do it anymore." He tells Clive, feels himself falling back onto the chair with a thud. "And neither can you."

Robert's always felt that guilt for making Clive's life revolve so much around his issues, his drama.

Clive's married, can't have kids, has a mortgage to pay off and just so happens to be a private investigator in his spare time.

He doesn't deserve to spend so much of his time doing _this_.

Clive shrugs. "You've got a little girl." He's always been so protective over her. "You need my help and this won't last forever." He says. "If you could, I'd tell you to tell the police everything and hope for the best but you know them, and you know they've got money." He watches Robert nod and then he smiles slowly. "I'm still looking around for a flat but I promise you it won't take much longer."

He comes closer and Robert stands.

"Oi, chin up Sugden." Clive clears his throat and then Robert pulls him into a hug.

"Thanks for everything mate." Robert pats Clive's back quickly and pulls away before he loses his shit and just cries on the spot.

"I'll be in touch." Clive says before leaving Robert staring out of the window and pulling the curtains shut.

No one else can ever get in again.

 

 


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rohert continues to struggle without Aaron and recieves a surprise visit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First of all let me say that I am so happy that people are still reading, I feel like it has definitely got darker and sadder and I know lots of people escape to AO3 from canon to have lightness. I just want to say that everything is going to work out but it's going to get a little more angsty! 
> 
> Also ... read until the end.

Annie wakes up and has questions, understandable ones.

"Did the bad people make your car be fiery?" She's saying, hands through her hair as Robert pulls her into a hug.

He's fed her a two neatly packaged biscuits that were left along the side of the draw and made himself a weak tea.

Robert remembers the fire and how it felt to be so close, he remembers his _mum_.

"Yeah." Robert whispers to her and then he gulps. "That's why I had to get you away, to keep you safe."

Annie understands, he knows that, but he doesn't expect her to _really_ brush aside her feelings and rationalise it all.

"It's not _fair_." Annie pouts, and Robert hears her talk about Jade and missing school and it _aches_ him.

It doesn't take long until Robert's fighting back tears, trying to block out Annie's upset over the scary fire and not think about his mum and -

He feels Annie's little hands fall over his eyes and she's telling him not to cry.

"I'm sorry flower." He tells her, his eyes are damp and he feels sick. "I - I just don't like fire that much. I've not got very nice memories of fire." He lets her know without _letting her know_ and she just nods at him.

 

 

::

 

 

Annie's dressed in something Robert hastily packed away for her and she's complaining about it being too small for her.

Robert has a hand over the remote, attempting to find something for her to watch but he can't and he feels useless about it.

Annie picks up on it of course, "I wish Aaron was here to make us smile daddy."

Something burns through Robert and it's too hard to think about.

But he does all the same.

He thinks about Aaron jumping up and down on the bed like a big kid. He thinks about him knowing exactly what to put on for Annie.

Annie's still looking upset and Robert watches her grow sadder before he does the unthinkable and tells her to come and sit with him.

"I need to talk to you about Aaron." Robert tells her. "Because, baby, we - we're not going to see him again. Not ever okay?" Annie's chin wobbles the way his usually does and she bends her head. "And it's not because we don't like each other anymore -"

"Is it because I'm too silly and I play with him too much?" Annie asks, starts dancing a hand through the covers of the bed and waits.

Robert looks horrified. " _No_. It's not that." He pauses. "Me and Aaron, we care about each other but we have to be away from each other from now on." Annie looks like she wants to ask why and Robert sighs. "I don't want the bad guys hurting him too."

And that makes Annie stop asking questions altogether.

 

 

::

 

 

Annie's asleep again

(he had to check under the bed twice)

and the moon is up higher than it should be.

Robert sitting on the floor of the en-suite with a bottle of whiskey he'd packed with him.

He's staring at his phone and looking at the blank screen which reminds him that Aaron's deleted his number and doesn't want to see him again.

Rightly so.

Robert picks up his phone and starts scrolling mindlessly though pictures just to torture himself.

He finds a really old one. A picture of Rebecca with Annie when she was only a few days old. He shows it to Annie when she's sad and it tears him apart.

"Bet you really hate me now don't you? Even more than before." He blows out a breath as he looks at the photo and downs another mouthful of drink. "I had to check under the bed for monsters four times yesterday. That's how shit I am." He whispers, can't cry.

Instead he goes to more recent ones.

There's one of Annie leaning on Aaron's chest, fast asleep as he has a hand on her back and is tilting his head down towards her, his own eyes shut.

It makes Robert want to cry as he realises how strong of a bond they had, what he had completely destroyed.

He keeps scrolling and he sees one of him and Aaron at the Zoo. He's licking ice cream off Aaron's face and it's all blurry from the way Aaron's struggling to squirm away from Robert but he's laughing, really smiling.

It hurts. It brings back happy memories which Robert wants to forget ever even existed. Because it isn't helping is it? _This_ isn't helping.

There's a knock on the door which forces Robert to stand. He doesn't want Annie waking up and worrying about it all.

There's a jolt in his stomach as he slides open the lock and then the door and is met with a familiar face.

She's still small, but so much bigger in too many different ways. She's got a flower in her hair, it makes her look so young, so much like she used to.

"Robert?" She's saying and then she's stepping inside and Robert's feeling her crush all her weight into him as she wraps her arms around him and cries.

"Vic." He mumbles out, didn't know how much he needed her until now.

 

 

::

 

 

She smells like sweets. It's weird, she probably doesn't really but he's reminded of how she _used_ to smell and it's all coming back.

Vic pulls away and just stares at her brother in shock. "I'm so happy I found you." She says and Robert tries to smile but he's so pale and weak and _tired_ because he doesn't sleep.

Robert gulps hard and then his eyes widen, "Gosh please don't tell me anyone followed you?" He's thinking the worst and then she's relaxing him with her words and he tries to calm down.

"I made your mate tell me. Clive? I begged him to and he agreed that you needed someone at least." Vic says and then she's frowning. "Aaron? I'm sorry." She's saying, like she knows how it feels.

Robert just nods, doesn't want to ruin this because he's missed her so terribly.

"I've missed so much." He says, chin wobbling, hand over his face which drops only when Vic tells him to.

"It's not your fault." Vic tells him gently, comes closer and then she's looking towards the bed and Annie's already stirring and -

"Daddy? Who's the lady with the flower in her hair?" Annie's asking, a little in awe as Vic looks towards her brother and doesn't know what to say.

It doesn't take long before she's crying and Annie's confused even more.

"Don't be sad, flower lady." Annie's on her knees on the bed and Robert comes closer, smiles at her.

"Annie." Robert whispers, "This is your auntie Vic, she's my sister."

Annie's face becomes animated and Vic finally hugs her, all soft and delicate at first and then she's squeezing at Annie for dear life.

"Oh _God_ , you're beautiful." Vic says when she's finally let Annie go and Robert smiles warmly as he watches his daughter's eyes sparkle madly with appreciation.

Vic stays, tells Annie all these stories about growing up on a farm and feeding the pigs and playing in the mud and Robert melts at how good she is with her. Vic's a natural and Robert is in awe.

"She looks so much like Reb -" Vic whispers to Robert as Annie sits in her lap and pays with Vic's hand. She stops herself and Robert just nods.

"She gets her kindness from her too." Robert says, a flicker of proudness running through him.

Vic smiles warmly before heaving a bag of food onto the bed and watching Annie go mad. It's nearly ten o'clock but Robert lets Annie eat a chocolate bar and another and then Vic's giving her a sandwich and chucking him one too.

"You didn't have to -"

"I did." Vic whispers gently and then Annie's thanking her and playing with her hair and calling her _auntie_ Vic over and over again.

 

 

::

 

 

Robert looks across at Vic and she's looking like she can feel his pain.

"I didn't want to leave him." Robert says to her, then looks at Annie who's sleeping at the end of the small bed. "I feel like I've taken away someone she loves, needs."

Vic makes a soft face and sighs, "Kids bounce back."

And maybe she's right, maybe Annie she will forgot him soon enough.

"And adults?" He asks, makes Vic come closer and she hugs against him.

He doesn't hear an answer.

_They learn how to live with half a heart._

 

 

::

 

 

  
She can't stay forever.

She bought a glow of happiness but she's leaving them.

Annie nearly cries too. It's only taken a number of hours for her to grow attached and yeah, Annie definitely has her father's wild attachment issues.

Vic stands by the door and twists her bag in her hand. "There's a few more sandwiches and drinks in there." She says. "To last you until, well I don't know. When are you leaving here?"

Robert blinks softly, feels like he's going to cry. "I don't know." He shrugs, has a hand on his face. "Clive is still sorting it all out."

She looks unimpressed and then she's coming forward and touching his face. "Andy would send his love if he knew about this." And yeah, Robert doesn't need to hear about Andy or anything to do with the whole dramatic 'haven't spoken to you for years' sort of shit. So he turns his face away and Vic gets the hint. "He loves you. We all do and I swear you're not facing this alone."

I am, he wants to tell her.

He doesn't.

Instead he nods and then she's asking if he's going to be okay.

"I have to be. For Annie." It's been his answer for five years.

Vic blinks slowly and then sighs. "I don't know what happened with you and - and Aaron but -"

He didn't want to go into specifics, can't help himself now.

"Chrissie slashed one of his tyres, took pictures of him. He was there when my car was set on fire." Vic looks horrified. "I _had_ to leave him behind."

It sounds awful. It is.

Vic bows her head and the crosses her arms.

"And you know the worst thing?" Robert says, "You know, apart from not being close to him or - or taking Annie away from him." He's being disgustingly open as he stands there and hears the sound of Annie sleeping. "He said he loved me. Even after I told him that I'd lied to him all along about who I was. He wanted to have a future with a fucked up single dad with too much baggage to handle."

Vic hears the sound of Robert's voice break near the end.

"And I couldn't even tell him I loved him _back_. I let him think I didn't. And I have to live with that for the rest of my life."

It's heavy and unsettling and he can't think straight until Vic is wiping away his tears and squeezing him tightly.

"You'll be happy one day."

I was, Robert wants to scream.

Doesn't.

"And you won't have to run from love anymore." Vic tells him. He wants to believe her but he can't.

So he just nods and listens to her say that she'll visit again soon, message him when she's back in Emmerdale.

"I love you Rob." Vic tells him, eyes watering.

"I love you too Vic." He lets her know before making her promise to not breathe a word about the visit.

She promises and she leaves and Robert feels ridiculously alone again.

Doesn't drink himself silly though, just lays next to Annie and whispers stories about his childhood to her even though she's asleep.

She deserves to know about her own father, even like this.

 

 

::

 

 

When the sun rises, there's a sheet of blue pulled over the sky which won't budge and Robert feels like it's a sign. It's _mad_ yet almost feels him with a hope he didn't know he had left.

It helps that Annie doesn't ask any more questions.

She eats a cereal bar Vic left for her and she plays with a doll Robert had remembered to pack.

He hasn't been eating and _yeah_ he should be but he can't do anything other than think about Annie and her wellbeing.

Robert's in the shower, water splashes over his face and down his chest and he breathes out steadily as he fights to forget the dream he'd had the night before.

Aaron had been there, of fucking course.

He'd been drowning, but Robert had been able to see the tears rolling down his face.

_"Tell me you're happier?"_

That's what Robert had heard, and he'd tried to reach out for Aaron before he was too far away. This giant wall was being pulled up between them and there was no way he could reach him in time before they were parted.

_"Because you've hurt me again. You said you wouldn't. Do you ever learn?"_

That's when Aaron closed his eyes and Robert desperately tried to kick down the wall but it was too late.

Robert has to press a hand against the tiles to stop his legs from buckling and then he's turning the shower off altogether.

 

 

::

 

 

Annie's drawing, only using black crayons.

Robert tries to lift her mood, hoped it _was_ lifted but there's no point.

Because it's raining again.

 

 

::

 

  
Robert can hear Annie playing in the bathroom, she's giving her doll a bath in the sink and swirling her hands around playfully.

He can hear her as he lays flat out on the bed and the sound is such a comfort it aches.

Clive's been and gone with no good news and that's why Annie's voice makes everything seem a little better.

Apparently Chrissie's left Emmerdale for good. He doesn't know where she's gone or for how long but all he's thinking about is her knocking on the door any second now.

Robert pulls a hand up to his face and tries to calm himself down, fight the urge to cry and want _him_ here.

And then -

The door is being knocked on, hard and fast and Robert's heart is falling out of his chest and he can't breathe until he's shakily unlocking the door and gasping, can't help himself because -

 _Aaron's_ falling into his chest like he's going to collapse and _fuck_ he's black and blue, barely breathing and Robert feels blood coat his own hands as he tries to keep him up.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Probably the meaniest cliffhanger to date!


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Robert and Aaron struggle through their feelings as they are reunited.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry for that terrible cliffhanger, here have some sad soppy stuff!

It's like everything turns hazy around the world.

Robert tells himself to breathe, keeps telling himself until he's able to pull Aaron up and onto the bed without completely breaking down.

" _Aaron_ ," Robert tries not to scream because Annie's only a few feet away, behind a bathroom door and Aaron's huffing out a breath, turning over on the bed and holding onto the sheets. "What's happened?" Robert's heart beats out of his chest louder than it should be.

Aaron groans out in pain and raises his head towards Robert, shy and slow at first as he shuffles on the bed and tries to make himself small. He's got a gash on his forehead and Robert realises that's where all the blood is coming from. It doesn't stop there though, he's got a bruise under his right eye and he's holding onto his stomach like he's been kicked repeatedly.

Robert feels his stomach swirl out of control and he gulps hard, "Aaron." He kneels down and pulls a hand over his mouth shakily as Aaron attempts to sit up. "Oh _God_ , what's -"

Aaron gulps, he's looking away, towards the blood stained white sheets. "Sorry." He says, looks like it's the only thing he can say.

Robert's eyes widen in shock and he grips hold of Aaron's knee, "Sorry? Don't - don't worry about the sheets Aaron just - look at me, focus on -" he watches Aaron's eyes nearly roll back and a hand instinctively falls on Aaron's back to keep him upright. "Focus on me, just me." He holds Aaron's head up and sees something in his eyes, something raw and sad and it makes him want to kill whoever did this to him. "Tell me who did this to you."

Aaron blows out a breath, "Just two heavies." He says, winces a little. "Some woman came to the garage, asked where you were and I said I didn't know - but she didn't believe me. She left and then - when I was closing up, I got jumped by them." He drops his head and Robert's head spins because it's _her_. She'd come after _Aaron_.

Robert suddenly stands, needs air and pushes the window open. "It was her. It was Chrissie." He whispers and then he's turning back to Aaron with tears in his eyes. "I never wanted this to happen." He shakes his head and then he's stepping forward, watching Aaron try to stand and then Annie's twisting the door and -

"Annie back inside for me." Robert's hastily saying but it's too late because she's already seen Aaron and she's fucking _screaming_ when she sights his blood.

Aaron drops his head, watches Robert grab Annie's hand and take her back into the bathroom.

"It's okay, Aaron needs me so - just stay here." He says, tears falling down his face as he wipes hers away and tries to stop her from getting to the door. "Okay?" He whispers and Annie nods her head.

"Can you make him better?" She wobbles out, shaky and upset.

Robert kisses her head, promises her that he will and then grabs a towel off the rack and comes back into the room where Aaron is standing near the door.

"I - I'm _so_ sorry. I shouldn't have come, she didn't need to see that." Aaron's backing even further towards the door and Robert's eyes widen.

"Come here." Robert whispers, arm outstretched and this overwhelming need to _care_ for Aaron and keep him close. "Aaron, please." He pleads, watches Aaron slowly give in and come towards the bed.

Robert dabs lightly at Aaron's face, watches the younger man wince as he presses too hard. "Shit, sorry." He blurts out, looks straight into Aaron's blue eyes and his heart still skips a beat.

 

 

::

 

 

Robert keeps pressing down on the cut above Aaron's forehead, using a wet towel and trying not to look so petrified.

"Stop thinking." Aaron mumbles out, looks up from his lashes. "I can practically hear ya." He says and Robert just tries to concentrate on taking away all the blood.

He presses a little too hard and Aaron hisses. "Shit," he snaps, tries to pull away a little and Robert pulls him back so that they are practically inches apart.

"Stop moving." Robert tells Aaron, he's just got a little bit more to wipe at and Aaron's a fucking wriggly little child.

"It stings!" Aaron hisses, a harsh frown on his face.

"Yeah well I'm trying to make you feel better." Robert snaps back like a kid and suddenly he looks at Aaron and sees him looking at his lips.

Aaron's just starring at Robert's lips and everything else in the world slows down until Robert is inches away, so close, too close and they are in each other's space, they're so _together_ and then the door is trying to be opened and Robert thinks of Annie and -

They're pulling away.

 

 

::

 

 

Aaron's laying on the bed, keeps wincing and moaning as he tries to get comfortable and he's looking at the panic written across Robert's face.

"I followed your mate." Aaron says slowly and watches Robert freeze as he stands over the bed and watches him. "He was driving past the garage and - I followed him, bought a ticket, managed to sit quietly on a train until it started getting worse and -"

Robert can imagine Aaron racing down the street in agony, passing over money and ignoring looks from people as he tried to mask his pain.

He did that, he did that for -

"Why?" Robert blurts out. The sun is going down now and there's pink hues lacing the sky. "Why would you _risk_ \- "

"How could you have not told me the truth?" Aaron pushes out. "If I knew who she was, I would have been _ready_ for it. You just left me and -"

Robert comes closer and sees he way that Aaron's finding it hard to breathe, like he's crumbling under the weight of what happened to him and Robert _breaks_ as a hand falls on Aaron's thigh and he sits down on the bed.

"I thought I was keeping you safe." Robert looks away, knows now that he wasn't. He was putting him in even more danger because Chrissie wanted to hurt _everyone_ Robert loved apparently.

Aaron looks up and his eyes look like oceans. "By leaving me to deal with it on my own?" He shudders, like he's struggled so _hard_.

Robert gulps, "Who do you think slashed your tyre Aaron?" He whispers, feels like everything is falling apart at the seams and he's having to tell Aaron things that will only panic the younger man. He watches Aaron's eyes widen as his face fall. "I thought it was a warning, her wanting me to stay away from you." It sounds awful and pathetic and he shrugs.

Aaron turns away like he's giving Robert the cold shoulder and Robert holds his face too roughly, instinct telling him to make Aaron see him and know he's telling the truth.

Aaron winces at the rough grip and pushes at Robert's chest. It makes Robert feel like he's a monster, like all he's done is make Aaron _miserable_.

"I'm sorry." Robert blurts out. "Fuck Aaron I'm so sorry. I missed you so much." He's crying, suddenly can't stop and Aaron looks stunned until he's pulling Robert towards his chest and hesitantly stroking his hair.

Robert's never felt safer, and the world -

It turns quiet for a second or two.

 

 

::

 

 

Robert doesn't know what's going on.

He doesn't know why Aaron's here. Why the younger man hasn't slapped him round the face and hurled abuse at him and hated him for bringing him into his mess and getting him hurt.

But he doesn't want to think about that.

So he doesn't. Instead he just feels Aaron all around him, feels Aaron's arms over his body and the way his chest rises and falls up and down against Robert's hand which is plastered down on it.

Annie stands by the bathroom door suddenly and Aaron looks at her sadly. He doesn't look as bad as he did before, just looks tired and - yeah he still has that black eye and a cut - but it isn't bleeding anymore.

"Don't be scared." He tells her, like he _knows_ what she's thinking and then Annie starts playing with her hands and looking at Robert.

He turns towards her, "Aaron needs cuddles Annie." Robert whispers, like he's allowing her to hug Aaron now and she jumps at the chance to hold him in her arms for a second.

Robert pulls away and watches his daughter _cry_ as she hugs Aaron. "I thought you were really poorly." She's saying and Aaron kisses her head.

"All better." He lies, a sharp pain travels through him as Robert looks on and watches them. "Daddy looked after me." He whispers and then Annie's smiling softly at her father.

"Me and daddy missed you _this_ much." Annie pulls her arms out as wide as she can and then she's crawling into the space between her father and Aaron, burying her head into Aaron's neck as though there's nothing but comfort there.

Aaron looks stunned, like he doesn't know what to say, but then he's slowly stroking Annie's hair, looking at Robert. "I missed you both two." He whispers, "So much."

Robert gulps hard, tries not to cry.

For a second, Robert allows himself to thinks about what it would be like to have _this_. Aaron laying in bed with him, Annie in the middle of them with a soft smile on her face.

He allows himself to think of this as his to _keep_ -

And then the rain starts pouring down the windows again.

 

 

::

 

 

Annie's dead to the world and Robert watches her sleep for a second before he's looking at Aaron who is laying beside her.

The younger man is in his own world, laying there with tears running down his face.

It breaks Robert's heart and he reaches over, holds Aaron's hand and suddenly is hit with the realisation that Aaron had suffered because of him and yet he'd still come to him.

"Why?" Robert whispers, like he has continued the sentence or said it before and Aaron can read him.

Aaron shuffles on the bed, pulls the covers over him a little before biting his lip and looking at Robert. "I thought she'd come to you next." He whispers. "I don't know - I just saw that car, it had the same number plate that Adam saw and I just ran." He shudders, feels Robert's hand in his. "I thought you were in danger."

Robert gulps. "You were the one in danger." He whispers, "You were *hurt and you still tried and -"

"Well you weren't making it easy for me to know you were alright." Aaron's snapping lightly, has a hand over his stomach as he speaks and watches Robert look away from him. "Was that to keep me safe as well?"

Robert's jaw tenses. "What could I say?" He whispers, "If I rang you and heard your voice down the line telling me to speak - I wouldn't have been able to stop myself from telling you how much I -"

He still can't say it because he's still a coward.

Instead he watches Aaron's face pale in the moonlight and stops himself from calling him beautiful.

"I just couldn't." Robert says lamely, slides his hand free from Aaron's and feels sick. "She hurt you." He whispers, wants to kill her suddenly, wants her _dead_. "She hurt _you_."

Robert's been hurt too many times in his life. He knows what it feels like and he's got used to numbing it. He's got used to not being able to feel it like he did before.

But Aaron? He somehow gets to be the strongest person in the world yet the most fragile in Robert's eyes and that means that he can't take this pain. He doesn't _deserve_ it.

Aaron's suddenly squeezing his hand and feels at his palm. "Better than hurting you or Annie." He shrugs like he _really_ means that as flippantly as sounds.

It makes Robert catch his breath, of course it does.

Aaron's got tears in his eyes but he's calmer than he was before. "I think she got me beaten up out of frustration, because she didn't know where you were." He whispers and then he's watching Robert's eyes flicker. "Say something."

Robert gulps hard, doesn't know what to say. "You came here." He whispers, overwhelmed. "You didn't need to but you came to see if we were okay, after I'd left you to be beaten the shit out of."

He feels like a monster again but Aaron doesn't let the feeling last because he's suddenly dodging Annie in the middle of them and pulling a hand over Robert's forehead.

"I care about you." Aaron forces out like he can't face another confession of his feelings and Robert understands.

He doesn't expect Aaron to lean closer towards him like he wants to kiss him. He doesn't expect it, realises that they shouldn't be doing this just as their lips brush together and he's saying -

"I can't put you in danger like this." Robert tells him and it's as if Aaron knows, as if he was hoping that Robert would forget the danger for a second or two and _give in_.

Robert breathes Aaron in and then pulls away further like he has to.

"Don't you think I already am?" Robert hears Aaron say as he lays there and watches the way the younger man look at him before dropping his head and turning away. "I should go -" he says, trying to get up and then feeling Robert stop him.

"You make me feel less alone." Robert blurts out, tears swimming in his eyes. "And I need you, in spite of everything, I _need_ you."

Maybe it's the way his voice breaks or something but Aaron's slowly coming back into the bed and -

Somehow they hold hands the whole night and Robert doesn't have any bad dreams, actually manages to sleep in peace with Aaron by his side and the reassurance behind the line -

"You're not alone. Not anymore."

Being whispered in his ear which is enough to make his misery melt away and bring hope to the forefront of his troubled mind.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm blown away by the fact that people still even read this, thanks so much. There's plenty more twists and turns to come, it's not winding down yet!


	18. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aaron and Robert try to cope with their situation, with Robert eventually viewing everything differently.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IT IS QUITE LONG CHAPTER 
> 
> UR WELCOME

  
In the cold light of day everything is always different. Everything is just suddenly more transparent and there's less of a fog circling your mind.

So when Robert opens his eyes properly and feels Aaron's arm thrown over both him and Annie's little body as they lay in bed, the first thing he doesn't feel is joy like he should.

He feels fear, it's _crippling_ fear because he's continued to be a selfish prat and made Aaron stay with him despite the fact that Chrissie could have found them by now.

The thought makes him try and shuffle out of bed but then Aaron's eyes are flickering open and he's frowning.

"Where are you going?" He croaks out, the black eye on his face is turning purple and Robert gulps as he sees it. "It looks worse than it feels. Trust me. I'm a boxer." He tries and Robert just sighs.

"This isn't a joke." Robert tells him, because despite not having a bad dream last night, all he can see now is Aaron hurt and bruised and battered. "What if she had killed you?"

Aaron pulls a face. "Morbid." He says flatly before reaching over and trying to pull Robert close to him, wincing a little as he does so and suddenly Robert's coming round to his side of the bed and stroking Aaron's hair.

"You can't stay here." Robert whispers sadly, looks at the man he called his boyfriend so naively once upon a time and he wants to cry, he wants to mourn that loss.

He will, when he's alone, when Aaron's gone.

Aaron shuffles up on the bed slowly and looks at Robert. "Neither can you." He retaliates.

"Don't - don't make this about me okay?" Robert tells him, this need to remove himself from the conversation is heavy and alarming but he has to because the minute Aaron worries about him, the minute he becomes reckless and in danger.

Yeah, because he loves you, that's what people do when they're in love. They become reckless.

( _You_ became reckless)

 

 

::

 

 

Annie's settled somewhat, she's playing on the carpet and watching the television with one eye almost always on Aaron as if she needs to keep checking on him.

Aaron's breathing in and out slowly as Robert watches him and he raises an eyebrow. "Stop watching me." He whispers and Robert looks away slowly before hearing Aaron say something else, "Tell me something."

Robert turns back to him and frowns, feels like he didn't hear him correctly and tries to sit up and understand.

"Tell me something about you, something nice, something good." Aaron whispers, like he's still tired or in need of something light.

Robert suddenly remembers telling Aaron things after they had sex that night, in the softness of the bedroom and blankets.

It had been bliss.

Robert tries to draw something deep out of his mind, something hidden away from him childhood or something. "I once climbed a tree half naked for a dare." He tells him, watches the smile spread across the younger man's face. "Got stuck up there for three hours as well."

It's almost too soft and stilted and Robert wants to say something that he knows will make Aaron want to kiss him again but -

There's a knock on the door and everyone tenses until Clive announces his arrival and Robert's shoulders relax a little.

And then they tense again when Clive's seeing Aaron.

"What's all this then?" Clive's asking, voice low and tense and unforgiving.

Annie jumps up and explains that Aaron wasn't feeling well but Robert looked after him. Then Robert's asking her to give her doll a bath in the sink again and she's actually going. Only after Aaron has asked her to, she listens to him more.

"I said, no one gets close for a _reason_." Clive explains to Robert as he looks at the state of Aaron. "Now your bit of rough is even rougher." He says, slaps a hand down on his side.

"Don't speak about him like that!" And there's passion in Robert's voice which shocks even him.

The air is thick and filled with something dark which Aaron's trying to break through.

"I followed you. Robert didn't know I was coming okay?" Aaron says, finds strength in his voice and watches Clive roll his eyes.

"Brilliant." Clive forces out, a hand over his face. "Do you have any idea how much danger you've willingly putting yourself in?"

And yeah, maybe Aaron just hasn't a clue, Robert thinks.

"This woman didn't flinch when her own sister was killed in front of her eyes." Clive explains coldly and then Robert's flinching.

"Enough." Robert's snapping, "Okay? He doesn't need to hear this -"

Clive steps forward and sighs. "Stop trying to protect him. You've failed at that Robert." Robert hates how right Clive is and has to look away as he hears Aaron protesting.

"I'm not a kid." Aaron's managing to get off the bed and stand next to Robert. "I can look after myself just fine."

Clive just looks at him slowly, "Yeah?" Aaron nods. "Well tell your face that because from where I'm standing, you're burying yourself in more and more _shit_ and soon there's not going to be a shovel nearby for you to grab ahold of in time."

Robert makes a small sound, wants to tell Clive to _fuck off_ but he's right and he can't help but realise that he's pulling Aaron down further into this Hell and he's petrified that Aaron will want to burn with him.

"Look what she did to ya when she just wanted _answers_." Clive raises a hand and sighs. "Imagine what she'd do to you when she finds you _here_."

Aaron goes to speak but then closes his mouth and Robert winces, decides he has to step forward and say something instead.

"I'll let Annie know you said goodbye." He forces out, watches Clive frown like he can't quite believe it all.

"You're playing a dangerous game and you _know_ it." Clive says and it seeps through Robert and attacks at his heart a little because Clive knows him well, can read him like a book and it's unsettling.

But then he's gone and Aaron's attempting to ease the intensity in the room.

"He was wrong."

_No he wasn't._

"He doesn't know me, he -"

_He did a background check on you._

"We just need to keep our heads down."

_There's no 'we' in this anymore._

Robert's standing by the window, the curtains are fluttering in the breeze as he opens it a little wider and feels the wind hit his cheeks.

Aaron's still attempting to make everything seem okay and he can't hear it anymore.

"Just stop." Robert pleads, finally turns around to face the boy who only made the mistake of falling for an idiot. "Just please stop trying to make this sound like it's all just going to go away if we wish hard enough."

Aaron stops dead, mouth hanging open and eyes flickering to where Robert is standing, "I'm not. I just want you to know that -"

"That what?" Robert's firing, can't help the way he breathes harshly, "Aaron, you need to go far far away and forget me." It rips through his veins and won't stop because Aaron's trying to say something and then he's wincing hard and swearing.

"See." Robert's saying as he comes close towards Aaron again, "You're - they _hurt_ you." He still can't believe it. "Aaron, you are the last person to deserve this -"

Aaron gulps, "Why? Because of my _past_? Fuck my past Robert and let me help you."

Robert's eyes flicker and he drops the hand he had on Aaron's shoulder. He can't handle this stronger Aaron, the one who's brave and just wants to _help_ him. But he doesn't prefer the victim idea he has of Aaron either.

"You can't." Robert shakes his head and then Aaron's tugging him close, again, finding this strength from somewhere suddenly and managing to push Robert against the wall. Their lips nearly touch and Robert nearly gives in to the feeling but he pulls away. "Because I can't do _this_ , I can't kiss you and -" he's fucking weak. "I won't be able to stop." He presses a hand against Aaron's chest and is stunned by how much Aaron still wants this disaster of a single dad.

It should make something bubble inside him but it doesn't.

It can't.

Aaron brushes their noses together and nods. "Then just let me help you be prepared." He tells him, forces Robert to frown. "I wasn't ready for them, I was jumped but if I train you just a little, you'll know what to do." He says, like it's that easy.

Robert feels Aaron's breath tickle his lips and he has to pull away. "I'd be shit." He blurts out, "I can't throw a punch." He explains, "They'd be no point in -"

"You'd be protecting Annie, giving them at least something to make them think twice about you." Aaron's explaining with a determined look on his face, "You'd be protecting Annie." He says again and Robert finds himself nodding.

Aaron peels Robert away from the wall and smiles almost shyly, like he used to do. "I promise to keep my hands to myself." He whispers, "And my lips."

And yeah, how the hell can Robert get rid of those butterflies in his stomach?

 

 

::

 

 

Robert wasn't exaggerating, he wasn't being a pain when he said that he couldn't box.

He's removing a scarf from his face and pulling it down quickly as Annie drops the coat she was forced into wearing so that they were disguised well enough.

"Stop being such a girl." Aaron remarks, the bruise under his eye is still a sight but it's not as awful as it was yesterday. He's got that twinkle in his eye again.

Robert raises his head, he's standing in some grotty back street factory which has probably been abandoned for years now and he's fucking freezing because Aaron's suggested to not where a top. He hadn't smiled or anything when he said it and Robert felt like an idiot for being sad about it. As if they've lost something between them.

"That's a bit sexist." Robert huffs out, holds the boxing gloves up higher and then feels Aaron touch his waist and tug him in better. It sends a tingle through Robert and he gulps hard.

Annie even nods her head in agreement, and it makes Aaron laugh before he's sitting her down on a stool and telling her that daddy's going to be able to protect her better now.

It makes Robert melt just a little as he watches Aaron with Annie once again, he can't quite believe how close they are still, how much Aaron loves her. It's so clear. He was willing to take a beating for the little girl and maybe Aaron doesn't know how much that means.

 

 

::

 

 

Aaron's closer to him again, their chests are almost touching and Robert has to drop his head.

"Swing and duck." Aaron says, pulls Robert's hands up and presses down on the boxing gloves he'd found. Robert nods slowly and then he's thinking about how Aaron didn't need to do this for him, he didn't know to ring a bloke he knew and ask if there's anywhere near by for him to use for a few hours. He didn't, but he did.

He did without the promise of something in return, he did despite Robert's rejection, he just did it because he wanted to help.

Robert follows Aaron's instructions, has one eye on Annie who's playing a game on Aaron's phone and doesn't seem to care about her dad becoming Rocky. He feels Aaron lift his chin up and then he's nodding seriously, pressing a hand against Robert's back and straightening it.

"Back straight, eyes ahead, push this arm forward," Aaron says slowly, a hand squeezing Robert's shoulder, maybe for reassurance or something and he's just 'in the zone'. "Then swing." He says, too close to Robert's ear and it makes the older man fucking shiver because maybe Aaron doesn't know how sexy this is, how much of a distraction this is when it shouldn't be.

Aaron finds another pair of boxing gloves and Robert shakes his head at him hard. "You're still hurt." Robert tells him, "I can't hurt you even more."

Aaron rolls his eyes, "Like you're going to do any real damage." He says, before coming closer and punching at Robert's chest lightly. "Hit me back." He almost demands and Robert does so, reluctantly.

Aaron huffs out a sigh and then removes his boxing gloves, tells Robert to do the same. " _Now_ hit me." He pushes out slowly, "Use your fits." Robert lets out a groan and then Aaron's shaking his head. "You need to know how to hit Rob." He says and Robert bends his head a little, Aaron calls him Rob, not Robert. He hates Rob. But doesn't mind it from Aaron.

Aaron blows out a breath and then pulls Robert's hand up until the older man is actually landing a punch across Aaron's face and making him stagger just a little.

Robert doesn't want to do it again, feels Aaron sense it and then he's pushing over a punch bag, well a sand sack but it's hooked onto something and looks sturdy enough.

"Pretend that's a person." Aaron's telling him and Robert just punches at it lightly.   
"C'mon, those heavies didn't punch me like that did they?" That makes Robert raise his head and his jaw tenses. "They hurt me Rob." Robert knows what Aaron's doing, he's trying to make him angry, make him punch harder and it's working.

"Don't you want to protect us?" Robert hears Aaron saying it in his own head despite Aaron standing there still, no words coming out of his mouth. "Don't you love me and Annie, don't you want Chrissie to stay away from -"

It makes Robert punch the sandbag _hard_. He hears Aaron gasp and then Annie clap her hands together, asks if daddy's won because there's sand all around his feet.

Aaron smiles softly, _impressed_. "Yeah Annie, daddy won." He says before coming closer. "Well that wasn't bad." He breathes out and Robert nods at him slowly because he didn't even know his own strength.

 

 

::

 

 

They get back into the hotel room just before it starts to rain and Robert's body aches from the amount of training it's been through.

Annie's sleeping on Aaron's shoulder and Robert leaves them alone as he goes off to have a shower. He's washing himself and hearing the low hum of the shower fill his ears and then he's hearing Aaron speaking to Annie gently.

"Of course I love you." Aaron whispers to her, kisses her head as he does. "But sometimes things get messy don't they and - and people can't stay forever."

Robert turns the shower off and reaches out for a towel to hug at his waist as his hair drips all over the floor.

"Daddy missed you, he kept being upset and crying when we went here without you." Annie pouts sadly and Robert feels his chest tighten as he edges closer towards the door and sees Aaron hugging Annie.

"I'd never want to leave again, but it's grown up stuff isn't it?" Aaron gulps, "I'm so sorry for not being able to be here for you always." Robert drops his head, feels Aaron's pain and it's awful.

Annie brushes the hair out of her face and blinks quickly, "But I could have another daddy." She seems so excited about the prospect and Robert's crushed, he hates himself, he hates all of _this_ for fucking with his own daughter's head so much.

Aaron's got tears swimming in his eyes and he blinks quickly, like he doesn't know what to say and then Robert's coming through the door and seemingly saving him.

"Annie, let's go give you a shower too okay?" Robert's saying as he watches his daughter slump off the bed and toddle towards the bathroom.

Aaron's eyes are still wide and alert and Robert throws a pillow at him to try and ease the tension. It does, a bit.

 

 

::

 

 

Robert's plaiting Annie's hair on the bed as she sits there and watches late night television which she probably shouldn't be.

Aaron's in his own world and Robert senses it, turns around and questions him.

"Just thinking." Aaron gulps hard and seems like he's preparing himself. "I don't want to leave." He says and Robert drops his head because they've been through this before and Aaron said he'd go. "I know I said I would, I said I'd train you a little and go but I can't."

Robert shudders, finishes plaiting Annie's hair and watches her slide off the bed and run about around the small space. "We agreed. Every minute you stay here, you're making it easier for her to hurt you."

"She wouldn't if you told the police everything." Aaron snaps, "If you told them, they'd move us somewhere safe whilst they investigate."

Robert frowns, "Don't you think I've thought of that? I have. First of all, they'd take Annie somehow, they'd do whatever they could to make the authorities see me as an unfit parent." Aaron goes to speak and then he doesn't. "Then they'd get their lawyers on my arse and I wouldn't be able to fight against them. It wouldn't work."

Aaron touches his face, they're not supposed to be this close. "It _could_ work." He whispers and suddenly Aaron looks like this ray of sunshine, this guiding light again. "You just have to have some hope."

And it's mad, because Aaron's been through so much in his life, he shouldn't even know what hope is anymore. He should have said a massive fuck you to this world and lost hope years ago. But he hasn't.

Robert's got tears swelling in his eyes and Aaron does this soft fucking thing, starts stroking at Robert's ears and pressing their foreheads together.

"I can't risk it, I can't risk you getting hurt. You've got a life Aaron, you're young, you've got so much ahead of you, so much to do, to see in the world." Robert tells him, he's breathing in all of Aaron again and again and then he's watching Aaron smile softly.

"And I still somehow only see you." Aaron says, and it melts something in Robert's chest because Aaron's not this _soft_ , he's not this person. "Don't make me say anything else like that God." He hides his face and Robert's reminded of _his_ Aaron.

It manages to melt away his worry and soon he's leaning closer, nuzzling their noses together like they're teenagers and he's kissing Aaron.

He's just kissing him and Aaron's absolutely everything suddenly. It makes Robert tingle, sends shocks through his aching body and sets it alight, and then he's hearing Annie clap her hands together and jump on the bed.

"Are you and Aaron better now?"

And Aaron smiles, starts nodding and it makes everything seem okay in Robert's mind.

"Yeah darling, we're going to be fine." He whispers.

He feels ready, feels like it's time to be open, to tell them everything because he's got hope, he's got Aaron.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I honestly don't know when I'll be uploading next, I've got a lot going on in terms of studies at the moment which is why this is quite a long chapter. I hope you stick around to see where this goes though, hopefully by next week I'll have another chapter up! Xx


	19. Chapter 19

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Robert takes a leap of faith.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A LONG ANGSTY 'YOU WILL HATE ME' CHAPTER COMING YOUR WAY. 
> 
> I mean I was supposed to upload by next week because I've got so much to do but I couldn't stop writing.

  
He has a dream. It's about Lachlan again, and Rebecca is there too. They're both far away from each other, both screaming and shouting and trying to speak over one another but they both drown each other out until Chrissie is stepping forward. She's silencing then, she's got this ability to apparently, and then she's smiling like she's got a reason to. That's when Robert sees Annie in her arms and he goes wild with panic, starts thrashing around on the bed like a mad man. But then Aaron's coming through this darkness, he's this light in front of him and he's making Chrissie leave, he's taking Annie and soothing her and everything is okay.

When he wakes up Aaron's over him, he's petting his hair and whispering for him to calm down. It's the middle of the night and Aaron's voice is all groggy as he speaks and yeah it's fucking adorable, Robert notes before he's opening his eyes wider and looking at Annie laying out at the bottom of the bed. Aaron had offered to just sleep on the floor but she wanted them all to be together on the bed somehow and Aaron could hardy refuse.

Aaron gulps hard. "Bad dream?" He's asking, soft and laced with something Robert will probably never deserve.

Robert nods slowly, eyes not leaving Aaron's face. "But you saved the day." He whispers, a hand slowly coming up and stroking Aaron's face. "My hero." He adds and Aaron blushes before he's leaning in to kiss the older man.

Robert's breath hitches, he's told himself time and time again that they cannot do this, because it would lead to too much else and he'd break Aaron's heart again. But -

"You know I -" Robert's words are lost as Aaron loses it, pushes his mouth against the older man and then lets out this _moan_ which makes Robert's toes damn tingle. They're just kissing each other, hands exploring each other under the tight covers and a softness between them which shouldn't have the ability to survive yet does.

The moon becomes higher in the sky outside and Robert feels himself become more and more aroused, starts smiling into kisses and playing with the band of Aaron's trousers, well his trousers really because Aaron's been borrowing his shit. He wants to carry on, wants to taste all of Aaron immediately but he can't because Annie's so close and it's not the time.

So they just seem to kiss until the sun rises, and their lips fill numb and their eyes are filled with something soft and silky and charming.

It's enough, it's like champagne kisses or something, expensive, hard to come by.

 

 

::

 

 

Vic's food has run out and it seems like just another excuse for Robert to go to the police about everything but it's not that easy is it? It's going to bring up awful memories and there's this horrible thought circling Robert's head, one which tells him he won't be believed anyway.

"Stop being in your head." Aaron's telling him, leaning against the bed as he tries to plait Annie's hair. He's God awful at it but at least he's trying.

Robert turns to him and shrugs his shoulders. "I'm not." He whispers, comes to sit on the bed. "I'm just - I'm thinking about what you said I should do." He admits. "Wondering if I should try."

Aaron's eyes widen and then he's nodding his head, "Yeah? Rob, of course you should try. It's worth it, just to know if -"

Robert's overwhelmed, it shows and Aaron pulls back a little.

For a second Robert wants to forget it but then he's thinking about Annie in a few years, how can explain that he watched her mother die and didn't seek any justice because he was too scared.

Robert shudders.

"Will you stay here with her? Lock the doors and everything?" He doesn't want to bring his daughter to a police station.

Aaron nods quickly, "Of course I will." He blurts out, pulls a hand towards Robert's and smiles. "I said you weren't on your own, didn't I?"

Annie's playing with her doll gently, she's in a world of her own really and all Robert can focus on is the feel of Aaron holding his hand. "I won't ever deserve you." He whispers, overcome with how much it aches to know.

Aaron tuts, pulls Robert closer and kisses him on the forehead. "Well tough, because I'm not going anywhere." Robert looks up at Aaron. "So deal with it." He says, teasing.

Robert's smile radiates the room and washes away the nerves he felt. He's able to kiss Annie and tell her that he's going to make the bad guys leave them alone forever and ever.

Then he's standing by the door, Aaron's got Annie on his hip and he's telling him yet again that they'll be fine and Robert's believing it as he goes, as he finds his feet dragging him towards the nearest police station.

"We love you." Aaron says just before Robert closes the door.

It burns into Robert's memory.

 

 

::

 

 

The police station is menacing, ugly and mean looking and Robert wants to run away instantly. But something wills him on. It's Aaron and Annie waving at him as he left.

It's what makes him ask to speak so someone, anyone.

They tell him that he needs to calm down, he needs to remain relaxed if they're going to be able to listen to him properly. But he can't. He's sitting in a room by himself and he's tugging at a lose piece of string on his jumper and -

"Mr. Sugden?" A voice fills the room and suddenly there's a women standing in front of him. She's coming further forward until she sits down and smiles warmly at Robert.

She asks him to start from the beginning and take his time but he can't suddenly.

"I need to tell you the truth. I need to - to tell you because my little girl and, my boyfriend are stuck in a flat not far from here because it's too dangerous to leave." Robert's heart restricts and then he's gulping hard as the woman frowns at him.

"Sir, why is it too dangerous to leave?"

Robert sees Chrissie in his mind suddenly. "Because ... because my ex wife won't stop until she catches me. Chrissie White." The name drops out and then everything else does too. He's talking about Emmerdale and the woman is moving quickly, she's saying something about letting the station there aware.

"She - her son, Lachlan. He killed my Annie's mum, Rebecca White. And I was too scared to tell the truth before. Five years before now." He squints, blows out a breath and then darts forward to gulp the water given to him in a shiny plastic cup. "Because Chrissie would have taken her from me, she's going to do it again, she's going to take Annie from me -"

The woman shakes her head. "We won't let that happen." She promises.

But she can't do that.

"She's already hurt Aaron." Robert butts in before she's finished. "My - my boyfriend. She got him beaten up and everything okay so don't tell me you're going to _protect_ me from her. You can't."

A man walks into the small room, smiles almost warmly and then he's asking some more questions. He wants to know details, dates, times, figures and everything just frazzles in Robert's brain.

"I've been running from this, from her for the past five years now." Robert explains, feels mounds of weight crash down all around him. "I just want to be rid of this." He pushes a hand out and then feels sick.

"I want to be happy, but I can't, not with this hanging over me."

The woman blinks softly, "We understand you're reasoning for not telling the police before now but I was wondering if you could explain the sudden urgency?"

He does, he explains about the photos and the arson and the beating Aaron didn't deserve. He watches the man jot something down and then he's clearing his throat.

"Now, the real question is, are you prepared to testify all this in court?" He asks, voice almost purposely cold, as if he needs to scare Robert or something.

Robert closes his eyes, he thinks about it all being over, he thinks about coming home and finding Aaron there with Annie on his shoulders, and it helps. He can breathe again, he can do this.

"Yes I would." He shivers as he speaks, as he hears about having to be relocated for protection.

He's hearing it all again and again in his mind and then he's being escorted towards a police car and he has to tell them where the hotel is.

When they pull up he's playing with his hands, nervous and shaky about having to leave their safe haven and be taken somewhere. He wonders what Aaron's going to say, if he'll be angry or sad. He has the right to be.

Robert gets to the door, he's got an officer behind him and he has the key in his hand, pushing through the lock, sliding and clicking until the door is open. For a second, just a second, Robert's actually smiling. He's overwhelmed with the fact that he's being believed and he's going to be taken somewhere safe with the two most important people in his life. And suddenly he just wants to run up to Aaron and hug the life out of him.

But the feeling completely dies. Because he realises that he hadn't needed to push the door open with the lock, it was already forced open.

And the bed is empty, the sheets crumbled as though they'd been a struggle on it.

And the windows are wide open, air crashing though the small space.

And there's a lampshade knocked over, Annie's doll crumbled up by the television.

And, Aaron and Annie are gone.

"Annie?" Robert's screaming, mouth open and then a hand covering it as he runs towards the bathroom and finds no one there. "Aaron? Aaron?" His heart is beating wildly now and he keeps seeing Chrissie's face.

He hears the officer radio in for back up and he's sending cars around the area or something but Robert already feels this sense of hope die out of him.

He's gripping onto the chair, inhaling Aaron's smell and feeling Annie all around the room suddenly and then it's like everything is being pulled up from under him and he can't breathe anymore.

So he doesn't, he just feels everything turn to black and the last picture in his mind is Aaron and Annie fucking waving him goodbye.

 

 

::

 

 

"I shouldn't have left them."

He's sitting on a hospital bed, blanket draped around his body as he tugs it hard and tries not to panic like he done before. He must have passed out or something.

The woman from the police station is there again, Beth, and she's frowning harshly. "We've got police cars monitoring the surrounding areas." She says, like it's going to help. "We're trying our -"

"You're not trying hard enough." He blurts out and then he's looking down at his hands, he suddenly feels sick. "She's taken them." He says, starts finding it hard to breathe again until the curtain is being drawn open and Clive's standing there.

For the first time in five years he looks genuinely horrified, shaken to the absolute core. "Jesus, Robert." He pulls Robert into his side and Robert's crying into him for a few seconds as Beth stands there and tries to be as quiet as she can as her radio plays on.

"Taken them. I should have known better." Because he should have, what was he actually thinking? He'd listened to Aaron because he wanted to, not because it was actually the right thing to do.

Clive pulls away and sighs, "What were you thinking?" He's asking, not enough bite in his voice for Robert to hate him for.

Robert gulps, no words come out and then Clive's looking towards Beth, she's obviously an officer but doesn't want to referred to as one or something. "I've got files and files on this mad cow okay? I've been protecting Robert for five years now." He's all passionate as he pulls at a briefcase and starts handing things to Beth. "She's a psycho. She's taken a little girl."

Robert drops his head and then he's feeling his whole body shake. Did Aaron try and fight them of? Did Annie scream and cry? Did she get dragged away like a rag doll?

When Robert looks up Beth isn't there anymore and Clive is sitting with him on the bed.

"You thought you could have it all didn't you? Aaron, Annie, a family." Clive says dryly. "That's why you told the police." He knows already, pushes at Robert's elbow and then gulps. "Yeah?"

Robert blinks, his eyes are closed for a few seconds and he feels something ache in his chest. "For two seconds, just two seconds mate, I had it all." He whispers, tears pour out of his eyes as he speaks. "And I ruined it. I've ruined Aaron's whole life."

That kills him. He's taken this beautiful boy and turned him into this mess of a man.

"No you haven't. You warned him and he still stuck around." Clive tries explaining but it falls on deaf eyes and everything closes in around Robert.

"Because he loves me." Robert snaps out quickly. "And I actually believe him." He doesn't usually, it took him so long to believe Amber genuinely loved him and - look what happened there. "And now -"

Clive clears his throat. "They'll get them." He whispers, like he can really promise that.

Robert's head swims almost uncontrollably. "My - my little _girl_." He turns cold, feels her pain and panic almost instantly. "She's going to be so scared."

Clive has to turn away at that, straighten his tie and sigh. "Aaron won't let anything happen to her."

And yeah, that's what scares him even more. Because Aaron took a beating for them in the past, risked so much worse and now -

"He'd go through anything to keep her safe." He knows that and it makes everything churn up inside him.

 

 

::

 

 

The first thing he feels is darkness almost overwhelming everything around him. It's pitch black.

There's suddenly this realisation flowing though him that there is no way out, not really.

He tries to lift his arms and fails, becomes woozy as he sits up and then slowly finds himself having to lay down again before he is sick or something. He's tied to something obviously and it's restricting him, making everything harder but he still tries, still kicks his feet out and then wants to swear in frustration as he sees that they are tied too.

The sound of heels coming towards him makes him recoil in horror. It's the same woman who had come to the garage, all sharp hair and harsh eyes and arms crossed over.

She looks like a Disney villain or something and he doesn't know what to say.

"Ah, Aaron Dingle." She smiles, practically smirks as she comes closer to him and reveals a light she once was blocking. It shines over Aaron's face and he winces immediately, then takes his surroundings in and sighs as he realises how stark it all is.

"You're probably familiar with my name by now. I suppose Robert's told you all about me. Chrissie White. The mad ex wife." She seems to be at peace with the statement and it's mad.

Aaron feels his chest tighten and then he gulps. "Where's Annie?" That's the only thing which really matters. He can't remember anything really. One minute he was laughing with Annie on the bed and the next the door was being forced open and there was a struggle. Annie was screaming and crying and Aaron punched someone but he was punched _back_. That's when he started bleeding, maybe there was blood everywhere. It felt like it. He must have blacked out, fell to the floor because he remembers something being pushed over his face and then his eyes rolled back and Annie - he couldn't see Annie anymore.

"Tell me where Annie is." He's pleading, hard and fast.

Chrissie rolls her eyes, "She's safe." Aaron blows out a breath. "For now." She adds, comes closer and smirks again. "It all depends on what my darling ex husband does."

Aaron's chest practically pounds in his chest and he feels sick as she looks down at him.

"See, he's been a little silly hasn't he? Telling the police, after all this time. I wonder who put him up to that? Who made him think that it would all work out and everything would be happy in the end?" Her face distorts and she laughs. "It's pathetic."

Heat rises up inside Aaron and he feels himself turn red. "You're the pathetic one." He screams, struggles against the ties around his feet and hands. "You think the police won't find us? They'll lock you up."

Chrissie scoffs. "No they won't." She laughs, actually laughs at it and then she sighs, seems like she decides a different tactic and tilts her head at Aaron. "I'd love to know what attracted you to an average looking man with brat?" She smiles, gently. Sadistic.

Aaron hitches a breath, knows that he fell slowly and then all at once and there was no way out of how he felt after that. He'd pretty much fallen flat on his face when he first clapped eyes on Robert, spent the last few months counting his lucky stars that this would last, that he was this lucky.

"You wouldn't understand." Aaron decides to tell her, chin wobbling, eyes shining with tears. He's never been in love, never, but he loves Robert in a way he never thought would be able to last.

Chrissie seems angered by the comment and shakes her head. "Oh I do. I loved him once, loved him too much and what did he do? He cheated on me, *slept with my own sister and got her pregnant."

There's so much bitterness in her voice, it's almost staggering.

"So - so that means she deserved to die the way she did?" Something flickers on Chrissie's face and it tells Aaron that she didn't know he knew that. "Shot by your son?" His chin wobbles. He's seen the pictures of her, sees so much of Annie it kills him.

Chrissie suddenly grabs his face and kneels down. "I'd stop speaking if I were you." She practically growls, "I don't know what lies he's -"

"He's told me everything." Aaron blurts out. "How you threatened him, made him run away and raise a little girl all on his own?" His voice breaks, something practically shatters in his chest and it's horrendous. He just sees Robert, five years ago, younger, smaller in so many ways. He probably didn't know how to plait Annie's hair the way he knows now. The thought makes something almost grow in Aaron's chest, how much Robert's blossomed into fatherhood is maddening, makes Aaron feel proud of him in so many ways.

Chrissie rolls her eyes like she's sick of hearing it all. "He deserved it. He still does." She says and then there's shuffling behind her. A boy is revealed, brown hair and dark eyes and broad shoulders. "Ah, pass Aaron the phone darling." Chrissie's ordering and the boy is kicking the brick phone in front of Aaron's feet.

Aaron looks at the boy clearer and madness erupts inside of him because this is the boy who took Annie's mother away. This is the boy who makes Robert cry out in panic in the middle of the night. This little boy.

"Now Aaron, you're going to do us a favour." Chrissie smirks, comes closer and then holds the phone up to Aaron.

Aaron's chin wobbles again, the gash on his head makes the pain travelling through him worsen. "I'm not doing anything for you." He blurts out. "Not until I see Annie, until I know she's alright." Chrissie just lets him speak and then rolls her eyes. "Look at ya," he turns towards Lachlan. "Aren't you worried? The police are coming, Robert won't stop until I'm found -"

Chrissie's smirk grows wider. "Oh is that so?" She says. "Why would he care if he was convinced you were working for me all along?"

Aaron's eyes widen. He thinks about Amber and everything clicks into place. She had betrayed him. She'd been working for -

"I - but I wasn't - you can't -" Aaron's words die out as Chrissie shakes her head and smiles.

"I tell him that my _niece_ is safe and sound and he shouldn't worry too much. Then _you_ tell him that you set the whole thing up, that you were working for me since the beginning and he suddenly _hates_ you." The thought makes Aaron feel sick. "Then I do what I like with you, hurt you like he hurt me and - and then I tell him I made you lie. Just before it's all too late."

She's got it all worked out in her sick mind and it won't work, not really but she seems convinced.

"He'll know." Aaron whispers, "He'll be able to tell that I'm lying and -"

Chrissie rolls her eyes. "Well you better be convincing then." She snaps, then she smiles. "Or your precious little Annie will -"

Aaron winces and she laughs at him.

"You didn't even hear what I was about to say." She says, smile even wider.

And Aaron just thinks of her in pain and it's too much to bare. He knows more than most how it feels to be a child who is hurt, who is afraid.

He can't have that happen to Annie.

Chrissie says something to Lachlan and then he's handing over a sheet of paper to Aaron. Scribbles are on it and he looks up at them confused.

"Inspiration." Chrissie shrugs and he sees the word written down amongst the others.

Gordon.

He feels sick, heat rises up inside him and then he's hearing her say that he needs to tell Robert he lied about that.

"Then he'll believe you." Chrissie says, looks angrier suddenly. "And if he doesn't, you'll never see Annie again."

And it's simple suddenly.

He's going to have to lie, tell Robert a pack of horrible lies and hear his heart break over it all.

 

 

::

 

 

Robert's by the phone, leg jumping up and down as Beth informs him that they haven't been able to track down the car Chrissie arrived in.

Annie's on his mind and he wonders if Aaron is awake, if he's not passed out after a beating or something. It all crumbles around him the more he thinks about it and suddenly sound dies out around him.

Because he's losing them, this fucked up family idea he envisioned whenever he looked at Annie and Aaron. He's losing it all isn't he?

His phone suddenly rings, loud and able to cut through his filter with ease. Beth watches him and nods her head, wants him to answer it as she plugs something into the bottom of it and steps back.

"Hello?" Robert lets out, eyes red raw from emotion as he hears nothing but breathing down the phone, then shuffling and then -

"Oh wow, it's Robert Sugden." Chrissie says, almost in a sing song voice. "Have you missed me darling?"

Robert gasps, watches Beth and a few other officers close in on him. "Where's Annie?" He's panicking, trying to keep his voice controlled. "Let me speak to my daughter."

Chrissie smirks, "She's perfectly fine where she is. Aaron did a good job there."

Robert's heart pounds so hard he can hear it drumming through his ears. "What?" It drips out gently and with such a crippling fear because it sounds like -

There's a passing of a phone, rustling and then Robert's hearing Aaron's shaky breath. "Is. It. Making. Sense. Now. Robert?" It's all robotic, like he can't speak properly and Robert just wants to tell him everything is going to be okay but something stops him. Aaron clears his throat and then blows out a breath. "I've been planning this from - the beginning. I knew all along and -" he blows out another breath. "You really thought I loved _you_? It was Annie I was after. Don't you see? I'm just a - a working class Amber aren't I?"

Something makes a sound in Robert's chest, and it travels straight up to his head and makes the room spin around him. The words crackle and splinter and soon he can't breath the way he thought he could a minute ago. Because Aaron, the beautiful soft bloke who Annie adored was a traitor all along.

"You're _lying_." It's the only thing which makes sense really. "I know you, I know everything about you and you know everything about me and -"

"All. I. Had. To. Lie. About. Was. Being. Raped." Aaron makes this awful sound and then carries on. "And you were mine to play with." Robert feels sick, feels this mad sense of anger pour out of him.

"Aaron, you wouldn't lie about -"

"Everyone loves a sob story don't they?" Aaron says, voice more controlled now. "I had you convinced that's why I went inside when - when all I did was burgle some old bat's house."

It's a lie. It has to be a fucking -

"I don't believe you? I don't -"

"Get a grip Robert. I used ya and now we've won." Robert can't believe what he's hearing. "And now you're all alone - just like you deserve." There's anger in Aaron's voice suddenly and it breaks something in Robert.

"Tell me - tell me you don't love me."

And he does.

So easily. It shatters something in Robert.

" _Of course_ I don't love you."

And everything falls away from him.

The phone is being handed back to Chrissie and then she sighs. "Can't trust anyone these days can you?" She says and Robert drops his head. "Now, I suggest you inform the police about just how wrong you are because if you don't then - you'll never see her again. You've got until tomorrow morning, only because I'm sure Annie would love a sleepover with her cousin."

Lachlan. Robert's throat dries up and the phone goes dead suddenly.

 

 

::

 

 

He's on the floor of the bathroom, refusing to unlock the door because Beth is done with asking him questions, she's trying to track down the phone back at the station and everything is being ripped away from him.

He's got a bottle of something in his hand and it burns his chest as he downs it and looks at the picture he keeps of Rebecca on his phone. A wave of guilt crashes over him as soon as his eyes fall on it.

"You hate me. You hate me even more for falling in love with another fucked up liar." Robert blurts out, tears crashing down over his face as he shudders. "He's taken our girl to _her_ , I - I told him and -" he frowns, thinks back to Aaron's apparent surprise, "He already knew." He whispers, realisation hits him hard and he takes another swig before moaning. "I hate me. I do." He sobs, just completely breaks up as his eyes blur the image of Rebecca almost completely. "But I just want her _back_ , I just want our little girl back." He whispers, feels the world turn black around him as he sits there.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm very sorry.
> 
> Just think about the robron Christmas reunion to cheer you up! X


	20. Chapter 20

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Robert struggles to deal with the recent revelation with a clear mind whilst Aaron attempts to keep Annie safe.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just wanted to say a massive thanks to everyone who is still reading, I know that this fic has always been described as an angsty one but I can understand if the last chapter was too much for some people to read.

Aaron sees Robert coming towards him. He's wearing a suit, blue tie on and shiny shoes and he's glowing.

Robert comes closer, closer until he's touching Aaron's forehead and then he's slapping him hard across the face.

_"She's dead. You killed her. It's your fault that she's gone -"_

And Aaron's suddenly looking around, they're at a cemetery. They're staring down at a grave and -

Annie Rose Sugden.

Something frantic stirs him awake, it's a splash of water over his face and that twat Lachlan throwing it.

"Rise and shine." He says lamely, a fake smile on his face which fades as Aaron wrestles against the chains again. "No use doing that." He sighs, like it doesn't even need to be said.

Aaron shudders, gulps hard. "Where's Annie?" He's blurting out, eyes wet with tears.

Lachlan rolls his eyes, "Safe." He says, then kneels. "Unlike you though eh?" He's suddenly not just a stupid kid, he's dangerous. "You do know that you're probably going to die?"

The bluntness ripples through Aaron almost uncontrollably and Lachlan smirks.

"And it'll be your fault too. I mean, who asked your to get weird gay vibes for a dodgy single dad eh?" Lachlan laughs, and Aaron sees how red his eyes are, how dark the circles go under them.

"Let me see Annie." Aaron says, he can't think of what he actually wants to say because he'll lose it if he does.

Lachlan looks around the small room as if he's not interested in whatever Aaron wants and then he's looking back at him and sighing. "Nah." He teases and then his phone is ringing and won't stop.

He's pulling a face and answering it, he's arguing clearly with whoever it is on the line and then Aaron can hear the sound of footsteps as Lachlan hangs up.

"She wouldn't stop crying." Some big bloke say, unfeeling as he holds Annie in his arms awkwardly and she struggles against him. "I'm not a baby sitter." He shrugs out.

Aaron's heart races as he watches Annie pull at the man and then manage to slide down his leg and run straight into his arms. He cries. He actually cries as she buries her head into his neck and he remembers how soft and sweet she smells.

He just wants to hug her back but he can't, his hands are still tied and he can't fight against it.

"It's okay, it's fine." Aaron's trying to pull her closer, he doesn't want her to see the gash on his head or realise how dizzy he is. "Don't cry." He's telling her as she starts to sob.

Lachlan charges over to where they are and pulls Annie off of Aaron, kicking and screaming.

"Get your hands off her!" Aaron's screaming, tears pouring out of his eyes as he pushes his body up and practically growls at Lachlan. "You're supposed to hurt me not her, think what mummy would say."

It seems to flicker something in Lachlan and he loosens his grip on the little girl, lets her run back to Aaron and curl up to him.

It's the last place she should be, dirty and cold and damp and dark but she's staying there with him and Lachlan is just staring at them intensely. "Have your time then." He clears his throat, looks towards the big bloke who is still standing in the corner and then he smirks. "Once my mum's back, you won't have that anymore."

They go, charging up the wooden stairs and then leaving Annie and Aaron in almost complete darkness.

She's got her face pressed against Aaron's neck and she's squeezing his hand again and again. "I'm scared." She admits, voice tight and filled with unshed tears.

Aaron kisses her head. "I know, but it's going to be okay because you're - you're not going to get hurt." He promises her and then freezes, feels sick. "Did that - did that man hurt you?" His thoughts turn to his childhood and heat rises in his chest until she nods.

"He was just shouty." Annie mumbles, "He said I couldn't move." She looks up at Aaron and all the man sees is Robert. "Are they going to hurt you?"

Aaron shakes his head, "No." He lies, kisses her head again again. "No, I - it's okay." He can't lie too much, he's chained, bloody and looks like he's going to pass out any minute. "Don't worry about me." He's telling a five year old, feels like an idiot.

Annie's chin wobbles, "I want my daddy." She's suddenly crying again, she's lost her sparkle, her happiness has been taken and Aaron holds her towards him as best he can.

"I want him too." He admits, feels his skin prickle and his heart ache. Robert thinks he's a traitor, he thinks that he never really loved him, that he was playing him all along. He thinks about Robert's shy smile, the way his hair looks when he first wakes up, those eyes, his freckles. "I love him," he whispers, almost to himself as a tear rolls down his face. "And I love you too." He tells Annie.

Annie brushes the hair out of her face and smiles. "You're like my second daddy." She says, "I love you Aaron." She insists, soft and gentle and too much for Aaron to hear.

So he just smiles at her, tries to forget how much everything pains him.

 

 

::

  
Robert hasn't slept.

He's sitting on the edge of the bed and he's going through everything again with the police.

"The fire was her, my car." He's saying, Clive sitting right next to him as he speaks. "She's going to do something awful, I can sense it." He's not crying, he can't do that anymore.

He'd cried on Clive's shoulder last night over Aaron. Over the betrayal.

_"He never even loved me. After all of this, after everything. He never even loved me."_

_There was something mad racing through his mind as he held onto Annie's little elephant and shuddered because this was Aaron he was talking about._

_He didn't love me. He thought, as it burnt through him and managed to torture his insides._

_Aaron, the man who was just good, who was just brilliant and soft and protective, he had betrayed him. He didn't care after all._

_"Just like Amber didn't." He lifted his head and gulped, felt something slam into his chest. "Falling in love ... it's a mugs game."_

_It eats you up, it spits you out and leaves you feeling rotten._

_"I hate him."_

_Robert gulped hard, felt something terrible wash over him because Aaron had managed to make him feel guilty about leaving him, when all along he -_

_"You don't. Not yet anyway." Clive told him. "Give it a few months, you'll get over the love you felt."_

_I won't. I never will. That's what Robert wanted to say. But he didn't. Instead he just cried._

_"I hate him for making me love him like I did."_

_Like I do._

Robert's eyes flicker over towards his watch and he gulps hard. There's rings under his eyes and he's shaking his hands together over and over again.

"It's nearly eight o'clock." Robert rubs his hands together and gulps hard. He's explained to the police, he's told them that Chrissie had said. "What am I supposed to do?" He snaps, "I - I don't know -"

Beth's sitting down next to Robert now and so is PC Bailey. He's older, a little wiser, has a moustache which irritates the hell out of Robert.

"We're still attempting to track Chrissie down. We want to wait a few more hours, or at least until she tries to contact you again -"

"But what if it's too late? She's unhinged. She's got her sick son with her too." Clive blabs out, and he's not usually like this. It's more than a little unsettling.

Robert drops his head, hears the police drone on about him having to be strong and not retract his statement. He listens and then he hears the door being knocked on and -

"I'm his sister. Let me in or -"

Vic's falling into Robert's arms and then she pulls away, stares up at her brother.

"Where - she's been taken? Chrissie's taken her?"

"Aaron took her to Chrissie." It feels disgusting as it leaves his mouth but it's the truth now. "He was in on it all along." And yeah, Robert hears something in his sister completely break.

"No, no he wouldn't?" Vic doesn't even know him, just knows what Robert has told her.

Has he spoken that highly of him? Has he really?

"He has." Clive stands, frowns as he looks at Vic. "So we need to try and get Annie back now." He smiles. "And we will."

Vic looks at her brother and he knows that she sees all the heartbreak in his eyes. "I'm so sorry, Rob? I'm so sorry about Aar -"

"Don't be." Robert's jaw tightens. "All I care about is getting Annie back." He whispers, tries to convince himself that he never even loved Aaron to begin with.

(Fails.)

 

 

::

 

 

There's the sound of heels against the floor and it makes Aaron raise his head and frown.

It's her, she's smiling and there's a man there standing behind her, arms crossed, chest puffed out.

Annie's sleeping against his side and he tries not to tense too much around her as he looks at Chrissie.

"Isn't this the most touching scene?" Chrissie remarks, looks at Aaron and then sighs. "Shame it won't last."

Aaron's chest tightens. It won't last. She's going to take Annie from him and it feels like something has been ripped out of him without warning.

"Robert hasn't learnt the error of his ways." Chrissie tells him. "The police are still fishing, trying to find us." She rolls her eyes. "And poor little Annie of course. So it seems he didn't take my advice after all which is a shame really. I didn't want to actually have to do a runner with the brat but -"

Aaron's chin wobbles. "Then don't." He blurts out. "This, it's all so silly. You're trying to punish him, I _get_ that but haven't you done that already?" Suddenly Lachlan appears and Aaron shudders harder. "You've taken his little girl from him, you've made him think that - that someone he could trust, me, never really loved him. What more do you -"

"He should suffer for the rest of this life. He's ruined mine!" Chrissie is manic with her moments and it wakes Annie up. "He made my own child a murderer."

It drops out and Aaron winces at her twisted blame. It's more than just troubling.

"No one made him pull that trigger but you." Aaron's dangerously honest and Chrissie's shaking her head as Lachlan tells him to be quiet and Annie begins to panic.

"Who's going to be responsible for your death then eh? Me as well." Chrissie snarls, her checkered blazer has flickers of yellow darted across it and it makes Aaron feel light headed as he watches her stand there. She's erratic. Nothing like how he thinks Rebecca would have been like.

"When a bullet goes through your head and I take that little brat and run off into the distance without ever being seen again." She continues, manages to shock Aaron to the core and tilt his head down.

Aaron can picture it. Annie growing up without any of her parents, being kept by Chrissie and forced to know her. It makes him want to cry his eyes out on the spot.

"And it's just going to work?" He can't even take her seriously, "You know Robert will _never_ stop -"

"Neither will I." Chrissie smirks. "That's the thing with me and him, both so stubborn. And if worse to comes to worst, I can always go the whole hog and get custody of the little cherub." She comes closer to Annie and Aaron's shielding her with all he can.

"That'll never happen." He's tensing all over, hearing Annie begin to cry again out of nowhere and his heart breaks.

There's this sudden urge to call out for his mother and it's overwhelming.

Lachlan smirks. "Why because we've kidnapped her?" He raises an eyebrow. "Or didn't you bring her to us, didn't you confess that? Surely it isn't our fault that we didn't know what was going on exactly." He's just like his mother, sick. "All we knew was that Annie had been found by you and luckily we were able to take in our little niece. No bother."

Chrissie comes closer and smirks. "See. It's so easy isn't it?" She actually laughs. "Imagine how easy it would be to _destroy_ him for good, to make him appear like even more of a lousy father than he already is -"

"He's amazing." Aaron's blurting out and Chrissie looks amazed by his passion. "And you - you won't win. You won't -"

"Oh but Aaron, I already have." Chrissie kneels down towards him and something breaks in his chest as she smiles and turns to leave with her son. "He's got a few more hours until we're gone and - your dead."

It's heavy on his heart as she leaves, as the man stands there still and appears even more menacing.

He's going to die? He hears it in his chest, in his heart.

He's going to die and Robert won't know that he loved him.

The thought manages to distract him for a few seconds and then there's tears in his eyes which fall hard until Annie's crying out and the man is gripping her and -

"Get off her!" Aaron's practically growling, feels like her father, feels like she's his own.

Aaron's pushing his feet, kicking and kicking until this wild panic inside him breaks the ties around his legs and hurtles him towards where Annie is.

Then the man is on him, wrestling with Aaron and pulling him back as Annie watches in horror and cries her little heart out. Aaron manages to swing his elbow up, punch the bloke square in the face and battle with the ties around his hands. It's manic, he's feeling everything around him begin to wobble and he thinks that Chrissie and Lachlan are gone?

Are they? He panics. And yeah, the car is revving, they're gone for now and -

He feels a breeze set in and suddenly he realises that the little window in the corner of the basement or whatever this is, is open.

It's small, but not too small and Aaron suddenly pulls Annie close and kisses her head. "Annie run. Okay go - go through that window and run - just run to the nearest phone box and -"

The man is on him again, punches him in the stomach hard and Annie's chin is wobbling.

" _Go_ Annie." Aaron's wincing. "Don't look back. Don't stop running okay?"

She's five. She's petrified and -

"You're hurt?" She's worried about _him_.

Aaron shakes his head and then he feels the bloke coming towards her like he's about to grab her and he gulps hard.

"M'fine. Just go for me okay. Please just -"

Annie nods quickly. "Okay." She cries, tears falling down her little face and then Aaron's wincing again as the bloke kicks him hard and the world around him changes colour.

All he seems to see is Annie's yellow dress disappearing from his sight, her little body sliding through the small gap in the window and the sound of her feet crushing against the leaves.

It manages to make him smile before he's blacking out altogether.

 

 

::

 

 

Robert's got his head in his hands, squeezing hard against his eyes until he sees white spots mocking him and dancing around his vision. He's blinking hard, a red shade thrown over his view as he tries to breathe through the panic around the room.

Vic's still there, still holding his hand and trying not to cry but she's hopeless and Robert can hear her sniffling next to him.

It's a fucking waiting game and everything feels like it's falling away from him.

He sees Aaron when he closes his eyes. Annie on his shoulders, Annie holding his hand, Annie showing him her lilac walls she was so proud of.

Annie. Annie. Annie.

(Aaron. Aaron. Aaron.)

It's eleven o'clock and Robert hasn't heard anything from his mad ex wife again yet. He's moving his attention towards a lose piece of thread on his jumper and starts to battle with it, makes it longer and worse and then he's feeling Beth touch his shoulder and try to get his attention.

"Mr. Sugden? Robert," he raises his head slowly and then his eyes are swimming with tears like he knows something is wrong or -

"We've found Annie."

For a second, for a mad terrible second a dark thought circles his mind and he can't breathe. He's thinking the absolute worst, he's trembling and regretting the pictures he gave them of her. She's in his head, dancing around in a yellow dress and -

"Tell me she's - is she -" Robert's fighting back tears as Vic's sweaty palms squeeze his own.

Beth nods her head, "She was found by a woman in a phone box, she was trying to call you -"

Robert's head turns woozy and he feels sick. "Oh _God_." He can't help the way he cries, the way he just breaks down. "I need to see her. Take me to her, please I -"

He doesn't understand the how's, or why's, or -

He just needs to hold her.

 

 

::

 

 

Robert's got Victoria holding his hand, feels her ring press against his palm and it brings him back into reality sharply. It makes him wince as he walks towards the police station, towards the room, towards where Annie is kicking her legs against a seat.

It knocks Robert back, how small she is, how her hair is wild and yet soft and how red her cheeks are. She's not raising her head, she's not speaking and Robert fears something dark before she's running into his arms and he's holding her close as she cries.

He's on the floor, kneeling as he rocks against his daughter and feels her in his arms. She's still shaking, still fucking petrified and he pulls away to kiss her head.

"Daddy's here now." He tells her, "You're safe, you're safe _God_ it's okay." He whispers, feels himself tremble as she tries to dry her eyes against her yellow dress.

"But the baddies -" Robert can't bare her panic and starts slowly searching over her body for bruises, he finds one on her wrist and feels himself break down until Beth is there to ask her how she got them.

"The man tried to pull me back but I didn't want to go." Annie's shaking her head and Robert holds it together as she continues. "So I ran like Aaron said."

Robert squints at the sound of Aaron's name, he helped her? It drums in his head and then he shakes it away, he won't spare a thought for the man who bought Annie to Chrissie fucking White and her crazy son in the first place.

"Do you think you could help us Annie?" Beth is asking, another officer appears and Robert picks his daughter up and holds her close.

"Don't you think she's been through enough?" He snaps, doesn't really mean to and then Vic is slowly taking Annie from him and getting her some water.

Beth stops forward, soft and slow movements as she tries to smile. "Of course, but we need to find out how she was able to run away, where exactly she was held, how far -"

Robert blinks, his eyes are shut and he imagines Aaron smiling with Chrissie, feeling at the money in his hands. Did Adam know too? Was he in on it? Was David?

It makes his palms sweaty and then the next thing he knows, he's sitting in blue room with Annie on his knee and Beth sitting opposite them. She's gulping hard, trying to smile and Robert feels Annie squeeze his hand just a little.

"Am I in trouble?" Her chin wobbles and it breaks everything inside Robert as he looks at her and pulls a hand through her hair.

"No darling, no." He kisses her head. "We just need you to tell us where you were, so that we can make sure the bad guys don't get away or anything like that." She seems to understand and there's something which screams in Robert not to cry, he listens, he has to listen.

Beth pulls out a photo of Chrissie, it's one of her sighted on a CCTV camera yesterday, near Harringsgate. "Does this lady look familiar to you?" She asks, taps a pen against the picture of Chrissie and then watches Annie's face carefully.

Annie nods slowly and then she's bursting into tears again, it makes Robert freak out and suddenly he's shouting. "Okay put it away, can't you see how much she -" he calms himself down as Beth nods at him and pulls the picture away.

It takes some orange squash and a chocolate bar to make Annie stop crying, but she's still clingy, won't be left alone for even a second and insists on holding her father's hand as Beth asks her if she can describe where she was.

"On a sofa." Annie whispers, "In a small house." She's using her hands to explain and Robert breathes out slowly as she continues. "Aaron was down the stairs." He can't hear about Aaron, feels the betrayal hit him like a tonne of bricks and it's too much to think about.

Then Annie's looking at him all wide eyed, "Aaron? Daddy, Aaron!" She's crying and he doesn't know what she means but instinct kicks in to hold her close and kiss her head, tell her not to be afraid of him because he can't hurt her. "He needs rescuing!" She shouts, almost growing frustrated as she slaps at his chest and then pouts.

How does he tell her he doesn't?

"Darling, Aaron's not out friend anymore okay?" Robert holds his tears back and shudders, watches Annie look horrified. "Because - because he did a bad thing." He looks over at Beth and then gulps. "I'd like to take her home now." He says quickly, doesn't even know where home is exactly. Maybe he can go back to London, back to his flat but Aaron's there? He's in his bed and on his sofa and knocking his head against the door.

Beth lets them go after she asks Annie if she remember what the street looked like, if there where any other houses around and she's actually helpful. "There was a purple front door." She remembers, has a hand in her mouth, she hasn't done that for years, it's a nervous thing. "And there - there wasn't any other houses but that one because - because I couldn't see any out of the window."

Beth squeezes Annie's hand and smiles, "Thank you _so_ much Annie, you've helped us a great deal. You're a little star."

Robert smiles at his little girl before letting her jump on his back as he walks out of the room and sees Vic waiting there for him with a soft look on her face.

"How did it go?"

Robert shrugs, "Okay. I just want to get her stuff from the hotel room and get going." Vic goes to speak and he stops her. "I can't go back to the village before you start offering, I couldn't." The thought makes his heart beat out of his chest again and again, he feels like the walls are closing in on him as he pictures Andy's face, Diane's confusion. He can't put himself through it. "Annie's home is the flat in London." He tells her and then she's nodding head.

"Well let me come with you, help out for a few days." She had travelled down from Yorkshire already, she had a bag of clothes packed and everything, she was planning on sticking around.

Robert shuts his eyes, "My psycho ex wife is sort of still around, she could come back at any minute and she knows where I live back in London. It's why I left in the first place, I can't have you get dragged into -"

Vic's eyes widen. "You're getting police outside the flat until she's caught." She explains, comes closer. "Let me be there for you." She looks at her brother, at his daughter resting sleepily in his arms. "You've been doing it by yourself for so long Rob." It makes something flicker in his chest, the truth is too much to think about and it all just aches.

It's not been easy, being a single dad, he reflects.

Then Aaron came along and just for a second he thought he wasn't going to be a single dad anymore in the future, that Aaron would honestly step up the plate and be there for Annie just as much as he is but -

"I'll book us a room somewhere for tonight and then tomorrow we can drive back down to London and - we'll put all of this behind us." Victoria says, rubs at Robert's arm and then watches him nod his head.

He finds himself just letting it happen.

 

 

::

 

 

Robert remembers the scars.

They were real.

Why couldn't everything else be real? He thinks.

 

 

::

 

 

Vic's having a shower, the sound vibrates through the thin walls and he's watching Annie sleep.

He can't take his eyes off her little frame. He can't stop how his heart felt when he came back and discovered her gone. It had been the worst day of his life.

She breathes softly, eyes suddenly wide and her body jolts. She's probably having a nightmare and it makes Robert want to hold her close, so he does, he's rubbing her back and kissing her head and telling her that she's safe.

The police are just outside, he says, no ones getting in, he says.

Annie's chin wobbles, "I want Aaron." She sobs, "They'll hurt him daddy." She says, like she's absolutely petrified and it unsettles something in Robert's chest. She seems so adamant.

Robert frowns at her, the lamp in the room is suddenly too bright and he winces. "They aren't hurting him, did - did Aaron tell you they would?" Heat prickles in his chest and he gulps but then she's slowly shaking her head, denying it. "Then don't worry about him, he's not -" he drops his head and then suddenly everything is just bursting out of him and he's crying.

Annie's climbing on him and she's wrapping her hands around his neck as he pulls a hand over her back and tried to stop his much everything hurts inside him. Aaron, his _Aaron_ had betrayed him in such a horrible way, he'd taken his daughter, the most important person in his life and - and yet Annie still loved him. He still loved him.

"Don't be sad daddy." She whispers, hands falling over Robert's face. "Don't cry." She tells him and he tries to stop himself as best he can, he really tries to.

"I'm just happy you're back." Robert tells her, "Because I - because I missed you _so_ much, and I was so scared but now," he strokes her hair. "You're here." He breaks out into a smile, "And from now on, it's just you and me kid okay?"

Annie bites her lip and _fuck_ it reminds Robert of Aaron too much, so much so that he has to look away from her. "No more baddies?" She asks, all unsure.

Robert pulls her closer, "You ran away from them didn't you? My brave, _brave_ little girl." He says passionately. "So now the police are going to catch them and we can go home."

Annie frowns, "Will they get Aaron?" She's asking, hopeful, soft.

Robert drops his head, he wants her to forget him, she forget Amber, but now -

"Hey, it's nearly Christmas isn't it? It could be snowing soon." He's trying to seem alive, trying to steer the conversation and it works a little, works as Vic comes out of the bathroom and manages to distract his daughter from thoughts about Aaron.

It doesn't distract him though, nothing can.

And it's in the middle of the night that he's jumping out of bed, panic coursing through his veins and only one thing on his mind.

 **He didn't lie to you and you know it**.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Prepare yourself for the next chapter!!


	21. Chapter 21

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Robert commits himself to rescuing Aaron.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So every writer has that chapter in mind which they can't wait to write and share, this one is it.
> 
> Hope you sort of enjoy lmao.

  
Aaron's chin is wobbling. He's crying and they fall into this river which runs down right into Robert's hands.

They overflow and then he's looking angry.

"I hate you." Aaron says, like he means nothing else.

"Do you hate me too?" Aaron comes closer and he's not crying anymore. Instead he's smiling. "For breaking that ice cold heart of yours?"

Robert jumps up on the bed, feels his heart beat out of his chest and everything hurts.

But then Robert is looking at Annie and she's calming him down a little.

"Here." Robert sees Vic over him, holding out a small cheap china cup and offering him a small smile. "You hardly slept." She tells him and he drops his head at her words. It's almost judgmental. "Why don't you get back to sleep." She's whispering as Robert sips at the coffee she's given him.

Robert winces. "Can't." He says, shakes his head. "I've been up all night, thinking about - about Aaron." And vic gulps hard like she's trying to hide something. "What?" He asks and then she tells him.

Apparently a large sum of money has been transferred into his bank account.

Apparently they can't locate the sender, but they think they know who it could be.

And Robert wants to cry. "Vic, Vic I fucking believed her." He says, panicking. "I shouldn't have. I don't care about this money or whatever -"

Vic frowns. "You believed _him_." She points out and then she's sighing. "I thought you didn't want to go backwards." And he doesn't but.

"I thought you wanted to go down to London, start afresh."

And he does.

Robert nods slowly, so unsure.

"Well, we can." Vic says, her voice is so delicate and it nearly breaks as she comes onto the bed and sighs at Robert. "The police haven't said anything major yet, but they reckon Annie was onto something with the whole door thingy."

Robert gulps hard, he wants to forget it ever even happened. He wants to just _forget_.

Because Annie's safe. He's going to keep her safe for the rest of his life.

Robert let's out a sigh and then gets off the bed, "Look I'm going to have a shower. Can you let those out there know that we're going?" He says, points towards the two police cars outside and waits for Vic to nod.

It takes Robert a while to actually get in the shower because he's just standing there looking at himself in the mirror. He's thinking about how happy he was once.

He's thinking about going home and having to see Adam, having to see David.

It's all different now. It has to be.

But Aaron, he _knows_ , and he's waiting for something to tell him he's right.

 

 

::

 

 

Annie's good. She doesn't cry or anything when Robert tells her that it's time for them to go home and forget everything.

"Are the bad guys going to follow us?" She's asking though, when Vic is putting her in the car and Robert winces at her words.

"No, no of course not. The police are coming back with us and they're going to look out for me and you until the bad guys are all locked away." Robert presses a hand down on Annie's thigh and watches her nod slowly.

"We can't go without Aaron." Annie's chin wobbles like she's petrified by the thought and Robert knows he has to sit her down they get home. He has to tell her something close to the truth for her to really understand.

But what is the truth? He thinks, drums it against his head.

"Annie baby." He says, and he has to speak plainly now. "When you left with Aaron, what did he say?"

And Annie looks confused, drops her head and then gulps. "That - that I shouldn't worry because we're only going on an adventure."

And Vic gives him a look.

Robert drops his head and sighs. "And - and did, did any of the baddies hurt Aaron? Were they _here_?"

And Annie draws into herself a little. "Aaron told me to close my eyes."

Robert gulps hard, "We should really tell the police this." He says and Annie starts panicking.

"She needs to go home." Vic says, pets at Annie's hair. "I'll ring them when we're there."

And it seems fair, only,

Everything is unravelling in front of Robert and he can't control any of it.

 

 

::

 

 

Vic says he needs to stop overthinking.

But he has a dark thought, he looks around the hotel room and realises that he'd subconsciously stuffed a hoodie of Aaron's inside his bag.

He holds it to his chest and sniffs.

He's overwhelmed suddenly and he had tears in his eyes suddenly.

"Give me sign, please." He's whispering into the fabric.

But nothing happens.

 

 

::

 

 

Annie's surprisingly chatty and Robert's thankful, it stops the way his mind can't seem to switch off. They're on the motor way, Vic's sat next to him and she's doing her best to keep him chatting but it's hard when all he is thinking about is the fact that he used to have it _all_. For two minutes, just two, he was happy and then he wasn't.

And for _once_ he hadn't gone and ruined it. Aaron had.

Aaron had?

Aaron, with his softness and his love and his kindness, had betrayed him in the worst possible way.

Worse than Amber had. Aaron had taken Annie, he'd _taken_ his daughter. That's what he has to believe, because the alternative is too hard to imagine right now.

"You're not coping." Vic announces gently, has a hand over Robert's thigh and sighs as he ignores her. "I really think we should get back to Emmerdale instead. She's not stopping you anymore is she? The second she arrives she's going to be wanted for kidnap, the shooting." Robert's eyes flicker, he appreciates how vague she's being, not mentioning who exactly was shot. Rebecca. Annie's mum. "She's _lost_ Rob."

Robert tenses all over at the way it sounds like a game. A game he has somehow won.

"Yeah?" Robert turns to look at Vic sharply and then he crumbles. "Well it doesn't feel like I've won."

Because he hasn't.

Because he lost someone who he was in love with. He had felt the same niggling sensation of betrayal seep through him and this time, it was so much worse to bare.

Vic offers him a soft sort of look, it's pity and she drops her head. "It'll be easier, in a few months." She says, like she knows.

Robert's jaw tightens. "When she's banged up, when I've got to go to court and relive everything I've spent years trying to forget, without Aa -"

He doesn't mean the way the name falls out of his mouth so easily. He doesn't mean it but it happens and it hurts him. He's thinking about it all happening without Aaron there to hold his hand, or embrace, or just lean in for support.

Aaron'll be on trial, and he'll have to look him in the eye and tell everyone what he had done.

The sound of his phone ringing manages to alert him, pull him out of his dark thoughts and focus harder on the road. He tells Vic to answer it and he watches her face distort into something he cannot name.

"Yeah, I'll - yeah I'll let him know. Thank you." She ends the call and looks towards her brother. "They've gone to Emmerdale, to Home Farm. They're saying they have enough to charge her with all sorts, starting with the arson, you know, your car."

Robert blows out a breath and sighs. "And the tyre, you know she slashed -"

For a second, there's something cruel and unsettling which drives through him without warning.

Aaron's car. Aaron's tyre was punctured.

"It was Aaron's." Robert breathes out slowly, then gets wrapped up in Annie's demands for a wee and finds himself turning into a service station before he can even think about it.

"What was Aaron's?" She's asking, pulling at her brother's arm as he gets out the car.

"His tyres. Well, his tyre. It was punctured." Robert forces out, has a hand running through his hair. "Am I supposed to believe that - that he punctured his own tyre so that I'd think he was in danger. Only for me to leave the next day? It doesn't make sense Vic." He's saying, panic stretched across his face as she frowns.

"Rob, what is it you're saying?"

"I'm _saying_ , why would Aaron do that on purpose? Why would he want me to run away? If he's been working for Chrissie all along then - keeping me close and then taken Annie when she told him to would have been so much easier." And it's coming out all at once, it's raw and dark and fills him with fear he can't bare.

Vic shakes her head, "Look, you need to calm down. You need to - to focus on you and Annie." She waves a hand out to Annie sitting in the car and then unlocks the door, holds her close. "Now, us ladies are going to the toilets and when we get back, we would both like a Ribena." She says, playfully.

"Please daddy." Annie says, claps her hands together and Robert can't really resist. He just nods at her and watches them leave, tries to ignore the thoughts running through his mind as he locks the car door and walks towards one of the shops around the service station.

It festers though and he can't _stop_ thinking about how shocked Aaron was when the car was on fire, how he jumped forward and Robert had to shove Annie in his arms to stop him.

He remembers and he hates himself, he hates Aaron more really.

Because he'd just been a fucking good actor, that's all.

Vic comes back and she's holding onto Annie's hand. "You alright now?" She's saying and Robert nods slowly, lies. "The truth." She demands, looks towards Annie and gets her back in the car, buckling her up and pulling out her colouring book for her to dive into.

Annie wants her Ribena and Robert frowns.

"In my car?" He says, in such a dad voice because there's an image of her pressing too hard and blackcurrant juice squirting right up towards the roof, the _cream_ roof. It makes Vic have to bite back a laugh. "Fine, but - have the window open and -" he walks back towards the glove compartment and pulls out some tissues. "Have these all around you."

Annie doesn't even seem to complain about all the rules and Robert smiles, knows that she's used to him being this way.

Vic crosses her arms over and sighs. "I know it's hard to believe, I didn't at first but - but you heard him, and you heard Chrissie too."

And she's right, he did, but -

The sound of a car door slamming near them gets his attention and makes him turn around. Clive's there suddenly, a smile on his face but it doesn't meet his eyes at all. He's wearing a long back coat with his hands dug deep inside them and he's got a scarf wrapped round him despite it not being as cold as they would all think.

"What are you doing here?" Robert's asking, confused by his sudden entrance but then he's taking back the frown on his face and seeing Clive look towards Vic.

"She was worried." He explains. "Does she have to be?" He's asking, coming closer and staring Robert down. "How about we go for a quick coffee, Vic can stay with Annie." He's saying and Vic nods.

Robert finds his feet taking him towards a small industrial cafe, finds his taste buds recoiling in horror at what's supposed to be classed as a flat white.

"So," Clive comes forward and knots his hands. "This is your new start you know?" He explains, "No looking back. And I'm here for you."

Robert smiles gently and then shakes his head. "I know all that but ... mate, I've just got this terrible feeling."

"About what?"

Robert gulps hard. "Aaron."

Clive's jaw tenses and then he drops his head. "What about him?"

Robert blows out a breath and leans forward. "None of it makes sense, his tyre was slashed and that was what made me want to run, because he was suddenly in danger too. Why would he want to make it hard for himself, have to chase after me?"

Clive doesn't say anything and Robert tells himself he can carry on speaking then.

"And -" Robert's eyes widen. "The lamp was knocked down in the room." He frowns harshly, because it means that there must have been a struggle or something. "And Annie said he told her to keep her eyes closed."

Clive gulps, "You're getting yourself all worked up over nothing. Look what he's done to -"

Robert waves a hand out, "When he came to the hotel, he was _battered_. Who did that then Clive?" He snaps, too loud, to full of _bite_ and something flickers across Clive's first, fucking uncertainty for the first time in months.

"Stop Robert." Clive says, "Because there's no point to any of this is there? It doesn't _mean_ anything."

Robert blinks once, then twice. "It means _everything_ if it means that he didn't -"

"Take your daughter?"

Robert rolls his eyes and sighs hard. "You're not listening to me." He says, feels something rise in his chest.

" _No_. I'm just not telling you what you are desperate to hear."

And it seems true. Robert doesn't want to admit to it, but he's desperate for it all of this to be a dream, for Aaron to be his again, for the betrayal to be imaginary.

It's what he's thinking about as they walk back to the car, coffee for Vic in his hand as he goes.

And Clive is telling him that he needs to just move on.

"How can I?" Robert shouts. "I've been kidding myself, my head's been just focused on getting Annie back and - and I haven't even thought about -"

I haven't even thought about it, not enough.

Not enough.

It's all he can hear.

But then he's hearing his phone ring and he's staring down at the with-held number.

For a second he can't seem to do anything but then he's thinking and it's overwhelming and he can't help but pick up the phone, answer the call.

"Hello?" He's asking, breath slow and almost rugged as he speaks.

He hears the sound of heels and shudders.

"Hello Robert." It's Chrissie, of course it is. "How's _things_?" She's saying, voice sweet, enough to make Robert feel sick.

Robert feels the wind pick up around him, notices that Clive is standing in front of him looking worried and he ducks his head to avoid his glare.

"I've got my girl back. That's -" he feels himself become overwhelmed and he has to control his anger. "You're _never_ getting near her again, do you get that?" He's saying quickly, looking towards the pavement harshly.

"How ever will I cope." Chrissie says dryly, actually laughs at the end of her sentence and it makes Robert hold back something horrible.

"In prison? I don't know, you to tell me?" Robert raises his head, finds strength running through him suddenly.

Chrissie sighs, "I don't plan on finding out." She's so adamant, her tone is so serious and Robert can't help but find it unsettling. "It's hilarious really, you've got the police involved and they still can't seem to track me down. I might just wait it out, would you like that?"

Robert can't help the way he becomes confused by her words, by the way she is speaking to him.

"You waiting around until the police catch up to you?"

Clive pulls a face and he pales a little.

"Yes." Chrissie whispers, before she stops. "It will mean your darling bit of rough suffering longer though wont it?"

It feels like the world around him just stops altogether.

He hears the sound of moaning, struggling and heavy breathing and everything just _stops_.

"Rob - Rob - _help_ \- Rob."

It's his voice, it's _Aaron's_ voice and it's filled with nothing but blind panic and agony.

The coffee Robert was holding falls to the ground and hits the pavement hard.

The wind picks up and for a second Robert is sure he can't breathe. He can't do it, it's all too much but then Chrissie is speaking again and he has to gravitate himself towards her voice.

"You come here, no police. I want to have this out, once and for all." Chrissie says, so calmly.

"Let him go." Robert blurts out, feels tears prickle his eyes, "You fucking touch -"

"I have already. He's a little fighter isn't he? Until he's _not_." Chrissie sighs. "I really had you fooled didn't I? I really had you thinking you'd _won_."

Victoria's words burn through him as he stands there and looks up towards the sky, watches the world became grey.

"I - just let him go, please just -" he wants to beg her, he wants to scream and shout and hurt _himself_ for believing her lies, what she _made_ Aaron say.

"It didn't even take that much as well." He can hear Chrissie walking, he can see her smiling smugly. "It took a few words and you _hated_ the poor boy didn't you? I made you _hate_ him."

She's proud of herself and it seeps through the phone, makes Robert feel nauseous.

"It's me you want, just let him go and -"

"Didn't you hear me?" Chrissie asks coldly. "I'm at that old house near Billingsgate. If you even _think_ about bringing the police, I won't hesitate to let Lucky go loose with his gun."

Gun. Not again. Not -

The lines dead suddenly and he can't actually hear anything until Clive is shouting and shaking his shoulders.

"He was lying." Robert says, frozen on the spot. "Aaron, she made him lie." He whispers gently, looks up with tears in his eyes. "She fucking made him -"

"Robert." Clive pushes out harshly, "Just breathe. Slow down."

He should have known.

He should have _known_ straight away that Aaron was lying.

Robert's face reddens, he sees Aaron, he _hears_ him begging for his help. "He was calling my name, he was begging me to help him and -" he suddenly hears it on repeat and he has to run towards a bin, and he's vomiting.

' _"Rob - Rob - help - Rob." '_

Clive's rubbing his back, he's saying something about everything behind okay and then Robert's wiping at his mouth and telling himself to breathe.

"Mate, I'm sorry." He's hearing Clive say, not letting it sink in as he shakes him away.

"If I had known then -" Clive stops himself, and Robert just stares up at him, eyes red raw from the way he was just crying.

"If you would have known what?" Robert's asking, misses a beat and it comes out clumsily.

Clive looks towards the ground, then up at Robert again. "He - I - I didn't know he was being honest." He blurts out, and it starts raining, just to add to the fucking mood. "When - when he rang."

Robert frowns, eyes swimming with tears. "He - Aaron _rang_ you?"

Clive looks towards the floor. "I don't know how he got his phone, maybe - maybe no one was around but -" he shudders. "He asked if Annie was safe." Robert breaks, has a hand over his mouth. "He asked for help and I -"

Robert's suddenly pushing Clive hard down on the ground, he's punching and filling everything burst out of him without warning. He hears Vic's voice and the sound of a car door slamming and it makes him back away.

He's looking down at Clive who is withering on the floor and he's shaking. "You were working for her all along?" He's asking, feels that familiar sense of betrayal seep through him.

Vic's eyes are wide as she squats down and tries to help Clive to his feet. "Are you _insane_ Rob?"

"Answer the fucking question." Robert snaps, he can't breathe.

Clive stands unsteadily and gulps. He looks almost offended and Robert feels nothing but hate grow in his heart for the man who had _always_ been there for him, when no one else was.

"Of course I'm not." Clive says, eyes flickering as he looks at Robert. "Do you think I could do that to you or Annie?"

Robert shudders, "I don't know what you're capable of." He admits, "You didn't help him, you didn't help _Aaron_ and you knew how I felt about him?"

Clive knew how in love Robert was.

He just knew.

Clive shudders and Vic is suddenly slapping him hard on the arm. "Wait. He wasn't working with -"

Robert comes towards his sister and holds her hand, "Vic I need you to take Annie. Go to the flat, go to yours, just go."

His chin wobbles as he realises that he's made a decision before he's even thought about it. He's got to choose between his daughter, being with her and only her, and saving Aaron from harm.

He'd chosen the possibility of having both of them one day.

Vic's eyes widen. "What? Where are you going?" She's asking a million questions and all Robert can see is Aaron getting another kick to his stomach and crying out in pain.

"Please." He's shouting and Vic seems to understand. "I need to save him." He whispers and then feels Clive try and follow them to the car. "You need to stay away from me." He says. "I swear -"

Clive doesn't look like the strong, well put together man Robert used to admire. Instead he's looking hollow, like he's not really there. "Claire left me a year ago." He blurts out and Robert raises an eyebrow as more rains falls down, harder. Claire. Clive's wife. "Because I was hardly at home, because I was helping you and Annie." And something dark twists in Robert's stomach, he doesn't want to call it guilt.

"And that means _what_?" Robert blinks out, feels a shiver race through him. "You became intent on destroying any happiness I could have had with Aaron?"

It's cruel.

Clive shakes his head and Robert sees the graze he has caused. "It wasn't like that." He says, "Me helping you and Annie became - became everything suddenly and you - you didn't need me anymore because you had him."

And Robert frowns because it's fucking childish. He can't wrap his head around it, he doesn't even want to.

"I know I sound -" Clive shakes his head again. "I don't know what to say to you. I just - I was losing a mate."

Robert squints, can't say anything yet.

"And then your car was set alight, it was her and -"

"I bet you were counting your lucky stars." Robert shouts, "Do you know how _sick_ that is?" And he watches the way Clive nods slowly like he gets it.

"I never, _never_ meant for him to get hurt. I just - when he rang and said all that to you, I thought I was right all along, that he wasn't good enough to have all your trust." Clive runs a hand through his hair. " _Please_ Rob, let me help you find -"

"You've done enough." Robert says, backing away and putting all this distance between them.

He backs towards the car and then Annie's asking what's happening and he feels awful.

"Baby," Robert kneels down by the car and holds his daughter's hand. "Daddy's got to go help Aaron." Her eyes sparkle and then she's looking sad.

"Is it because he can't move?" Annie's asking, chin wobbling and Robert hates himself for not allowing Annie to get her fears out before. Like last night when she kept asking after Aaron, worry in her voice.

Robert nods slowly, "I'm so sorry for having to leave you again." He whispers gently, squeezes at her hand and smiles. "But Aaron needs me."

Annie suddenly wraps her arms around her father's neck and he clings to her.

"Aaron loves me daddy, and I left him." Annie mumbles into Robert's neck like she's almost ashamed.

He loves her, he loved his little girl.

"You ran, and he wanted you too didn't he?" Robert's watching her nod as he pulls away. "It's going to be absolutely fine flower." He presses a kiss to her head. "Auntie Vic'll spoil you rotten and then -"

"You can come back with Aaron and look after him forever and ever." Annie's tucking a piece of hair out of her face and Robert knows he shouldn't promise her that but then he's nodding and she's trying to smile.

He pulls back, "Love you." He whispers, looks towards Vic and tries to smile. "You look after her." He says seriously, chin wobbling with fear that something awful could happen.

Vic suddenly pulls him into a hug, "Please ... please be safe." She says, knows he can't promise that. "I know that -"

"I love him Vic." Robert blurts out weakly. "And, I haven't ever told him that." He wants to be able to, so badly it aches.

Vic looks towards the gravel and nods. "I just - I just want you come back in one piece." She says and it's clear that although she's scared, she doesn't know what Chrissie is really capable or how she sounded on the phone. "I know that's selfish but -"

Robert bites at his lip and nods. "You're not being selfish. I'm sorry." He whispers.

Vic raises an eyebrow and fights back tears. "Things you do for love." She mumbles out and it stays in Robert's mind as she starts the engine and he sees Annie waving at him from the window.

He can't remember the last time love for someone else other than his daughter ever meant this _much_ , made him risk it all, risk whatever Chrissie could throw at him if she wanted to.

It makes him stagger a little and then he feels Clive near his shoulder, turning him slowly. "I know that you hate me. But let me help you. You can't just go there on your own, she's a mad woman, we both know that."

Robert winces, knows that Clive is right but then he's shaking his head. "I don't want _anything_ from you."

Clive arches an eyebrow and comes even closer towards Robert, their chests almost touching and then he produces a large black gun and slides it into Robert's pocket. "I think you'll need this." He whispers before pulling back.

Robert thinks he's going to be sick again and suddenly Lachlan's there. He's gunning Rebecca down. He's waving it around like a _toy_.

"I can't - I -" Robert starts shaking and then Clive is looking towards his car.

"Let me drop you off, take you wherever you need to go." Clive clears his throat, looks almost downtrodden. "I'm so sorry." He's saying. "I just - I wanted you and Annie happy and -" he nods his head slowly. "Let me help you get that."

And Robert nods his head, in spite of it all.

And then he's in the car. Clive's there, and he's saying that it's going to be okay but it's not is it?

Aaron's hurt, Aaron was always hurt and he walked away from him like it was easy, like he _could_.

Robert blinks, shakes, feels ill as he sits there and tries to make sense of it all. But it's hard because whenever he shuts his eyes, Aaron is there and he's bleeding and dying and -

"What if she's killed him?" It stumbles out, and he's thinking about Chrissie and her sick mind and he can't stop himself.

This could all just be a game, he could do go there and Aaron could have already stopped breathing.

Clive clears his throat uncomfortably, "We can't think like that. It's going to be fine." He says, "I promise."

Robert scoffs, lifts his head. "You promised a lot of things. How can I even believe you're telling the truth now?"

And it's true, makes Robert feel sick as he thinks about it.

Clive lets out a long sigh and turns the corner, "You can't. I know I've ruined that but - I just wanted to help." He explains, "In my own fucked up way." He says.

Robert looks out of the window, he has a hand over his eyes and he's peaking through the splits between his fingers like a child. It's raining. He feels it all crushing down around him and it's as though the rain falling is billets to his chest.

Again. And again.

He can't breathe, thinks of Aaron again and everything just dies away in him.

 

 

::

 

Billingsgate is miles away.

It takes nearly two hours to get there and then they're suddenly searching for this fucking door, this house.

Robert remembers Annie saying something about it, wants to drill it into his head, wants to see it but they're still travelling round in circles.

"It's nearly dark." Robert complains, because when they left the sky was blue and now it's almost purple, splashed full of navy blue and looking a little like spilled ink.

Clive nods, "We need to keep looking." He says, determined, and then he's asking whether or not he should turn left or right and Robert feels the need to say 'right' before anything else enters his mind.

And it's hidden, the house, buried almost deep in a forest where tall trees blind it's view from passers by.

Clive cuts the engine and looks at Robert, "I reckon this is it." He leans closer out the car, "Fits the description doesn't it." He says, turns his head towards Robert. "Rob?"

But Robert can't even move, he's just sitting there and he knows that he's going to have to get out.

He has to.

"Maybe this was a bad idea." Clive says, like he's reflecting on the situation and Robert raises his head, insulted. "Maybe I should have just told the -"

"You owe me." Robert snaps, looks at the battered old house. "This is your fault, he's in there because of _you_."

Clive twitches, drops his head. "I told you it wasn't -"

"I bet you did it all on purpose, scaring me with the photos just before we were going to have our first date, scanning through all his records and trying to dig something bad up about him. I bet you _wanted_ him to punch me or something so that you could tell me to get rid." It all explodes out of Robert and he feels light headed, feels tears swell in his eyes and Clive just looks ashamed, looks like he can't even begin to explain his actions.

And Robert can't even look at him.

"He was _perfect_ and you spent your time trying to pick out flaws." Robert says, a few seconds pass and there's a sadness which runs through him.

"I wanted to keep Annie and you safe. That's all." Clive says, and then he's moving towards the door and pulling it open. Robert's eyes widen and he reaches in, holds onto Clive's arm and pulls back.

"Where do you think you're -"

"You think I don't care, but I do. So let me go in and -"

"Storm the Bastille?" Robert doesn't have time for Clive to be a hero or whatever, shakes his head and then points at him. "You're staying here." He says.

Clive looks horrified, "What if something happens?" He argues, "What then?" And Robert can't think about that, just sees Aaron half dead somewhere and that's all that matters really.

Robert gulps, he's still got that gun.

"I'll make sure it doesn't."

 

 

::

 

It's practically pitch black by the time Robert's approaching the house, it looks worn down, somewhere kids would dare each other to go knock on when it's Halloween or something and it sends a shiver through him.

His feet crush against the leaves scattered and then he's coming closer, moving around towards the back of the house for a reason he can't explain and then he's sighting a small rectangular window. The one Annie spoke of. The one she climbed out of.

Robert's on his hands and knees, dirt ingrained into his palms as he tries to hide himself and yet still peer inside. He's trying, really trying and then he's hearing the sound of heels.

And then he's seeing his ex wife for the first time in years.

She's not looking as sharp as he thought she would. Her hair is shorter, cut into a rigid looking bob.

Chrissie almost saunters into view and then she sighs, "Looks like Romeo really doesn't care at all." She says, and Robert can't help the way he has to catch his breath. She's talking to Aaron but he can't see him, he wants to see him, he wants to so badly.

"And you were so desperate, all 'help me, help me'." Chrissie laughs, it's filled with a darkness which Robert never wanted to hear again. She suddenly crouches a little and then sighs, "Might actually have to kill you I think."

And Robert's heart shatters because he can hear Aaron whimpering, protesting and it is the worst thing in the world.

"It's not like you're of any value anymore." And she's deranged because she'd be wanted for murder amongst everything else.

Chrissie smiles again, then she's backing away and looking towards somewhere Robert can't see. He thinks it's stairs, a door maybe. "We'll give him another half an hour. She says, and then she's gone and Robert can try and breathe again.

It's hard though, and the only thing he can do is try and look at Aaron but it's too dark. He can only see a slump of something against a wall and the thought of him dying manages to make everything surge through Robert's body.

It's why he's breaking the window, watching glass shatter everywhere and then making a hole big enough for him to crawl through, or almost big enough.

He's halfway through, twists at his shoulder and nearly breaks it altogether and then he's falling onto hard ground and the whole room is covered in a blanket of darkness which Robert is scared of.

So he calls his name, because he always helped him feel less afraid.

"Aaron?" His voice gets out, wants to scream but whispers.

But he doesn't hear anything back and he pulls a hand over his mouth, starts crying and thinking the worst and then -

"Rob?"

 

::

 

Just the sound of his voice makes something warm up inside Robert which was long gone.

He suddenly hears _pain_ and misery and it makes everything freeze around Robert as he listens.

And then he's hearing the sound of a small shallow breath rising in the air and then falling again. It hits him hard, makes Robert fall back until he's holding onto the wall.

"Aaron? Aaron, it's me." Robert whispers, pushes off the wall and comes further into the darkness, attempts to reach out and then he's falling onto something, tripping and then -

Aaron's face is so close to his suddenly and Robert hears the younger boy wince, like he's in pain and it's too much for Robert to bare. His hands pull out until they are on Aaron's cheeks and he can pull their foreheads tougher.

"Aaron." Robert whispers, and then everything is pouring out of him and there's tears running down his cheeks as he tries to hold Aaron's head up. The moon is suddenly high in the sky and it pours into the room, makes Robert gaze at Aaron's face, the way it is covered with cuts and bruises and how he can barely keep those blue eyes open.

"Keep - keep your eyes open." Robert's hands are shaky, he can taste the salt from his tears and he wills himself to keep trying, to fight for Aaron, to get them both out. "Please, for - for me, Aaron, _please_." He tries.

And Aaron keeps rolling his eyes back, then widening them and trying to smile. "You - you came here for me?" He's getting out, harsh breath, "You - you didn't - forget -"

Robert's eyes widen and he's shaking his head. "Of course I did, I had to." He wraps his arms around Aaron, or at least tries to and then he feels metal and nearly falls back. " _Aaron_ , oh _God_." There's tears pouring out of his face again and they sting. "I'm so sorry." He is, he feels nothing else but regret as he looks down at Aaron and sees how weak he is.

"Look what she's done to you." Robert feels heat rise through him, anger manages to shake at his hands and he can't control it. But then Aaron's pressing his forehead towards his and somehow this softness is able to travel through him. "I - I'm going to get you out of here okay? I promise you, I -

But suddenly Aaron's eyes start filling with tears and he tries to turn away. "Shouldn't have come," he pants out, looks like he can't breathe. "Not - not worth it -"

And it must feel like that for him.

Because Robert's abandoned him.

He put all his attention into Annie and tried fucking forgetting him.

"You _are_." Robert nearly screams, voice dry and sharp as he holds Aaron's face and suddenly they are just staring at each other, the moonlight washing over Aaron's peaky complexion. "Because I - I love -"

Heels.

The sound of the them fill the room again and then a light is being pulled down, an almost yellow glow clouds over the small space and Robert winces.

Then she's standing there, smiling at him and then looking towards the state of the window. "Well that's just dramatic isn't it?" She says slowly, comes towards Robert. "Have you never heard of a front door?"

Robert tenses up as she keeps walking towards him and then suddenly he's throwing himself in front of Aaron. "You don't get to hurt him anymore." His chin wobbles as he hears Aaron's slow breathing, like he can't do it anymore.

No one does, his brain practically screams.

Because the man has been through hell and back even before he knew Robert and now everything is even worse for him.

Chrissie does this twitch with her nose and entertains them for a second before rolling her eyes. "You took your time coming here didn't you, had second thoughts about your little bit of rough."

And she needs to stop calling Aaron that or he'll lose it.

Robert's still over Aaron and he dares to look back at him for a second, he's got a hand over his and his eyes are firmly closed.

"Aaron?" Robert's eyes start to water, he begins to think all sorts suddenly.

"He was a little fighter to begin with but then," a large man suddenly enters the room and Robert pales. "He soon had that beaten out of him. I mean look, his half _dead_ already."

Already, like there's so much more to come.

"Let him go." Robert says, suddenly stands and looks at Chrissie. She's aged so heavily, it's frightening. "I'm here now so -"

"So what?" Chrissie tilts her head. "He gets to leave? No." She pauses and it hangs in the air. "It doesn't work like that I'm afraid."

Robert gulps hard, breathes out slowly. "How - how does it work then?"

And Chrissie smiles even wider. "Haven't decided that yet." She says, shrugs a little and then looks towards the large beefy twat in the room. "I reckon he's a little bit bored of Aaron now."

Robert winces, pictures it all.

And then he hears Aaron's voice, weak and filled with fright. "Go Rob, you need to -" he heaves in a breath and then shakes his head slowly. "Please go."

Robert wonders how Aaron felt when Annie left, did what he told her to do.

Lonely springs to mind and he hates himself.

"I'm not leaving you here. No." Robert says, falls to his knees and tries to hold Aaron's head up. "Just - just stay with me and we'll be alright."

And Aaron isn't buying it because he's not stupid.

"No point lying to him is there?" Chrissie says. "If you think you're having a happily ever after than you're sadly mistaken aren't you."

And it's all Robert wants. A happy ending.

Aaron and Annie and birthdays and holidays and love.

For _years_.

"You really are a sick _bitch_ aren't you?" Roberts tongue is sharp, hits out, makes Aaron feebly attempt to tug at Robert's arm, tell him to shut his mouth.

Chrissie looks impressed and smiles. "I'm not the liar, I'm not the _cheat_." And Robert has to catch his breath because she's saying what she said five whole years ago. She hasn't moved on from that moment.

And it's frightening.

"You're just the psycho who takes kids and beats up innocent people!" He screams, feels Aaron wince and a hand falls over his shoulder and settle him.

Chrissie's eyes widen. "You're not innocent though are you?" And her eyes turn glassy. "Robert Sugden, the man who ruined my life."

And yeah she's always been dramatic but this is a different league.

Robert frowns, "Have you heard yourself?" He's screeching, "Your sick son did that when he put a bullet in -"

He doesn't finish.

Lachlan suddenly appears.

"Someone's passionate." Lachlan says, voice nearly as sadistic. He comes further into the room and Chrissie shifts a little, like she is unsure or something. "Funny that." He looks at Robert and laughs. "Look at the state of you." He says, eyes Robert up with disgust.

Robert winces, Lachlan's taller than he remembers, has refined muscles and a sharpness about him which he lacked before.

For a second Robert thinks about those nights he'd spent trying to convince himself that Lachlan didn't really mean to cause any actual harm. That it was all just an accident. And then Robert looks at him and his hard eyes and his sick smile and he knows that this boy made no mistake all those years ago.

"Let - let Aaron go." Robert shudders, feels Aaron's breathing against his back slow down dangerously so. "I'm begging ya, please -"

Chrissie's eyes sparkle. "You're _begging_." She finds it funny it seems and then she crosses her arms over. "Do it properly then." She mocks. "Go on, beg for his life. And yours."

And it's pointless but Robert does, starts pleading and crying until Chrissie tells him to stop behaving like a dog.

"What happened to the love rat Robert?" Chrissie says, eyes harsh again. "Always looked out for number one didn't he?"

Robert shakes his head, "He grew up. He had to considering he was suddenly a single _dad_."

Lachlan just shakes his head. "I think this is the part where we all feel sorry for you isn't it?" He says, shakes his head at Robert and smiles. "Well guess what? We don't." He practically shouts, then orders Robert to get up.

He doesn't want to. He doesn't want to move away from Aaron.

He can't and then suddenly Lachlan is shouting at him and he cannot breathe.

"Hands above your head." Lachlan orders, eyes wide, filled with a sharp terror which makes Robert think the worst.

"Is this the part where you kill me?" Robert manages to mock the boy, find a strength he thought was hidden. But then he's hearing Aaron huff out something which resembles a plea to stop and Robert wants to crawl back to him but he can't.

He can't because Lachlan's just staring at him and then he's coming closer, "You know how much you ruined my family?" He says, and Robert realises that he's making it all about him somehow. "You couldn't keep your legs shut and neither could that _bitch_ and suddenly I'm a murderer -"

Chrissie turns towards her son, "Lucky stop." She hisses, "Go upstairs and let me deal with this."

Lachlan frowns. "So he can win ya round, say something daft and you'll believe him." There's so much hatred there and Robert gulps hard as Chrissie shakes her head and blames him for the state of her son, for the state of her.

Robert looks back at Aaron, sees that he's still laying on the floor, he's still chained up like an animal. Suddenly something springs to mind. "I'll make you a deal." He says, drops his arms and gulps hard as Lachlan looks at him. "Okay? You - you unchain him, let him go and - and I'll confess to killing Rebecca myself."

And he doesn't even know where it comes from but he can't ignore it.

Even Chrissie looks surprised and suddenly he can hear Aaron breathing out a ragged refusal.

"It's - what you want isn't it?" And Chrissie's eyes flicker. "Me out of the picture, hurt, unhappy. You - you off the hook." It makes sense, for her it does anyway.

Chrissie looks like she's actually considering it and then Aaron's opening his fucking mouth.

"You can't -" he whispers. "Rob - you can't do -"

"Shut up." Lachlan booms and then he looks at Chrissie. "Are you buying this?" He asks, pauses as Chrissie stands there. "You _are_." He hisses.

Chrissie bites at her lip and then looks at Lachlan, "We could force him to. It'd put an end to this - we wouldn't have to -"

" _Ultimate revenge_ mum. That's what you said." He says, like he's having a tantrum and Robert slowly tries to move back to Aaron.

It's like there's this invisible string between them which holds them together somehow.

"How is this revenge if he doesn't -"

The domestic plays out in front of him and Robert feels himself caring less and less as his legs begin to wobble.

And then Chrissie's looking at Aaron and he wants to shield him again.

"He needs to go to hospital." Robert insists. "Please Chrissie." He feels himself appealing to the old side of her, the nurturer she once was. "This has nothing to do with him."

And somehow that makes her _explode_.

"It has _everything_ to do with him." Chrissie shouts, comes closer. "Because he's just another Rebecca isn't he?" And everything turns cold inside Robert. "Another hapless fool who's gone and fallen in love with you."

It twists through Robert, won't stop until Chrissie is looking harsher at him.

"I should just kill you shouldn't I?" And she's lost it because a few seconds ago she was considering letting Robert and Aaron leave and now -

"Maybe _that's_ how it'll all be over." She says, eyes glassy again. "Maybe then I won't think about you and that little brat of yours all the time."

Robert winces, "She's your niece." He stresses, just sees anger build up inside her however.

"And she was my _sister_. But it didn't stop her from dropping her knickers for my husband did it?" Her face turns pale and then she blows out a breath.

"Just - just let me tell the police it was me." Robert tries again, shuffles forward a little. "And it'll be over, I'll be the one getting sent down." Chrissie bristles and then Robert knows exactly what to say. "Look at Lachlan, look." And she does, slowly. "He's not the geeky boy I remember, he's -"

Lachlan scoffs. "Grown up."

Robert slowly looks at him, tries to battle against the sound of a gun shot which rings through his ears time after time. He sees no resentment, no fear or guilt.

"He's a monster."

And Chrissie reacts to that, but not angrily, not mean or spiteful, she drags Lachlan back a little and tells him to go upstairs.

But he won't and Robert fucking needs him to disappear because Aaron's not breathing heavy anymore and he's petrified that he's slipped into some unconscious state where Robert won't be able to chase him.

Chrissie turns back towards Robert. "You'll tell the police?" She says harshly, " _You_ killed her, _you've_ had a vendetta against me and my son and that's why you -"

"Anything." Robert blurts out, and for a second he imagines himself doing it, he imagines them believing him.

And then he imagines Aaron smiling again.

"Anything Chrissie, just -" he looks back towards Aaron. "Let me get him some help." He pleads, "I'll just leave him near the hospital - won't - won't even go in with him okay? Just - just please -"

He doesn't expect what happens, the gun is still heavy in his pocket and he thinks about how he thought he'd need to actually use it.

Chrissie comes forward, takes a key out from her blazer pocket and the chains fall away from Aaron's wrists and feet heavily.

Robert blows out a sigh of relief and for a second he forgets that Chrissie is even in the room. "Hey, look, you're going to be safe now babe, okay," he presses a kiss to Aaron's sweaty forehead and watches the younger man barely move in reply to his words. "I've got you now." He whispers, hands around Aaron, not letting him go until Lachlan is suddenly over them both.

"Up then." Lachlan gestures and Robert rises to his feet, holds onto Aaron's frame and struggles for a second.

Aaron's head is pressed against his shoulder and Robert can barely breathe but Aaron still smells like Aaron and everything is okay again. Just for a second.

Because Aaron's going to be okay. And he's sliding down his hand, trying to squeeze onto Robert's and -

There's the sound of something heavy falling onto the ground.

The gun, _Clive's_ gun, falls out of his pocket and flat towards the floor.

For a second Robert thinks that no one has heard because Chrissie doesn't move but then she's looking at it and then up at him and he can't carry Aaron like this for much longer. He needs to make a run for it, he could but Aaron couldn't and he can't leave him.

Chrissie raises an eyebrow. "You were going to shoot me." She says, eyes hard, suddenly unforgiving.

Robert shakes his head quickly. "No I - Chrissie I -"

Chrissie comes forward. "Or my son." She says, blinks quickly and then frowns. "Someone I love." She practically whispers, and then she's suddenly pulling out her own gun, buried deep in her pocket.

It's bigger, looks heavier too.

And then she's pointing it at Robert and he can't breathe.

That's when Aaron comes alive almost, he's doubled over in pain but he still tries to move in front of Robert. "Please no, _please_ don't -"

Lachlan laughs like it's funny and Robert suddenly holds Aaron by the shoulders, "It's okay." It's not but he has to tell him it is. "Please, please get behind me Aaron." He whispers, tears falling down his face harder than he anticipated. "I can't let you get hurt again, I can't do -"

The sight of blue flashing lights makes everything stop.

Sirens play out across the small room and Robert's heart leaps.

"The police?" Lachlan snaps, looks towards his mum. "We need to go, mum, we need to go _now_." And he's dragging her away, towards the stairs as Robert drops to his knees and let's Aaron cry into his chest.

"I'm so sorry." Robert cries out, guilt rotting through his whole body as he kisses at Aaron's head. "It's going to be okay now because the police are here and - and we can go see our Annie."

And Aaron lifts his head. "Our?" He whispers, tears rolling down his face.

Robert nods and wants nothing more than for them to all be a family, "Aaron I love -"

And then there's the sound of heels approaching and Chrissie looks fucking deranged as she points the gun at Aaron and screams about hurting someone _Robert_ loves and -

It takes seconds for Robert to hurl himself in front of the gun, seconds for him to fall hard on the ground.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> DUN DUN DUN!!!
> 
> If you have me on tumblr you'll know that I have had to strip my uploading back to only once a week because of school work being crazy hard right now. 
> 
> I hope that people remain interested in the story though, not long left now!


	22. Chapter 22

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Will Robert survive, and how will Aaron cope?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been a week and it feels like absolute years, here's the next very chunky chapter for you all!

The impact is harsh, everything just rips through Robert and he can feel himself slipping off somewhere.

He can hear Aaron screaming too and he wants it to stop.

"'Ron, it's okay." He whispers, feels Aaron press down onto his chest where the blood is pouring out from. It's coating his shirt, coating Aaron's hands.

"Stay - stay with me." Aaron shudders as tears crash down his face, he looks so much like a little boy, so good and Robert only thinks of one thing to say.

"Beautiful." He says, hand trying to come up and hold Aaron's face.

Aaron shrugs him away, "Don't speak if it hurts okay?" He whispers, keeps one hand down on the wound and the other caressing Robert's cheek. "Just keep looking at me and - and the police will find us. They're so close, you heard them didn't ya?"

And it seems like they're miles away.

"Help!" Aaron shouts, has all this power and strength suddenly and Robert wants to call him brave. "Help us please!" He screams.

Robert gulps hard, a pain shoots through him. "Can't - can't hold on." He wriggles slightly and that only makes it worse.

Aaron looks horrified, "Yes you can." He tells him quickly, eyes wide and full of fear. "And then we can go and see our Annie can't we?"

Our Annie

How stupid had he been.

How naive.

Robert starts crying as he lays there, "Please look after her for me." He whispers, and maybe this was supposed to happen, maybe he was supposed to find someone like Aaron for Annie to have and love forever.

Aaron shakes his head, "No. Don't you dare give up." He stresses.

"Please Aaron, don't - don't run from her because - because she needs ya, she always has."

Always someone as kind as Aaron. Always.

Aaron winces, holds Robert's face and nods quickly.

Robert relaxes his shoulders. "I'm sorry." He tells him, "You never deserved this."

Me dying on you in this way.

Aaron shakes his head, "Stop." He says.

Robert groans, "Aaron -" he says suddenly, feels everything die around him again. "I never told you that I loved you."

And Aaron catches his breath.

"I loved you, I love you with - with everything I have - I - love you."

And Aaron starts crying, "I love you too." He confesses through his tears. "Since the first moment I clapped eyes on ya, standing at the door looking at me like I was some alien." He tries to laugh and then Robert is smiling, remembering now even from then he was trying to tell himself that he didn't feel anything got the bloke with the good arms. He thinks about it and then he's seeing Aaron bending down, he's kissing Robert slowly on the lips.

Robert smiles as it happens and then his world turns to black and all he hears is Aaron screaming and the sound of feet rushing towards him.

 

 

::

 

 

Chrissie's there.

She's smiling at him and he's laying flat against a slab.

"I think you always knew this is how it would end didn't you?" She's saying, malice running from her mouth as she stands back and looks at him.

Robert tries to get up but can't. "Am I dead?" He asks, feels like he is.

Chrissie doesn't answer him, just keeps her gaze focused on him and only him.

"You took a bullet for him." She says and he remembers, he almost had to. He couldn't let anything bad happen to him. To the person who made his life so much better, so quickly.

Aaron, this bloke without money or status. This bloke who lives in an estate, who's got his own issues to deal with and a tragic past.

Aaron, who made everything easier.

Aaron, who gave him hope, so much of it.

"Yeah I did." Robert says, sure in his actions.

Chrissie pulls a face. "Pretty noble of you wasn't it." She mocks. "You, being a hero for someone like him."

Robert tries to blink open his eyes, and everything is white, everything is suddenly hazy and he battles through it as best he can.

There's white splashed everywhere and the only thing cry clear is Chrissie and she's smiling.

"Someone I love." Robert whispers and Chrissie's words are heavy on his mind, what she said just before the gun went off, just before he fell.

"And then what happened?" Chrissie mocks. "You're here and he - he went and passed out, wouldn't wake up."

And Roberts eyes widen. "No," he whispers. "No, he's safe, he's safe with Annie and -"

Chrissie laughs. "It didn't work out that way I'm afraid."

And then she disappears and he feels himself falling back again.

 

 

::

 

 

He can hear his voice.

Aaron's.

He's crying.

 _"Why won't he just wake up?"_ He's saying, _"He needs to wake up. Please."_

And Robert still can't move, he's weighed down, has tears stretching down his face.

 _"I know love, why don't you have a kip? You can stay in the family room if you'd like?"_ It must be a nurse, she has a soft voice.

 _"I need him to wake up."_ Aaron just says, _"He can't die, he can't die."_

And Robert just wants to hold him.

 

 

::

 

 

_"See the thing is, I just need you back, that's all. And Annie needs ya, and -"_

Robert still wants to hold him.

 

 

::

 

 

Robert opens his eyes again and there's a purple haze thrown over the space around him.

It's quiet and then he hears a voice.

_"He needs you, darling he needs you and so does your little girl."_

And he knows the voice. It's his mum.

But he can't see her and it rips through him because he just wants her close suddenly.

"Mum?" He says, and he's got the strength to sit up now. He frowns gently and sighs. "Why can't I see you?"

There's a soft pause. _"Because you're not where I am yet."_

And it's too ambiguous.

 _"Go back darling."_ She says, and he suddenly thinks that he has a choice. _"He's good for you, Aaron, he's so good for you."_ And Robert's got tears in his eyes.

Because she knows about him.

"I want to see him, I want to see Annie too. I want my little girl back mum." He says, eyes stinging from how red they are.

And everything falls away until he feels a hand on his.

He hears the sound of a machine beeping, he hears someone sniffling near him and a small voice.

And for a second he thinks he's dreaming but he isn't.

He's not.

It's really Aaron standing there, black hoodie on, eyes red raw and filled with tears, cuts in his face and a hand out for Robert to hold and -

He's got Annie on his hip, her chin wobbling like she's scared and her long blonde hair loose and a little wild because Aaron's always been awful at plating it.

And everything else in the world doesn't matter at all.

Aaron bends forward with Annie and tugs at Robert's hand. "Hey sleepy bones." He says, voice hoarse and barely there.

"Wakey wakey daddy!" Annie's saying and Aaron rubs at her back, tells her not to shout so loud and then he's looking back at Robert.

He's trying to smile but he just looks so traumatised. "God, don't - don't do that to us again." His voice is filled with a terrible shake.

Robert can see the bruises and the cuts and the _pain_ all over his face and it aches.

It aches everywhere.

"Hey beautiful girl." Robert croaks out, pulls off the oxygen mask and Aaron lets her down, lets her sit on the bed with her dad. She shuffles forward and tries to hug at his neck but Robert winces out in pain and Aaron panics.

"Daddy feels achy remember?" Aaron says gently, and then Annie nods her head like she understands.

She pushes a button on the wall when she's told to by Aaron and then a nurse comes in.

She keeps using the word _lucky_ to describe him and it makes Robert want to wince.

He knows he's lucky to be alive yeah, but this, laying him hurt and seeing Aaron look so moved by it is just heartbreaking.

"Thank you." He says politely, watches her leave after she's told him that he needs to be closely monitored for a few days.

The only important thing is the way Aaron's shoulders slouch with relief.

 

::

 

For a second everything is quiet and Robert just stares at Aaron and Annie like they are the only people who matter in the whole world.

"What's happened to me?" He's asking, because the nurse was vague and like she didn't want to scare him too much with the truth, and Aaron fights the urge to cry it seems. He goes to speak and then Victoria is suddenly coming through the doors.

She looks like she hasn't slept a wink, nearly as bad as Aaron.

"You're awake." Vic smiles at him weakly and then looks at Aaron, the way she does is odd, makes Robert frown a little and then Aaron's backing away towards the door.

"I should let you catch up." Aaron says, like he's scared of getting too close.

Robert frowns quickly and then tries to reach out for Aaron. "No - stay here." He says, panics and then he's remembering what his mum told him about Aaron.

What happened to him.

How he was when Robert was shot down and unresponsive.

"I want to know what happened." And Aaron looks away, makes something tighten in Robert's chest.

Vic bites her lip and places a hand over Robert's. "I think I should explain." She says gently, then looks at Aaron and asks him to take Annie out as she explains.

Aaron just stands there looking unsure until he nods and he's picking Annie up in his arms. "I'll - I'll be back, I promise." He tells Robert before shuffling towards the door and leaving.

There's such a heaviness which passes through them both, like something has changed between them.

Robert looks at Victoria, tries searching her eyes for answers or something. "What's happened? Why - why doesn't he want to be near me." He isn't afraid to say that his chin is wobbling like mad.

Vic sighs. "You've been out for nearly a week. You slipped into a coma Rob." And it makes Robert's heart twist uncomfortably. "Aaron, he didn't take it well. At all."

And yeah, fair enough, he didn't expect Aaron to be doing cartwheels or anything like that.

But there's a seriousness in Vic's eyes which makes him feel sick.

"He was in a hospital bed until a few days ago too." Vic admits. "Exhaustion apparently. And you - what happened didn't help, he fainted."

Robert winces at the words, the pain Aaron went through.

"But he's okay?" Robert's practically pleading and Vic nods her head slowly.

"He -" Vic tilts her head like she's trying to get the words out. "He was all worried about you for so long, wouldn't stop asking about how you're doing and then ... Chrissie - she spoke to him."

And everything churns in his stomach at the sound of her name.

The woman who shot him, the woman who wanted to kill him.

His eyes widen and Vic quickly tries to calm him. "Don't worry okay, she's - she's in custody now - they've charged her with all sorts so -"

He can't even take the information in, he's just thinking about what she said to Aaron, what she's done now.

"Vic what did she say to him? Was - was it bad?" And it explains the way Aaron was hesitant, the way he seemed all over the place a little. It explains why he wanted to go.

Vic shrugs, "I don't know." She says sadly, "He might be feeling guilty because - because yesterday they said that you might have lasting damage and he ran. He just left Annie sitting there all on her own and -" Robert can't help the way he looks down, he's hurt, but he can understand how Aaron felt. It makes Victoria stop.

He knows that feeling, the one where you have no hope left and everything is dark.

Vic bites her lip and sighs. "He was sorry, really sorry." She says slowly before wiping tears from her eyes.

"Was it - was it really bad?" He's asking, chin wobbling, tears streaming down his face.

And her face darkens involuntarily.

"Your - your heart stopped." She says, looks down and tries to calm herself down. "And I couldn't tell Annie, I couldn't tell her that - that you might not make it so -"

Robert's eyes flutter. "Aaron did." He whispers.

Vic nods quickly and wipes at her eyes again. "God it - it took almost everything out of him." She tells her brother and then he feels like his heart is shrivelling up inside, filled with pain, misery.

"I need to see him." He whispers, craves the younger man suddenly and then he sees a police officer walk past the door. "What do they want?" He says, panic and anger running through him because they were supposed to protect him, keep him safe. He wasn't supposed to nearly die. Aaron wasn't supposed to nearly _die_.

Vic places a hand over Robert's again. "They'll need to ask you a few questions but - it can wait." She lets him know. "Should I go look for Aaron?" She's asking and then suddenly Robert sees him by the door.

He still looks so petrified.

The door opens slowly and he starts playing with his hands like he's a toddler. "Annie's with a nurse." He says, like he has to explain. "I promise I didn't just leave her." And Robert's stunned at how fragile Aaron is. He's not like he remembered and that aches.

"Come here." Robert croaks out, pulls a hand across to hold at Aaron's and waits for the connection to hit but Aaron's so hesitant and it hurts.

It feels like such rejection.

"I'm okay." Robert shudders out and Vic looks towards Aaron, nods at him until the younger man is coming closer and squeezing at Robert's hand.

Robert closes his eyes, soaks in the feel of Aaron so close to him and then Vic is leaving them alone.

Aaron doesn't say anything, just keeps his head down and Robert slowly opens his eyes, suddenly wants to kiss the younger man and tell him that they got out on the other side. They survived.

"I need you to know - know how sorry I am." Robert whispers, and Aaron looks away. "Please don't hide from me." He begs and Aaron looks back.

"You died." Aaron says, tears streaming down his face. "Your heart stopped beating - and you _died_ in my arms."

And there's nothing Robert can actually say is there?

That's what happened, that's what Aaron went through.

"But I'm here now." Robert's chin is wobbling and there's a softness about him suddenly, a vulnerability.

Aaron shakes his head, "It's all different now." He says, face red and puffy and a sincerity in his words which Robert despises.

Robert gulps hard, frowns harshly. "What are you saying?" He asks, doesn't even want to.

And Aaron can't look at him, he just presses a kiss to Robert's forehead and stays there for a second. "I'm so happy you're okay." He whispers, coming through the darkness suddenly and then he's sitting down on the chair and bawling his eyes out.

And suddenly Robert realises it's not going to get easier over night.

 

 

::

 

 

Aaron wipes his tears in time for someone to come through the door.

That someone being Clive.

Robert's eyes widen as he looks at him, he shuffles on the bed and doesn't know what exactly to say.

"I didn't know whether or not to come." Clive says, bites at his lip and gulps as he sights Aaron. "You alright mate?" He says, and Aaron looks confused, a little taken back.

But he nods, because he's kind.

"I am now he's awake." He says and then Robert smiles a little at him.

Robert looks at Clive, feels pain suddenly, like a deep twist in his chest. "What do you want?" He asks, and he finds it hard to look at him, "I'm alive. You can go now."

Aaron tuts, "What's that for?" He asks, scrapes his chair forward and Clive just keeps staring at Robert.

"Maybe I should be getting off." Clive says quickly, "Look, mate I'm happy that you're alright." He says, directs it towards Aaron and then looks towards Robert. "And Rob, I'm -"

Robert frowns. "Stop acting like you give a shit." He snaps. "You -" he looks towards Aaron. "He knew the truth, he knew that - that you hadn't actually kidnapped Annie but he let me think you did." And Aaron's face falls.

Clive widens his eyes, "That's not fair, look I -" he huffs out a sigh and tries to speak.

"I rang." Aaron whispers, "I was out of it, but I - I could feel my phone in my pocket and I rang, I rang ya 'cause -" he has tears suddenly in his eyes. "I remembered your number, I thought you'd help, I thought -"

And Clive back towards the door. "I just - I'm sorry." And Robert just can't see past it, especially now Aaron looks like he's resisting the urge to throttle Clive.

"You could have got me out." Aaron suddenly explodes. "And then none of this would have fucking -"

Clive shakes his head, "I called the police, if I hadn't then - then you wouldn't have made it." He waves a hand towards Robert and then sighs. "I tried to help."

Robert shudders, "I wouldn't have had to be there if you -"

Clive shuts his eyes, raises his hand. "I'm - I'm not the enemy." He tries, gulps hard. "I just - I was selfish."

And Aaron scoffs, winces as he rises to his feet and brushes past Robert's hand. "You got a little crush or something then?"

And it's been buried, right at the back of Robert's mind.

"Aaron -" Robert says, face reddening as he sits there.

Clive rolls his eyes and sighs. "It's not like that, I just - I wanted to feel like I -"

"Belong? Have a purpose? You know, it sounds like this was more about _you_ then it was about helping him, helping that little girl." And Aaron's right, it's why Clive just stands there, slowly looks towards the floor and then he sighs.

"I'm sorry." Clive says, and then sighs. "I truly wanted the best for you." He says, looks at Robert. "It's why I rang the ambulance for you. But I know I messed up. I know." He says, looks like he wants to say sorry again but holds it back, he leaves instead.

And Aaron stands still for a second before turning around. "Don't need people like him, do we?" He says and it travels through the air as he sits down on the chair and draws into himself.

 

 

::

 

 

Aaron doesn't speak for a long time. He just sits there like he's waiting for something bad to happen, something else.

Robert has to talk to the police, he ploughs through it and only stops when he thinks about how instinctual his movements were.

Aaron was going to get shot at and he just -

He made sure that didn't happen.

And Aaron stays, he holds his hand through it and then he's disappearing back into this shell and Robert just has to stare at him.

"Talk to me." Robert says, later, when there's not too much noise and the world seems quieter.

Aaron raises his head gingerly. "About what?" He says, and it's like he's trying to make out he doesn't know what's going on.

Only, he does.

Only, Robert can see it in his eyes.

He's almost like a ghost now.

Robert goes to speak and then attempts to think through his words, but it only leads to misery and then he's being shot again and all he can hear is Aaron screaming. "How you feel." He says and Aaron looks blown away by such a question. "I'm sorry." He blurts out, and the machines beep around them.

Aaron gulps. "Vic's probably told ya." He seems embarrassed and Robert hears the way he refers to her, for a second he imagines them bonding over this and it makes him smile a little before he pales. "About me losing it."

Robert frowns and his head suddenly feels heavy, "Aaron I -"

And whatever happens suddenly makes Aaron jump out of his skin and he's driving himself towards the double doors and trying to leave. "I should go, I shouldn't be -"

"Aaron _don't_ -" Robert tries and then there's this roaring pain which is causing him to pull back.

Aaron's eyes widen and then he's running back over, "Shit, Rob, shit I don't - I don't know how to help ya." He's crying out, forehead pressed against Robert's as he slowly strokes at his hair and _this_ is what Robert wants.

He wants Aaron this close.

"What can I do?" He's saying, full of this panic and Robert just keeps looking at him.

"Just get Annie." Robert blurts out, sees the pain of rejection over Aaron's face. "And then come back here, and hold me." He says and it feels like Aaron needed to be told that, needed some instruction because everything has been so up in the damn air recently.

Aaron hesitates, "Are you sure?" He asks, just a whisper escapes him and Robert wants to hold his hand, does.

 

 

::

 

 

Annie's on the end of the hospital bed, she's fast asleep and Aaron looks set to drop too.

"Aaron," Robert whispers, and Aaron's looking up at him. It's after visiting hours now but the nurses don't seem to mind and Vic is asleep in the family room. "Come here." He almost begs, and Aaron slowly shuffles towards him and then he's slipping under the covers, and Robert shudders.

A tingle of something stretches between them and Robert watches the way Aaron shivers, closes his eyes as he tries to press further towards Robert's neck.

"You smell like you." Aaron whispers, eyes still closed. Robert turns to him and presses his head down against Aaron's head. "I thought you'd smell like hospital you know, that horrible smell."

Robert can't think of what to say and then Aaron's pushing himself even closer towards him.

"Scared." Aaron blurts out, almost whispers and Robert frowns at him. "You asked how I felt before, and I - I've been so scared, I still am." He admits, blue eyes widening and then looking towards Annie, "Because I didn't know what to -"

Robert gently moves forward, winces just a little and holds at Aaron's face. "You know when I opened my eyes and saw you there with her." He says, and Aaron nods a little. "I don't think I've ever been so happy." His eyes water, "And I know that - that everything is so hard, so hard," he drops his head, "But just having you here -"

"I ran." Aaron's panicking. "They said all this _stuff_ and I got so scared, and I left." He says, "Because I couldn't cope." He shakes out, looks like he can't breathe.

Robert nods slowly, he can't think about what Aaron's been through, he can't do that. He just needs to think about what they can be, what they can have in the future if the world decides to give them a break.

"We just need to stay togther, we just need - need to hold on." He says, eyes watering as Aaron looks at him and tries to look reassured.

"Weather the storm?" Aaron says, hand pressed against Robert's stomach like he needs to feel him breathing.

"Yeah." Robert says, and then he's closing his eyes and feeling Aaron come closer toward him. "And it'll be okay soon, Chrissie - she's -"

And Aaron winces, it makes everything stop.

"Don't mention her." He says, "Don't ruin it, please." He's suddenly cowering and Robert nods against him, realises that it's too much, it's too hard.

Instinctively Aaron stretches forward and presses a kiss against Robert's cheek. He used to do that. He used to kiss Robert's cheek whenever he was sorry for cutting him off or something.

It's soft, between them, and Robert can feel Aaron lingering. "I missed you." He says, so quietly and then Robert's feeling sick with this feeling, this _love_. " _God_ I'm a mess." He gets out, almost trembling and Robert holds him up, makes Aaron look into his eyes.

"We'll be okay now."

And they will.

They have to be.

Robert watches Aaron nod, "Together." He says, "We'll be okay together." He blows out a breath and then everything turns quiet again as Aaron fights the urge to cry against Robert's side.

 

 

::

 

 

He's panicking.

Chrissie's over him, she's got the gun in her hand and she's not gunning him down.

She's shooting Aaron and it's so much worse.

"No, _no_ , not him." Robert's wriggling around, jumping up and shouting and -

Annie's crying when he opens his eyes.

He can see Aaron, and he's holding Annie close and he's fighting back tears. "It's okay," he kisses at her head and she's still sniffling. "Daddy's just a little sad." He explains like a fucking pro and Robert feels something swell in his chest before Aaron's stroking at his hair and telling him it's okay. "You're in the hospital. Me and Annie are here and it's _fine_." And he's so much stronger than he was a few hours ago.

"She shot - she shot you and -"

Aaron kisses him hard on the mouth, stops all the panic building up inside of Robert suddenly and then he's pulling away.

But it's enough. It's quick, almost instant and Robert turns to absolute jelly, _remembers_ the feeling.

Robert's eyes flicker open and he's smiling just a little. "I love you." He says, tears drying and Aaron pales.

He nods his head and kisses at Robert's forehead before Annie is climbing onto the bed and hugging at her father.

"Aaron made the tears go." She says, like it's magic and Robert chuckles just a little.

The day has stretched on and it's all heavy in the air.

"Of course he did." Robert's throat is tight. "Aaron's _magic_." He whispers and Aaron's eyes flutter as he looks at them both.

And it's gentle, the way they all lay down again after the wave has past them by.

"Together?" Robert's chin wobbles, Annie's back to sleep again and their bodies are pressed together.

Aaron still looks so haunted and Robert can already feel the torment, the pain to come when they finally have all those heavy conversions.

But Aaron tries to smile, eyes red raw and a vulnerability about him. "Together." He says.

And Robert wants it to feel like a promise.

 

 

::

 

 

"Yes, well done." Robert can hear Aaron's voice, all soft, "Good girl." He's saying, voice high and Robert knows that he's speaking to Annie.

When he opens his eyes Annie's playing with coloured blocks on the Aaron's lap, she's slotting the pieces in and they're coordinating with all the right numbers.

Robert smiles as he looks over at the genuine smile on Aaron's face, but then it turns to worry as he keeps staring.

"Hey," Aaron says, stretches over and looks at Robert. "You've been asleep for ages." He says, looks almost too concerned and Robert tries to settle his sorry but he can't because it looks like Aaron still hasn't slept properly.

"What about you?" Robert asks, voice like gravel as Annie continues playing. "Aaron, you need to sleep." He tells him and Aaron looks away a little. "I mean it, the last thing I want -"

"Stop thinking about me." Aaron almost snaps and then huffs out a breath. "I was shi -" he suddenly widens his eyes and pulls his hands over Annie's little ears. "I was shit yesterday, all over the place and I can't still be like that, I don't want to be." And Robert frowns, can't get past how hard Aaron is being on himself over his reaction to his boyfriend literally dying in his arms. "I need to be the strong one." He tells him and then slides his hands away from Annie.

Annie's got a smile on her face though and yeah she isn't shy about pointing out that Aaron shouldn't say bad words like that.

It eases just a fraction of the tension.

 

 

::

 

 

Vic comes with the police and a promise to look after Annie for a few hours.

"You're looking a little better." She says, a bright look in her eyes. "I mean it." She almost has to add because Robert looks unconvinced, because he feels like shit.

"It's Aaron's magic." Annie pipes up and it makes Aaron smile at her as Vic laughs.

"I'm sure it is, now come on trouble." Vic gestures for Annie to jump off the bed and she does hesitantly. "Me and you are going for a milkshake or something, anything you like."

It manages to make Annie smile, twirl around and do a little dance and Robert feels something soft spread right across his chest because she's still so light and bright and she shouldn't be. She's been through so much but she just wants her dad okay, and now she thinks he is and nothing else is scary anymore.

Aaron picks her up and presses a kiss to her head, "You be good for us okay?" He's saying, and he's such a fucking _dad_ , it makes Robert's insides melt.

And Annie hugs him close, closes her eyes as she does so and then she's sliding down his leg and holding Robert's hand.

"Are you going to get better better?" She says, means is he going to get even better soon and Robert frowns through it as he realises.

"I promise." He tells her before sighting an officer outside the door, he's suddenly tensing up and wanting her to go. Vic seems to notice and they're out the door quickly before the officer walks in with news.

Apparently his statement is good, his version of events match Aaron's.

Apparently Chrissie and Lachlan are being held in custody.

Apparently they're not admitting to anything.

"What?" Aaron blurts out, he's standing up, rubbing a hand over his face. "They kidnapped me, they - Chrissie fucking _shot_ -"

And it's all too much suddenly, so much, all so much to bare.

"Aaron -" Robert says, and Aaron holds his head, tells him it's alright.

"We've got a few more hours with them, but if they don't confess, then they'd be pleading not guilty in court and that means -"

"A trial." Robert's chin wobbles, and he's panicking and he's thinking about them examining him and his life and Aaron and it kills everything.

"I'm sorry, I know this isn't the news you would have liked." The officer says, talks about something else and Robert can't even hear anything anymore.

The next thing he knows, Aaron's punching at a wall in frustration.

The air is thick suddenly and Aaron turns round, eyes wet, hands shaky and Robert is almost stunned.

"I'm sorry." Aaron whispers, holds Robert's head and brings it towards his chest and the older man feels able to cry. "Together, together Rob, I _promise_." He whispers, gentle words, gentle tone.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Note that it's nearing the end (five more chapters to go now) :((((


	23. Chapter 23

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SO, I was planning on holding fire with this chapter because of the spoiler panic and the stress and the general 'urgh' attitude which many people in the fandom are feeling right now. But then I was persuaded by some friends who like pain and misery. 
> 
> This chapter was another one of my favourites to write just because I pictured the last half of it happening and wanted to write it. 
> 
> Don't worry, I ease you in with the angst. (Read tags; heavy discussion of self-harm included)

Aaron's got his legs up on the small chair and he's trying to get comfortable, keeps failing.

Robert looks towards him and sighs, "Go back to the flat or to yours." He tells him, holds out a hand and Aaron kisses it tenderly, refuses. "I'm fine in here, I promise."

Aaron frowns, "I don't want to leave ya." He says, shudders just a little and then points to his head. "It's all still going on up here," he points out. "But then I open my eyes and you're here and - and it's okay for a second."

And Robert understands that, squeezes at Aaron's hand a little harder and then he's gulping. "I know you don't want to talk about it." He gets out and Aaron's already turning away. "But don't you think we should?"

And Aaron looks back. "Why?" He's asking, "Talking about it won't change what happened will it?" He says and Robert can't help but think about whatever Chrissie told him, he wants to ask almost desperately.

Robert shakes his head slowly, "Suppose not." He says, and then he feels his chin wobble. "But maybe it'll stop you from being so scared of me."

Aaron almost looks frustrated. "I'm not scared of you - I'm just - Robert I've never been so terrified in my life, when it happened." And Robert can't even imagine. "And I don't want to have to remember it, because you're here aren't you, like you said."

Robert nods, "I'm here. I'm _real_ , and this -" he gently strokes at Aaron's face, "It'll pass and we'll be happy. I promise."

Promises, they keep making them.

Aaron nods, still looks terrified and Robert looks down at his lips. "Kiss me." Robert says, "Just kiss -"

And it's so gentle, the space between them disappears and Aaron's got tears running down his face as he kisses and kisses and Robert takes and takes.

They stay like that for almost a whole minute before Aaron is pulling away and he's got a soft smile on his face.

"I _missed_ you." He says, bites at his lip and suddenly he looks like how he used to do.

Smitten.

Robert has to catch his breath, "I missed you too." He says softly, and then he's shaking his head. "And I'm so sorry -"

Aaron drops his head, "I don't want to hear that."

But Robert almost can't stop himself.

"If I - if I hadn't come and - if I had just left you alone and - you wouldn't be here, you wouldn't have had to see me die on you and -"

Aaron slowly strokes through Robert's hair as he catches his breath.

"I'm _so_ sorry, so _sorry_." Robert keeps mumbling into Aaron's chest, crying until the room grows darker and Vic texts about a sleepover with Annie.

Aaron's laying next to Robert in bed again and all the nurses keep calling them adorable, keep pissing Aaron off basically.

"Tell me something." Robert's saying, doesn't want to _think_ like he's doing.

"Hm?" Aaron's asking, lifting his head. "Something," he bites his lip. "Uh, my mum sends her love."

And Robert's eyes widen. "Your mum?" He's getting out, because he hasn't even met her yet but she should despise him for getting her son into all this bother.

Aaron nods shyly, "I told her stuff, about what happened. You weren't waking up and - and it was getting bad, so I rang her and she let me cry down the phone for nearly two hours." And Robert's a little stunned. "She said I was mad, getting involved with you, sticking around."

Robert starts playing with the itchy sheets and scoffs, "She's not wrong then." He says, because although Aaron's injuries are fading, they're still there and Robert's to blame.

Aaron looks at Robert seriously, "I told her I don't want to be with anyone else, ever." He says, like he means it. "Despite - despite the _mess_ of this all, despite everything, I just - I still want _you_ and a family."

And Robert's suddenly got goosebumps.

"And I know, I know I'm difficult and I keep - I just keep getting overwhelmed -"

"It's understandable." Robert tuts out and Aaron sniffs, tries to nod his head.

"But I want ya, I want _everything_ with - with _you_." And Robert knows this is so big for Aaron, fucking feelings. "Being away from ya, it just made me think about everything and - I took what we had for granted." Robert shakes his head. "I did. But you've given me a future. A family."

A family, it's all heavy in the air.

Robert kisses Aaron's head, "I don't know what to say." He whispers, "Apart from," and he pauses, makes Aaron look up at him. "I feel exactly the same." And Aaron's shoulders relax.

Aaron's all gentle, comes close and kisses at Robert's ear, nuzzling close. "Good, because you're stuck with me Mr Sugden." He tells him, stern but almost playful, almost like the old Aaron.

Robert bites his lip the way Aaron usually does and fights against this sudden and demanding image of Chrissie waving a gun around. "I - you know what I can't believe?" He's saying, distracts himself a little and Aaron frowns. "I haven't wined and dined you yet."

And Aaron rolls his eyes, "You don't have to, you've got me now so you don't need to woo me." He says and then looks seriously at Robert. "Or try to make it up to me because of what happened, that's the last thing I want." He stresses and Robert understands.

"At least let me take you wine tasting." And Aaron's _Aaron_ again, he pulls a face and Robert actually laughs, it rings through the whole room and Aaron mirrors the look. "Just to see your face." He says, a little breathless.

Aaron keeps smiling at him and then his eyes flutter, "You always make me smile." He says and Robert disagrees openly. "No, you do." He whispers, softly. "I said that to mum as well, it's why she doesn't want to throttle ya." He tells Robert.

And Robert is kind with his words back, "I'll have to meet her." He says, and then his eyes sparkle a little. "Christmas is just around the corner." He whispers, tilts his head. "We have that to think about, before Chrissie and -" Aaron winces. "Sorry." He says and Aaron kisses his cheek.

And they fall asleep, somehow, in the midst of everything, Robert dreams of Christmas lights for a while.

 

 

::

 

 

He can go home, and Vic's already offered to stay, to look after him.

"You'll need support, and that's where I come in." Vic says, she's sitting on the bed and twirling her hair a little before looking serious, "Considering you don't want Andy or Diane to come down."

And that's a whole other story really.

Vic's told them, she had when they said he might not pull through and she'd been a blubbering mess over the phone.

Robert pulls himself up on the bed and sighs, Aaron's finally left his side, he's gone to Robert's hotel and sorted a bag out got him. But he misses him, he wants him here so that he can talk to him about it, about the thought of Andy and Diane worrying.

"Why would I?" He says, feels heat rising up inside of him, "Vic they stopped caring, I just disappeared over night with Annie and they 'stopped caring after a while." Vic frowns.

"I understand." She says before coming closer to her brother, "Listen, I - how's Aaron?"

And it's a question which hangs in the air.

"He's okay." He says, it sounds like half a lie. "I don't really know." He shrugs, bites at his lip. "He's being so strong, I mean, he hasn't broke down the way he did when I first woke up."

Vic smiles like she's hopeful, "Maybe he's getting better." She says and then clears her throat. "At hiding it." She adds and Robert arches an eyebrow. "I caught him crying in the family room last night." She admits, "He was on his own, just _crying_."

Robert doesn't know what he's supposed to say, just feels a terrible pain rush through him.

"He thinks - thinks he has to be strong for me." Robert says, heart heavy. "But he's been through so much worse Vic."

"It's not a competition. You've both been through hard times." She tells him and yeah he gets that, but Aaron - he didn't deserve _any_ of this.

He hadn't bought any of this on himself, he just fucking fell in love like a fool and Robert dragged him down.

"He doesn't want to talk about anything, and I don't blame him but -" Robert looks down and then blows a breath. "What am I saying?" He has a sudden realisation, his emotions toppling over each other. "We've come out on the other side, we're lucky." He says. "We're together and - and that's all that matters."

Vic frowns again, looks concerned, "You can't just sweep it under the carpet Rob." She says quickly.

But then the door goes and Aaron's standing there offering to give them a lift back to Robert's and that's exactly what Robert's doing.

 

 

::

 

 

As soon as Robert comes into the flat he's hit with memories.

They're ongoing, relentless, manage to fill up every single bit of space inside of Robert's brain.

He's making cupcakes for Aaron with Annie by the sink.

He's kissing Aaron until his lips tingle on the sofa.

He's making him cry.

They're having sex.

He's running away.

Aaron's by the door, walks up to Robert and places a hand on his shoulder. "I can go if you need space." And Robert shakes his head almost instantly. He's got Vic staying, but he wants it to be Aaron.

He doesn't want to watch him leave.

"Don't go." Robert practically begs and Aaron looks surprised. "I mean - I - don't want you to leave me."

And it's the way he says it, it's the way he looks so vulnerable.

Aaron bites his lip, looks outside of the flat and can hear Vic's footsteps. "I thought that -"

Robert shrugs. "But I want you." He says heavily, "Just stay for a little while." He whispers and then Vic is coming through the door with a smile on her face and a flipping cake as well.

"Welcome home then." She says, voice bright, voice cheerful.

Aaron smiles warmly at her and then he's watching Annie bounce through the door behind her and clap her hands.

"Why don't we get you settled and then you can show me where everything is." Vic says, looks around the flat and Robert gulps hard.

He feels the walls closing in on him just a little and he knows that Vic only means well but -

"It's fine." He says shakily, and Aaron's looking at him like he's concerned.

And it breaks him because Robert should be concerned about _him_. The one who cries his heart out alone, the one who got kidnapped and -

"Rob, come." Aaron pipes up, holds Robert's hand and drags him towards the bedroom before clicking the door shut. "She only means well." He says, hand stroking at Robert's arms softly and yeah it relaxes the older man just a little.

"I know she does." Robert says, licks at his lips a little and then huffs out a breath. "I - I've just got, you know, the whole thing on my mind."

The whole thing.

Robert gulps. "They haven't got back to us about whether or not they confessed." It's all heavy, all building on his shoulders suddenly. "And I can't relax until -"

And then Aaron's kissing him gently, slow, pressing him against the wall and Robert lets it happen before pulling away and looking at Aaron.

"How do you so that?" He's asking, shaky hands keeping Aaron close. Aaron frowns a little and Robert shivers. "Make it go away."

And Aaron bites at his lip. "I'm magic remember?" He whispers and Robert learns to breathe again.

 

 

::

 

 

They're watching a movie but it's not even dark outside.

Vic's on the phone to Diane and Robert's watching Annie as she sleepily rests against Aaron's shoulder.

They're so attached, it's almost painful.

Robert bites down on his lip and Aaron looks up towards him. "What?" He says, looks worried. "Are you alright or -"

Robert tries to smile. "M'fine. Just - I wanted to know what we were doing for food that's all." And Aaron nearly relaxes. "Don't worry, I wasn't thinking anything bad."

But it's okay if he was. He knows that, knows it's fucking normal.

"You know I'd tell you if it was all too much." And he would, he thinks, "And you'd do the same?"

And it's all stilted, and Aaron looks away until -

"I'd do the same."

 

 

::

 

 

Apparently Vic is some chef now, and that's why she's tossing pizzas up in the air and there's flour all over the kitchen tiles which Robert is trying to ignore.

It gets everywhere, this _mess_ and Annie is having the time of her life.

"Daddy and Aaron can have a heart one." Annie's deciding, rolling pin too heavy in her hand as she balances on the stool she's been given.

Her words make Aaron blush and Robert thinks about how Aaron used to be like that, shy, so soft with his feelings.

And then he went and loved him.

Robert nods along to the idea and for a second Chrissie is forgotten about almost entirely.

It's like, the power of Aaron and Annie and Vic _so_ close has made her disappear.

But then a car backfires outside and it's _Aaron_ who's wincing, almost cowering towards the ground and knocking over the remaining flour, straight onto the floor.

Vic's eyes widen like she doesn't know what to do, how to help and Robert just slowly crouches down towards him.

Aaron's shaking, he keeps saying sorry and Robert holds at his hands. "It's alright babe." He whispers, never uses the term and if he did Aaron would probably kill him, but soft words are okay for times like these. "You're alright." He says and then he's slowly holding up Aaron's hand, pressing it against his chest which is covered with a white sheet to hide the wound. "I'm alright."

And then Aaron's eyes are watering and he nods like he knows. "Just scared - scared this isn't real." He whispers, close to Robert, because Annie's still in the room and so is Vic.

Robert knows how he feels. It's all too good to be true and he knows they've hardly sorted things out, they've swept it all under the rug in favour for 'A Normal Life Together'.

Robert nods sadly and then picks up a handful of flour from the floor and blows it onto Aaron. "Think this is pretty real mate." He's joking, and then Aaron's _smiling_.

It nearly knocks Robert back, makes his guard slip and then Aaron's suddenly standing and pouring a fuck tonne on Robert's head and all down his back.

Vic watches with a smile and then Annie's laughing, her little hands find an egg and crack it against her father's back with glee.

"Annie, you're meant to be on _my_ side." Robert says, mock anger in his voice as she runs away and Aaron catches her in his hands.

He spins her around and then slowly carries her up on his shoulders, winces a little and Robert tries to ignore why it isn't so easy anymore. "I've taken Princess Annie and you're not getting her back." Aaron plays, starts tickling the little girl until Robert's chucking flour everywhere and they all look _gross_.

It takes another ten minutes for them to stop, fits of giggles have run out and Robert looks over at Aaron who's laying flat on the kitchen floor.

He's never looked so relaxed.

And it's everything Robert wants.

It makes him settle his thoughts a little, and then he's turning and his phone is beeping.

He hasn't even notified that Vic has slipped off. But she has, and she's left a text too.

_You're all going to be fine. Aaron gave me the keys to his flat ages ago, he said it was alright if I stay there. I'm not far if you need me. X_

 

 

::

 

 

Robert's exhausted, and it's natural considering he should be resting and he isn't.

Aaron's laying with him on the sofa and Annie's already in bed.

"Aaron." Robert calls and Aaron makes a little sound. "What does Annie think happened?"

He's been so scared to ask.

Aaron doesn't say anything for a long time, almost too long.

"I know I said we wouldn't talk if you didn't want to but -"

"That you saved me." He says, butts in, looks like he's fighting to press a kiss to Robert's cheek like he usually does. "That you were a superhero, not me." And Robert feels something break in him, somehow he practically hears Aaron calling himself weak. "But she was confused because - I was such a mess and, and she thought I would be better if you saved me."

Robert winces, rubs a hand over Aaron's arm. "I know you had to tell her, not Vic." He admits and Aaron cowers. "I'm so sorry you had to do that." He whispers, breathing into Aaron's neck.

Aaron looks away, bites at his lip. "Hardest thing, doing that, seeing her face." He says, and his eyes gloss over like he's remembering, reliving almost.

"You're so good with her though." Robert tells him, and Aaron looks like he's trying to almost disagree. "I mean it." He stresses and then he's thinking about how he was sure that Aaron had to still be in her life if he had died.

She needed him.

She needed him so much.

She still does.

"She loves you, and so do I." Robert says before leaning over and kissing Aaron gently. "Stay. Stay the night." He says, because he doesn't want to be on his own, he doesn't want to be without Aaron. Not ever again.

Aaron looks hesitant, like he doesn't know if he can, if it'd be too much, like some horrible memory is attacking him or something. But then he opens his eyes, "Yeah." He says.

 

 

::

 

 

It's so ugly.

The scar, the long jagged one.

It makes him shiver as he pulls off the white cloth and it stares at him, mocks him.

Mocks the progress he's supposed to have made by now.

He's suddenly thinking about everything and can't stop.

She shot him. His heart stopped beating.

It manages to make him cry, stand in front of the mirror and grab onto the sink and _cry_ whilst Aaron's clearing up the kitchen.

He hears Aaron screaming, knows it's in his head but it feels so real.

And then there's a hand on his, a hand on his shoulder, a face pressing into his neck.

"Don't think about it." And yeah, that's become Aaron's motto.

"How can I not when it's staring at me in the face?" Robert snaps, doesn't mean to but it drops out and he can't control its speed. "It's _awful_."

Aaron gulps, shifts his weight and then stares in the mirror too, right at Robert.

"It's not awful. It's, it'll get easier. You'll look at it and not think about -"

"Me nearly dying." He says, heart so heavy it hurts.

And he sees Aaron wince, he sees it and then the younger man is just blowing out a small breath. "Yeah." He says, with a steady confidence.

Robert turns away, "How are you this calm about it?"

 _It_ being, his kidnap, Robert nearly dying.

And everything else too.

Aaron just comes forward, and there's such a softness in his eyes - it's almost dazzling.

"I have you." He shrugs out. "I didn't think I would, I didn't think I'd have _this_ with you ever again."

And it _slots_ everything into perspective.

 

 

::

 

 

He double checks the lock on the door, calls it force of habit suddenly and then Aaron's checking for him again.

"We're safe." Aaron's saying.

And Robert shudders out a breath.

The door goes though and Robert nearly jumps out of his skin.

Aaron's eyes widen too and this facade of being okay he has up suddenly melts into nothing.

"Who is it?" Robert lets out, strained, face flushed a little.

There's a pause and Aaron's face tells Robert that he's worried.

"The police. Let us in Robert." And Robert's shoulders relax just a little.

Beth is standing there with another officer and she lets out a false smile.

"I'm sorry for coming so late but I heard you were home and I wanted to let you know as soon as possible." Beth says, stands awkwardly by the door until Robert gestures for her and her officer to sit.

"Know what?" Robert's getting out, watching Aaron play with his long jumper nervously.

Beth sighs. "Chrissie's sticking to her story." And Robert has to look down, he knew it was coming really, but it hurts. It makes some sort of hope shatter inside him. "We thought we could crack Lachlan but it's proving difficult."

"That's because he's fucking tapped." Aaron snaps out and Robert watches him relive a memory, gives him space to do so.

Beth hesitates before sighing again. "I know this isn't ideal. But, we believe that getting her up on the stand, getting her _son_ up on the stand, it'll break them."

Break them.

Robert doesn't even think that's possible.

Aaron doesn't look convinced, opens the door for them as they leave and make promises about keeping in touch.

The door clicks shut and Aaron just stands there staring at it.

"A trial." Robert whispers, shakes his head. "I can't do a fucking -"

But Aaron's looking around, coming towards Robert and tugging at his waist, bringing him closer.

"Together." Aaron promises, and Robert's chin wobbles, he can't help it. "Come here." He tuts, drags an arm across Robert's back and kisses at his neck.

Aaron's so warm, so suddenly, and Robert just holds him close and thanks him silently for this strength he possesses.

He wants to thank him when he's in bed too, when Aaron's slipping in next to him and the moonlight is hitting his face.

"Thank you." He says, from the flipping heart.

And Aaron just stares at him, smiles, and then he's rubbing a hand over his face. "You don't need to thank me."

But he does.

He really does.

"I do." Robert whispers, out loud. He rises to his knees a little and attempts to pull Aaron down with him.

But it's a little too sudden, and Aaron's moving away as fast as he can.

"Shit sorry." Aaron says, voice filled with fear and a panic. Robert feels his heart break and then he's watching Aaron go towards the window. "Don't - uh - creep up on me like that, from behind." He clears his throat, drags his jumper down around his hands.

Robert gulps. "I'm sorry." He says, "Aaron - I'm -"

Aaron bites at his lip and comes back towards the bed. "Hey, don't be silly." He says, touches Robert's face and then looks back at the space in the bed. "Just - just don't take it to heart if I need a bit of space, it's not space from you, it's -"

"Space from what happened." Robert whispers, and Aaron pulls a face, like it's exactly what he meant.

And Aaron's in his arms, covers thrown over them and a softness between them.

 

 

::

 

 

But it can't last.

Robert wakes up to the sound of Aaron shaking him awake, tears running down his face and in a dream like state.

He's crying about Chrissie, about having to run.

"She's close. She can - she's nearly caught us Rob." He hisses, starts shaking his head. "Please just -"

And Robert shakes at his shoulders, drags Aaron's head down towards his chest and tells him to breathe.

And he does, in and out, hard and fast.

And then he's opening his eyes, blinking through tears and it looks like he's actually awake.

He looks embarrassed, his hair is gelled against his forehead and curling. "I'm sorry." He says, rubs at his face. "I just lost it." He breathes out.

Robert bites at his lip and gulps. "It's okay."

But it's not, because Aaron keeps having these little moments and then trying to forget them.

Aaron runs out, like he knows it's all bad, worrying even and when he comes back he looks calmer.

"I'm sorry." He says again and Robert just shakes his head.

"Together." Robert says, pulls a hand over Aaron's and then the younger man flinches.

"My head Rob - I'm not good for you." He says, starts crying.

Robert pulls a face and rises on the bed. "Don't say that, you're all I need."

Aaron scoffs, "I'm the _last_ thing you need, believe me." He says, too dark for Robert to ignore. But then Aaron's gulping. "But I'm selfish and - and I _need you_." He says, lays down on the bed next to Robert and sighs. "I'm -"

"If you say you're sorry one more time Dingle." Robert playfully warns and Aaron smiles before looking a little more serious.

"Hold me." Aaron whispers and Robert wraps the covers over them both, drags them down and tries to ignore the distance Aaron is still keeping.

Because he wants to do this every single night. He wants to have dinner at five and watch crap television and do Annie's bath time together and tease about having some shower time together and -

"Move in with me." Robert says, before he can even think.

And Aaron looks just as shocked as can be expected. "What?" He blurts out, "Rob -"

"You're a mess and I'm a mess. I know that. But I also know that we need each other right now, always really and -" Robert ducks his head. "I meant what I said about Annie being, being our Annie."

And although Aaron still looks unsure, hesitant, he gives a reply.

"Yeah. Yeah of course I will."

 

 

::

 

 

Robert's gripping onto the counter, mug in hand as he stares out of the window and then looks towards where it is locked.

It's secure and he knows that nothing will get through but still.

 _Still_.

The sound of feet coming towards him make him turn and he smiles as Annie runs into his arms.

"Morning monkey." He says, attempts to lift her and then winces a little. She seems to understand why and starts going on about him still being achey.

He smiles at her and then looks towards the cupboards, knows she's hungry because she's rubbing at her belly and blinking quickly. It's her weird little thing.

Robert goes to reach for some cereal, anything really and then he hears Aaron's voice.

"Oi." Aaron practically shouts, "Back to bed." He says, and although there's rings under his eyes, he looks stronger than he did last night. He comes towards Robert and kisses at his cheek. "I mean it."

Robert rolls his eyes, then feels at his chest subconsciously. "I'm hardly going to do any damage by making her some cereal am I?" He's saying, but Aaron won't let it go until he's actually laid out in bed and Annie's eating her cereal quietly.

Aaron knows best to put on 'The Little Mermaid.' 

"Don't deserve you." Robert whispers, hand stroking at Aaron's face and attempting to pull him nearer but Aaron backs away suddenly. He lets out a nervous laugh and then says something about Robert being right and -

Robert tries to ignore something heavy which lands in his heart.

He keeps trying, and then it's forgotten about when Adam's knocking on the door and he's piling in with David behind him.

The hug Adam offers Aaron is filled with so much, it's all buried heads and tight arms and Robert resents the way Aaron looks like his old self when he's in Adam's arms.

And then he feels like a prick for even thinking such a thing.

"Can't believe what's went on man." Adam says and Aaron shuffles on his feet like he's uncomfortable and Robert can work out why.

He didn't know that Aaron had told other people about what they went through.

But it's Adam, it's only his best mate.

"Neither can I." Robert says, suddenly conscious of how pale he looks.

"We can have Annie for a few hours, if it'll help." David chimes in, looks concerned and Robert quickly shakes his head.

"No I want her here." He snaps, blows out a breath and the air is heavy. "Sorry it's just - for a while, I - I thought you were in on it all too." He admits and Aaron drops his head awkwardly.

In on the kidnapping of my child, Robert wants to say.

But he almost doesn't have to really, it seems like enough.

Adam looks a little taken aback, surprised. "What, because of Aaron? You didn't really think he -"

And that's what they've been desperately avoiding.

It's surfacing when it shouldn't be and Robert clearly doesn't know where to look.

"Thanks for dropping by." Aaron says, a soft smile on his face as David opens the door and Adam follows behind slowly.

The door clicks shut, and Robert feels a heavy air stretching out between them.

"Aaron?" Robert says, and Aaron just stays where he is, just keeps staring at the door.

"How comes I get to be with her then?" Aaron whispers, voice strained as he speaks.

Robert frowns. "What are you talking about?" He asks, heart thumping.

Aaron turns slowly and he gulps hard. "Annie. I'm here, but you really thought I'd kidnapped her."

And Robert feels a wave crash over them.

"Yeah, yeah but - but then I realised that I was wrong, you know all of this. It's why I came and found -"

Aaron chews at his lip. "But you thought I had." He says, frowns a little. "Doesn't that matter?"

And it does.

He knows it does, but they're moving on, they're forgetting everything aren't they?

"No." He forces out, shuffles a little towards Aaron and brings their foreheads together. "Because I love you."

And Robert suddenly wishes he wasn't looking directly at Aaron when he spoke, because he can see his immediate reaction and everything starts unravelling.

He hasn't said it back.

Not once.

Not since it happened.

"Aaron?" Robert whispers, heart heavy against his chest as Aaron's eyes flicker and he looks nervous. "You don't - you haven't even said it back since -"

Aaron pales, tries to move out of the space Robert has him in. "Don't be daft." He says, "I - of course I have."

And now he's _lying_.

"You don't love me." Robert says, feels like a dagger twists in his chest and everything pours out. It makes sense really, make or break situations happen every day and people either fall in love deeper or -

Realise they weren't in love in the first place.

"That's it. That's what this is _all_ about?" And he means the hesitance and the fear and the way Aaron behaved when he first woke up.

Aaron doesn't even speak, he just keeps his head down and then Robert is snapping, telling him to open his mouth and he breaks.

"How can I tell you I love you when deep down I _know_ you'll always hate me."

And _that_ wasn't expected.

It makes Robert's eyes flicker like mad and he suddenly moves towards the door of Annie's room, shuts it because he knows this is going to get ugly. He knows.

"Hate ya?" Robert is suddenly short of breath and he holds onto the counter. "How could I hate _you_?" He asks, an arm flying up to protest. "It doesn't make any _sense_."

But Aaron's got it all worked out. He's standing with his back against the wall and his chin is wobbling like mad.

"You thought I took your little girl." He whispers, looks like his heart is breaking. "I told you I was working with that - that psycho all along and - you think I don't know that you _hated_ me for it." Aaron's tears fall fast and Robert can't breathe right again.

"No -" Robert's panicking because it can't be true, it just can't be.

[ _"I hate him." ... "I hate him for making me love him like I did."_ ]

Robert hears it burn into his memory and he wants to hide away because everything is falling and falling and edging closer towards the truth.

"No you're wrong." He manages to get out, eyes watering, forehead filled with lines he can't run from.

Aaron shudders. "You know I'm right." He says, "You hate me, deep down, deep down you'll always hate me for -"

And Robert wants to run away from it. "Stop, just stop Aaron." He pulls his hand up and tries to stop Aaron from going on. He's just fucking banging on about things he shouldn't be and it's going to ruining everything. "Why are you trying to ruin -"

"I'm telling the truth." Aaron says, winces as he speaks. "It's - it's exactly what Chrissie said before -"

And there she is again, she's smiling, she's waving and she's making everything bad again.

And the worst bit is -

Aaron's believed it.

"Chrissie?" Robert holds onto the counter and breathes out as steadily as he can. "That's what she said to you." He says, "Vic said that she'd spoken to ya and you'd lost it." He can picture the shouting, her telling him the worst she possibly can before she's dragged away. He wants to cry. "You believe her over me."

And Aaron raises his head, he looks _ill_ and Robert just stares him down. "You can't deny the fact that you hated me." He shudders. "I took Annie in your eyes and you hated me. And - I'm petrified that you still do." He says, looks so small, almost fragile.

It makes something fizzle in Robert's chest, and it's sizzling away like mad.

"I took a fucking bullet for you!" He screams, hands shaking from the impact of his voice as Aaron's eyes widen and his chin wobbles.

There's a stretch of heaviness which won't budge, it takes hold of everything and won't stop.

Robert feels himself falling down towards the floor, almost exhausted. "You were going to get shot and - I couldn't _bare_ that, so I jumped in front. I took it for you." He says, relives all the pain which he fought that night.

It won't go away.

"Because I _love_ you." He says slowly, exaggerates everything with the movements of his hands. "You think I'd risk my life - for someone I didn't even love? Someone I _hate_?"

Because it sounds mad, and he knows that it's not true.

He doesn't hate Aaron, he tried, he really did but it didn't work out.

He loved him too much already.

Aaron's a few feet away from him, back still pressed against the wall and this vacant expression on his face which won't go.

"Say something." Robert demands, can't stand the silence. "I took a fucking _bullet_ for -"

And Aaron's neck snaps towards him. "And left me to explain to your daughter why her daddy might not want to leave mummy in the sky anymore."

It feels like a kick to the gut, hard, foolishly surprising.

Robert imagines it, wants to be sick.

"And that's my fault?" Robert raises an eyebrow through his tears. "You think I _wanted_ that?"

He rubs a hand through his hair and then looks in between them, the space, so vacant, might as well be miles and miles.

"Look at me." Robert says, and Aaron looks up slowly. "What I thought you'd done, what you had to convince me that you'd done, _that's_ what I hated." He says, honest. "But not you, I couldn't hate _you_." He whispers and Aaron looks like he wants to believe it's true and then he's dropping his head. "Look at me." He says again before breathing out slowly. "I love you Aaron Dingle." And he feels a tingle race through him as he speaks, as Aaron starts crying like he needed to hear that, like it means something differently now.

Aaron's crying makes everything feel heavy in the room and then suddenly Robert's shuffling towards him and Aaron's allowing the warmth.

They're hugging each other tightly and then Robert's pulling back, rubbing at Aaron's face. "We'll be okay." He whispers and then he's kissing him, it's soft and gentle and then it's not.

They're panting and full of this need to forget the misery which won't leave them alone and that's when it all really goes wrong.

That's when Robert sees the scars which are on Aaron's forearms.

Fresh cuts.

And Aaron bolts up.

"You're - you're cutting again?" He says, eyes wet almost automatically as he scrambles to his knees and watches Aaron by the sink. "Aaron?"

And he turns, so sheepishly, so ashamed and says the worst thing.

"It's just my way of coping."

Robert frowns. "No, no it's not - you can't hurt yourself like this. I won't let ya." He says, everything running out of his mouth and not giving him the chance to think through his thoughts.

Aaron bites his lip. "Please don't freak out." He tries but it's too late because Robert is realising why he's been so calm. He's thinking about the night before, the way Aaron wouldn't let him get too close after he'd run out.

"Last night? When you ran off, did you do it then?" And he's _praying_ , he's praying he didn't but -

"Yeah." Aaron whispers and suddenly there's not anything good left in the world.

Robert's got a hand on his hip and he's shaking his head. "This, it's my fault. It's all my fault." He says, tears rolling down his face and a hand over his mouth. Aaron just shakes his head like he's got it wrong, looks so weak suddenly, so troubled.

"It's not your fault -"

"Let me help you." Robert suddenly says, coming closer, trying to pull Aaron closer to him and shuddering. "Please Aaron, we need each other and I can - I can stop you doing it." He says, and he knows it won't be easy but he'll try, he won't stop. "Because you're moving in aren't you?" And Aaron winces, like he can't speak. "Aaron?"

And then the door is being clicked open and Annie's standing there looking confused.

"Why are you so sad and shouty?" She asks, looks at Robert as she speaks and he has to avert his attention as Aaron stands there.

"Just playing a game." Robert tells her, even though she looks unconvinced.

"Does Aaron need cuddles?" Annie says, comes into the room and Robert doesn't want her here, the room is still foggy with misery and she'll realise that Aaron's really upset and she'll get anxious.

Robert bites his lip and then shakes his head. "No baby, he's fine." He says, and then ushers her back into her room. "It's going to be fine." He tells her, tries to convince himself as he feels a strain across his chest and winces. "I _promise_ you." He tells her, kisses her head and then he's walking back into the living room and -

Aaron's gone.

 

 

::

 

 

The sky is silky outside and Annie's in bed.

There's a bottle of brandy on the table and he knows that he shouldn't drink it. But he also knows Aaron walked out on him a few hours ago and the state of his heart doesn't really matter anymore.

Robert sights the picture of Rebecca in the corner of the room. She's smiling, teeth out and everything and she's got a daisy in her hair.

"Don't look at me." He says, a little dazed, a lot upset. "I know you hate me." He says and he's repeating everything he used to say, just with more tears.

"He's hurt himself again. And that's down to me." Robert whispers, tries to imagine what actually went through his mind when he bought a knife to his skin.

Release maybe. Release from having to look after this man who lied to him and was responsible for him getting kidnapped, nearly dying.

The thoughts persist until there's a knock at the door and Aaron's standing there, different hoodie, same sad expression.

Robert doesn't allow himself to care about that though because -

"You came back?" And there's a soft parallel chasing through Robert's mind about Aaron always coming back, like he'd done before.

And then they'd _kissed_ and it had been almost bliss.

Aaron looks towards two large bags by his feet and Robert breaks out into a smile.

' _He's moving in, he doesn't hate you, he wants you, he wants you to help him with his problems because you're worth more than them.'_

"And you're -" Robert suddenly hugs Aaron, face pressed into his neck, "I promise you I won't let you down. We'll never be in danger again, I swear."

And it should have the desired effect, only it doesn't.

Only Aaron shakes his head and pushes away from Robert. "I'm not moving in Rob."

And everything turns to black.

"I - I'm moving away." Aaron says, face puffy and red and like he's holding back tears.

"Away?" Robert's voice tightens. " _No_." He stresses, "You can't, me and Annie - we - we need you." He says, a hand falling over Aaron's face.

"You don't need _me_. I'm - I'm not good for you right now. You know that." Only Robert doesn't.

"I _don't_. I just know that we need each other. I need you to keep me strong, and you need me to help -"

"My head's _fucked_." Aaron whispers, shaking as he speaks. "I can't help ya. I can't keep seeing -"

"Me." Robert whispers, head down, eyes filling with tears. "So all that stuff you said - about not wanting to be without me." He watches Aaron look away. "Remember? In the hospital?" He gulps. "You said we would be alright if we stayed together."

Aaron blows out a breath, looks like this is all killing him.

And then Robert feels weak, "We were going to pick out a Christmas tree together, me, you and -"

"Please don't make this any harder." Aaron pinches at his nose.

Robert frowns. "Oh I'm _sorry_." He snaps. "It's just - you were the one pushing for us to just forget everything and move on and now all you want to do is talk and you're leaving me!" He shouts. "You're _leaving_ us." And he thinks of Annie.

It makes Aaron wince. "I need to get away." He says. "I can't keep pretending."

"And I can't help you either." The realisation is so heavy it kills. "So who helps me?" He says and everything is like before, he has _no one_.

Aaron tries to come forward and Robert shoves him a little, somehow it makes something stretch in his chest suddenly. " _Fuck_." He hisses and then he's wincing just a little.

Aaron looks on, fucking horrified and he can't do anything apart from freeze.

"Shit. I - I'm sorry." Aaron says, bites at his lip and Robert heaves out a breath. "I have to go."

And he says sorry again.

"I don't want you to."

"I _have_ to, before you hate me for real." Aaron says and then Robert tells him he couldn't and he says -

"I hurt myself when Annie was here." He whispers, "She didn't see but - but I should have been looking after her and I -"

And Robert has to look away, feels sick.

"Don't hate me." Aaron begs.

Robert shudders, can't speak and then Aaron's pressing his face against Robert's cheek.

"I'm sorry." Aaron says, "I'm sorry I couldn't be _enough_."

And Robert lets him go. "So this is it then?" He says, overwhelmed with emotion.

And Aaron nods, "I _loved_ you, more than I thought I could." He says, and then he shudders as he looks at the picture of Robert with Annie. "Keep her smiling for me, tell her I -"

And Robert turns away.

"Tell her I couldn't stay forever."

He told her that before but Robert can't bring himself to nod in agreement. Instead he just hears Aaron breaking out into a sob and the door is being opened -

And then,

He's gone.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah so that happened, when I was writing it, it all seemed very realistic that this bubble of happiness they tried to create was paper thin and would tear sooner rather than later. Hopefully you agree! 
> 
> There's plenty more to come!


	24. Chapter 24

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Robert attempts to rebuild his life without Aaron.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HELLOOO, again it feels like flipping years since I last updated and I'm so sorry. Here's the next chapter though!!

_  
{ The thing about having your heartbroken, is that it's not instant._

_It's deeply moving, manages to shake the very foundations of you as a person and rip some sort of identity out of you completely._

_And you'll try your hardest to convince yourself that it wasn't meant to work out, it clearly wasn't meant to._

_And then you cry a bit, dust yourself off, and pretend to the whole world that hour heart is beating just fine without him. }_

 

 

::

 

 

Annie wants to know where Aaron is almost immediately after the door closes.

And Robert is too distraught to even look at her so he calls Vic.

"It's all ruined." He shudders out, feels sick as she asks him what's wrong. "He's gone, he's gone Vic." And then she's promising to come over and Annie's hugging at her father's side.

"Did he have to be better on his own?" Annie whispers, so wise, only five years old and she can articulate it in a way Robert could not even begin to.

He nods his head, dries his eyes, "I'm so sorry baby." He whispers, "He - he couldn't stay forever." And it makes Annie hug him tighter.

And then Vic is there, she's so close to him and she's letting him break down in her arms. "I'm so sorry." She tells him and that's the only thing which can be said.

 

 

::

 

 

The bed is too empty without him, cruelly cold, and Robert's pillow is damp from tears.

The moonlight shines through the room and makes his complexion look even more milky, pale.

For a second, he thinks about sleeping on the sofa and then Annie's coming into the room with a small teddy.

"Milo can make you happy." She says, wriggles herself up on the bed and then she's sliding towards her father and Milo is placed on Robert's chest.

"Thank you baby." Robert whispers, kisses her head and then sighs. "I'm sorry for being so sad," he admits and then his eyes flicker. He wants to give her something good suddenly. "Mummy was always smiley." He says.

It makes Annie look up at him and smile, "Was she?"

And Robert nods, "Always." He says and feels his heart grow heavy.

Annie's chin wobbles, "Aaron used to be smiley." She says sadly, "I didn't want him to go." She admits, chin wobbling.

And Robert pulls her closer, "Neither did I." He whispers, "But I _promise_ you, *I'm not going anywhere. I'm always going to be here and so is auntie Vic." He says, suddenly thinks of the family he has back home, for the first time in years the thought makes him feel less lonely.

But it doesn't manage to overwhelm the thought of Aaron, it's him he thinks of just before he closes his eyes.

And Robert's left wondering how much longer that will be the case.

 

 

::

 

 

Christmas is everywhere and Robert's Scrooge again.

Annie's happy, a little bit giddy even but there's still this sadness which Robert can pick up on.

Vic's moved some of her stuff into his and she's banging on about giving her niece the best Christmas she can and Robert is so grateful it aches. He wants Annie happy, that's _all_ he wants for Christmas.

(Because he's decided, after nearly five days, that wishing Aaron back isn't going to do any good.)

It doesn't stop him feeling almost hollow though and Vic picks up on it of course.

"Oi," she says, lifts his chin up. "It will get easier you know."

And it should do, because Robert's already lost Aaron once before.

"I know." He lies, settles down on the sofa as Vic says something about having to go back to Aaron's flat to get a few more bits. He tries not to wince as he thinks about all of Aaron's things being there, then he realises that he's gone, it's probably just empty space.

Vic goes, leaves Robert with Annie as they watch a Christmas film on the television. It's less than a week away now and Annie's banging on about a Christmas tree but he just can't do it yet, because he thinks of Aaron every single time and he becomes a selfish prat.

Robert pulls a hand over his face and then sights Vic's phone, suddenly it becomes an excuse to go to Aaron's flat, to give it to her.

And David knocking on the door is the next thing.

He's got a sorry look on his face, "Aaron told us he'd gone." He says, frowns a little. "Adam knows more than I do but - I'm sorry." And Robert just clears his throat.

"Cheers." He says slowly. "Look uh - would you mind staying here for a bit? I just need to give Vic her phone, she's - she's gone out." Robert says, and David nods, claps his hands at Annie and she practically leaps up and drags him down to watch the film with her.

Robert smiles before leaving and then he's almost charging towards Aaron's high rise building. He remembers the last time he was there, they were kissing for the first time.

Someone lets him in, holds the door open a little naively and then he's coming up the stairs, wheezing because he still should resting but he doesn't care.

When he reaches the door, no one answers and he presses his forehead against it, sighs hard.

He feels like crying, and he knows it's more than just Vic and her stupid phone.

It's about Aaron still being so far away.

Still so out of reach.

Robert huffs out another sigh and then looks towards a flower pot, he goes mad for a second and reaches in until he feels something cold in his palm, it really is a key and he picks it out.

There's a memory of something running through his mind.

Aaron said he'd kill himself the minute he left a spare key in a plant pot.

It'd mean he was boring and old and settled somehow.

Robert wipes at it and slots it in, waits until it turns and he's inside.

Everything is like he remembered, just emptier.

Robert's feet manage to walk him towards the bedroom and everything is blank, wardrobes are wide open with nothing inside them.

He sits on the bed and rubs a hand over his head, lets out a sigh and then something flickers out of the corner of his eye.

There's this photo of them.

Aaron's got Annie on his shoulders and Robert is kissing his cheek. Aaron's pulling a face, looks so young and carefree with his curls and his smile and the adorable way he holds at Annie's little hands.

And suddenly the photo is in Robert's hands and he's turning it over, he's sighting the date on the back and it kills.

It reminds him of _before_ and he breaks down.

He's practically sobbing his heart out because Aaron's a sentimental twat, and -

He left it behind, just like he left _them_ behind.

The sound of the door clicking open makes him stand and then he hears laughing, voices hushed and breathy and he comes towards the door.

He doesn't expect to see his sister standing there snogging Adam.

"Vic?" He says, eyes wide and alert.

Adam suddenly jumps up, pulls away from Victoria and turns red.

"Uh, look - I can explain." Adam says, hands out, awkward and a little stilted as he speaks.

"So how long has this been going on then?" Robert says, overreacts. "I was mad to think you were actually here for _me_." He says to Vic, charges towards the door until she's pulling him right back.

"Listen alright. He came, he thought Aaron was here instead of me and - we just got talking that's all." Vic shrugs, "It's not a big deal Rob, come on." She says and he widens his eyes.

" _He_ probably convinced Aaron to leave!" Robert shouts, all this anger bubbling up inside of him because it makes sense, Aaron left unsure and came back adamant. "He probably helped pack his bags." He despairs and ignores the way Adam tries to deny it.

"It was his decision alright, I didn't want him to go." He snaps and then pauses. "But come to think of it, maybe he was right to leave, _all_ you did was put him in danger."

And Robert's suddenly using all that boxing training and swinging for Adam, catching his jaw and Vic is calling him an idiot.

"You're not welcome at mine." Robert says to her, tears in his eyes and he knows he's self destructing but he can't stop it. He just chucks her phone at her and runs out of the flat.

 

 

::

 

 

He should go home but he doesn't, instead he's getting into a taxi and heading into town.

For a second he thinks about going into some place with buzzing lights and body guards outside and then he remembers his age, he slopes off to some bar with dark lighting and orders a whiskey chaser.

He shouldn't be drinking, not at all really, but he picks it up, knocks it back like its nothing.

And there's this fuzziness which goes through him, burns, and he has another, and another.

For a while, everything seems hazy and soft and like nothing is wrong. And then, he's hearing his phone buzzing and Victoria's face is there, smiling, making his phone skirt around on the bar.

He feels guilty suddenly for being so rash. He probably ruined whatever she had with Adam, but he's allowed to be bitter, he tells himself, because Adam must have known.

He must have talked to Aaron, made him see that he couldn't stay any longer. Not with Robert, never with him.

The phone still carries on ringing and then he's hugging at his frame, the coat he dragged on isn't warm enough considering it's freezing cold outside. He shakes his head and then spots a drag of tinsel across the bar, it makes him want to cry.

It makes everything link back to fucking _Aaron_.

"You not answering that?" Some bloke is asking, all tall, all dark and handsome too. He's got a checkered scarf on, a smart shirt and a long black coat and he's leaning against the bar, towards Robert.

Robert's mouth gapes open a little in shock, "Uh no." He says, clears his throat. "I'm not - uh -"

"No ring, I take it she's your sister or something?" And Robert goes to speak. "Lucky guess." He shrugs out and then he's taking a seat.

Robert feels all this heat rising in his body and he shudders, "You just taking a seat then." He says.

The bloke nods, "Daniel." He says, as he sits down. "You want a drink or anything?" He asks and Robert's just perplexed.

"No, think I've had too many." He admits, watches Daniel smirk.

"Yeah, I've noticed." He says, and Robert raises an eyebrow. "Don't worry, I'm not a stalker. Just like what I saw." And Robert used to be like this, almost cocky.

Robert bends his head, and then he's lifting it again. "You don't want the hassle." He says and then Daniel is coming even closer. He's got a hand on Robert's thigh, and then he's licking his lips.

"I think that's my call." He smirks. "You want to go somewhere?" And he's forward, he's really forward and usually Robert wouldn't mind.

But Aaron's in his mind, he's always there.

But he wants him to go away, so he nods.

And they're halfway towards Daniel's car when Robert feels himself be turned around and Daniel's frowning at him. "You're with someone." He says, like he can sense it and Robert just shakes his head.

Daniel squints and then he's kissing Robert, hands on his chest as they stand in the middle of town.

Robert lets it happen, feels Daniel almost everywhere and then he's pushing away and swearing.

"I'm sorry." He says, pathetic, so pathetic and he feels like crying. But he _couldn't_ kiss Daniel back. And it's mad because he would have probably fucked him in the back seat of his car if Aaron wasn't on his mind.

But he's a dick to try and convince himself that he isn't still in love, probably won't ever be out of love with Aaron.

"Don't be." Daniel says, wipes his mouth a little as Robert does the same. "Hope they're worth it." He says, starts walking towards his car again and then he looks back. "I never got your name?"

And Robert gulps. "Robert." He says, and it feels strange telling a stranger his real name for the first time.

Daniel nods quickly and then eyes Robert, "Pretty fucking fit Robert." He says, "Even if you do look heartbroken."

Is it that obvious? Robert thinks.

And then Daniel's gone.

 

 

::

 

 

He should really get a cab home but he isn't.

He's stumbling towards the rowdy club and he's watching people come out, be sick against walls and laugh it off.

Robert feels something tighten in him and then he hears the sound of someone, looks up and spots someone in the crowd, he's surrounded by lads and Robert comes over to him.

Because he's Aaron, right?

He pulls at his arm and then -

"Shit sorry." Robert mumbles out an apology and backs away because the bloke's nose was different and his eyes weren't blue enough. He fights this urge to cry, keeps backing away until he's stumbling into someone else and it's Adam of all people.

"Come on man." He says, eyes on Robert and his head shaking. "Let's get you home." He says, feels himself getting dragged into a car and he gives in.

 

 

::

 

  
He apologises to David for just dumping Annie on him and he slurs out a thank you before plummeting down onto the sofa and trying not to cry.

Adam's put a glass of water in front of him and he doesn't want any. "You can go now, you know, back to my _sister_." He hisses, and it feels like she's been taken from him as well.

Adam sighs hard and shakes his head before sitting down. "I turned up at Aaron's, worried sick, and she was there." He's actually smiling and Robert rolls his eyes. "We had a drink, and - I don't know we just got on. I didn't think it was a crime." He says, obviously frustrated.

Robert frowns, "If it wasn't, then why didn't you just come out with it?" He asks, a little shaky.

Adam sighs, "Because then Aaron left!" He shouts, then looks down and shrugs. "Besides, we're not serious or -"

Robert winces, "Is this the part where you tell me you're having casual sex with my little sister because if it is, don't." He says, bites out and Adam gives him an awkward look.

There's silence between them until Adam speaks again. "I knew he was leaving." He admits, "He told me." And Robert almost cowers. "But I didn't know why, I just assumed you'd had a -"

"His head's fucked." Robert blurts out. "He was self harming again." He whispers, like its a secret he can't share.

And Adam pulls his head into his hands, "No." He whispers and then he sighs. "He hasn't done that since -"

"I know." Robert says darkly, pauses and then frowns through glassy eyes. "And it was because of me." He points to himself sadly. "Me and my shit life."

Adam clears his throat, "It's never that straightforward, not with Aaron. He's - he's got his own issues, away from you."

And Robert sniffs, "That's exactly where he's gone, away from me." He says, sounds hollow and then he's shaking it all away. "But I can't care about him, I _can't_. Not when I've got Annie to think about." He says.

Adam smiles sadly, "He'll come back." He says, and Robert suddenly wonders if Adam knows where he is, he asks, knows he shouldn't but does. "He's at his mum's." And Robert doesn't even know where that actually is. "In Spain, she goes there for the holidays sometimes."

And it shouldn't hurt this much, Robert thinks, knows.

"Oh." He says flatly, "And he's -" he doesn't know what he's even trying to say.

"He sounded fine mate," Adam says, looks up slowly. "Asked me to keep an eye on you too." He tilts his head towards Robert and suddenly he doesn't know how to feel about it.

He doesn't want to kept an eye on, he wants Aaron back.

Robert gulps, "That's good of him." He says dryly and then Adam sighs, stands up.

"I should be getting home." He says, rubs at his head. "You make sure to sober up." He says before going towards the front door.

"Adam." Robert calls, waits for Adam to turn around. "Thanks for bringing me home." He says and there's a gratitude which clings in the air, long after he's gone.

 

 

::

 

 

Vic's there the next morning, knocking on the door and demanding to be let it.

Robert doesn't have the energy to deny her entry and she's suddenly firing through the door and looking guilty.

"I'm sorry alright." She says, "I didn't - I didn't want to upset ya." Vic's got a piece of hair near her eye and she flicks it angrily away. "Don't tell me you meant what you said last night."

And he didn't.

"No." He says, sits on the sofa and looks towards Annie's bedroom, "I was just being an idiot last night, being selfish."

Because he left his own daughter, he actually left her and got wasted instead.

"I was jealous." Robert whispers, and Vic looks stunned. "But I can't have Aaron dictate everything I feel. Not anymore."

Victoria tuts, "It's only normal." She says softly and Robert scoffs.

"Not for me." He says, because he used to be proud about the fact that he'd never cried over someone before, not someone who he'd just had _sex_ with, he swore he'd never be that prick who went and got love sick.

And then Aaron happened.

"I need to forget him." Robert says, gulps hard. "And I can't do that by staying here." He says, looks around and winces, "Everything I see reminds me of him and it's _pathetic_." He says, so frustrated.

Vic arches an eyebrow, "Well, how about you come home. With me." She says and Robert's insides churn.

"Home? To the village?" He asks.

"Yes." Vic says, joins Robert on the sofa. "It's Christmas in a few days and believe it or not, Annie needs family around her."

And it touches a nerve.

"They're not family if she's never even met them." He hisses, upset suddenly and Vic looks sorry. "I - it wouldn't work."

"Just come back for the holidays." Vic says, smiles just a little, "Besides, I can't stay here forever can I? My boss will come down here with one of his special kitchen knives." It makes Robert laugh and Vic smiles. "I want you happy Rob, and you're _not_ here."

And it's true.

"I've always spent Christmas alone." He says, has to look away as Vic looks crushed.

"Well," She smiles, a hand on Robert's hand, "Now you don't have to."

And for the first time in a long time, Robert has something genuine to smile about.

 

 

::

 

 

"What do you mean?" Robert hears Annie ask, all innocent, her legs kicking against the sofa. "What's Emmerdale?"

And she should know where that is, in another life, she would have called it home.

Robert frowns at her, "First of all, stop kicking like that." He says and then he sits down besides her. "And second of all, it's a village." He tells her. "The one I grew up in."

Annie starts playing with her hair and then frowns, "When you were as big as me?"

Robert scoffs and then touches her hair, "Yes." He says, remembers, really remembers. "Hey, and we can have Christmas there too." He says.

Annie's eyes widen, "Really?" She whispers, eyes widening even more. "With a Christmas tree?"

Robert laughs and then picks up Annie. "With a Christmas tree." He promises, has her on his hip and smiles at her. "And there's going to be some people there who will want to see you."

He's never mentioned them, never thought he'd be able to.

Annie tilts her head like she's confused.

Robert clears his throat, "You know how auntie Vic is my sister?" Annie nods. "Well I've got a brother, his name is Andy. And - he'll be there." He says, and he watches Annie work it out in her head. "So he's your uncle." He tells her.

Annie looks excited, claps her hands and Robert feels better for just picking her up and taking her somehow new.

"And there's Diane too." He says, something so soft about his voice suddenly. "She'll want to see you, she's nice don't worry." He tells her and she soaks it up, nods her head.

And it's all easier than Robert thought it would be.

Until.

"And you're sure sure Aaron doesn't want to come?" Annie's asking, titling her head at her father and Robert gulps.

"I'm sure." He says sadly, can't miss the way Annie looks distraught.

 

 

::

 

 

Vic's car was always small, but now it looks tiny with all of Annie's toys bunched at the back alongside their bags.

Robert looks at his home, feels something ache inside him and has a guilty pain stretch right in front of his mind.

"When you come back, it'll be different." Vic promises, elbows against her brother as they lean against the car, "Sometimes you just need to take a step back don't ya?"

And Robert nods slowly, he wants to believe that.

But two weeks away isn't going to get Aaron out of his head.

Annie slaps a hand onto the window and Robert turns back, watches her point to her wrist like she's wearing a watch and wants them to hurry up.

"Right, let's get going." Vic says, claps her hands together and then Robert frowns.

"What about lover boy?" He asks, thinks about her and Adam. Vic shrugs like it meant nothing and Robert feels guilty about it suddenly.

"He knew the score." She says, like she's desperate to create distance between her and Adam, pretend it wasn't *more than she's letting on.

But Robert just nods, watches her get into the car and then he's sighting Clive. He's a few paces away, hands in his pockets, coat buttoned up because he's freezing.

"One second." Robert tells Vic before walking towards his old mate, there's still anger bubbling there, so much. "What do you want?" He asks.

And Clive clears his throat, "I wanted to give Annie her Christmas present." He says and Robert rolls his eyes, "I always give her one."

"You _did_ , before you went behind my back." Robert says.

"I never worked for Chrissie, it was never about her, it was -"

"You. You not wanting me happy." He says, shakes his head. "It was about Aaron, him being there for me and replacing you." Robert stares hard at Clive. "Well you've won, because he's gone." He snaps.

Clive looks shocked, frowns a little. "I didn't want that, not now, I just -"

"You hate me, deep down you do. It's why you did all of this." Robert says, didn't know he was still this hurt.

Clive sighs hard. "Maybe I did, maybe I do hate you but there's a fucking fine line between love and -"

He's already said too much.

Robert drops his head, can't speak and Clive just looks away.

It makes sense, Robert would be lying if he hadn't thought Clive felt something heavy for him over the years.

He never liked Amber either, never approved.

Clive gulps hard, "I shouldn't have said that." He says.

And Robert looks up. "Aaron was right, he asked you and you said -"

"I didn't think I did, but - I don't know." Clive looks down again and then kicks at the gravel. "You just became everything, when - when my marriage broke down. It made me feel different, I don't know." He keeps saying he doesn't know and Robert thinks he does. Clive loves him in his own way, maybe not romantic but -

"It doesn't excuse what you did, it doesn't even come _close_." Robert tells him and Clive nods. Robert looks towards the car and then sighs. "I'm going back to my village," and Clive looks surprised. "Yeah I know." He says. "Just for Christmas, need to get away, before the trial and -"

"Bye Robert." Clive says, final, almost abrupt and Robert frowns at him before nodding. He understands, he gets it. He won't be seeing him again. 

"Bye." Robert nods towards him before turning back towards the car and feeling like he's leaving a lifetime behind.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So Robert's going back to the village! Let me know your thoughts if you have the time and of course, thanks for reading! X


	25. Chapter 25

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Robert adjusts to life back in the village he grew up in.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IM BACK!!!! Here's another chapter which I hope you all enjoy, it's not a proper sad one. 
> 
> Hope this helps anyone if tomorrow is not something you are looking forward for lol.

The drive involves a total of three Disney soundtrack CD's, four toilet breaks, one argument over having the window open in December and two blissful instances where Annie falls asleep.

The sky is a soft purple colour by the time they arrive and see the sign.

Vic points it out to Annie and she becomes excited, so excited she nearly escapes from her booster seat and Robert has to tell her to calm it right down.

Vic's got a quaint little cottage in the village, and Robert is charmed by the Christmas lights shaped around the bushes at the front.

Everything looks the same, everything _feels_ different.

The engine dies and Vic looks towards her brother. "Ready?" She asks, and Robert can't answer that really.

The whole journey was filled with him thinking about the fact that Clive loved him in his own fucked up way, thinking about the distance he was putting between him and Aaron and if it was actually worth it.

He didn't have _space_ to worry about Andy and Katie and Diane, not really.

He nods at her and she goes round, picks Annie up and holds her on her hip as Robert struggles with the bags. It's been a few weeks now since what happened, since he was shot, but it still aches, makes him feel weak.

Robert bends down further and then suddenly feels someone grabbing onto the bag he's trying to reach for.

"Need a hand?" He says, and Robert knows the voice, he knows it's -

Full beard, quilted coat, more lines on his forehead than Robert remembers.

"Andy?" He says, and he doesn't expect tears to swell in his eyes but _God_ , he's missed him more than he wanted to ever ever admit to.

And it's freezing outside, Robert's all pink around his cheeks and nose and -

Andy's shaking his head and Robert's breathing into his older brother's chest as he is pulled into a hug.

 

 

::

 

 

Andy comes in, and Annie smiles at him almost immediately like she just knows who he is.

"Annie, this is my brother. This is Andy." Robert says, and Annie comes forward and shakes Andy's hand, it makes everyone laugh and then Andy's crouching down to her level.

"The last time I saw you, you were just a baby." Andy says, and Robert is knocked back by the tears present in his brother's eyes. "Hey, there's two people who'd love to see you." He says, and then he looks at Robert as if he needs to ask if it's okay to mention them. "My kids, Jack and - and Sarah."

The way Annie's face lights up is enough, it's more than enough.

 

 

::

 

 

Diane still owns the pub, that hasn't changed.

It feels like a daunting thing to do, go inside and face her and face everyone else but he does it and Diane almost can't let him go as she hugs him and practically weeps.

Victoria explained to them that he'd been shot by Chrissie, but everything else wasn't clear and Robert knows that he'll have to fill in the blanks at some point.

"Oh Robert." Diane says, finally pulls away and Robert can soak up the festive decor of the pub, it reminds him of being a little boy.

Robert smiles weakly at her and then Annie comes closer towards them, "This is my Annie." He says proudly and Diane does the same crushing hug routine, kisses at Annie's hair before letting her down.

"You _beautiful_ girl." Diane says, a hand falling through Annie's hair and a soft smile on her face. "Why don't you go through the back, Jack and Sarah are watching The Snowman." She tells Annie, asks Andy to go in with her and he does.

Robert stays by the bar and Diane pulls a hand over his, "Oh pet, it's going to be fine." She says, and he's needed to hear that from her for so long. "I promise you. We're here now, and that woman, she'll pay for what she's done to you." And she's saying everything he needed to hear five fucking years ago.

He goes to speak and then Bob has a hand on his shoulder, "It's good to see you back." He says, and then he leans a little closer. "I know, people talk in the village, and I'm so sorry about why you and your girl had to go." And Robert pales. "She's locked up now though isn't she? She won't ruin anything for you anymore."

And Robert wants to believe him.

 

 

::

 

 

Annie hits it off with Jack and Sarah, she mothers little Jack and let's Sarah plait her hair in braids and Robert watches them, smiles at how easy it has been for Annie to be loved by them all.

He was always afraid of that, them not accepting her for some reason.

They're all back at Vic's and Robert hangs by the doorway, half promising himself to slip off upstairs at some point.

"She's lovely." Robert hears, turns and sees Katie standing there, she must have slipped in at some point. "Looks a lot like her." Her, Rebecca. "It must be hard." She says and Robert just nods slowly.

"It is." It will get harder, he knows. When she has her school prom, when he gets her first crush or whatever. He'll think of _her_ , he won't be able to _stop_ thinking about her.

Katie frowns sadly, "I'm sorry." She says, and then Robert's alone by the door again.

 

 

::

 

 

Annie's asleep on Robert's lap, and Andy's the only one left in the room with him.

It feels like it's time to lay everything bare and Robert gulps hard as Andy looks over to him.

"Vic said - she said that Chrissie had found you, that she shot you." Andy says, frowns a little. "But that was it." He says, "And I know she was holding a lot back."

Robert nods, thinks of only one person as he sits there. "She didn't tell you about Aaron."

And his name is still so heavy in Robert's heart.

"Aaron?" Andy asks, and it's clear he doesn't have the faintest idea.

So Robert tells him, he tells him more than he thought he would and it gets to a point where he has to try not to cry.

Andy looks shocked, has his mouth gaped open. "Shit." He says, gulps hard. "I didn't realise you were -"

"Bi." Robert forces out, looks uncomfortable. "I wouldn't have ever admitted it if it wasn't for him, I couldn't ignore how he made me feel." He says, fights a smile.

"Did you love him?" He hears Andy ask.

"I still love him." He says, gulps hard and shrugs, "But some people just aren't meant to be together."

Some people just aren't meant to last.

 

 

::

 

 

He sleeps with Annie next to him, in Vic's spare room, and he doesn't cry about Aaron or anything.

He's entered the numb stage of whatever to call what's going on in his heart.

 

 

::

 

 

There's three days until Christmas and Vic's not got a Christmas tree up yet and Annie reckons it's a crime.

"Some people put there's up on Christmas Eve flower." Robert tells her, and she gasps dramatically.

Robert laughs, and Annie says something about wanting to decorate it right now.

"Well, there's always one up in the loft." Vic says, "I could always get your daddy to get it whilst we making cookies."

And yeah, Robert's pulling a Christmas tree down the stairs about half an hour later and there's mess everywhere as Annie gets excited and starts swirling around tinsel.

She's never decorated a proper Christmas tree and it's awful.

She never got that adorable little 'First Christmas' feel because Robert was trapped in a grimy flat and had spent his last bit of money on some milk for her.

"Here you go." Robert says, passes Annie a little ball ball for her to slide onto the tree.

Vic smiles from the kitchen and Robert watches Annie have the best time in the world.

"Daddy, can we have some fairy lights?" She's asking, and he spends another five years of his life untangling them.

But they look pretty, almost magical and Robert has to look away because he's turning into an emotional wreck apparently.

And he thinks about Aaron out of flipping nowhere.

Vic gives them space, goes upstairs for a second and Robert can feel Annie coming closer to him.

"Are you sad?" She's asking and Robert shakes his head a little, looks up at her and then hugs her.

"I'm just glad I have you." Robert tells her, combs through her hair.

"Are you sad because Aaron didn't help us with the tree?" Annie asks and it knocks Robert back, it really does.

Robert gulps, "I'm trying not to be." He says, "I'm sorry."

And Annie looks all sad, "I miss him too." She says and Robert hugs her.

He hugs her and then she dries his eyes like a proper grown up and then she makes him smile by asking him to put the star on the top like they do in the films.

 

 

::

 

 

Robert's at Diane's for a family meal, he's already met Doug who's just about as boring as a plant plot.

Annie's dressed in something pink and pretty and she's sitting on the small table with Jack and Sarah.

Diane's made something with mince in it and it's been so long since he's tasted her food, it makes him wolf it down.

"I know it's not much but -" Diane says, and Robert looks up at her. "Well you know, half the stuff has been kept for Christmas."

Robert just frowns, "No it's great. It's been so long since I've had food as good as this." He says, smiles as Annie shouts something about him being a good chef.

Diane exchanges a look with Andy and laughs and suddenly, out of flipping nowhere, Robert feels like someone's kicked his stomach hard.

Like he's missed something, like he'll never understand it really.

But he pushes past it, listens to Doug drone out about taking Annie to visit his allotment before they go back to London.

"Ah yeah and we can go to the nativity tomorrow if you're up for it." Vic says playfully, and Robert pulls a face.

And then Andy pipes, "Yeah, I mean she's missed out on all the others." He says and yeah it turns things sour, so sour in Robert's mouth.

Robert frowns, "She hasn't _missed_ out." He snaps, and Victoria drops her head like she knows what's coming or something.

Andy drops his fork, "I didn't mean -"

But Robert's thoughts are spiralling. "You say it like it was my fault, like I forced us to go on the run."

And Katie's there, she's telling him that it wasn't meant like that.

"She didn't get to have a normal first Christmas, or a second, or a third, but don't make me feel guilty about it." Robert stresses, and that's when Katie's getting up and ushering the kids out the door whilst Diane tells Robert to relax.

"I missed out. I get that, I get that." He drops his head and shudders. For a second everything is just quiet and then suddenly Andy's putting his foot in it again.

"What you've missed out on, it doesn't matter. You're back now and -"

"What _I_ missed out on?" Robert asks, "Because _you_ couldn't have _possibly_ missed out on anything _I_ did."

Diane's face flushes red and she gulps hard. "Love, we care -"

"If you cared - if you _cared_ you wouldn't have stopped calling." And he's screaming for absolutely no reason other than the fact that he's hurting so much.

He's still hurting so much.

Andy stands, has a hand on Robert's shoulder, "I know you're upset, about Aaron and everything."

Aaron.

"Who's Aaron?" Robert hears Diane ask, and everything just falls away from him and he's bolting out of the room.

 

 

::

 

 

There's literally one place he can go.

Only one.

It doesn't take long for him to be sitting in front of his mum's headstone, knees pressed together towards his chest.

He hasn't been so close to her for so long it literally aches.

"You know I would have come before, if I could." Robert says, has a hand on the headstone. "But I couldn't, they wouldn't _let_ me." He whispers.

And the wind picks up, "I should be happy, being here." He tells her. "Because _Annie_ is, but -" he gulps hard. "I'm not, I mean - I know I could be _happier_ if -"

If Aaron was here too.

If I could show Aaron off to them and keep banging on about how talented he is, how he blew me away, stole my heart, stole Annie's first.

"But he's in the past now." Robert says, chin wobbling as he sits there, heartbroken still, _still_. "I can't - I can't seem to keep him there though." He admits and it feels awful to get it out.

But it's true.

And despite Annie helping, not mentioning at all, he still knows that she misses him.

He knows.

"I just miss him," he says, he's down and then he sighs. "And you, _God_ if you were here then -"

_Then I'd hug you, you'd make the pain melt away._

Robert has his hands underneath his jumper, tries to keep warm and then feels a coat be thrown round him and Andy's there with Diane.

"We're sorry for upsetting you pet." Diane says, a hand on his shoulder. "It's just been so long since -"

Robert's chin wobbles. "You stopped calling after a while." He says, and Andy looks away, looks ashamed. "Did you forget me?"

And it hangs heavy in the air.

Until Diane is beside him and she's hugging him close.

"We - we were so worried at first but then it dragged on for so long, we thought you'd made a decision to just go. Chrissie, she was convincing. She was _so_ -"

And of course she was.

And he can't blame her for it because he had believed her too.

"I get it." Robert allows, tears swelling in his eyes.

"Still, we should have - have kept looking." Andy presses out, "You wouldn't have been in this state if we had."

And then Diane looks all sad. "I take it you wouldn't have met your Aaron if we had found you though eh?"

Robert looks up at her and she looks towards Andy. He's obviously told her and Robert feels his stomach swirl with something odd, he's suddenly nervous.

"I'm so sorry darling." It's all she says, no big surprise or disgust in her voice and it means so much.

Robert lets out this little sound and gulps. "He was just this bloke at the start, a friend of Annie's childminder, and then he was everything." He says, " _Everything_."

The wind picks up and Diane shudders a little as Andy stands above them.

"And he caught up in it all, and he was _kidnapped_ and -" Andy looks up like he's surprised and he should be because Robert didn't tell him _this_. "It's him I took a bullet for."

And there it is, there's the reason why Robert can't ever move on.

There's the reason why he won't _ever_ be able to get Aaron out of his head.

Because in that moment, he was blindingly everything and more.

Andy gulps hard and there's just nothing to say really. "Lets get you back to ours." He says. "Or Vic's."

And Robert stands slowly. "Vic's. Annie, I need to see Annie." He tells him and then Diane is looking almost frozen on the spot.

"Where's he gone?" Diane asks, means Aaron and Robert bites his lip.

"Spain. To be with his mum." He says thickly. "We tried, we did but - he couldn't handle it."

And it's the horrible truth.

Diane hugs him then, tight against the winter air.

"You need a strong brew." She says, all motherly. "Come on."

And it feels weird, to be this reliant on the people Robert resented for so long, but they're called his family and -

They really feel like they _are_ right now.

 

 

::

 

 

It's Christmas Eve and Annie announces it to the whole village the next morning, practically bursts with excitement.

"A little less noise would be fantastic." Robert says, buttering a piece of toast for her and then patting her head.

She's wearing her yellow dress and Robert says it's a good sign, she was afraid of it before now, because she's not daft and it all links back to what happened and what she went through.

But it's still so beautiful and she looks like a princess.

"Sorry daddy." She says, rolls her eyes and looks exactly like Vic used to.

It makes him laugh and then he's hearing Diane come through the door. "Only me." She says before kissing at Annie's hair.

Robert smiles at her and then goes to find his coat, he's heading into town, braving all the last minute shoppers in hope of finding something for Annie.

He's never really had the money to before, and if anyone deserves to be spoiled at Christmas than it's her.

He's already got to try and fill the massive Aaron shape hole in her life.

"Right, well, have fun and be good." He says and Annie nods her head along before she's watching Robert go towards the door and she's following him like a little sheep.

She tugs at his coat and he bends down.

"Don't go far far away." She says and something shatters in his chest, her green eyes turn lighter and there's prominent freckles over her cheeks suddenly.

She's afraid.

She's really afraid and maybe this has all just been some delayed shock thing, maybe up until now she's been suppressing everything.

"Hey." He says quickly, starts stroking her little arms. "I'm just a phone call away, I promise I'm not going far." He tells her before hugging her close.

And she's suddenly just _five_ years old again.

Annie nods, "Okay." She says softly and Robert realises it's a massive thing, leaving her with a woman she's only known for a few months, one she's been calling auntie.

"Okay?" Robert whispers and she nods again. "My brave girl." He says, squeezes her chin and then she's waving at him as he goes and everything feels a little lighter.

And then he's thinking about how proud Aaron would be of her too.

 

 

::

 

Diane has no self control basically and she's already bought Annie no less than five presents by the time Robert interjects and tells her to get a grip and zip up her purse in the nicest possible way.

"She'll have tonnes." Robert tells her, after they've gone to every children's shop in the square.

They're sitting in a small cafe now, sipping hot chocolates and watching everyone walk past with nearly as many presents as them.

For a second his mind travels and he's thinking about the fact that he was going to get Aaron a present this year, he was going to celebrate their first Christmas together.

He was going to get something cheesy. Something Aaron would pretend to hate and then keep close to him at all times.

"Your mind elsewhere?" Robert hears Diane ask him and he just has to look away. "I think I could guess." And she shouldn't even be able to.

Robert drops his head, "It's the plea hearing too. It's coming up." He says, and there's this part of him which is _smug_ because they're in a prison cell over Christmas.

And he's here, he's with _family_.

Diane nods, "We'll deal with that together." She tells him, "We can't do anything about that but -" she looks up at him and smiles a little.

He knows what she's getting at.

"Me and Aaron are over." He says, out loud and it's gutting.

Diane goes to speak but Robert waves a hand out.

"I thought about chasing him there, talking him down but - but he needed space from _me_. I was the problem."

And yeah, she lets it go.

 

 

::

 

 

Christmas Eve should be filled with a sense of magic, and that feeling is there, it's just buried somewhere, it's hidden away.

And Robert doesn't want to think about it too much but he can't help it after a while and it's heavy on his mind; his half a heart.

"Do you think it will snow?" Annie asks, voice small and filled with a hope which Robert can't squash.

"Yeah, if we wish hard enough." He says, can't even try to think about the weather forecasts for the next day because he hasn't looked.

Annie nods a little and then makes a look. "Does everything you wish for come true?" She asks, she's got her pyjamas on and she's brushing her own hair like a pro.

Robert nods, "Only at Christmas." He says absent mindedly, hardly looking at her really.

Annie seems excited by the thought and then climbs into the bed she's sharing with her father still.

She's already left a carrot and some milk and a mince pie for Santa, made her father melt with such a soft pride.

"When you wake up, you'll be have all your presents to open." He says, eyes widening playfully as she looks excited.

"And my wish will come true." Annie says, yawns before Robert can properly hear her and then her eyes are closing.

"Night night." Robert says, kisses her head gently and then comes down the stairs.

Vic's there, halfway through a box of chocolates and a bottle of wine.

"Having yourself a merry Christmas then." He says, playful as he sits down next to her.

Vic looks up, looks _sad_ and then shakes her head. "It's just the time of year that's all." He gulps. "It always makes me think of - mum and dad."

Mum and dad.

And it makes Robert look down, away.

"You must think about them too." She says, a little too loose with her tongue than usual. "You know, with Annie."

Robert gulps hard. "Yeah." He says, voice hollow. "Of course I do." And he used to cry about not being able to let Annie know who her own grandparents are.

She never hugged his mother, pestered her for sweets.

She never got to sit on his father's knee, bounce until she giggles.

"Sorry." Robert hears Vic blurt out, a hand on his chest suddenly. "This is the last thing you want to hear." She says.

And the Christmas tree is still sparking in the corner of the room, making everything soft.

"Don't worry." He says, with an ease. "Thanks, for taking her to the nativity." Robert says, thinks about the hours before now. "She had a good time."

Vic smiles sleepily. "She wants to be in it next year." She says, looks a little smug.

Robert drops his head, clears his throat. "Vic ..."

Vic sits up, "What?" She says, "Oh come on, what would be so bad about you moving up here? Pollard would sell you his cottage tomorrow."

Robert gulps hard, looks away and then sighs. "We have a home in London. Annie has her _school_."

And Vic leans over, shrugs. "There's a really good school up here." She says, smiles after she's finished and Robert rolls his eyes. "Come on." She tugs at his arm.

There's this beat of something between them, almost tense, almost soft.

And Robert sits there thinking about the possibility of moving to the village. A year ago he would have laughed in your face if you asked him, but now -

Annie knows a family because of them all, she knows happiness and she's settled somehow.

She doesn't cry. She doesn't panic in the night anymore.

"I'll think about it." He says, knows that it all comes down to one person and if he's ready to let them go. If he's ready to basically give up on that life he was going to have and start again.

Everything just seems to come back to Aaron.

Still.

Vic looks more than pleased. "Really?" She's asking, and Robert nods, and then she's pressing her body against his and he holds her back.

"Get off." He says playfully. "Right I'm going to bed." He tells her, stands and untangles himself.

Vic smiles, "Before Santa arrives?" She asks and Robert holds back a laugh, just nods his head in agreement and hangs by the door.

He's suddenly, overwhelmingly, thankful for her.

"Thank you." He says and she seems to know what he means by that.

Because if it wasn't for her, he wouldn't have been here right now, Annie wouldn't have had a real Christmas.

"You don't ever need to thank me." Vic says, a hand wiping at her eyes.

Robert winks at her, and he's so proud suddenly, it makes him smile and then he's clicking the door shut and going upstairs.

 

 

::

 

 

He hears Annie sniffling before he's even in the room and he doesn't expect to walk in on her crying into her pillow.

"Hey." Robert says, and he's running towards her, moving a hand through her hair over and over again. "What's - what's happened?" He's asking and Annie just looks up at him and passes over her teddy.

It's ear is hanging off, it looks damaged yeah but it's fixable.

"Oh, darling. I'll fix it in the morning for you." He says, but she doesn't seem to settle.

"Milo makes the tears stop." She explains, chin wobbling. "I want Aaron."

She says, out of absolutely nowhere and Robert can't even think straight.

He just knows he's been a fool. A fucking fool to think she's really forgot _Aaron_.

Annie's wiping her eyes with her little hands and Robert holds her close.

"I know, I know darling." He says, presses a kiss to her hair and tries not to cry.

"Isn't he better by now?" And fuck, she thinks he's coming back.

Robert clears his throat. "No baby, he - he isn't coming back this time remember?"

"But you said that last time." And it's true and he hates himself for it.

Robert blows out a breath, "I know I did. But - but Aaron was just _really_ sad when we came back from the hospital and - it had nothing to do with you I promise."

But Annie's chin still wobbles.

"But you keep being sad without him too." She says, voice delicate.

And yeah, he can't deny that.

"But I have you don't I?" He says, "We have each other. And that's all we need right now, it's all that - that _has_ to matter."

And he watches her try and make sense of it.

He watches her head nodding towards him slowly and the way she sniffles.

"My brave girl." He says, squeezes her chin and then she's holding onto him close, closing her eyes again.

"Are you sure that wishes come true at Christmas?" She whispers, almost hours later.

And he nods his head sleepily, "I'm sure."

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Should be updating again soon and it will be the last PROPER chapter. I'm emosh.


	26. Chapter 26

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Robert celebrates Christmas with his family.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> EMOSHHHHHHH 
> 
> THIS IS THE LAST PROPER CHAPTER AND I AM SO SAD
> 
> ENJOY 
> 
> XOXO

He's in a white room, there's glass everywhere and he can see himself, different ages, different flipping haircuts.

And then he cuts to him five years ago, recoils at the cocky bastard who is staring back at him.

[ _"Abort it for all I care!" He had screamed at her. "It's not like it's wanted anyway." ]_

He has his head in his hands as he hears it, gulps hard and then he's seeing himself again.

He's seeing Aaron too.

And he instantly recognises it.

The first time he'd ever met him.

When he'd seen Annie on his shoulders in the garden of Adam's house.

"I liked him from then." He hears, and suddenly he's spinning round and Rebecca is standing there.

She's got a yellow dress on, nearly exactly the same as Annie's.

She looks radiant, not like the image he always has in his mind of her.

Pale, cold, _dying_.

"Bex?" He says, and she's coming closer towards him.

He wants to hug her, and then she's suddenly got her arms around his and then she's pulling away and staring at him.

"Am I dreaming?" He asks and she nods, pulls a face.

"Sort of." She says, and then she sits down next to him. "I'm here because of Aaron." Robert looks away. "To tell you I _approve_."

And he doesn't understand. "We're not even -"

But she's got such a twinkle in her eyes.

And Robert can't speak, just looks down.

"And it'll work out, it will." She tells him but he knows it won't.

He smiles though and then she's standing up.

"And you never let me down by the way. You've been - been such a good father to her." Rebecca says, voice delicate, almost golden.

Robert has tears swimming in his eyes, they won't stop.

"Yeah?" He says, can't believe it.

But she's nodding.

And then she's walking away.

"Oh and, merry Christmas." She smiles, "Tell her, tell her mummy loves her and that - she should look out the window."

And Robert's jolting awake.

It's Annie elbowing him the ribs, patting him on the chest and jumping on the bed because -

"Daddy there's _snow_."

And there is, and it's still falling outside where the whole village is covered in a blanket of it all.

Robert rubs at his eyes and smiles softly. "A Christmas miracle eh," he mumbles before kissing Annie quickly. "Merry Christmas sweetheart." He says and she mumbles it back, her eyes glued to the falling snow.

Vic bursts through the door minutes later, clapping her hands as Annie comes towards her and pulls her against the window.

"It's really _snowing_." Annie says, eyes wide and bright. "I wished it would snow." She says and Vic tells her she's magic, picks her up and takes her towards the door.

"Now shall we see what Father Christmas left for you downstairs?" Vic is asking and the way Annie tries to wriggle out of her grip and fly down the stairs is adorable.

Robert laughs as she goes, as he hears her reaction and then, he's awfully, so awfully, turning towards the right side of the bed as if Aaron would actually be there. And he feels like a fool.

"Merry Christmas." He says into the sheets, hollow, soft.

 

 

::

 

 

Annie's in heaven.

She really is. And Robert's heart is filled with an sort of giddy pride he knows only parents can really feel.

"A scooter!" Annie's saying, tinsel loose round her neck and a smile on her face. "An actual real life _scooter_." She's saying, eyes wide.

Robert watches her from the sofa and nods. "Yep." He says, admires the one he'd picked out yesterday with pride because he'd always wanted to get her one.

He always wanted to be 'that dad, the one who came to the school gates with his daughter's purple scooter and snazzy helmet.

Well not always, he knows that, but - since she held his hand for the first time.

He only wants her happy and she is, and it's Christmas flipping day and he should be feeling exactly the same really.

"Merry Christmas." He hears Diane say to him, she's come in with Andy and Katie and the kids and she's frowning a little. "You're still in your pyjamas." She observes and Robert frowns. "The service?"

And Robert's forgot about that, apparently they do it every year, they're friends with the vicar Holly? Harriet?

"Didn't think you actually meant it." He says, laughs a little and Andy laughs.

"Diane's practically made it Sugden tradition." He jokes and Robert hears Katie laughing.

Diane rolls her eyes and then hits Andy on the arm. "Just sit there and sing a few hymns and then it's back to the pub for some more present openings." She says, and Annie gets excited about that.

And yeah, less than an hour later he's braving the snow and coming towards the church at the far end of the village.

It's fucking freezing inside but Annie's warm considering Vic had to spoil a present for her and whip out a soft fur coat she'd bought for her.

She's kicking her legs against the seat, not keeping still and Robert can't even blame her.

"Annie, shh." He's saying, finger pressed against his lip and then - then the hymns actually start and he wants the ground to swallow him up.

But a warmness is spreading through him and _suddenly_ he's remembering the dream he had about Rebecca and what she'd said.

  
_"He loves you Robert."_

_And Robert can't speak, just looks down._

_"And it'll work out, it will."_

And there's a feeling of something breaking in his chest again as he tries to get through the song, tries to forget, tries and tries and then something is breaking _open_ , unraveling and there's _love_ just bursting out of him and -

Something tells him to look near the window.

Maybe it's Rebecca from up there.

And then, then he's seeing Aaron standing outside in the snow and everything is changing.

 

 

::

 

 

Robert makes an excuse about his stomach hurting, presses a kiss to Annie's head and slowly walks out of the church.

He can't actually breathe right. He feels like there's something almost _attacking_ him and he knows it's Aaron.

He knows that his feet walk outside without any warning, any encouragement, because of _Aaron_ and -

He's still standing there, big jumper, bigger coat and he's looking so much better than he did before.

He's got a brightness about him, a softness around his eyes which show Robert that any tension and pain he once felt, which once haunted him, has gone.

The wind picks up and Robert just stands there staring at him, mouth wide open and eyes watering.

He can't actually believes he's _here_ , on Christmas Day.

"What are you doing _here_?" Robert whispers, eyes flickering because this is the last place he expected to see Aaron.

Aaron frowns, nose nearly as pink as Robert's. "Why do you think?" He's asking, being his usual self but with a flicker of more nervousness about him and Robert takes a step back because he's _scared_ suddenly of what he might do if he's any closer.

Aaron looks like he wants to kick himself and then he comes closer towards Robert. "I'm here for you." He says and Robert can't believe that, he _can't_. "I tracked you down because, because I'm here for you and Annie."

And Robert gulps hard, frowns immediately. "But - but you said you -" he says, can't get his words out, just wants to 'holdholdhold' and do nothing else.

"I know, I know." Aaron says, suddenly dives a little closer and has his hands on Robert's face. It makes the older man shudder, the closeness, the way Aaron is just _here_. "But I'm better, and I want you forever, I do." And Robert's eyes widen. "Please, _please_ don't tell me I'm too late."

And Robert just looks at Aaron, sees how wide and blue his eyes are and he wants to tell him that all is forgiven, that he's more to blame than Aaron is, that his heart isn't really broken, but he'd be lying.

He'd be lying to him and - he'd be lying to himself.

Because yeah, he loves him, he's always loved Aaron but _this_ , _now_ , it's too much for him to handle.

"I'm sorry." Robert whispers, pulls Aaron's hands off his face and gulps. "I can't do this." He says, and he's leaving before Aaron can say anything else.

 

 

::

 

 

The cricket pavilion is still the same, it's one of the only places which hasn't been decked out for the holidays and Robert sits on the floor, hands out in front of him.

And he's thinking about Aaron of course. And the fact that he's _here_.

And he came back, because he always comes back.

It doesn't take long for tears to swell in his eyes and for Robert to have to wipe them away.

He's shuddering hard, trying to catch his breath when he hears footsteps approaching him and Aaron's standing there.

"Classy place." Aaron says, coming even further towards Robert and bending down so that he can look him in the eye. "Robert?" He says, almost pleasing and Robert shoots up.

He goes to leave but just _can't_.

"I thought she was handling it you know, until I caught her crying last night." And Aaron gulps hard as he hears. "Because no matter what you thought, you were like a second _dad_ to her."

And there's this long stretch of silence.

"I know." Aaron says, voice hollow.

"And I know that sounds daft, I've not even known you a full year but -" Robert drops his head. "You were _everything_ to us and you just left."

Aaron pushes a hand out in front of him, spins Robert around and frowns. "I wasn't well." He snaps, touches his head. "I was messed up."

"And so was I!" Robert shouts at him. "But I didn't walk out, I didn't _leave_."

"You didn't cut yourself either though did ya!" Aaron screams back, voice heavy with passion and Robert tries to leave again after hearing it. But Aaron suddenly slams him against the wall. "You're not walking away."

"I forgot that's only your job." Robert bites and Aaron frowns.

"Says the bloke who's been running for five fucking years." Aaron points out and Robert pales, it makes Aaron flatten a hand out on his chest and shudder. "I didn't mean -"

And Robert tries to wriggle away until Aaron's pushing him against the wall harder and they're just _so_ close it aches.

"I want ya." Aaron says, voice like gravel suddenly, hands on Robert's belt and then his lips are pressing towards Robert's and he's kissing him.

He pulls away quickly though like he can sense something and he's shaking his head. "Shit sorry I just - Rob, please don't say I'm too late for -"

And Robert's pressing his face against Aaron's, saying fuck you to the normalities and the rules and the way they shouldn't even be doing this and he's got his hands on Aaron's face, feeling Aaron's hands through his hair and he's twisting the door of the shack open.

And yeah,

Of course, after all this time, sex is the easiest thing to do in the middle of Christmas Day with your sort of ex who you're still madly in love with and can't speak to properly about anything.

Of course.

 

 

::

 

There's nothing else they can possibly do with their spent _tingling_ bodies but Aaron's still on top of Robert, kissing him and kissing him again and again and -

Robert's certain he's never felt so loved before in all his life.

"You're mine." He hears Aaron say between a moan, "And I'm yours." He whispers, face falling into Robert's chest and maybe that's always been as simple as it will ever be with them.

 

 

::

 

 

Robert tries to move but Aaron's under him, breathing slow like he's asleep and he's forced to look down at him.

For a second he just smiles and then he sees the scars over Aaron's chest, over his forearm and it all comes back into focus.

He hurt himself, he lost control completely and did it when he should have been looking after Annie.

Aaron's panting out hard into Robert's ear, like he's still trying to come down from the high of how good it all just felt. He's got a hand over Robert's shoulder and he attempts to kiss at his neck but Robert shuffles just a little and Aaron notices.

"Don't tell me this was a mistake." Aaron whispers, and he's never looked so bare in his whole life. He's just vulnerable to what he feels for Robert and it makes the older man wince a little because he has this odd sense of power to determine what happens next and he doesn't know what to do with it.

He knows that what just happened wasn't a mistake. It never ever could be a mistake when it came to Aaron.

But he also knows that it hasn't resolved a single thing.

"It wasn't." Robert mumbles, pulling Aaron's giant puffer coat on top of them to keep them both warm. "It was amazing." He says, remembers the way Aaron made him moan and stretch and roll his eyes back and feel fucking loved throughout it all.

And then it was over, and all their problems were back.

Robert can't help the way he stares at Aaron's chest, chastises himself for it but looks all the same. "There's more." He comments, gulps hard once he's finished and Aaron looks away.

"I'm not proud of myself." Aaron admits. "I only did it more when - when mum told me I shouldn't have left you like I did." He says, eyes watering as he bites his lip. "So I left hers, and - and I started seeing a counsellor. A proper one."

And Robert's surprised.

"Her name's Heidi, she hasn't got all the answers but - she helps. She helped stop my from hurting myself." Aaron says, "Made me think differently about it all. You know, my dad, Chrissie."

Robert nods slowly, "I'm proud." He admits, tears in his eyes as he comes towards Aaron and pushes their foreheads together.

Aaron has a little smile on his face. "I've wanted to hear that for so long." He says, eyes shut, a hand falling over Robert's face.

Robert sniffs, has to catch his breath a little. "I'm _proud_ , and I still _love_ you despite how much it hurt when you left."

And there's a silence between them, a heavy, damaging silence which should be filled with:

"I love you too."

Only Aaron still can't say it and nothing's really changed after all because Chrissie's still in his head, she's still ruining things.

Robert frowns, heartbroken suddenly. "I need to go." He says quickly and Aaron tries to grab hold of his waist but Robert moves faster.

"Rob?" He says, "Rob, please don't -"

Robert shakes his head, pulls on his shirt and gulps. "You're not ready and I can't do this. It's Christmas _Day_ , I should be with Annie and not -"

Aaron's eyes widen, "Please don't leave."

There's a strong silence again and Robert shakes his head. "You're 'not ready." He repeats, "I can tell."

And Aaron looks stunned, "I - we just had _sex_."

Robert shakes his head. "Didn't mean anything though did it? It was easy, that's always easy." He says. "But you can't even tell me -"

And Aaron winces.

Robert blows out a breath. "I want you forever." He shrugs out. "And I've _missed_ you too much to even talk about but it wouldn't work." He says. "Not yet anyway." He whispers, "When you are, when you're _sure_ then -"

Aaron looks up at him and he's got tears in his eyes.

"I'll be here. You know I will."

And turning away from Aaron is still the hardest thing to do.

 

 

::

 

 

By the time he gets back to Diane's, Annie's sitting on a giant bear and she's got chocolate wrappers all around her.

"Where did you disappear to?" Diane's asking, swirling something around on the cooker and then looking at Robert.

He gulps hard. "Just for a walk." He lies and then Diane's smiling.

"Well you missed Vic get a surprise." She comments with a laugh which makes Robert frown, until he's turning around and looking at who is at the door.

He doesn't expect to see Adam standing there.

"What are you doing here?" Robert's asking, and Adam lets go of the way he's holding Vic.

"Had to tell your sister I was looking for a bit more than a little fun. Turns out she feels the same." He says, grin on his face almost blinding.

Robert looks at his sister, all pink and blushing and happy and something settles inside him and he suddenly wants Aaron.

Adam steps forward, "And someone else wanted to join me." He whispers. "Where is he?" He's asking and Robert gulps hard.

"He wasn't ready." Robert says, "I don't think - I mean I know he doesn't love me, not the way he used to."

And Adam goes to say something but Robert stops him. "I'm right, trust me." He says with a soft sadness about him.

"You're _wrong_." A voice says and yeah, Aaron's suddenly by the door, panting out a breath and he's all red and puffy like he's ran the whole way.

Robert's eyes widen almost uncontrollably as he watches Aaron come into the room further. It's mad, the way Aaron only seems to have eyes for him.

"You're so wrong Robert." He says, and then Diane's piping up expectedly.

"Who's this?" She's asking and it takes Annie to tell her.

"Aaron!" Annie shouts, runs towards him and Robert watches the way Aaron warms as he catches her in his arms. He sees the way he closes his eyes and bends down to the floor and kisses her head lovingly.

And Andy's there. "As in?"

And yeah Andy, as in _the_ Aaron who I took a bullet for. Keep up.

Aaron lets go of Annie and she stays by his leg like she doesn't want to move away.

"I'm awful at this - you know I am but - but when you left just now I - all I wanted was to follow you, all I wanted was you back, because I'm better with you. I am."

And Robert just stands there in shock, wills his mouth to open. "You're not Aaron." He whispers.

"I am." Aaron says quickly, comes closer towards Robert. "I wasn't happy without you. I was just _distracting_ myself from the sadness and - there's a _difference_." He tells him.

Robert bites at his lip. "I only let you down." He says, tries to stop crying.

Aaron shakes his head. "You don't, you make - make me so happy Rob. And I - I _love_ you."

And he does, he _does_.

Robert gulps hard.

"I'll tell the whole village if I have to." He says, let's out a shaky laugh and Robert is smiling.

"It's okay, I believe you." Robert says, wipes at his eyes and then Aaron nods.

"I promise you, I won't leave again. I promise." Aaron says and then looks down at Annie. " _Pinky_ promise."

And Robert nods. "Okay." He says softly.

"Okay?" Aaron repeats, like he needs to know.

And Robert nods again. "Okay."

Annie claps her hands together and suddenly Robert remembers he's in the back room of the pub.

Aaron seems to as well and widens his eyes. "Oh sorry, uh -" he flattens his hair down a little, looks around the room and gulps. "I'm - I'm - uh -"

And Diane smiles. "Perfect for them two." She says with a wink as she looks at Annie and Robert.

And Robert's heart slots back into place.

 

 

::

 

 

He feels like a teenager, Aaron's hand in his as they are squeezed together on the sofa with everyone else watching a film.

Aaron looks a little nervous, like he can't believe that he'd just stormed into someone's back room and confessed his undying love and it makes Robert love him even more.

He's squeezing at Aaron's hand, getting his attention and then winking and -

It feels perfect.

 

 

::

 

 

And he stays for Christmas dinner, he doesn't run and Robert realises that this is what he wanted.

 _This_.

Aaron and his family bullying him into wearing the Christmas hat from the cracker.

His sister happy, Adam's arm thrown protectively over her.

Annie completely content, the feeling radiating out of her and making Robert feel like he's done something good.

He wants this feeling to last, especially when Aaron leans over and kisses his cheek like he knows that Robert is thinking deeply about wanting to have this forever and he needs to wake him back into reality.

And Robert is so grateful for him again.

 

 

::

 

 

Of course Aaron helps with the drying up, he's standing there with Diane and they're talking away like old friends.

It makes Robert laugh as he hangs out of sight near the door.

"He's not been himself without you." Diane says, "And I know that - I hardly know who he is now, because it's been so long." And there's a tightness in her voice like she's trying not to cry.

Robert watches Aaron frown, turn soft around her.

"None of that matters now though does it?" Aaron's saying, "You're here now and - and he's so grateful for you all." Robert smiles as he hears Aaron speaking. "And - we'll be there, all of us, during the trial too."

Robert thinks about it and can't help but pale a little.

Diane pulls a hand over Aaron's and squints. "You are a good lad." She observes almost and then she's frowning. "But if you make him that sad and miserable again I swear to God you'll have me -"

And Aaron raises his hands in surrender. "Duly noted." He says, almost laughs it off a little and then shakes his head. "Nah I - I love him too much, I love both of them too much now."

Now, as if the time he had away from them just made Aaron fall deeper in love with what he had.

It makes Robert tingle and then he's watching Diane head into the bar whilst Annie waddles into view.

Aaron smiles at her. "You alright chicken?" He's asking and Annie nods her head, suddenly wraps her arms around Aaron and knocks him by surprise a little. "I'm back now remember? I can stay forever now." He promises.

And Annie smiles. "Forever and ever?"

Robert gulps hard, watches Aaron pull a little face and then bring something out from his pocket.

"Why do you think I want you to have this then? Of course forever." Aaron whispers, and then Annie's opening her palm and a gold heart necklace is falling onto it.

Her eyes widen and then Aaron's opening it up for her.

Inside he tells her is a picture of them all at the zoo, the one Robert found in his flat.

"Because I love you so much." Aaron tells her, chin wobbling. "I just get really scared sometimes and I do things I shouldn't instead of talking to daddy."

And Annie nods her head. "Daddy was always sad without you here." She says and Robert closes his eyes by the door, breathes in.

"I was sad too, but guess what? Being away, it made me realise just how much I love him." Aaron tells her, pulls his arms to either side of him. "And it's _this_ much." He tells her and she's giggling.

"That's _massive_!" Annie tells him and he laughs.

"Exactly." He whispers into her hair and then he's helping her put the necklace on, watching her twirl away with it and then Robert's coming through the door.

"You want to take a walk?" Robert's asking. "Haven't given you a tour of the village yet."

And Aaron smiles into a yes.

 

 

::

 

 

It's still freezing, but it's not snowing anymore.

The sky is navy and it's going to be pitch black soon but Robert can't bring himself to care because Aaron's on his arm.

He shows him the bare minimum before sitting on the pub bench and resting his head on Aaron's shoulder.

"Epic tour mate." Aaron says dryly and Robert laughs.

"Sorry about that." He says and then Aaron's looking at him, all serious suddenly. "What?"

Aaron gulps. "You really didn't cope did ya?" He says and Robert drops his head. "I was _selfish_. I just left and - you needed me."

And it's true.

"But you're not leaving again." Robert whispers, "I won't let ya." He says, "I won't give you a reason too."

And Aaron frowns. "You weren't the reason." He says, holds at Robert's chin and frowns. "You weren't to blame."

Robert nods like he wants to understand and then he's blinking quickly. "They all seem to like ya." He says, "I'm surprised _I_ even liked them." He tells Aaron. "I resented them for so long, for not helping me, trying to find me at least."

And Aaron frowns. "But they're your family. And it's _Christmas_."

Robert smiles. "Speaking of which, I saw what you got Annie and it was beautiful." He says softly. "Thank you."

Aaron shakes his head, "Didn't get you anything though did I? I'm sorry." He says, like he's being serious and Robert frowns.

"Don't be silly." He says, "You back here is -"

"The best present I could ask for?" Aaron mocks him and Robert playfully pretends he's hurt.

It makes them laugh, makes them kiss as well and then Aaron's pulling Robert up and leading him towards the door.

There's mistletoe hanging and Robert laughs as Aaron turns bright red.

"It seemed like a good idea when I put it there earlier." Aaron says, pulls a face.

Robert tugs him by the waist and draws him closer. "One of your _many_ Dingle." He says slowly and then he's kissing him, kissing Aaron and feeling like there's nothing that can stop them now.

Because they'll get through the plea and the trial and then they'll live a life together without fear, with a  _hope_.

"It worked." Annie's saying, and she's by the window upstairs watching her father and Aaron kiss.

Robert pulls away and looks up at her. "What did?" He's laughing.

"My wish!" She's saying, like it's obvious and Aaron catches his breath.

"Merry Christmas Robert." He whispers, breaks away from their kiss to say it and then he's kissing Robert softer.

And for the first time in so long:

"Yes it is." Robert whispers, feels a soft subtle magic in the air and calls it love.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I told you I'd give you all a happy ending ;))))


	27. Chapter 27

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A look into the future for Aaron and Robert.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IT IS FINALLY FINITO AND I AM EMOTIONAL 
> 
> GO READ AND HAVE FUN
> 
> XOXO

Robert hears them, of course he does, and the small smile which forms on his face is almost overwhelming.

"We have to make small noise." He hears Annie say, and then he's hearing Aaron's laughter, all compressed like he's trying not to give too much away.

It makes Robert shuffle his face just a little into his pillow and then he's feeling Annie right by his shoulder.

"Daddy, daddy wake up." She's whispering, and then he can't resist her any longer, he's opening his eyes slowly and being met with her small hands round this massive breakfast tray and she's blinking all quickly.

There's mountains of pancakes and a mug of coffee and -

He sees his birthday card nestled in between.

"Happy birthday daddy!" She's shouting now, because Robert rubs at his eyes and sits up on the bed and he's taking the tray from her, eyes bright and wide.

"Thank you beautiful." He whispers back, voice soft as he speaks and then rubs a hand over her hair, bends down and kisses her.

Annie jumps on the bed and then lands herself on Aaron's lap.

Aaron.

Robert's heart flips out of nowhere as he sees him sitting on the bed, legs crossed, hair a mess of curls.

He stayed, he stayed when it got so bad.

He stayed when Chrissie and Lachlan both pleaded not guilty and Robert shut himself away for days.

He stayed when they had to go through a _trial_ and give evidence and Aaron's past was dissected and played out for everyone to hear.

He stayed when they found guilty, when Chrissie got life, when Lachlan nearly as long.

{ "It's over now. It's finally, finally over. I promise ya." And he had tears in his eyes and a soft smile on his face.

Robert just stared at him in utter shock because Chrissie and Lachlan were being sent down and -

"It is." He whispered.

"You did it, you did it Rob." Aaron said with so much passion in his voice.

And Robert just shuddered. "We did it. Both of us."

And Aaron pulled him into this hug. "Love you, love you." He mumbled and Robert had never believed it more.}

He stayed, he _stayed_ and now they have this.

They get to have birthdays, and softness and fun.

They get to have _this_.

Robert looks over at Aaron and smiles. It takes seconds for the younger man to smile back.

"Happy birthday." Aaron whispers, barely says a word and Robert tingles because he remembers last night and early presents and the fun they had in _bed_. He shivers and then he's leaning over and Aaron's kissing him gently.

"Thank you." Robert mumbles, face still pressed towards Aaron's as he strokes his cheek.

It's so delicate, all so soft and then Annie's piping up.

"I made the pancakes." She's saying, and Robert gasps playfully.

"You _did_?" He's saying, a smile on his face.

Aaron slowly rubs a hand through Annie's hair and then starts plaiting the loose ends without thinking.

It makes Robert's insides burst.

"She sure did, a little too heavy with the flour but -" Aaron says and Robert laughs it off, looks towards the pancakes and picks a bit off.

He's more than relieved that it's edible.

" _Amazing_." Robert says, runs a hand through his hair before Annie's pushing some presents in front of him and asking him to open them.

It's not fancy stuff, just things for around the flat and Robert smiles as he opens each and every last one.

"Sorry they're not better." Aaron tells him and Robert can feel all his insecurities just pour out of him.

Robert frowns, he hates this.

"Don't be silly." He's saying, and then Annie's jumping off of the bed, running into the living room and Aaron's looking away like he doesn't know what to say.

"It's just - it's not like the garage pay out shed loads anyway and -"

Robert has a hand over Aaron's and he squeezes it gently. "You remembered I liked the comic art work." He says, eyes almost watering. "You - remembered."

And he did, he actually remembered.

Aaron shrugs his shoulders like it's nothing and then he's shuddering out a breath. "I'm good for something then at least." He says and Robert pulls a hand through Aaron's hair.

"You're good for 'a lot of things Dingle." He says, almost overwhelmed with this heavy love for Aaron. He feels like he's known him all his life, not for just over a year. Robert kisses him gently and then he's shuddering, "I couldn't have done this past year without you."

And there's the truth really.

It takes seconds for Robert to think _back_ to what happened after the second day of the trial.

When everything was _miserable_.

{ Robert slammed the door shut, had his keys in his hands and thew them down on the table with little care.

He couldn't think of anything else, just what they said, what they were trying to do.

"Don't think about it." Robert heard, and it was Aaron's voice.

He was standing by the door, chin wobbling and face red.

"Did you hear what they were saying about you? About us?" Robert said, shuddering as he turned towards Aaron.

They weren't meant to be like this, they had been happy for weeks. They'd moved back to London, spent a whole week in Barcelona, been actually happy.

And then this started and it wouldn't end.

Aaron came forward and held at Robert's shoulders, "Do you think I care? I know how I feel about you, about Annie, they can't twist that."

Only they had.

Because they made it seem as though somehow Aaron was only with Robert, only facilitating this grand idea because he was interested in the possibility of the money he could get from Chrissie and the family when it came to Annie.

Because Rebecca had a will, she named Annie in it and left her more money than Robert thought she owned.

"They did." Robert stressed, eyes wide and sad. "And they mentioned your dad and -"

Aaron pulled away, looked overwhelmed suddenly.

Robert could see it, could see them unraveling and falling away again and he wanted to stop it yet didn't know how. He shuddered, a hand coming through his hair. "This is breaking us again."

And he expected Aaron to nod, to agree.

But Aaron just pulled him closer, let him cry into his shoulder and pour out everything he couldn't do when Vic and Diane and Andy were sitting there with them. They stayed just like that for minutes and minutes until Aaron pulled Robert up and pressed their foreheads together.

"This, it'll pass. I promise you okay?" Aaron said, voice strong and almost resilient. "And I know, it's horrible and they're going to try and rip us apart, but that woman and her son are going to _pay_ alright? They _won't_ get away with this."

Robert's eyes began to water and he tried to nod but found he couldn't. "You should have left me ages ago." He said, because he couldn't get passed it.

"Well tough 'cause I love ya." Aaron said quickly before shuddering and holding at Robert's face. "I love you." He repeated and Robert felt something swirl in his chest. He loved him, he just - he loved him more than he ever thought he could.

"I love you too." Robert whispered, and then Aaron was pulling him into a hug.

"It'll pass." Aaron whispered softly, a hand forming circles in Robert's back. "It'll pass. }

Aaron looks all serious, places a hand over Robert's. "Yeah you could, you're stronger than you let on."

"Because I have you." Robert blurts out. "Because _you_ make me strong and -"

And Aaron does this little smile, looks like he has to catch his breath. "You raised a little girl all on your own for five years."

It sounds dramatic, maybe it is. Robert's never given himself the chance to really digest the gravity of what his situation was all those years ago.

He just had her and the internet to help guide him through her crying in the night, her upset, her sadness.

Robert drops his head, suddenly aware and then Aaron's shakily lifting it. "But you don't have to do that anymore." He says, blows out a breath and he looks fucking nervous all of a sudden.

Robert warms, hands falling over Aaron's face. "I know." He tells him, but Aaron opens his mouth like he wants to say something else and then Annie's coming back into the room and she's demanding their attention because apparently they've been in bed for too long.

Robert laughs, obeys her as he takes the covers off and kisses at Aaron's head lovingly.

"She's so bossy." He laughs out with ease and then Aaron's raising an eyebrow.

"Wonder where she gets it from." He frowns playfully and Robert resists the urge to tug at his jeans as they walk towards the living room.

 

 

::

 

 

Aaron's gone all out and Robert is almost ashamed at how stunned he is by it all.

There's balloons and party poppers and fairy lights, it makes something fizzle in Robert's chest as Aaron hangs by the kitchen and lets Annie show off the card she's made herself.

It's cluttered with glitter, pink and sparkles and has a massive love heart in the middle.

"It's perfect." Robert tells him, gulps back a tear as he reads her words, sights how italic and neat her writing is.

He's suddenly hit with a memory of Rebecca, she was the sort to write love letters. He remembers catching her writhing one to a boyfriend, Alex? Arthur?

She was embarrassed as he read it out, Chrissie only downstairs, waiting for him to return.

He can't remember what she'd said, just that the writing was beautiful and now Annie's is almost exactly the same.

"Thank you sweetheart." He says, presses a kiss to her head and watches her flitter away and whisper loudly about making cupcakes for him.

Robert looks up and sees Aaron just standing in the kitchen, he looks like he can't move, like he's frozen on the spot and this feeling of absolute dread trickles through Robert because they've been here before.

Aaron, he freezes out sometimes.

It becomes too much and although he can't physically leave them like he used to, ( _"I've got too much keeping me here these days."_ ) he still just shuts off and it's heartbreaking.

It happened a few months ago, hasn't happened since thankfully.

Robert just came home from work, and the lights were off, the flat silent.

He looked around the living room, eyes wide until he flicked on the lamp and saw that no one was there.

It took seconds for him to realise that Annie was still at Adam's of course but -

But Aaron.

His feet took him towards the bedroom and there he was, laying out on the bed, back away from the door, away from _Robert_ and everything fell away.

There was nothing to be said, nothing to be done but it didn't mean Robert didn't try.

"Aaron, speak to me." He whispered, "If anything's happened then -"

But it didn't make a difference, and the moonlight still streamed into the room, and the clock still ticked on by and -

"I'm here." Robert whispered, dared to place a hand on Aaron's shoulder, dared to kick his shoes off and slide into the bed, dared to snake a hand around Aaron's waist.

He felt his boyfriend shiver, cold hand meeting warm skin and he felt awful suddenly.

"Shit I'm -" Robert started, trying to apologise but -

"Don't leave me." Aaron hurried out, voice croaky, pillow damp with tears. He sounded so scared, so hollow and afraid and it made Robert want to cry.

But he just nestled his head into Aaron's neck instead, breathed out slowly.

"I love you." Robert said, gulped hard and then felt Aaron's shoulders relax as if it was all he needed to hear.

Sometimes it just was that simple, sometimes Aaron's insecurities piled so high he couldn't see over them and all he needed was to be reminded.

Other times, it was hard, it was so much harder.

Robert stands up, can't help the way his feet walk towards Aaron and then he's holding back because he's hearing the younger man murmuring to himself.

It makes him frown, and then Aaron's turning round and jumping back in surprise.

"Shit, you scared the life -"

"Are you okay?" Robert says, too anxious to beat around the bush.

Aaron looks almost sad, and it's his signature expression whenever Robert asks him the question. "Yes." He says, "Oi, it's your birthday you shouldn't be worrying about me."

Robert frowns. "It's only a day, I worry about you always. It's sort of my job." He says, and Aaron pulls a face.

"It shouldn't be." He says, like he hates it.

But then Robert comes closer and he's fighting a smile. "Sorry to have to tell you this but we are pretty much a boring married couple now." And Aaron's eyes fucking sparkle and he's getting red and clearing his throat and then turning back round and Robert hates himself for being a prat and mentioning the M word so soon.

It makes him want to scratch his eyes out because Aaron isn't even looking at him.

"I - uh - I mean -"

And well, thank the lord because the buzzer sounds and he can call himself a prat elsewhere.

 

 

::

 

 

Andy's there with Victoria and Diane and the kids too. Katie sends her love and it's still weird.

He knows they were coming but there's still something fuzzy flowing through him as Diane hugs him tight and wishes him a happy birthday.

Aaron comes out of the kitchen, and he's all smiles, all nervous smiles because they both haven't seen Robert's family in a while.

"You alright?" He says, kisses at Diane's cheek before shaking Andy's hand and hugging Vic.

"Oh don't you look lovely." Diane's saying because her love for Aaron is almost embarrassing.

Aaron nods politely and then his shoulders are relaxing because Adam's hurling through the door.

"Yes man." Adam's saying, and Aaron hugs at him before pulling away. They haven't seen each other for a while so Robert can understand, they've both grown up and actually settled down and it's hilarious when Robert thinks about how silly and childish he used to think they both were when they were around each other for too long.

Adam pulls away and then smiles at Robert. "Happy birthday mate." He's saying, pushing him a few pints and then Vic's slapping at his chest.

"That's not our present, I've got something here." She's saying, producing a card and a small smile.

Robert opens up the card, reads through it and tries not to flipping cry because she's mentioning their parents and how proud they be and how happy she is for him, and then she's passing over a small box as well.

It's a small watch, almost battered a little and he frowns before he realises the significance. Andy's looking at him, Jack on his shoulders and a smile on his face.

It's the watch he lost when he was a teenager, the one their grandad gave their dad and the one their dad gave him.

"You - how did you find it?" He's asking, eyes almost watering and Aaron places a hand on his back.

"Andy did, in one of the old barns. Heavens forbid what you were up to in there." Vic explains and Robert laughs a little before looking more serious.

"Thank you." He's saying, soft, heavy.

Andy winks at him and Aaron has a hand over his and then the door is going and Chas is there with a bottle of red and a balloon and everything and Aaron groans in embarrassment.

Robert can't help a little smile though, because he reminds himself that they're good, that she doesn't think he's too much for her son.

He remembers when she did, when Aaron proved her wrong.

They were having her over for dinner and Robert was more than a little nervous.

Because somehow seeing your boyfriend's mother after falling madly in love with him, felt weird, odd almost.

Annie had been on her best behaviour, wearing a purple tutu to impress Aaron's mummy. It should have made Robert feel less like it was this massive deal, but all it did was make it worse.

Because yeah, he had a daughter, and Aaron was so close to her and maybe Chas would find fault in that or something.

Oh and the whole, being kidnapped because of Robert's past.

Robert shuddered by the sink as he kept his eye on the boiling water in the pot. His shoulders were tight, and he wanted them to stay that way but Aaron was already close to him, stroking his arms and smiling.

"Don't look so nervous." He's said, voice soft and almost relaxed, "She can hardly scare me away from ya can she."

And Robert just gulped, because maybe she could.

It made him turn around slowly and face Aaron. "She could. It wouldn't take a lot for you to wise up and just -"

And Aaron placed his finger over Robert's lip. "The last time she tried to do that, I hopped back on a plane." He said, and Robert knew he was referring to when he went to Spain to see her, when he came back quickly afterwards.

"So quite worrying." Aaron chastised him and Robert nodded, tried to not to think about it until she was at the door and he was smiling at her and introducing his daughter and she was just smiling back, staring, judging.

He thought it was going well, until he was out of ear shot and she was telling her son that the whole set up seemed so 'proper.'

"What does that even mean?" Aaron argued, a frown clear on his face.

"You know - just a bit, a bit much." Chas tried to explain. "You're only young and I'm scared you're settling down too quickly for your own good."

Robert stood by the door, watched Annie twirl her pasta around and be unaware of what was going on around her.

He felt his heart almost sink too.

"I love him mum." Aaron hissed.

And there was a beat of silence between them before she sighed.

"I get that, but -" and she looked towards Annie. "He's got a kid love, and it's already been messy enough and - it's a big responsibility."

Aaron just kept frowning at her, looked like he was searching for words and then he didn't have to.

Because Annie was breathing all funny, and she was shaking and -

She was choking.

"Oh my God." Aaron breathed out and suddenly Robert was running into the room, couldn't help the way he was almost frozen on the spot.

But Aaron was there, he was holding her and rubbing at her back and telling her to breathe and spit out and -

"It's okay darling, go on, it's okay." Aaron was saying, over and over again and Chas was standing up, looking so worried and concerned as Robert dropped to his knee close to Aaron and struggled to actually breathe.

Because Annie's face was all red and puffy and then she was spitting something out and gasping and falling into Aaron's chest.

She was crying, clearly shaken by it all and Robert felt his heart thump out of his chest.

"Good girl." Aaron told her, kissed at her head and then looked towards Robert who had tears falling down his face in shock. "Hey." Aaron whispered, a hand falling over the older man's, "She's okay." He said before rubbing at her back. "Let daddy give you a hug, think my magic's run out."

And she was scurrying onto her father's chest, making herself small as she cried.

"It's okay." Robert kept telling her. "Aaron made you better didn't he." He said, and only when she was in bed, tucked in and asleep did he realise how much Aaron had done.

He waited by the door as he heard Chas speak to him about it.

"I thought you couldn't handle it but - you clearly can." Chas said, a surprised smile on her face.

Aaron warmed, looked nervous yet happy. "I love them." He pulled a face. "Me. I - I didn't think I'd ever allow myself to be this happy mum, and I know she's young and I've let her down already but - but I love her like my own, I do. And I'm ready to be there for them both."

It made Robert have to hold back tears, and then he was making himself known in the room, watching Aaron walk towards Annie's room to just kiss her goodnight.

"He's a pro." Chas commented and then pulled a face. "No clue how, I was rubbish with him." She said and then Robert gulped hard.

"I know - I'm probably the last person that you think your son deserves, after everything, after - you know, my baggage -"

"He's got his fair share of issues too." Chas said fairly.

Robert nodded. "But for some reason he loves me, and Annie, and I'm going to do everything I can to make it stay that way. I promise."

He promised.

He really did.

Chas didn't say anything for a second and then she winked, pulled him into a hug and told him she knew and then Aaron was coming back into the room.

"Got yourself a good one here Aaron." She said, almost teary. "You've got a little family." And that set her off, made her eyes water and Aaron hugged her before she was opening the door and waving out a hand. "Ignore me." She laughed before smiling. "Give my love to Annie okay?"

And then the door was closing and Aaron was pressing a kiss against Robert's lips. "Don't even try to thank me." He said, like he knew what Robert was going to say. "She's like my own, didn't have to think twice."

Didn't have to think twice.

My own.

"Our Annie." Robert smiled, and Aaron nodded his head before kissing the older man again.

"Happy birthday!" She's saying now, big grin on her face and then Annie's running into her arms and grinning.

Because Chas spoils her nearly as much as Diane.

"You alright monkey?" Chas says, a softness about her. "She's getting so big."

And she's so old suddenly.

It makes Robert laugh and then Aaron's looking at him like he's thinking the same thing.

"Come on then." Chas rubs her hands together and then she's sliding onto the chair and shoving a card in Robert's face.

He reads it, smiles at her words, however short they are and relishes in the way he gets to read them at all really.

And then Aaron's sliding over his, and the room goes quiet.

"Here." He's saying, all nervous suddenly as they sit on the sofa and give Robert way too much of their attention.

Robert opens it up, watches something fall out but it doesn't matter in the moment because Aaron's gone and surprised him, written more than he thought he would.

First of all it's not just your generic happy birthday card, it's actually 'To my boyfriend on his birthday' and Robert feels his insides turn into jelly.

And then there's all this writing inside.

_To Robert,_

_Happy birthday._

_It's weird to think I get to share it with you considering everything we have been through, but all I know is that I'm more lucky than I make out. I'm lucky I have you, and Annie and you've given me a family, I don't think you'll ever really know how much that means to me._

_I love you, and I should tell you more often than I do. I've always thought that the word shouldn't be wasted but when it comes to you, I want to tell you every time I look at you._

_You're an amazing father, the best Annie could ask for and that makes me so proud. And I want you to know that, because you both mean the world to me._

_So happy birthday, to the idiot who shouted at me one time and then made me want to kiss him, to the man who I had an embarrassing crush on for too long, to the man who taught me what love actually felt like._

_Yours forever,_

_Aaron_

_Xx_

Robert's eyes are watery by the time he gets to the end, and he can't do anything other than stare down at the words and be in awe, because Aaron meant them, he wouldn't have written it all if he didn't.

Aaron meant it.

And then he's hearing gasps, and he's sure Diane is sniffling and when he looks up Aaron's holding out whatever fell on the floor.

"Just one more gift." He says, obviously racked with nerves as he gulps hard and passes Robert a small envelope.

Robert frowns, watches Annie climb up on Aaron as he takes the paper and carefully opens it.

It's addressed to Aaron, not him, and he doesn't understand until he's pulling it open and he's reading and -

His head snaps up and he can't help the way a tear rolls down his face, because Aaron's there and Annie's hugging at his neck playfully.

And -

"Are you sure?" Robert whispers, because he can't quite believe it, because they'd been here before.

It had caused rows.

{ Robert had been late picking Annie up from school, felt awful for doing it but he knew he had Aaron on hand.

Only he was denied by Annie's teacher despite Annie's excitement clearly giving away the fact that he wasn't some total stranger.

"She didn't know who the hell I was." Aaron said, a little annoyed, a little distant as he washed the plates and Robert stood next to him, drying.

Robert frowned. "That's my fault." He admitted, something tugging in his gut because he should have told them, they should know how Aaron is out of all people.

Aaron made a small murmur and then Robert was sighing.

"I'll let her know when I drop her off tomorrow." Robert almost told himself. "I mean you're practically her -"

And he saw the way Aaron looked, like he was uncomfortable with merely the thought of being seen as her dad too.

"Shit." Robert said, voice hollow, towel in his hand suddenly too wet for him to cold.

Aaron gulped hard. "Rob I didn't -"

"Our Annie." Robert pushed out, "Don't you think that means something to me?"

And it meant everything, he'd never said anything like that to Amber before.

Aaron blinked quickly, soapy hands flying out of the sink. "Of course." He stressed. "It's just - it's responsibility isn't it? And - I'm just like my mum."

And it was suddenly just hanging in the air.

Chas, the mum who had a habit of walking out on Aaron when he was young, when things were suddenly too hard for her.

Robert frowned, held Aaron by the hips. "Don't you dare." He warned. "You're not -"

"I run when I'm scared Rob, you think I can be any kind of dad to your daughter when I'm like that?" And Aaron had tears in his eyes, had clearly thought about this for a while.

"No one's perfect." Robert tried and Aaron looked away. "You're not going to leave us, you know you won't."

And Aaron nodded slowly before blowing out a breath and shuddering.

"You're already a great dad to -"

And Aaron winced, moved away quickly. "Don't - don't pressure me okay?" He stammered out and Robert instantly felt like the worst man on earth.

"I didn't mean to -"

"She's your kid okay, not mine!"

And everything felt suddenly heavy and dark and Robert was walking away before Aaron could even try and apologise.

It took hours later for Robert to thaw, Aaron standing over their bed with a soft sorry look on his face.

"I'm sorry." He said, "Don't hate me."

And Robert could never do that. "I love ya, that's why it hurts."

Aaron made a sound and then held Robert's hand. "I'm just scared of letting you down."

And Robert understood. "You're young, you shouldn't have to hurry what you're doing to get my kid."

Aaron frowned. "Stop, it wasn't like that." He said, and Robert just nodded, opened the bed.

And then they were forgetting it and kissing and Aaron was saying sorry again and Robert was telling him that Annie's as much Aaron's as she is his own.

Aaron seemed to agree with a kiss. }

Aaron nods slowly now, "I'm _sure_." He says, heavy yet light at the same time. "She's like my own already." He shrugs and Chas had a hand on his shoulder.

Robert shudders, looks down at the papers again and blinks quickly.

"Just need your signature now pet." Diane comments, leaning over and smiling.

It strikes Robert, makes his heart race.

And Aaron smiles nervously.

"You gonna leave me hangin'?" Aaron's asking, such a beautiful softness about him and Robert won't ever deserve it.

Robert blows out a breath, "No." His voice is adamant, _final_. "No - I -" and Andy's passing him a pen.

He sees where he has to sign, the heaviness of what he's doing is there and then he's thinking about Rebecca and it's not anymore.

It's swift movement and then it's done and Diane's clapping her hands together and Robert can barely breathe.

And then Annie's looking all unsure, "Are you sad?" She's asking, and Robert wipes at his tears.

"No darling." He's saying and she's relaxing a little. "Happy. Because -" and Aaron's there, he's always there.

"I'm gonna adopt ya." Aaron's telling her, blurting it out and pulling a childish face. "If that's okay with you."

And for a second Robert worries that maybe it will be, it could make things weird for her, maybe.

But she just frowns, looks unsure of what it means and then she's blinking quickly. "Does that mean I can call you daddy?"

And it punches at his gut, causes flowers to blossom and this heaviness in his heart to completely die away entirely.

Because Aaron, his beautiful Aaron, had gone and made everything better hadn't he?

From the first moment, up until right now.

And his little girl, the one he always thought only had him in this world, has a family, has another person to call -

"Whatever you like beautiful." Aaron's whispering, voice tight as he holds back tears and then she's hugging at his chest and her little arms around his neck and Robert hears 'thank you escape from her lips and -

It's more than he thought was ever possible for him.

 

 

::

 

 

Aaron's washing up in the kitchen after having cooked like a proper little chef and Robert can't help the way his hands fall over him and his lips smack against his neck over and over again.

They haven't stopped being like this all day, especially after the surprise of Aaron's gift.

"Give over." Aaron says as Robert has a hand flying towards his belt. He laughs out breathlessly and then he's spinning around and kissing Robert slowly.

It makes Robert's insides burst with something so soft and beautiful.

When Robert pulls away, his eyes flutter and he looks at Aaron like he's the only man in the whole world.

"I don't think you know how much this means." Robert says, hands wrapped around Aaron's suddenly. "You wanting to -"

" _Adopt_ Annie." Aaron says, a confidence about him which makes Robert feel complete. "You _can_ say it you know, it's happened now. Got your pesky signature to prove it." He's rubbing at Robert's arms and the older man breathes out a sigh.

"Thank you." He manages to get out after a few seconds of silence pass. "Honestly, Aaron - you have no idea how -"

"I look at her, and I'm so terrified of how much I love her." And the way Aaron says it makes Robert almost smile. "Because I'd do _anything_ for her and I _wish_ she was mine so .... it makes sense, adopting her."

And it's like Aaron can't stop saying it, like he's proud of it all.

"I love you Aaron Dingle." Robert whispers, hands falling over Aaron's face and then he's blinking slowly and -

"Marry me." He's blurting out, not even thinking, just seeing him and Aaron at a parents evening calling each other husbands.

And then he remembers how Aaron responded only a few hours ago over teasing and he feels like a fool.

"Uh - I -"

And Aaron's moving away from him, he's pacing the floor and Robert asks him to say something.

"I don't know what -"

"You don't want to?" Robert's voice cracks and he's thinking of how they've only known each other for a two years and that this is all _massive_.

But it feels right, despite everything it feels _right_.

Aaron frowns, "What _no_!" He shouts and then he's blowing out a breath and pulling something out of his pocket.

There's a black box and then he's looking like he wants to be sick.

"I was - didn't know when the right time would be or if you'd take me seriously or -"

And Aaron slowly drops one knee towards the floor and Robert's eyes widen.

"Would you - uh - would you mind ... like properly marrying us? Like - uh -" and Robert's never seen him like this, can't help the way he drops to his knees and holds Aaron's hands softly. He goes to speak but Aaron tells him he wants to do this properly.

"I want to spend the rest of my live with you, it's that simple and it shouldn't be but it is. Would you mind letting me make you as happy as you make me for the - the rest of your life?"

It's overwhelming and they're both a mess of snot and tears really but Robert just keeps nodding his head.

"No." He says and Aaron's face drops. "I mean _no_ I wouldn't mind." He laughs. "Yes, yes yes yes - a million times _yes_!" Robert's crying out, and Aaron's never looked so relieved, it pours out of him and then he's crashing his lips against Robert's and sliding on the ring.

It's suddenly so quiet and then Annie's by the door, rubbing at her eyes because she should be in bed.

"Why are you on the floor?" She's asking, all curious and then Robert smiles.

"Me and Aaron are getting _married_ sweetheart." He tells her, voice lighter than it has been for years.

Her face is a picture of sparkle and happiness and disbelief and she launches herself between them both.

Aaron kisses her head, and then he's letting her go and twirl around in excitement as he clings onto Robert and smiles.

"I love you." He says and Robert hears he sincerity, smiles through it.

"And I love you." He whispers back, still buzzing with excitement and this feeling of 'this isn't even half way through what we have' going through him.

He's still thinking about it when he's laying in bed, Annie in between them because she can't sleep yet, too excited apparently.

He's thinking about it as it passes midnight and he reflects on the best fucking birthday ever even possible.

He's thinking about it as Annie finally gives in, yawns out a goodnight to Robert and then scurries towards Aaron, presses a kiss to his cheek and says:

"Night daddy Aaron."

And something just swoops inside, catches Robert and won't let him go.

Because they'll have years of that, they'll deserve it too.

Robert drops a hand over Aaron's face, presses a kiss to his hand lovingly and breathes out a sigh of relief.

"This has got to be the best birthday in history I reckon." Robert whispers slowly, head against Aaron's chest.

"Must be." Aaron says lazily, a hand storming up and down Robert's arm.

"Because of you." Robert stresses, raises his head. "You know that right? It was only amazing because you made it that way."

And yeah he's flipping love sick but he probably always be when it comes to Aaron.

"Behave Sugden, I'm too tired for sex." Aaron mumbles, makes Robert laugh and ask when he mentioned sex at all. "You're being all lovey dovey for some reason."

Robert slaps his chest playfully and Aaron laughs a little. " _Yeah_ 'cause I just got proposed to?"

And Aaron smirks, his cool man act drops and his eyelashes flutter. "Well to be honest, you _did_ ask me first so ..."

Robert can't even deny it, "Suppose." He shrugs before he's sighing hard and squeezing at Aaron's hand. "Married ey?" He's saying, and he knows that it all scares him and links back to Chrissie but he'll have _Aaron_ and that's all that matters.

"Married." Aaron gulps hard, eyes sparkling though.

Robert bites his lip. "We're gonna be amazing Aaron." He says, knows.

Aaron has a hand stroking over Robert's palm now. "Really? And how do you work that out Mr Sugden."

And Robert smiles, tears soft in his eyes as he looks up at Aaron. "I've got hope when it comes to us, Mr Sugden. Hope."

And it's everything suddenly as his eyes flutter shut and he dreams of a life he'll have, knows that when he opens them again, there's nothing stopping him from making it all come true.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope this made up for the angst along the way for all of you. 
> 
> This fic has been in progress for ages for me and I was absolutely blown away by the feedback and the LOVE and support for it. Every single one of you have made writing it so much easier.
> 
> It's been a right journey, but I hope you enjoy it and think of this fluff as an early Christmas present.
> 
> Hopefully some of you stick around to see my other pieces of work too! 
> 
> And find me on tumblr @littlelooneyluna!


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